Sunday, May 30, 2010

Family Feud

Hey yall, just wanted to write a quick entry while I'm stuck in stand still traffic. Today was a pretty good day. Not in terms of running, exercising, or anythng like that but just in general. I got two grades back...a C in geology, which is amazing! For something I literally knew nothing in but I guess he saw me trying...well trying to cheat lol. I asked a lot of questions as the semester went on and took my fate for what it was. I got a 16 on the first lab test, and a 56 on the midterm. Then I got a 26/40 on the lab extra credit. I did however really try to understand the work, especially in the lab and tried to study a bit. So I'm proud of myself. Then, I got a B in biology, after aiming for a B-. I studied and cheated lol, I tried to help others too with it and I really tried to learn the labs. So I guess it paid off, the combination. Now if everything goes right...I'll have a 3.6 for the semester. Once I get my incomplete done, I might pass fail my C and C- (art, ugh) and have like a 3.3. The highest GPA on the team (all of them can kiss my ass!) Lol. But for real, I better get that scholar athlete bullshit, next year. The jonathan martinez of old is back and more determined then ever!!

Musically driven, basketball driven, and sooo much more. I just gotta figure some stuff out. I also filled out some applications...sports authority, movie theater, and taco bell (lmfao) yes, taco bell. A job is a job right? Haha. Also, I haven't written much in the last couple days but today I found some inspiration and wrote some good diverse stuff from sex to girls to a dope verse.

Now, let's get to the whole reason why I put family feud in the title. I'm going to try to make this short and sweet...well my sister(s) are very...attention seeking kids. You can take that for what it is and it bothers me and they do a lot of...well...dumb things. I still love them but it bothers me and reminds me how scary it will be when I AM a parent. That's control of anything really. They can have good grades but then cut school for a boy or whatever when they're not EVEN in high school. :(. Sad but true stuff. So I gotta thank my sisters for testing my patience and everyone else's and making me a better brother(?) And a more aware future parent. But the real reason for the title is the consistant mess that my family is. I mean all family's are messy but doesn't mean it doesn't suck. I do love my sister very much and that's why I went on this family trip and try to see my sister when I can. It may only be for a little BUT at least I make an effort. It not only makes me feel better but it gives me a little taste of what home use to be like. I also miss my mom. It's weird how indifferent and mad I am at my dad at the same time, that I don't really think of him. To go off in a tangent, whenyou wanna get over somebody you just become indifferent to them and the feelings really just disseaper or hide or's actually pretty scary BUT true. Anyway, my sisters are probably going to move to florida this summer and it makes me feel a very...certain type of way cuz I won't be able to see them much...especially in new york but that's its own entry.

Till the next time yall...hope everyone did well in school and that the summer grind is an eventful one.

Jam on it!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Charles Perspective

Hey, yall, i'll be actually updating soon especially since... (dare i say it) SCHOOL IS OUT!!!!! Can't wait for the grades, i may have worked the hardest i ever had in a semester but we'll see. But what i wanted to share with you guys today, is rap from a different man's perspective. Someone who is in the industry, has been on front covers, on good and bad backlash from blogs and the media, and has a lot of haters or people that just don't understand his unique, weird ways. So from his...
Let me know what you think:
(Beat he used)
(His words)
I feel good. Great. Positive adjectives.
Lot of static from mad rap and rock fanatics.
New tolerance. I can talk to faggots.
Without callin them faggots.
Divine mercy is a talent.
Took a bus trip, with who we call low lives.
In two days I understood all those lives.
Charles knows why, so don't say Charles don't ride.
I grew up, so I don't have to pause those lines.
I'm the responsible adult of hip-hop. Make note of the age.
Stay close to the stage.
I'm convinced I'm on like I stay close to Ray.
Not tryna con Ray, just sayin. The new Kanye.
send a Ray to replace the con in convinced,
And you'll see why I gave Rihanna her own mix.
Was a Raven Simone stalker till she got all "them" like.
Jokes from the inside. Provoke folks at midnight.
With every sentence I type I get excited.
My wishes is gettin ignited. Stove/oven pilot.
Allison Foster got the bloggers all awkward.
Could be better than Awkward.
Rich thoughts for the paupers.
The spoken word Cyndi Lauper.
The 3rd quarter Derrick Harper.
No technology. My image is sharper.
I'm nasty on the beats. Em mixed with Barker.
Pockets all Precious. No Miss Parker.
2 hoes. 4 Ds. Report card art, sir.
But I'm a home-school student. Gotta get a car first.
June 10th is shorty's bday. Should I card her?
Think about her, talk about her. Everyday is Star Search.
Everyone convinced I should roll with Mr. Carter.
Mr. Carter isn't a bother. Not a shot.
But if I got a shot, the court must be darker.
Alone in a gym. 3 points for the Archer.
Took a stop in Vegas. Saw some real players.
Hustlin outside the Himalayas.
I'm sorry the Hustla club.
So many vices in this life.
Like vices are the niceness we fight to keep light.
But there is nothin light about the vices niggas like.
So like my report card, no Ds in sight.
Diana Ross said I OD on the mic.
I said, "I must be Joseph, hoe. Now only phone me at night."
Then my Miss Katherine toe-tipped back in to my phone.
I threatened to sue her for malpractice.
And entrapment.
She's supposed to be my doctor. My watcher. Not another copper.
Bout to lock her.
Thomas Paine. John Locke her.
Only make it legal for me to make the pot stir.
What's cookin all my thugs in Brooklyn?
Two-way street like gettin stuck in bookings.
Feds tappin my site.
What you readin is Central Bloggings.
Rays start from a point. Now go and get across it.
Feels like I wasted my life like I got a liquor faucet.
But I stay clean. Haven't started sniffin chalk yet.
On this beat I go off like all bets.
Immature like execs having raw sex.
Or real mature like breath when you're all wet.
Real immature like thinking sex when I say "all wet".
Calling all vets. Charles is the best.
The Best get they pen and pands when I get it the lab.
I try to figure out why they mad.
They wish to be what I pretend I never had.

Monday, May 24, 2010


The freestyle above inspired the crap i wrote yesterday...i need that beat!

dope song i discovered

and another none hip-hop song for your bitch asses! the guy who's studio i was in saturday. We made a dope joint. If yall like it leave a comment here or on youtube. Let's get it! Cloud 9

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Why i Do This

Why I do this, they'll never fully understand,
Cause I was born with this talent like the initals jam,
And I do this, simply because I can
Cause every bar is from a scar that helped make me a man
That's why I'm in the studio, instead of enjoying the sand
Like some of you critics, tryna to pose with a tan
Worked my whole life to be on the move like the tran
To be like shaq, when he goes over your back, yea, the uppherhand
But I'm not gunna lie, I do, do it for the fame a little,
To see the lights, share the stage, be in the middle
Of a miniaj, and some of the greatest names,
And I ain't talkin gucci, waka, or wayne
I'm talking nas, jay-z, and cool james
Kanye, pun, pac and big,
There's others too, but I'm not gunna give, them special attention too,
Cause this is my moment, my 15 seconds,
That I'm a treat like vagina, and stretch it
But truthfully, I do this for my family, for my sanity, maybe financially, but mainly,
To get the last laugh,
So I can run the car, when you feel gassed,
Superhero on the mic, the lyrics are my mask...

Okay I was just mad bored and that was kind of terrible but enjoy.
Gunna put some dope music before the end of May.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Fresh Off The Mind...

I'm scared to go away
With you...
It has been so long
That it feels like it happend in a past life
A life before the "new" me

I'm scared to go away
I remember the joy of packing with high expectations
But the misery of the stay- unhappy sleep
Listening to the fall of tears
From missing an old boyfriend
And a sharp cyringe needle
Injected into the soul of my heart
From YOUR NEED to find another path
With new, stronger, older lovers
Who I,
With my little wit and knowledge of life
Are no match for, the fire evaporating
Intro the darkness of my future

I'm scared to go away
With you...
Cause I am scored with humilation
A burnt body, withering away
Combined with paralysis
In a crowd full of models
Who can stand on two feet
Such lucky veterbres

Guess I'm not a real man
Not real enough for you
Yet you make it a strong point
To come crawling back
With such a shocking epiphany
When you've seen the land
Where physcality, business and big penis' rule society
Apologies because I don't belong
I'm distant from that world
Where you belong

I don't know if it is finished but I really love this poem.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Villian or Victim

Hey yall,

This entry is going to be as brief as possible. I just need to get shit off my chest. When I feel misreably alone or I have time or if I have discovered something that's when I turn to this...this blog. This blank page that is waiting to be filled with my thoughts, good or bad. Well today just makes me think of a whole lot of many things I won't be able to describe right now. But I just need to say that I'm sad about a lot of things and with sadness comes anger so I'm very angry about a lot things. I'm mad at soooo much and some of my anger is also aimed toward myself. I am human, I am on this earth therefore I am flawed. Those flaws include my stomach, my temper, my overdramatic sadness, my nomadic ways, and the fact that while I try to find myself and heal my pain I hurt others on the way. I hurt friends, ex-girflfriends, people I date, family, and who knows who or what else. I don't mean to hurt you guys. I don't. Hurting another human being in order for them to feel my pain is not what I try to do. I don't want to inflict more pain then life already has to give especially the pain I've felt. Now, I typically don't like putting names up but I kinda have to. Here's just a few names:

And there are other names but those stick out right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for mistreating u and being in my own world and not paying attention to you. You all have e/affected my life in many ways that have helped me become the man I am today. Whether it was for survival, support, or pure love. I have to thank you and give my sincere apologies cause I have done wrong to all of you, when for the most part you were there for me.

Now, back to my original point. I have my sadness and anger issues that I always try to back track and figure out where they stem from. A lot of it is just pure life situations. Situations where I was never good enough for people and still aren't and you know what, that's okay because I've lived with it and lived through it. Not being good enough for my parents, family, for ex-girlfriends and crushes, for school and education, shit for the three things I loved the, music and (insert name). whether it was my own self-esteem that was being tarnished by myself or it was a coach or a fellow rapper/hater/student. It all had an effect on me. Maybe that's why I'm so defensive cuz I have every reason in the book to be. Oh and credit, I hated depending on people and still do, that's why I gotta do things on my own even when I don't want to. .

See the reason I dream and have so much determination is because I've seen people fall short, shit, I've seen myself fall short but I have to dream because really that's all I have. I don't have a dollar. Just a dream and when that dream comes true, then maybe the rest of my life will too. That's what I'm hoping at least. I got to prove to myself and the rest of the world, eventhough it still won't be enough, that I've made something of myself and made what I still think inprobable come true.

Talk to yall soon.
Back to reality.

Jam on it

Friday, May 7, 2010

HighLine Ballroom Footage

Johnny F and I went to this show a few weeks back in March. This is a compilation video of it all. Pretty dope. This is also where i took the picture with Kendrick Lamar at.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Winding Down...

Wassup yall,
told you guys I would try and be more dedicated. I just been really drained lately especially since last monday for some reason. Anyway, the title "winding down" is because the semester is over. Another bittersweet event in life. Bittersweet year and when it ends I won't be around DV and a bunch of other people, mainly the cool people in basketball and anthony. But I just like when school's in session. I got A LOT of decisions to make especially with a job. I've never been unemployeed for like 3 months which is killing my pocket. I got fafsa, a schedule to figure out. Basketball games and leagues for the first time and I wanna work out with DV and by myself to practice my game.

I've always done a lot of stuff alone and basketball is not one of them but I wanna play next year. I NEED to play next year so I gotta do the impossible and hope and pray and have confidence that things will workout.I gotta concentrate on studying and making sure I get 3 A's, a B and a D. Got a lot of work today. Gotta do some extra credit and papers this weekend so it is time to really focus.
I hope everyone is doing well and finishes strong. I'm exhausted and on the train. So I will talk to you guys soon. New music and info coming soon. :)

Monday, May 3, 2010

Part 2: The Conclusion

Before I go to sleep, back in reality, back in my couch bed, back to my grandparents, to FAFSA, to registering for classes, to exams, studying, homework, workouts, to both of my sisters, with the flu and the other who is sick, to more arguing, bullshit, girl drama, and new york air, I just wanted to conclude my trip...

It was fun. 7/10 fun. Last time I went away it was about the same amount. A lot of shit was cool, different, interesting. The place my boy lived in was a awful, dirty and not maintained well, the people were extremely nice though, we blasted music out the ass, it was extremely hot (mind you, I had no shorts with me and I borrowed my boys long, black ones), sleeping habits were outrageous, drank a wholllllleeeeeeee lot. From the moment I stepped on campus to the end of the philly's game at 11 tonight. I'm about to fucking relapse man. My stomach feels bloated and is probably partially fucked up. I got class at 11 which means up by 8:30. I had some decent sleep in the car and on a chair/table which I set up myself. The 2nd night I slept soooo much better.NO, I did not hook up with anyone if you're wondering. Just going out from dorm to dorm, relaxing, chillen, cracking jokes, causing mayhem, and meeting a bunch of people. I played basketball too, not with the D1 bball team unfortunately. My allergies killed me saturday after I finished playing ball. I didn't get to see third eye blind which I thought was gunna be a cool experience...I guess not for us (lol). I learned a new game called baseball and KINGS and thunder and never have I ever. Friday was actually better than saturday for some reason :/.

Next, was the phillies game. Which was pretty cool. I got a philly cheesesteak, of course, and we drank beer before the game. The stadium was nice. We we're acting like ignorant new yorkers, of course and everyone was laughing but it was friendly and not violent. Mets had the lead and we were bragging until the phillies broke open in the 4th inning (Johan Santana let 5 home runs...smh). I got the METS up and coming first baseman to sign my ticket which was cool. Had some delicious icies. Then passed out like I'm going to do in a few minutes.

It was a nice, eventful trip. Made me kind of upset, missing out on that kind of experience but hey, I'm cool where I am at and there is a reason I'm there. Not sure anymore what that reason is but I like brooklyn college. It's different.

The last thing I'm gunna say is that...I'm just kind of sad. Sad for a lot of reasons BUT mainly because of my current situation with this girl. It's just been this up and down rollercoaster and it takes a toll on my physical and especially my mental. Arguing about the same old shit and hearing about the same old shit. If you're gunna do ur thing, okay, just don't say it allll the time because I don't want you to do your thing. I know you have to if I'm doing it...I guess. I'm just in a very confused and verrrryyy painful state. Everything just went from great to worse in a matter of a week or two (it was all good just a week ago- Jay-Z) and I just feel like I'm dying a little inside. Everytime I have hopes and am just letting things flow, it gets worse, awful and it strangles all the belief I have left in me that has deterioted over the last 2 years. I just picture my life with her and I feel a lot and can kind of imagine the rest and I picture a life without her and I see the difficulties and the struggle I will have to go through to get over this girl or to shove all my feelings underneath so that I don't even know they exist. Either way I'll find a way to survive and either way they'll both be bumpy. There's just sooooooooooo many obstalces that are in the way. I'm not gunna continue on because I don't want to say certain shit.


Jam on it and have a goodnight rest and a great morning all readers.