Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Back 2 To Da...

Late nights.
Sleep deprivation.
Hopefully progressing.

Hey yall,

Sorry for the delay. I was suppose to write a few entries that never transpired. If I don't catch the moment that I feel like blogging then I never get to posting something but I wanna finish this month off right and next month even better. Finally listening to "Big Sean's Finally Famous Vol. 3" which I'm going to digest the next few days until it becomes a semi-frequently visited album on my ipod.

Anyway, school started and somehow I chipped my 2nd/3rd tooth? Not cool. Don't know. It's one of my first two front teeth, the left one, right on the bottom, fucking weird. A lot of shit is wierd (I'm spelling the word two ways because honestly I don't remember which one is correct lol,yea B2B (back to business)). My stomach. Basketball. Music. It's like everything goes good fast and with a flip goes back to being strange, which is normalcy.

For those who don't know I started school last thursday. It's been cool so far. I've been early the first 3 days which is a major minor improvement for me. (See what I did there :)) Well everything is going to be coming fast. Essays. Homework. Cross Country and then... Yea the scariest part of the school year BASKETBALL SEASON. It's suppose to be a fun and exciting thing but the problem is I'm gunna be a junior and I don't know if I'm going to be playing let alone if I deserve to be playing. I MEAN, I know. And truley believe that I deserve to play BUT can I prove it to my coaches, teammates, and most importantly to MYSELF and the world that I live in. That's my biggest questionmark. My mentality was/is very different then it was last years, and I won't let that happen but their still a lot I need to improve on. All I have is this last month and a half and then I clock in, and clock out... But do I clock in and underperform? There's a lot of questions.

I don't necessarily look at who I'm better than. I'm looking it like where, how can I help the team, help myself, and also be the best I can on the court. My IQ is good but is my MIND/confidence going to be on point? I guess it's all believing and getting what I KNOW I deserve. So the fire builds.

On to the music,
I was/am planning to drop a CD Oct.1 but I feel like that's really unlikely. I put dates because I want to believe I can find a way to make it. Understand. If I don't then it may NEVER come out. I mean it's been 3 years and I've learned a lot. Been through a lot. I never get cocky because I have so much more to learn but I will be great when the time is right...till then I'm a little above average. Realistically. There's just so much running in my mind. It's like constant anxiety but I've learn how to cope. I do have some really good/interesting joints and I was really excited about this but I think it will turn out good whenever it drops. In terms of MY OWN/ SOLO shit...that will be coming not too short after. I want to do an EP (Jonathan Andrew EP) and the actual mixtape I'm debating between a few titles (as usual). I just hate talking about it with no action. Love yall for listening tho.

So recent events:
Went to turtle bay
End of the summer BBQ
Rock the Bells

Well that's all I can think of for now. Look for new entries. Jam on it

Saturday, August 14, 2010


Sorry, if the title isn't spelled right. Going to try and make this as short as possible. I've been back now, for a little over a week and its been a very interesting week so far (today is the conclusion). In a week, I've managed to jam pack a whole day in the studio, 3 bball workouts along with playing ball 3 times, then seeing some of my good friends, my aunt and uncle, my grandparents, had therapy, saw a movie, and talked to my sisters a few times already via text. I've also been networking my ass off. Trying to get work done without being employeed. Crazy how that works.

So hopefully for the next four projects I put out (Early Arrival, Jonathan Andrew EP, Flight Delay, TBA) you'll enjoy numerous different type of records along with a few people you've never heard of BUT who are nice and have been on my dream website (2dopeboyz). And initially that's the goal. I have real big expectations of myself and I'm real nervous cause the next few months and even more importantly, the next two-three years can be a refreshening, humbling, awfully amazing experience. I hope I have the friends I have now when alllll that happends (Johnny F, Danny, Jeremy, Julian, Carrie, Chris, Matt, John, DV and David....just to name off the top of my head). First impressions are important but they aren't everything, a lot of time, your first impression you overlook a lot and hopefully people will recognize my talent/skill sooner than later.

Anyway, based on my last semi-depressing entry, I do still miss my sisters and my family dearly. I realize how important they are and why I need to be closer and a BIGGER influence in their lives. So hopefully, that CAN be done.

This is another HUGE week me (finding a job, workouts, possible performance, studio sessions, etc) and my last full week before school. I gotta take advantage of it. So there you have it. And if you guys pray, keep me in your prayers. Especially today, I want today to go well.

Love yall who read this.
All of you. Even if you don't like me...because you take time out of your life to acknowledge me SO you should be acknowledged too.

Jam on it

Friday, August 6, 2010

And It's Over... For Now...

Sad shit really. Extremely sad shit. Yesterday was my last full day and last night in Florida and i tried to spend it as good as possible. Went to the pool again, went to get NY pizza in Florida, and just watched my last episode of Dexter (season 2) and true blood's latest one. Worked out a little. It was actual a beautiful ending...in a sense. My sisters and i swam in the pool and reminisced. We laughed mostly and tried to reconcile things about our past...things that they didn't know/remember. I told them a few things but its funny how much i forgot at the moment...it seemed like the 20 years of my life went by so fast. I was choked up. It feels like it was just the other day, we were living up stairs in our 2 family house, with my mom and it was us 3. Me, Victoria, and Ashley. It was like a movie honestly. And i don't think they realize the intensity of the situation. My youth...is ending. Sure the 20's are going to be, possibly the best years of my life BUT i'll be grown up. Looking for a real job, contemplating kids, marriage and all that other shit you think about when your a kid but honestly i think every grown up would like to be a kid again...at least until maybe they have one. A kid. that is a part of you. looks like you. acts like you. My sisters won't be teens for long and by the time you know it, things may be so different... and just on an (insert/cliff note) i'll miss my mom a lot too. It's always a pleasure having her around but i'm use to her not being around...but my sisters...not really. They've always been there and just their presence sometimes has kept me going. Now i'm going back to college point with an empty bedroom and mixed feelings. That place use to feel like home and maybe it still will be but it won't be the same. At all. I just can't take this right now.

I just really wish i could be there again...how did everything happen so fast. The divorce. The moving. The remarriage. The moving. The running away. The me-leaving. The closer i get to 21...the more and more i realize that growing up kinda sucks...especially when your doing it alone. All i wanna do is cry. shit all i'm doing is crying but i have to get ready and move. The best people in life learn to adjust and i guess even when their heart is dismembered, they strive. That's what i'm best at. Falling off the horse and trying again...no matter how many or how bad my insecurities are. I've wrote mainly painful entries in this blog and this is no different. BUt only the future and god knows what its hold and then again, maybe not even them. All i know is that...i have to make a change and call. Visit more. This once a year crap has to be done. Its gunna be hard tho, when its just me going down there and they may be coming up...means i may not see my mom.

I'd write more but i have to make this place a lot less personal. AND i have to get ready. itsallgoodevenwhenitaint... well we'll see.

"The More i Suffer, I Suffocate"

YUPPPPPP! (trey songz voice) you should already KNOW what it is! If you ain't see it yet, you'll see it hear first. Dope ass video too bad it was overlooked because Kanye dropped a video but fuck it. Eminem is six weeks in from his album and is still top #2 albums. 5 weeks at number one, hopefully he reclaims the spot and goes double platiunum in 7 weeks (unheard of now a days). This guy is a genius. I give the video an 8/10, could've been a bit more creative and i kinda wish it was em doing the seens himself...he did win an academy award lol. oh well. Sorry that i'm resorting to posting up videos now but sometimes a song creates a thousand thoughts...

take that, take that (diddy voice)

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Floridian New Yorker

Hey y'all,
for once I'm actually blogging from a computer, so for once, I'm going to try and keep this short. I'm still in Florida for those who don't know but only for another 2days and a half, which for me, is extremely saddening. Depressing actually. But life must move on, whether I'm ready or not. If you haven't been reading the reason WHY i will be extremely dysfunctional when i get back home is because my two little sisters are moving/moved to Florida indefinitely. It makes me want to cry inside writing it but there's not much i can do. Anyway, my time spent here has been semi-productive and fun but also very strange and fattening. I haven't exercised really. Just been watching movies and relaxing and joking with/on my sisters. Who are beautiful monsters as ne-yo would put it. lol. But let me list some of the few things i've done...
1. Networked on twitter, A LOT
2. Shot a video, that i am currently trying to edit as we speak
3. Watched a bunch of rap videos while being tormented because i cannot place new music on to my ipod
4. Trying to budget/find beats for this project that Pretty Boy Acey and I have been working on...scheduled released August 24....
5. My new found obsession: Dexter (dope showtime show)
6. I have seen Fight Club, 500days of summer, the spy next door, 2012, Daybreakers, Tooth Fairy, and i'm pretty sure i'm missing one.
7. I cooked my first meal...eggs with ham :)
8. Been working out in the house....10pd dumbells and chairs put together make for good dips lol
9. Been reprehended by my mother for being a "smart ass" and a "wise guy" yea i love her but my respect is always up and down
10. Went to the best/biggest mall i've seen so far
11. Pool Count: 1 Beach Count: 1 time to upgrade...
12. Bought an American Eagle shirt Money Spent so far: 29 bucks (29bucks over what i planned/wanted to)

That's about it so far. I also realized that i wish i had more money in my life...being money strapped aka poor is NOT fun.

Love you readers tho...
Changes are gon come lol

Jam on it!

I Think I Just Got The (ch)ILLZ

The ILLZ - Persistence (Official Video) from Delgis Mustafa on Vimeo.

The ILLZ - M.P.A.(My Public Apology) (Official Video) from Delgis Mustafa on Vimeo.

Now after viewing both videos and songs...i think the 2nd is shot better but the first is way better BUT both videos and songs are dope as hell. The rapper's name is the ILLZ. PLEASE CHECK HIM OUT. Now i'm not saying i'm a huge fan because i've only heard a few tracks/things from him but i think he's a bit of an inspiration to me. He's dominican. Resides (at this moment) in New Jersey, i believe. He has the type of look/feel that i feel my music/image has/can have. Real cool. I would love to do a track with this guy too.

I really hope you guys take the 7 minutes (if that) out of your life to listen/watch because you might get the illz/chillz too. You never know.

Jam on it :)