It Was All Dream...(Confessions Round II)

Hey yall, crazy night. For real. My sleep, was type crazy. Dead ass. These allergies be bugging me the fuck out and knocking me the fuck out. I slept until basically one o clock the last two nights which i never do. NEVER, EVER, DO! So it's good.

Still a bit nasil. just a bit. he he.

Anyway, on to the dream and my own dissappoints (lol). So i had a dream like my whole senior class was going on a trip with like the chaparones (can't spell) that went with us senior trip. Okay well in plain english, the graduating class of 08 went on a trip this year for like the reunion with the same people we went to the senior trip with. Phew. Got it out.
Well, we were on a trip to... I don't remember actually. Somewhere real nice. Better than Virgina. Might of have been out of the states. I don't know. It was just weird. We were like in this small coach bus but it looked like a van but everyone was in it. The place around us looked like florida/ecuador/africa(well my perception of africa). But it was beautiful. Everyone on the bus was going crazy and shit. Then i moved up to the front and things got o.d. weird (as dreams tend to do). We were like driving on this road that seemed to be like a waterfall/rollercoaster. It was going in a loop yet we kept moving foward. Then i woke up.
(panting starts, sweat drips)

What it means i don't have a clue, what i thought of was what i blogged about earlier. How i feel i missed out.

I was a bum on the senior trip, WORD Up. It's not like i didn't have a lot of fun BUT i should've had TONS of fun. The roller coaster thing i understood but i was kind of misreable. Alone. All of senior year i felt like i needed to fit in somewhere and the worst part was that i didn't. My friends from middle school/hs were different. I didn't have a group just people and a person. That person wasn't even in high school. Now i know that's partially my fault, it absolutely is. I should've put more effort in everyone BUT everyone also just left. I was in school trying to stay away from home while everyone was "doing them." I just kind of regret being a bum the second day...

It makes me soo sad. I won't care AS much when i get older but it does. Like i can NEVER go back to high school. It's like losing someone. U HAVE TO TALK TO AND APPRECIATE THEM WHILE THEY'RE THERE BECAUSE IF NOT, THAT'S IT. If anybody i knew died today who i was extremely close to i would feel the way i feel now except a million times worse. Knowing when i call them they won't be there. Knowing if i go to their job they won't be there. It's gone. They're gone. JUST like high school. O.D.

Prom too. Everyone went crazy about it. Me, nothing. I don't regret anything just wish i changed a few things. Should've went to Webster Hall regardless of money issues or so "called money issues" that was my excuse. THEN i worked the day after like a bum. It's not like i HAD to work, i just LET it happen. I didn't dance. I just felt uncomfortable and to be extremely truthful i'm scared to dance.
I feel like i have no rhythm, no nothing. Just two left feet, a large amount of low confidence AND i feel like everyone is staring at me. HARD BODY.

I'm working on all this bullshit. Especially the dancing. I'm trying to get out of my (un)comfortable zone. I need to experience. That's what i've been told. SO FUCK IT, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK It.

Tomorrow's entry will be MY IDEAL BIRTHDAY-DAY. HMMMM. Still thinking.