Saturday, May 30, 2009

Real Love

Call me a softy, sensitive, or whatever else is a synnonm for a guy being the opposite of a guy. BUT I'm going to discuss love again. This is the last entry of may, so fuck it. I didn't blog very much this month maybe because nothing interesting happen....let's get into this discussion quick.


(Listening to Trey Songz "Last Time" this song is tooouuuggghhh)

Okay so what's real love?
Have you ever felt real love?
Who defines REAL LOVE.
I mean there's been songs about it and what not but does anybody know what real love is. Or what's your definiton of REAL LOVE?

I don't really want to speak upon the matter to be honest...

I might later. I'll see how I feel later. I know I'll do it. Just waiting for the exact moment and mood that will allow me to express my total feelings.

Till later

Thursday, May 28, 2009

HUBBLE!(From sex and the city) I kind of want to see that movie, with Barbra Streisand.

This song (mostly the lyrics, NOT ALL of the lyrics just some of it) {sorry for aggrevating you the other day/night}

(I would put the lyrics up but I'm on my blackberry)

Okay sooo I'm watching sex and the city again and it really makes me think about love and whatever other gay, mushy stuff you can think of. I forgot what I was going to bring up about the show but it was something ooooooooHHHH, I remember.

Okay, so in the beginning Maranda ran away from one of her ex-bfs (ex-love) which maybe really immature BUT totally understandable. I get it, running was wrong ESPECIALLY when he saw her and he was really hurt...I guess in that situation I would've been too but I've had that happen to me AND I've done it, I'm guilty. I totally understand why but it is wrong. I get it... So I guess this is my apology.

Last thing, I'm watching the second episode and the new guy Carrie is dating just met her friends and their having an uncomfortably good time. It's cool, I KINDA know what that feels like. It's like an interview (I'm laughing while I write this, I remember like it was yesterday). I passed well kinda. The second time(with someone else of course) no so much. But I shouldn't even be thinking about that...dark place.

Someone once told me that once you find someone else you'll forget about the other person BUT what if it's not true. What if you meet a bunch of guys/girls and don't change their attention or like. Or maybe is it LOVE. Maybe love keeps you preoccupied with what you love/want.

Next, WHY DO WOMEN nitpick about men? Is it really because they care? Is it? Lol.
And when we get older will we roleplay? That's a rhetorical question. But I'm assuming so... It might be fun, I might try it while I'm young and single rather than older and with someone. Whatever.

Too much girly, sex and the city talk.

Night- Jam the Fuck Out

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Am I Right?...or Am I Right?

Okay, now I want your opinion on this. My father really doesn't pay for anything for me. Not school books, not school, not food, not anything. My mom pays him child support (for me and my sisters) and I don't see any of that, nope not a dime. Yes my dad doesn't make A LOT of money especially to support (4 kids that live with him), my sister who doesn't, and me (although, as I just said I don't see anything). THE ONE THING my dad does pay for is phone bill BUT NOW he may not even pay for that. Which is on a family plan, (I don't go over my mins or anything) so it's not even like ten dollars to have me on (but if I had my own, with the iphone it's at least maybe 50 a month).

Is it reasonable for me to argue and get upset at this??? I know I'm 19 years old but I work ten hrs a week with a salary, ten cents over minimum wage. And that metrocard nonsense is gunna kill all of us but am I wrong? I really don't think so. And my wonderful readers can try and change my mind so I can see it another way but...NAHHHHH
I'm right? Right? RIGHT!

Dedication Entry Part 2

Alright so for those who don't know the picture above is Jordan Weiner, Mitchell Weiner (the first swine flu death in NY), who i went to high school with for 3 years. He played basketball with me for a year and i played baseball with him for a year. He was a really good kid but like every good kid had a little attitude (lol), in a good/retarded way. Anyway, overall he's a good kid. I mean i know he's only a year younger than i am and is about 6 inches taller me, if not more but i guess i can consider him growing into his own. He's probably going to be made more into a man since the man who he looked up to is gone.

Anyway, i wanted to make this dedication article to him AND especially Pharrell since people seem to forget about Pharrell, who is just as smart and may not be as talented (baseball wise) as Jordan but probably has some other talent that will allow him to shine in his own lane. I hope that they both grow into something amazing but that they're always there for eachother. If i had a twin brother, we would be nearly inseprable at a time like this. In the article though, Pharrell said something amazing "People shouldn't feel bad we lost our father, we had the greatest father in the world." i was just like wow! i wanted to cry, i'm nearly brought to tears writing this...(pause) okay well i know it's time to try and move on and i'm sure slowly but surely they will, except never fully. Still i want to just kind of add an extra prayer or angel to their shoulder. I want people to reach out when they need something, especially a shoulder. Jordan is suppose to be throwing the first pitch at a mets game, which i want to go to, because that's crazy! he's also on and is going to Queens College so he can continue pitching for his father. It's going to be a tough road but i'm pretty sure he's in better shape and better prepared (mentally and physically) than i was for basketball so just keep your hopes up, man. Keep dreaming big, cause after hs it's just another step to a bigger and better place.

I hope Pharrell, whose going to Queens College too, get's to grow into his own and is there every game for Jordan as he is now. I hope the older brother continues to do good and helps take care of their mother. I know the mother is probably having the hardest time, so stay together guys. I know if i could re-join with my 2 sisters (from the same mom and dad) i would in a heartbeat, to have just a group hug. This entry isn't as emotional as the other one but i just want people to continue to take notice on these unfornate/blessed young men. So on that note, a moment of silence...

L'chaim (sorry if i spelled it wrong or used it in the wrong context). Just want to raise my glasses for yall. Here's the article below:

Assistant principal Wiener's son throws no-hitter to honor dad, the first swine flu victim in NYC
BY Mark Lelinwalla

Friday, May 22nd 2009, 11:11 AM

Jordan Wiener threw a no hitter the day after his father's funeral.

Related News
Gonzalez: Teachers union head rips Bloomberg on swine flu
This one was for Dad.

Just a day after the emotional .funeral for his father, Jordan Wiener threw a no-hitter Thursdayin a playoff game for Robert F. Kennedy High School. His father, Mitchell, was the Queens educator who died on Sunday night, becoming the city's first swine flu fatality.

Jordan said that after breaking down during the funeral, he decided that he was going to pitch in RFK's B-League first-round matchup, just as his father would have wanted him to.

"When my father was put in the hospital on (May 13), I told myself, 'Death or survival, I was going to pitch,' " Jordan said. "I knew that's what he would have wanted from me, to go out there and pitch. I was going to pitch no matter what."

Wiener pitched five innings and .recorded 14 strikeouts to lead RFK to a 10-0 victory over Prospect Heights in the first round of the PSAL playoffs in Kissena Park. The PSAL's mercy rule stipulates that a game ends when a team holds a 10-run lead or more after the fifth inning. RFK .advanced to Tuesday's second round.

By the second inning, as Wiener kept throwing strikes, he said he knew it was going to be a special day on the mound.

"I could feel it," said Jordan, who was 6-0 in the regular season with a 0.68 ERA and is headed to Queens College. "I knew it was going to be something good. My teammates made me feel that no matter what happens, they believed in me and were there to support me."

RFK coach Mike Mulstay said he wasn't surprised by Jordan's courage.

"It showed what kind of kid he is," Mulstay said. "He's cut from the same cloth as his father. Not only him but his whole family. He's a one-in-a-million kid. It was special."

The Panthers wore caps with Mitchell Wiener's initials on them. Wiener served as an assistant principal at .Intermediate School 238 in Hollis for 30 years. He is survived by his wife, Bonnie, and two other sons, Adam and Farrell.

Mitchell, a lifelong Mets fan, taught Jordan the game and coached his son's Little League team.

"People shouldn't feel bad that we lost our father," .Farrell, 18, said on Wednesday. "We had the greatest .father in the world."

Hundreds of mourners, including 400 students, gathered at Sinai Chapels in Queens on Wednesday to .remember Mitchell Wiener, three days after he died at age 55. He was the country's sixth swine flu fatality.

On Wednesday, Jordan sobbed while quoting from the college application essay he wrote about his .father:

"Although my dad would look awful ridiculous in tights and a cape, he had the elements of a hero. Mitchell Wiener is the rock of my family

Read more:

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

New Excitement

Today we're going to set the blog up a little differently aka more organized. Lol.
Here we go...
Mets Game:
Today was my first game at citifield. WOW. The place is really amazing. The food, the set up, the seats, the vibe, the stadium (outside and in). The place is smaller but it's fresh. I couldn't eat anything because of my stomach, which hasn't acted up since I took medicine. I still had fries though BUT no cheese :(. Lol. I sound real fat, I know. The game was real cool, of course it had to be a cold day. Didn't rain, thank god! Livan Hernandez pitched great. Julian was there but I didn't get to see him or anything. Just glad the met's won!

Cavs vs. Magic:
This game is's about to end. It's been a thriller, looks like cavs are going to lose. Rough. Idk. It's like destiny, James and the cavs have to take it. I know the feeling of that (e.g. Rfk high school).Shit is crazy though. Magic are playing phenemonal. It's crazy. Lebron missed the game winning shot...smh. Hurts me. Everybody been waiting for Kobe-Lebron or at least Lebron and Carmelo. We'll see. About to watch my baby, Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) on friends.
Virus: I think I either had a virus or food poisioning. My stomach has been fucked up since 3:30 last night, right before I went to bed which didn't allow me to sleep. So I had soup and a lot of solid shit to eat. Ehh. Want cereal.

(been missing my mom and the comfort of a women, meaning a women not related to me, who finds me attractive, great personality and blah blah, don't have that but yea)
Tomorrow, I am getting my iphone :). I'm a little spoiled. I know. But I'm paying for it and I have the upgrade so WHY NOT. Fuck it, right? Haha. And I'm getting my new ipod. Shit broke and the apple store is giving me a new one. My dad is going with me, haven't seen him in a couple weeks. We're gunna eat, hang, get it, and watch a movie. I know he's broke or whatever and I haven't asked him for anything since I was 16(barely anything) so I understand it already.

Long Road Ahead:
Anybody see the episode where Monica is talking/teaching Chandler about women's spots? Like their "holes" now I know the majority of people who read my blog are women and I know this is awkward to ask or discuss BUT she says there are 7 holes. Now I'm not a rookie at this (assume what this is) but I'm not a master by any extent. I like learning, listening though. What 7 is she talking about...look it up. It's an older episode like in the beginning of the show (before phoebe gives birth). The episode also includes Joey working in the muesum of natural history with Ross.

Anyway, I love that show.

I want to go on a road trip (f.y.I) I got to get away from this city and everything (besides going to florida). :)

Hamptons (watching sex in the city again, I really hope I'm not gay, lol)

So many ppl lie about their age when they get older it's crazy. lol. And I think fans or ppl come on to strong. I have to work on that.

Next, I'm going to the studio again friday. May drop by to watch the RFK baseball team try and win their quarter finals baseball game. I hope they win. I want jordan to at least go to the semi-finals or finals, even if they don't win. I'm a lil envious of him and trevor for some reason but I get over it. No reason to be envious, we're all blessed in certain ways. I want them to do extremely well/amazing.

(Side note: catherine zeta jones is hot, still)

Want to do a jello shot? Anybody want to help get that accomplished? Maybe.

About to sleep. :). Want to write more but can't think, trying to drink early.

P.S. Writing a dedication Part 2 entry: be on the look out AND once the mixtape is finished NEW BLOG. This one will still be alive though for my private readers :) yall

EDIT: I figured it was those 7... I figured it out but i guess it makes sense to hear it from a women herself.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Times Flies...

(Can't fall asleep so...)
I think "time" takes red bulls, because everytime I look, it flies. (Red bull gives you wings, therefore is time takes red bulls it would be able to fly, literally) yea, sorry I'm complicated.

Before I go back to time, my therapist kind of discovered a pattern in me, my trend about girls I guess you can say but just trends I have in general, it was weird. I think she might be onto something...

Ipod getting taken by itunes, monday or wenesday than iphone, here I come!

Okay so everytime u dred life, time slows down, sometimes when you think of life it's very slow but after you stop and think about that motherfucking shÍt...yup times is gone. A wrap.

Can you believe it's been...idk how long since we really...

Do you know it's been 3/4 of a year (almost) since we...

Even longer since...

Been mad long since we had a...

Almost a whole year since everything...

3/4 year since we...

Yea, just a few things yall might relate to. It's crazy son. And to be honest with all this time elapsing, I don't know what the future is gunna look like probably more time.

On a related, unrelated note, thank you for helping me (good and bad). I really am maybe a bit more confused and torn then ever before between knowing what I want and not sure of what I want. It's not just because of (picks name out of hate) or YOU, it's a lot of things. All of theae crazy things at once. You know why I'm glad I met some people cause they kind of put me out like...everyone has problems, don't be a drama queen. I kind of listenend. I reasoned a little more, little better. That's it. I also realized "mature" is a word that is thrown around TOO much. Because technically we're all motherfucking immature, yup, I said it and it's numbfucking true. The people that tell you, you're immature are the same people who do immature things like o.d. Critize you as a friend, partner, co-worker, boyfriend/girlfriend. So fuck em! Lol.

I think I need to change my name to "venting."

Okay now I'm falling asleep..ironic.

By the way, went to the studio yesterday...still don't know how I feel about my music, for real. Whatever. I'll be the opposite of negative.

Anyway, time just passes o.d quick but o.d slow. It's crazy. Hate it or love it.

Till tomorrow (when I wake)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Rhyming Exercise

Sooo...I'm sitting patiently but very antsy on a bench in the apple store. What can I be doing right now? Reading, sleeping, listening to music, writing, crying, etc but instead I'm just going to write down a word and several words that rhyme to it, so let's do it!

First word: Romantic
Damn it
Blast it
Stand it
Hat tricks



Jam the Fuck OUT again!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Things We Do For Love

I want you guys to join me on this. YES ALL OF YOU READERS, BLOGGERS, Whatever and whoever. Just drop a comment in the box.

I want us, US to make a list of all the things you would do for love or even the things you've seen, heard, and imagine ppl do for love. It can be funny, stupid, outrageous but it's suppose to be annonymous. SO don't make it too evident especially if ppl know who you're talking about. Let's make it into a poem or even just a fun game. But let's dot it...

I don't want to start so...I'm hoping someone else will...


R.I.P Mitchell Weine®

Dedication Entry

So it's been a few days since the actual death and i been trying to get on the computer to blog about it...briefly. I didn't look, read, watch, the news much but i know enough about the situation. A tragic one, very tragic one. This was Jordan and Farrell (i don't know the older brother's name) Dad that just died. It's horrific and i can only imagine what it feels like but i would rather not. Father, whether non-exsistant, or rarely there is WAY better than not being able to ever say another word to him. So this entry is for the man i knew very little about but who i KNOW, was a devoted father and one of the best examples of how to be a father to three children and an amazing husband to a woman he loved. I know you're probably hanging out with some pretty cool people in heaven and until the people closed to you and far from you, who will remember your memory get to see you again, I KNOW you'll be in everyone's heart, mind, soul, and thoughts. Your missed Mr. Weiner, Mr. Mitchell Weiner. I can even remember the last time i saw you, always asking me questions, acknowleding the positive i did, that seemed to almost go unnoticed at times. It was a pleasure to have known you even if it was in the smallest way, like playing basketball and baseball with your son. It's going to be extremely hard for them but i know fantastic thigns will happen for them and with them. I want to pray and give your wife strength to raise them and keep them on the right path. Give her the strength to continue on and live, live a joyous life in your memory, sir.

I'm sorry i could not be at your funeral at this moment, mourning over you as other will forever do, but i am here sitting in my chair, doing what they are doing for you. Wishing you the best and giving your family protection. I don't know what else i can do to help your family and to bless your soul but if there is, send me a sign or something, giving me some inclination. Whoever you have influenced and catered to, i hope they remember you in that light of positivity, and continue to hold on to your memory but to also be able to move foward. They have to. Your sons are bright as hell, amazing as hell, and will succeed in life just the way you did, and just the way you wanted them to. This entry is again for you. A great man, leader, principal, father, friend, and acquaintence. May you Rest In Piece.... until we meet again

Assistant Principal Mitchell Weiner is 'heart and soul' of IS 238
BY Matt Lysiak, Sergey Kadinsky and Rich Schapiro

Saturday, May 16th 2009, 4:00 AM

Assistant Principal Mitchell Wiener seen here in this IS 238 yearbook photo from 1998.
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When a teenage neighbor in need of math tutoring knocked on the door of his Queens apartment 28 years ago, Mitchell Wiener immediately dropped everything he was doing.

The young math teacher spent hours coaching Melissa Lipsky that day in 1981. Over the next several weeks, Wiener met with Melissa numerous times, guiding her through her eighth-grade arithmetic lessons.

"We offered to give him money, and he refused to take it," said Melissa's mother, Gayle Lipsky, 64. "He wouldn't hear it. ... That's the kind of guy he is."

As Wiener, 55, remained in grave condition Friday after contracting swine flu, a portrait emerged of the assistant principal described by neighbors and loved ones as a pillar of his school and community.

Wiener coached his three boys' Little League baseball teams and worked as a volunteer treasurer and youth group leader for his synagogue. At Intermediate School 238 in Hollis, where he's worked for more than 30 years, Wiener is often the first staffer to arrive and the last to leave.

"My husband is the heart and soul of that school," said Wiener's wife, Bonnie, a teacher at IS238.
Born in Brooklyn, Wiener attended Sheepshead Bay High School, where he excelled in math, relatives said. He studied education at Brooklyn College and graduated cum laude in 1975, a school spokesman said.

Three years later, Wiener began working at IS 238 as a substitute teacher. He was soon promoted to math instructor.

He and Bonnie married in 1981, when she was 18, after they met at a Brooklyn dance club. "It was his humor that reeled me in," she said.

After the arrival of his three sons - Adam, 23, and twins Jordan and Farrell, both 18 - Wiener devoted himself to his boys. He coached their teams, led their youth groups at the Garden Jewish Center in Flushing and took them to Shea Stadium to watch his beloved Mets.

Wiener was named assistant principal in 2007. Students said he seems to delight in cracking "corny" jokes over the PA system.

"I really hope he's going to feel better," student Anita Seeratan, 13, said. "The school would be so different if he was gone."

Read more:


BUY THE FUCKING ALBUM GOD DAMMIT! lol (10.86 after taxes)


First Eminem released “Crack a Bottle,” then videos for the jokey “We Made You” and deadly serious “3 A.M.” This past weekend, some fans may have found a way to hear a few more cuts from Relapse, Slim Shady’s first album in nearly five years. But Rolling Stone has listened to the entire album the way it was meant to be heard — and our official review of Eminem’s Relapse is right here.

In his four-star review, Rob Sheffield explores the true target of Relapse’s barbs: Eminem. After falling into a prescription-pill addiction that took him out the rap game and threatened to turn him into biggest adversary (his mom), Em is back, rhyming about Lunesta, Ambien and Vicodin with the brutal honesty of Richard Pryor’s 1982 Live on the Sunset Strip. The Dr. Dre beats are spare, the guest spots minimal — just brief cameos by 50 Cent and Dre.

But what Relapse has is hate and honesty. Eminem reveals that hospital trip for pneumonia in December 2007 was anything but (”That whole pneumonia thing/That was baloney/Was it the methadone, ya think?”), that his daughter Hailie found out passed out in his car with a bag of Three Musketeers bars, that he isn’t afraid to touch on a subject as volatile as childhood molestation: “Insane” begins, “I was born with a dick in my brain/Fucked in the head.”

Eminem is at his most brilliant when he’s addressing true anger and his personal demons. Tracks like “Stay Wide Awake” and “Same Song and Dance,” where he skewers pop cultural figures like Britney, Lindsay and Amy sound forced and played-out, Sheffield writes. But fortunately, Relapse shows the promise of The Slim Shady LP — and Em’s latest is a more painful, honest and vital record than anyone could have expected at this point in the MC’s career.

Track listing
1. "Dr. West" (skit)
2. "3am" Dr. Dre
3. "My Mom"
4. "Insane"
5. "Bagpipes from Baghdad"
6. "Hello"
7. "Tonya" (skit)
8. "Same Song & Dance"
9. "We Made You" Dr. Dre, Eminem
10. "Medicine Ball"
11. "Paul" (skit)
12. "Stay Wide Awake"
13. "Old Time’s Sake" (feat. Dr. Dre)
14. "Must Be the Ganja"
15. "Mr. Mathers"
16. "Deja Vu"
17. "Beautiful"
18. "Crack a Bottle" (feat. Dr. Dre and 50 Cent)
19. "Steve Berman" (skit)
20. "Underground/Ken Kaniff"
Also available (which i will scrap money up to buy, only 8.99 at target!)


Free-STYLES MUSIC Compilation

Jam Young- Uptown Stand UP (Going down once i re-record it)

Jay-Z & Kanye Freestyle

Kanye Free

Charles Hamilton

Charles Hamilton Blacks

Beat Created

Kanye West, The Game, & Charles Hamilton

K.O.S Freestlye

XXL Freestyle

YEA I O.Ded! :)

Song of The Moment

Why must I always do this...
Smh...(Hate that phrase though)

Monday, May 18, 2009

Tears of Complication

A quick quote...

To think about life, is to complicate your mind and trying to solve the unsolvable

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I Know I'm A Little Late...

I just wanted to say happy birthday to one of my favorite bloggers...


Like I said I know I'm a little late, technically because I did wish you it on twitter but a blog is sooo much cooler. Best wishes!

And welcome to the 19 club! Haha.

Party time!

How It All Started...(The Reason Why I Am)

"Want to see the reason I'm this way, take a look at my past/If you don't want to, then you can kiss my ass"

That's a good way to start it. :) oooohhh I had another song concept, uh oh :). It's called "Good old friend."
This song I'm going to talk about past friend/girlfriend relationships and possibly hooking up with an "old friend." No girl in front of it though. I just think it's hot. Don't you think old friends? Hahaha. I'm an evil man (puts pinky towards lip).

Okay well in this entry I basically want to explain how my favorite artists list just works out...

Kanye West
Charles Hamilton
Lil Wayne
Lupe Fiasco

How that came to be. There's always been a time period where I've struggled immensly in my life and when that has happend I have clinged onto a new artist. Lupe and Wayne were more of a slightly difficult time. 50cent was more of tied into the eminem era, which is coming back AND charles hamilton, which I have wrote about several times has been my new favorite artist of late.

It's all about the relationship and connection a listner builds with the music and the artist. That's how I feel and that's what I know.

I think when I was 9-12. I was really at a dark point in my life, especially around ten when my parents split from my life and the man named marshall mathers came in and replaced them.(This is also the effect Eminem had on charles hamilton, another reason I can fucks with dude).

Then from there, all my dark thoughts just took off. Writing poetry about suicide, writing songs about killing people, and kind of being an asshole. But I think although negativity surrounded his music and my life, it saved me. And really gave me this ambition, this way to release my pain through typing a poem or writing a song.

I remember having a tape deck and playing an instrumental on my playstation, pressing record, and freestyling. It was crazy. Kind of wish I still had that shit. Since then it has come to what it is now, MY LIFE.

The reason I stress buying the eminem cd is because hip-hop needs it, music needs it, the cd industry needs it. PLUS ur getting o.d. Good quality music!

I can't fucking wait basically because this album is probably going to save me again. Almost ten years later, in a different point of my life. That's what I'm hoping for. Inspiration and a re-connection...

Just know I got you Em. And one day we will make a song with eachother, I don't care if you eat me alive or if it's the wackest song ever but it's gunna happen. MUSIC = Life man.

"That's probably why I stopped sketching/ and listening to the Marshall Mathers LP was more interesting." -Jam Young "Road To Hollywood"


Friday, May 15, 2009

Sunday Morning Flowers

I like the sound of that title for some reason. I don't know if it should just be a song title, a phrase I use or a song I make. Maybe a poem at first. I'm thinking... Something about the importance or symbolic meaning of flowers.

I use to be a sweetheart u know, once upon a time ago. When I use to get this girl I was messing with all types of flowers, randomly. To surpirse her, make her fee better, and just because... I think that's the best time, the just because you're you time. And for her birthday and shit, of course. I don't think she liked it or appreciated it much really but I miss doing random kinds of acts of goodness like that. So I kind of wanna write a song about that. What each color of a rose means. And other reasons why flowers are given

Good idea or no?


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Old Thoughts

"Baby, the experience was priceless. I'm not going to lie and say it didn't significantly impact my life. Your damn right!
I wouldn't be the same person without you, probably not even close, but does that mean it was for the better or the for the worse.
The turns. The falls. I'm like what the fuck. Everyday I'm stuck. Dead ass though. Deep down inside I wouldn't take it back even if I could because the other path of what I 'should've' could be worse. I just don't understand. Okay, that's a lie I totally, mentally understand, but physically and emotionally I doubt. I feel the way you treated me, the way you pushed me away, put me in that corner because we spent wwwwaaayyyy too much together. Way too much.It's ridiculous. Almost sickening. I just feel like a complete causaulity and I don't believe in fairy tales anymore, not even close. Reality puts the guck of uglyness infront of you until you can bare or until you just hold your mouth, close your eyes, and put your face deep into that water...never to rise again.
I'm not at that point. Not even close I don't think. But this is wretched. Real heartbreak shit. Just like you said it be. I make mistakes. I hurt you at times but the pain you caused me is greater than all that.
The idea of you and another man is way, greater than all that. I can't elaborate. I can only visualize. Feel. Scream.

Just scream. It's fucked up. But you have every universal right to live your life the way you want to minus the way I want you. Is your will and might that much stronger than mine. Apparently. I know this is cliche but you were really everything a man looks for or hopes to find in a real women. It's not looks, no. It was your friendship, companionship, your heart, your 'true' kiss. All those made you. Made us.
But noe deciet has defeated us. It's not completely over but I can't help but feel helpless to the overbarring weight of anxiety, weirdness, and normalcy.

I can't act normal around u because even if I did, it wouldn't be compared to how it normally WAS. We've drifted. The one thing a relationship can't work with is when two peole grow a part. And we did that. I want to say YOU did that, so bad, but I'm at fault too. For so many reasons. And one is for not being good enough for you. Yup never good enough. It's your nature and human nature to be dissastisfied. The person u once were is gone, to me. From me, forever (echos)

Forever. Now what am I left with? An unfixable mettled with broken, particle that keeps me alive. That's all..."

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Must Watch TV

OKAY, now that you've watched and heard, what is your opinion...I'm thinking hilariously annoying? YEA!

*Audrey i commented on like 2/3 of your entries, idk wtf is going on with my computer but i'll try again. AND to the other bloggers i'm reading i just hate (non handheld) computers. lol.

Caption* (This is probably the least exposed photo so i decided to put it up to show what i was talking about in the last entry. RE-READ the one before the last one, it's more important.
And as a bonus a song i'm remixing...
"I just want to put New York On..."


How Do People Feel... Do They Care About...

The new naked pictures online.Rhianna (has some crazy hips and looks like a soft skin glutus maximus) and Cassie (cute but I'm not into nipples being pierced) had pictures leaked in the same week and people are wondering who is next. Matter fact the public even knows what they want next.

On hot 97 they were asking people who they would like to see next, that's wild. I just want to know how the ladies feel about this. Guys, I guess don't take naked pics of themselves, and if they do, it never gets leaked. If it was leaked would anybody look anyway? Do the ladies want to see some skin too? Do you think it's definitely a male ran world because of shit like this. Where women are not really degraded or humilated but just exposed. Double standard?

Well who would people like to see next? (Girls wise I guess)

Did you think it's messed up that the pics were leaked?

“Ode To Naked Pop Stars”- Wiz Khalifa

That's a song you should download. An ode to the girls. I think I might join in on this fun, the problem is it costs me money to give you guys music. Lol. That's crazy...

Hmmmmmm...maybe kanye's amazing beat.

"The pictures are amazing
They're the reason
People log online each evening
When your horny
And can't get some
Get your lube out
Load the pics up
No matter what you'll never take that from me
Cause when I want tities, your pictures I see...

They're amazing, they're amazing
Rhianna they're amazing
Cassie they're amazing
Who's next up, I'm just saying"

Lol. It comes that easy folks....chill

"I want pop your pussy like I pop a pimple,
Tits look like saturns around your nipples"

Lmmfao. Okay I'm a stop that's messed up.

In class. Got to stop blogging just do me this favor. Think of concepts sooo...








Get it yet


And leave comments
And leave comments
And leave comments
And leave comments

Get it yet?


Jam the fizuk out!

Monday, May 11, 2009 I.nput T.ime!!

This will be brief.

This entry I want to hear your opinions. I know some of you may not like hip-hop but I'm trying to bring something new to the genre and once I get the right resources and backing believe me, it's gunna be something spectacular.
I want to know what you would like to here. What kind of rap songs would you listen to...

Concept wise. If you could write a song what would it be. Draw an imaginary picture with words and send it to me via comment and I'll try to bring it to life. Any ideas. For example like barber shop music what kind of music would u like to hear while you're waiÞing for a cut or getting a cut.

Julian wrote a poem about the world ending and it being our fault and he wanted me to see if I can turn it into a song. So let me know. I want all readers to participate if you can.

Think..think more... Think just a little bit harder. Type. Then send.

Do you believe in me? I hope so.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Old Soul Showing

Alright, I knew I had an old soul in me but this is ridiculous...
I have my two first gray hairs! Wtf? I'm 19 with gray hair. Family influenced or stress influenced?

From the person voted most likely to be famous

The PerSon WhO CreAted Me Day

Happy Mother's Day Yall and to the mother's (soon to be as well) this year. It would be kinda cool to actually celebrate this day but I'm not complaining. I have to make 3 phone calls.

I was dead ass thinking of a song to write for mother's day which brought me back to my idea of a mixtape filled with holiday/certain places kind of music. It needs to be a new genre of music not just "hip-hop." I go to work in 2 hours but I really hope if you have the time spend it wisely because I'm gunna be spending it on writing two papers tonight. Ahhhh! Yea. Omg. When I think about it, I feel like I just don't have time for it... But I'm praying and keeping well, positive. :)

I'll post some more interesting shit later till than...

Saturday, May 9, 2009


The Asher Roth album is pretty dope:

I was suppose to put another song plus the eminem and tyga video but the computers be spazzzzing. Go figure. So I'm just gunna post this!

Must Read Entry?

Yo this shit is crazy. I love the female species and their wonderful human features but they're just tooo much for me. Seriously. too complex. The crazy part is to a certain extent I'm very sensitive and emotional and shit (fuck it, it's who I am (for now)) but god damn, it's wild. Yall are wild.

NO OFFENSE AT ALL TO MY FEMALE READERS. Seriously. I love yall especially since mostly females are the main ppl who read this.

(Wonders if (insert name) still reads this blog)

Whatever. Going to post mad videos tomorrow morning. Tried to earlier.

"2009 I'm getting mine"

I'm a little typsy right now. Not much though honestly. I bought my first drinks ever, now I have no money, lol, got to take some more out and find that old starbucks check.
I bought a mikes hard lemonade and a blue hawaiin thingy. Both fruity and banging. Lol.
Fucking tired about to pass out.

Saw two movies with my friend.
Fighting and X-Men Origins. a little dissappointed in both. Both made me realize I have to become a writer! Wolverine movie, editing was ehh, scenes ehh, script ehh, storyline ehh, it could've been a classic but they fucked it up. Made me mad not furious but mad enough. Ya know? And fighter, I just liked the spanish girls and the main actor that's about it. Redemption.

On that note though, I'm out guys. I don't want the magic to win. Let's go boston! Boston vs. Cavs & Denver vs. Lakers. Crossing fingers.

Feel soo fat and kind of ugly. And oooohhh

Forgot to mention but apparently gays and bi-sexuals think I have gay tendancies (lean) and whatever. I'm straight though and I find it crazy that I do these things without noticing. I've had a guy have a crush on me which is insane to me. I haven't had enough or even close to enough pussy in my life and I find NO MAN/MEN attractive at all. Not homophobic but I'm not gay.

I mean yall know me? Are these gays correct in thinking I might be one? Seriously?

New motto: if Ít walks and has a (real) ****** then fuck it! Lmfao all the way to the bank.

Need money. Need music. Need *****. Need ball and this stomach to go away.

Why am I fat?

Goodnight on that night.

From the man who was voted most likely to succeed in high school :)

Friday, May 8, 2009

New Blog

F.Y.I might be starting a new blog. Just strictly for the music and poetry shit which reminds me

P.I.C we gotta start the blog by...(Drum roll) end of june?

Any ideas or shit, let me know. I got some innovative ideas. Oh and booking shows? Don't forget. Soko. And we need a tag team name like " C Jam" or something. Haha.


From the kid who was voted most likely to be famous but is making a mixtape called most likely to succed which is ironic considering that went to his P.I.C?

150 & Going Strong

I can't believe it myself. The 150th entry is here! Lol. Only countless more to go. Haha.

I truley wanted to make this one "special" but I couldn't too many setbacks and bad thoughts. So let's start with something new though:
Currently Thinking: of a lot
Currently... On the 7 train going to watch a movie with a "friend"
Currently wearing: banana republic shorts (that I need to get again but with my own money) a shirt that reads "make music, not enemies," an LA dodger hat (irionic because of what just happend to manny rameriez?), long socks rolled up shortly, gray briefs, and the low top jordan XX(20) lol.

Hell of a week. Hell of a day. And as usual my mind is like exploding with thoughts. Matter fact, this will be a LONG and MEANINGFUL ENTRY! Yay?

Well let's start off with this: my attitude will be more aggressive and more " I don't give a fuck, nigga!"Ish. Lol.
That sounds funny but it's true. Just stop being so nice and carrying and unconfident. Dead ass. FUCK IT! If I take ten shots and make 2 fuck it. But apparently this "aggressive" area is something that I lack and my method hasn't been working of late? Try most of my life. Haha. Made my-self laugh with that won so... In every category I'm going to be getting my numbers up (whatever that mean's right?) you'll see when my blog entries are like so cool and positive and shit.

Next, I've officially decided on like a major and shit. Not a major deal, lol, but a major for college. I guess this was undeniable anyway. No offense to history which I love but english/creative writing is well what I'm suppose to do.

I am a writer but...

This week I haven't been inspired to write. Of course I have written but not like stuff I think I'm gunna keep. Just been stressed with school writing so here's a self reminder of what's due:

6 page paper, annotated and basically 98 percent done.

Philosophy paper which I haven't read the terms to yet (yikes)

Math Final and TVR final on thursday.

Film paper due 5-7 pages due wenesday.

Woa! Talk about being a writer, huh? And the studying is going to be crazy. Lol. Damn son!

I also have to do my fafsa, pay the school money, and register for a summer and fall class(es). Lol.

Stressed? I think so.

Musically? Nothing will be recorded until earliest next friday.

Good news: My manager's computer is coming. Not going to mooch off them but it's one of my outlets to make it.

I'm still on my own, no worries.

Today: ran into some kids I played with like 2 years ago. I'm kinda glad I didn't go to molloy unless I would've ended up being outstanding and not just good cause I wouldn't have played for shit. And I probably woulda been fucked. But then again who knows? Right? Can't dwell on that. I'm happy where I'm at for ther most paer just looking UP

What else? What else? Lol.

I need a new ()partner. I officially. I realized today that we are not on the same page at allll. Well I knew that before too, but everyday just seems to be more relevant. Your not expressive. Show that you care much and don't like what I like or what we use to like anymore, it's cool though. AND I officially think you have somone else. I might be jumping the gun but it doesn't matter, right? Just had to throw in a subliminal. Apology(?)

Movie is gunna start...

God am I blessed? Are we all really destined to do something special? let me know?

And for my sister's sake, get her out soon but I know u put her there to teach her something but teach her not to act irrational. I love her and human life to death eventhough I find it an overwhelming struggle.

Let's live though

From the kid voted most likely to be famous in highschool

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Pleasant Overthinking

I'm an inspiration to inspiration, so now It's time to show the definition of dedication. While stress and perspiration, consume my daily presence and education.

I'm gone

Reminder: I can do this!

Monday, May 4, 2009

148: Things I Miss

(Confession: didn't do my hw last night)

Now that I got that off my chest and that I'm almost done with my whole mini wheats I want you guys to do this with me. I want yall to make a list of little things or big things but just whatever comes to your mind at the "moment."

The reason for this is because I woke up and was just thinking about that. Little things I miss. Nothing that made me sad. But just thinking. So here we go


Homemade chicken parmesan
Hamburger Helper
Mojave margaritas
Telling my mom she's a terrible cook
Coming home and seeing my sister's
Staying inside and watching movies
Homemade pina coloadas
Homemade chocolate chip cookies
Going to the movies
R.F.K during the springtime
Living close to school
Thai and sushi
Going shopping
A warm night body
The middle of the night
The morning
Being 14
College Point Summers
Tacke Football
Group Music
Dounkin Donuts
Pop Music
Eminem shitting on pop music
Coming home after school and hanging out
Getting into a bit of trouble
Life Before Drugs and SAT's (and STDs)
Sleep Over
Family togetherness
smell of a new place
New crush

Later :P

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Some Day

Today is Someday. Lol. Okay I mean sunday but I decided to flip it and change it. Fuck it! Right? That's the new motto.

I am fucking tired! Like I bet a lot of you guys are. Working so hard and what not. I think...

"I'm sicker than the swine flu" haha. Fuck yall. I made it up first!

Damn. It's freaking D.R. In my house. Hot as hell.

I been thinking about what my p.I.c was talking about... Vacation. Last two years I've vacationed with a girl and my friends. I would like to do both there just ain't no girl for me to take. :( but I'll take julian up on his offer. DV wants to go to Puerto Rico, that would be ill. I'd actually like to go to D.R. Just I don't have the money for that, well I might depending on what happens.

We'll see I guess. Hope the summer is good.

Work was dreading. O.d. Tired. Slept ten hours last night but it made me even tired-er (I don't think that's a word). Lol. Going on facebook and trying to do homework.


Saturday, May 2, 2009

My Day In A Simplistic Blog Entry

Damn straight I blog a lot. I abuse the privelage (typo?)to blog. It's the damn blackberry plus it's addicting. You SHOULD know that. Word? Word!

Sorry I haven't commented many of you guys, it's because I can't comment on my phone and my computer at home is retarded.

I'm officially tired. Yawn. Ahh. Tried working on this beat illya gave me. Rough. I can't figure it out. I wrote one bridge and a verse. I have the concept (deja vu, cliche I know but I've never done a song like that so it's new for me) but the wrds won't come out. Fustrating.

Bulls lost...maybe next year. I think the celtics like fucking with viewers. Underachieving and shit.

Celtics v. Magic... Idk who's gunna come out victorious in that one.

I don't know if any of you guys have ever had a therapist but mine is awesome. I've been able to really open up to her about sex, women, kids, family, social problems. I've improved a lot since we first started. (Pat on the back) today we talked about my sister, my two (ex) uncles, school, and some other stuff I don't remember. More crap about age. I didn't get to tell her about my basketball dissappointments or how I truley felt last night but we did talk a little about kids...weird right. Yes I know. Extremely!

Well what about kids. It's complicated so I will only touch on it briefly. It was just about my future and my music. I have a slight older woman attraction (21, 23, 25) and if I ever really date someone older and it gets serious what will happen. Let's say I date someone 24 until I'm 23/24 and she'll be 28/29 and she wants kids. I'm just out of college if the music hasn't caught anyone's eyes and we been together for 4-5 years. Marriage she doesn't care too much about but the kid she wants. She loves me but really wants one. Would I be ready to take on that type of responsibility 4 or 5 years from now? What about my music? Will she accept the fact that music and family are equally important. Idk.

I know I shouldn't be thinking that but I am. I know I'm not ready now. So we'll have to see how this relationship develops when there is one.

REGARDLESS of the age though (meaning the age I am) if I put it in the oven, I'm going to make sure I'll be a really good father. I'm gunna make a list of everything a father should be and take after that. Give him more than what I'll give my wife/girl, which is tje universe because I gave her the world already.

Later, I'm getting real dizzy. I can't zee and my stomach hurts.

Just To Say...

I want to state quickly, that I am not a leech but I am a bit stubborn. When I talk or want to talk to artists, proudcers, and anybody semi-famous it is not because I want a helping hand of any sorts. You can be signed. You can be whatever. But at the end of the day I just want to make music. Good ass music. Music that I can listen to and that the fans will love, that people will love even people who don't like hip-hop.

Point blank I'm trying to make it on my own. With my stratrgies with my help with my ambition. You know somebody cool. You want to do something cool. But I am not jumping aboard to just get a deal or in hopes to get a deal. I'm doing something because I think the product will be great and in the process we both will benefit. I don't have much money. I actually don'Þ have shit, except:
An ear to take advice
A mouth to spit my words
A heart that will not be crushed
An ambition that is my fire
A creative mind
A pen and a blackberry
Hands to write
Feet to walk my ass to the studio and wherever the world takes me
And a penis that stays in it's locked away safe.

That's all a rapper got, at least this rapper. So I know there are so many people looking for a helping hand. I just want advice, constructive critism, and that's about it.

If mike ever gets a "real deal" best believe I'm not jumping on the boat or his imprint. Yea of course I'll be there, on tour, making music and what not but other than that I don't want to be put on and I don't want to be behind "your" spotlight. Sorry. Not for me. I work to hard to be shunned in the motherfucking shadows. Dead serious.

"Like a couple birds in the sky, I'm two fly." Haha.

Wack? Whatever! Lol.

I just thought I'd stress this point out. I'm NOT like everyone else. It's a gift and a curse. Fuck me.



Yo I'm mad hungry and I just ate at like 12ish. I'm feeling better right now. It always helps when the sun is out, wind is blowing, and I don't need a fucking jacket. Ya dig?!

I know I complained or explained a lot of shit in a couple entries yesterday, but there were some positives. The show I saw is fabolous. Seriously. Which reminds me I miss huggins, poper, adams, and byheny. Henderson, mulstay, and herman. Kinda gildea, his harsh ways really were good. Whatever. I feel like I haven't came back and thanked them for making me who I am today. those people especially saved me from some horrible times, experiences, and kept my head up. O.d.

my friend david is going to see the play I saw. Going to therapy now... Finish later

I Know...

I'm o.ding with these last 3 blog entries (including this one)well I just thought I should say, and just say NOT ON TWITTER, that tonight could've been the perfect night in another universe, place, galaxy, time. I smelled the auroma of it in the air. Whether it was my mind, the past, the future, the other realm fucking with me I knew exactly what should've went down ideally.

With that said, I want a body next to me. I wanted one so bad a few weeks ago, that I slept in the same bed as my sister.

I might do that again. I love her and hate her too.

Uhhh. I'm glad I do if I do.
Ideally I know what oNE person I should be sleeping next to.
In reality it doesn't matter to the point I have a few names.
In actual reality I don't care who it is, just somebody of the opposite sex even if I'm not comfortable with them (have to stop caring)

Okay, I promise I'll go home soon. Before 2 :). Just calming myself down with nature. Sorry **** for not calling you back right away. I'm just completely stressed right now (referr to the second entry down) so much more to say but it's just babaling.

P.S. Feeling a bit better than a smidge. :)

Friday, May 1, 2009


2 minutes till saturday.

Keep listening to drake, the best I ever had.

Night soon. In cp

More Rambaling, Negativty, Questions About Life, So I'm Just Warning Ahead Of Time...

This will be the most disorganized entry yet...

I am the most positive/negative person I know.

I just hate my mind sometimes. I don't hate myself because that's just a little extreme. I don't think I'm depressed but I do believe my mood just swings like crazy. I feel like that makes me a deceiver, a manipulator and everything.

(This makes me wonder allllll thhhheee time why I am like ttthhhiiissss) I don't want to blame anybody I just want to know where this tragedy, drama, and everything else that negatives comes from.

Ironically none of these thoughts hinders my ability to continue improving my life. That's what I find astounding about myself. Uncomprehendable.

Life also not understandable.

I don't hate life.

I don't think I have it bad or one of the worst either. I just know my situation is medicore and can always improve and in this case improve significantly.

Maybe I'm spoiled. Maybe I'm selfish and never satisfied either.

You know what happens when two people who are never satisfied hang out together...crazyness.

I think nothing good can come without a negative. That's my belief at this moment.

I want to confess I'm also guilty for letting a situation happen and liking it regardless if it was my first experience. I didn't know exactly what was going on but I let it happen. As a guy it was hard to say no. And no I'm not making excuses.

I still wish I could save everyone, especially my sisters and my sanity.

I deadass feel crazy and this is the only place I can express that. But at the same time I think the feeling of being crazy makes me unique and drives me.

Do I hate myself? No. Do I wish and kind of want to change things about myself? Kinda.

Every person on this earth is "unique" well what's so great about that. I feel like yea my personality has kept me from running away for more than a couple hours (which isn't even really like running away), it has gotten me into college, awards, degrees, documents, championships, winning, happy, recognition, attention and probably a bunch of other stuff I don't remember. Well I don't know...
As much as it makes me unique to feel mentally insane (exaggerated) but different maybe I don't want to be different.
Maybe I want to play basketball everyday. Maybe I want to go to the studio and make songs all day.
Maybe I want to smoke weed all day. Maybe I want to be a fucking jerk and fuck every girl that wants me. Maybe I don't want to be in a relationship. Maybe I don't want love. Maybe I hate love and hate having my guard down. Maybe I don't like feeling desperate. Maybe I shouldn't give a fuck about certain girls and shit.

Instead of being the dude fucking hoes I'm the dude listening to them. Instead of enjoying life I'm dwelling on it. Instead of being young I'm being old. Instead of being with mad girls I'm the dude falling for one and wanting to be with one because I'm the fool who fucking wants to give someone "everything" and have what everyone in the world really wants. Or what I believe they want.

Maybe the whole idea of marriage and kids is bullshit. What's wrong with being the biggest bachelor to the day you die?

Why the fuck am I the guy girls want to marry but not mess with or why do I have a likeable personality...kinda.

Why don't I have the confidence to talk to random people. Why don't I have a mother I'm living with. Or a father. Or my fucking siblings?

I feel like I abondended life and here I am...alone.

I know I have people but I'm alone in a different sense. You know what else is crazy.

The fact I felt like I had something so real, so real I shunned my crazy family for it. When your younger they tell you family is all you have but what if you don't even have that. You aint got shit.

You know what else is stunning I remember in the summer when I was staying at friends/girl I really liked house I ran into my grandmother and she started crying (she's very emotional) but she was worried about me running around.

Another thing my dad, mom, and step mom aren't bad people. They're allowed to make mistakes and truthfull people shouldn't judge other people but it's dead ass HUMAN NATURE. My stepmom has problems but she was right about a few things and dead serious I wouldn't be able to do half the things I can do if it wasn't for her.

I do love her. In some weird way I do. I use to trust her like my best friend until we had irreconcable differences. It's funny how all my sisters use to be close to her but the key word is use to. Whatever. I was gunna say she was right about having your own apartment and invading space and etc. Sure I knew she was right before and was skeptical with staying at other people's house especially a woman but I did it anyway (aka learning life the hard way)

I don't know why I look at myself like I'm special like there's something about me that's so different from others. If there is it's nothing positive.

Truthfully I'm sorry for putting you through this read or entry of my thoughts. I feel like I'm burdening you and the world. That's probably why my sister use to be a cutter and why when I was ten my mom wanted to kill herself and I was obsessed with suicide and dark things in my poetry.

You know why I was mad. Because I want to be with you. That's why I was mad. I know I'm a fucking needy ass person. I know I want certain things. I know I'm emotional. At times dramatic. Insane. Lazy. Not resourceful. Yoing. Bitchty. And a jerk. I'm sorry I'm all these things. I really am. And I think I blame myself for a lot of shit. Aka self-loathing about a lot of shit. I really feel like it's my fault ur not there. But in my mind I believe you SINCERELY, when you say ITS NOT ABOUT ME. But it effects me harshly. I believe a lot of things u say and understand it but that doesn't change how I feel. I feel like it's an uncompromisable situation. I truthfully wish and hope everyday things would be better, like the past but with so much more positive and happiness but I know it won't happen. I know what we accomplished was seriously heaven-sent but that's it. That's as far as it goes. Your free. From whatever you were running from. We would've been better off without the emotional baggage. It's one thing when someone is gone from your life and is barely a part of it.

My therapist told me I seem to have the "all or nothing" attitude and maybe that's why I'm so distraught because I'm fighting that. Hard. Trying to believe things will come together one day. ABOUT EVERYTHING. Family. Friends. Girl.

I KNOW, I KNOW I told you all of this before but if it's on my mind I nnnnneeeeeeddddd to express it. I just don't see it happening. I don't. I don't have faith or belief but apparently my heart is still in it, so I'm still here.

This is when my mind drives me insane. Thoughts about the past, my black blank future, and the current.

Oooo. It drives me crazy. I just want to switch it off. Or freeze life so I can breathe.

I just want hope back. In something.

I keep thinking about r.f.k mostly positive until a few negatives get in the way. But I will never get it back. I will never get anything back. Phew. I'm draining my ownself writing all this.

It's intense. Food for thought for a week at least.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Screaming like in "I love you man" to feel better. Haha.

Chazz good shit tonight. I'm proud of u dead serious. I know u don't read this either but fuck it I said it. I'm almost jelous of your progress and accomplishments. Just like trevor. And some other people. That don't mean I don't love yall. Cuz I do. I just need to love myself a little more you know.

God I hate nostalgia. Seeing people grow up. Things change. People forget about you.

Ahhhhhhhh. Lmao. Okay so obviously I'm in a better mood. A smidge better.

Still thinking about all this. Still miss soo much.
Still thinking of YOU!
And you and you and of course you.

Eventually someone will want this broke, crazed, spanish rapper who sleeps on his grandmother's.couch and works at gamestop for under 7.30. One day.

One day everything will be better.

I THINK I believe that.

Jam the fuck out

Good MUSIC From (The Two Best White Boy) Rappers!

Okay YOU HAVE TO CHECK OUT THIS EMINIEM TRAILER FOR HIS NEW SONG AND VIDEO!!! I DEMAND IT PLEASE. SHIT IS CRAZY. IF YOUR INTO VISUALS OR ORIGINALITY AIN'T NO ONE LIKE EM until someone like me of course :) well not yet. PLEASE it's only 35 seconds of your life!!! the official video is going to be on tonight on Cinemax!