First Two Reviews: Kid Cudi & Kanye, Nicki, Banks

I'm just posting the incomplete drafts of the two reviews i wrote that were published. The first is basically what got printed with minor changes and the second one, which will come out tomorrow i believe, is about 500 words longer than the one that's getting published. Hope you guys enjoy both. I love writing but I'm such a procrastinator.Kid Cudi Returns With MOTM 2: The Legend of Mr. Rager
By Jonathan Martinez

In 2009, Kid Cudi released his near-classic debut album “Man on the Moon: End of Day,” which had fans and critics raving. Led by the catchy lead single “Day N Night,” Cudi introduced his stoner personality to the world. He then displayed his diversity and taste in music with such hits as “Make Her Say” featuring fellow label mates Kanye West and Common and the upbeat “Pursuit of Happiness.” A year later, Kid Cudi has emerged into a well known artist and has been slowly straying away from hip-hop trading it in for pop hits, alternative music, and a more mainstream rock-like sound. With his sophomore release, “Man on the Moon II: The Legend of Mr. Rager,” Cudi follows the same format as his debut, using 5 acts to tell his story, which includes a continuous cycle of themes about drugs, sex, and partying to depression, self-pity and loneliness. Backed up by production from Plain Pat, Chuck Inglish, Emile, Jim Jonsin and No ID, Cudi moves into a more dark and psychedelic state than ever witnessed before but still ends up somehow being positive.
Excluding such tracks as the extremely catchy lead single “Erase Me,” a tune about a girl who tries to forget Cudi but can’t, and “REVOFEV,” a somewhat politically driven track that calls for a revolution, “Man on the Moon II” is eerie, compelling, deep, but somewhat repetitive at times. On the first few listens, many of the songs sound too similar with Cudi crooning about taking on the struggles of being famous and a loner. Still the album is an utterly amazing, creative piece of work, and one of the more passionate, experimental albums in recent years. Also, Cudi keeps the features at a minimum but picks a very unique cast to help him establish the legend of Mr. Rager.
In the opening track of the album "Scott Medscudi vs. The World" Cudi recruits Cee-lo for the song's hook, and opens up, after a very space like intro, with the lines "What up, how is everyone doing, you are now in the world, I'm ruling, take a minute to adjust." These lines help create the setting of the album and informs us that we are now entering into Cudi's world or rather Mr. Rager's, so we must leave ours behind and meet him "on the other side." The next feature on the album is with the Hip-Hop and RnB Queen, Mary J. Blige, who actually appears on two tracks. Her soulful voice helps escalate the mood on the hooks of both "Don't Play This Song" and "These Worries "and allows Cudi to just rap for the most part. "Don't Play This Song" refers to Cudi's frequent trips to the land of drugs and sadness and how people aren't really helping Cudi when they tell him to be careful. "These Worries" takes a different route sonically than "Don't Play..." with Cudi rapping over a hard hitting drum but follows a similar path by discussing his constant fights with worries that weigh heavy on him physically and mentally as well as dealing with people who really don't care.
The next feature is arguably the best one on the album, which pairs rock rapper Cage and Kid Cudi along side a creepy St. Vincent sample that echos "I am a maniac." The chorus' words are not only extremely fitting to the album's craziness but it also allows the listener to focus on the intricate lyrics and repetitive melodies. "Maniac" is an amazing blend of rock, alternative, and hip-hop that calls for a repeat on almost every listen. "The End" is the last song that includes features and it is a star studded cast. GLC and Chip Tha Ripper, a long time friend and collaborator of Cudi's, help by each lending memorable verses while Nicole Wray takes care of the chorus duties. Each rapper from GLC to Cudi add a different perspective on their verses, which ends up being intriguingly refreshing and one of the more unique songs on the album.
Other standouts on the album, include the anthematic ode to Bob Marley's and every rapper's favorite drug, "Marijuana," the rebellious "Mojo So Dope," and the repetitive "Wild'n Cuz I'm Young," where Cudi explains why he can do what he wants. "Mr. Rager" is one of the more compelling songs where Cudi takes on a persona to go on a deep, self-reflecting adventure.
The album concludes with "All Along," "GHOST!," and "Trapped In My Mind" which all paint pictures of Cudi's non-stop qualms, but each actually leaves room for hope, prosperity, and positivity. Cudi sings "I'm trapped in my mind, and I know it's crazy- hey, it's not that bad at all." This is a major breakthrough for Kid Cudi because he is learning to cope with his struggles while also realizing that his world isn't that bad- and he's right. His world isn't bad at all, actually his world makes for a great trip and an excellent album, although an emotional and captivating one, it is worth going back to.

The Rise of Nicki Minaj, The Return of Kanye West, & Lloyd Banks’ Reintroduction (or The Resurrection of Lloyd Banks)

By Jonathan Martinez
NICKI MINAJ:

The rise of Nicki Minaj was inevitable. From dropping mixtape after mixtape to featuring on everybody and their mama’s record she became the most anticipated female rapper in years, if not ever, and with good reason. Nicki is dynamic and animated on the microphone, (reminiscent of a young Busta Rhymes), has a versatile style, is a great lyricist, and like her male counterpart Drake, can sing and rap. Her media image and physical appearance may throw you off a little bit but do not fall for the gimmicks, Nicki is far from fake, in fact she is surprisingly vulnerable, reflective, and of course cocky as hell.
On the album's opening track "I'm the Best" Nicki displays the side of her we've come to love, the aggressive dominating female, but sprinkled with self aware lyrics like "I remember when I couldn't by my mother a couch, now I’m sitting at the closing bought my mother a house" and "All the girls will commend, as long as they understand, that I’m fighting for the girls who never thought they could win." "I'm the best" is the perfect segway into "Roman's Revenge," where Nicki trades venom spewing verses with Eminem. Both seem extremely comfortable and are fierce on the track and although, Swizz Beatz production is lackluster, the song is by far the hardest, if not the best song on "Pink Friday.”
After the braggadocios "Did It On 'Em," the CD becomes a very compelling piece of art, with the focus turning from "I'm better than you" rhymes to lyrics on the struggles of fame, how it feels to be a female mc in a male dominated world, and enjoying the moment of stardom. From "Right Thru Me" to "Moment 4 Life" the album is at its best, after that not so much. With the exception of "Blazin," featuring Kanye West, where Nicki shows off her incredible rapid fire flow but doesn't quite out match Kanye's wit and swag on the track, and possibly "Dear Old Nicki," a reflective 3rd person conversation between the new Nicki and the old one, the rest of the album is mediocre.
Minus the catchy but annoying "Your Love," the extremely poppy and simplistic "Check It Out" and the almost forgettable final track "Pink Friday" is an excellent debut. The album isn't too eccentric and contains just enough gritty and witty rhymes to be considered a hip-hop album. Although her debut is far from classic it still manages to demonstrate Nicki Minaj's true personality and promise to be an unstoppable force in years to come.
First Week Sales: 375,000
Kanye West:
In 2008, Kanye West went against all odds and dropped his most personal album, 808's and Heartbreak, where he abandoned rapping for auto-tuned crooning mixed with electrifying, painful production. Since then, Kanye has had a few media lapses (*cough Taylor Swift *cough) and therefore disappeared for the most part from the very thing that made him famous, hip-hop. But in 2010 Kanye has returned, revived, with a fresher sound than ever before and with a relentless desire to claim back the throne that is rightfully his. With his new album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Kanye has crafted another classic this time with help from a star studded cast that includes Jay-Z, Elton John, Rhianna, Rick Ross, Bon Iver, John Legend, Swizz Beats, and many more.
From the introduction track, “Dark Fantasy”, Kanye wastes no time setting the mellow mood. Thanks to help from RZA and No ID on the production side and Nicki Minaj’s narration, we begin our journey into Kanye’s mind and realize the deeper we dig the more complex Mr. West gets. We learn on tracks like “Power” that no man should have too much power and on “Runaway,” the most critical and self-reflective song on the album, that although Kanye is toasting to himself when he says “douche bags,” his knack for piano keys and experimentation is phenomenal and beyond any other artist, past or present. Other compelling tracks include “All of The Lights” and “Blame Game” which are probably the two best songs on the album.
“All of the Lights” starts off with a piano and a violin playing side to side one another until rapid fire drums take over. Kanye then proceeds to spit conscious raps that range from relationship abuse to Michael Jackson’s death. On “Blame Game” featuring John Legend’s smooth soulful voice, Kanye takes a simple relationship problem to another level by testing out vocal effects, his singing, and adding Chris Rock at the song’s conclusion. For nearly 8 minutes on “Blame Game” Kanye’s got you hooked on every word and sound, it is like nothing you’ve ever heard before. Ironically and thankfully that’s how the whole album is. Every track contains unexpected drops, perfectly done piano melodies, thrilling drums that excite the ears and speakers alike and most importantly memorable lyrics, even when they’re not Kanye’s.
On the colossal single “Monster,” Kanye delivers some of his best word play like “you ever had sex with a pharaoh, put the pussy in a sarcophagus” and “my presence is a present kiss my ass” but its Jay-Z and Nicki who steal the show. Don’t get it twisted though, Kanye holds down his own especially on “Hell of A Life”, where he describes his want for women and religion, and on the final track “Lost in The World” Kanye spits what maybe his most poetic lyrics yet, “You’re my devil, You’re my angel, You’re my heaven, You’re my hell… if we die in each other’s arms we’ll still get laid in the afterlife.” My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is just another chapter in Kanye’s legacy and it displays his genius at a time where music, to quote Rolling Stone, has us “lowering our expectations, surrendering our attention spans, settling for less, but West wants us to demand more.”
First week sales: 496,000
Lloyd Banks:
Lloyd Banks is one of the 21st century's best and most underrated lyricists when it comes to rapping. With his new album “Hunger for More 2,” the sequel to his debut album in 2003, he is not only ready to resurrect his career, he’s focused on displaying why he’s one of the best. With the smash hit “Beamer, Benz or Bentley” featuring Juelz Santana, Banks crafted the biggest hit of his career and gave fans a reason to believe, again. The next two singles “Any Girl” featuring Lloyd and “Start It Up,” which teamed Banks up with Kanye West, Fabolous, Ryan Leslie and Swizz Beatz, prove that he has found a comfort zone and can make radio friendly music as well as anathematic songs. The rest of the album, for the most part, illustrates that Banks hasn’t lost his edge, bringing some of the grimiest lyrics on hardcore production we’ve ever heard from him.
On the first three tracks of the album, Banks recruits fellow G-Unit members Tony Yayo and 50 Cent as well as D-Block’s Styles P, a new and surprising collaborator, to help set the very street-like mood of the album. Banks shows off his great word play in “Payback (P’s and Q’s) by saying “I got the drama kid and my Obama whip, bitches running up on my stage, Lil Mama shit.” As the singles and first couple tracks show, the album contains tons of features but that doesn’t mean Banks can’t hold it down by himself. On what may be the best song on H.F.M 2, “Father Time,” Banks, on his own, delivers an extremely catchy hook that contains an unexpectedly harmonizing bridge over a hard hitting drum and dark violin instrumentation. Banks boasts with lines like “shopping while I laugh at ya, rappers feed my appetite, metaphors will tackle ya, these n****z ain’t half as nice, playboy in my afterlife” showing that he hasn’t lost his touch at all.
Other notable songs include “I Don’t Deserve You” with Jeremiah who helps ignite the song by taking over chorus duties, “Home Sweet Home,” which contains a very credible verse from Pusha T, and “On The Double” where Banks gets his chance to brag about life in two’s. “Celebrity” although a good concept focusing on the troubles of being a star, is a little uninspiring and with Akon on the chorus, the song sounds a bit outdated as well. “So Forgetful” is another great song with a nice concept (it seems like this could be like a sequel or continuation of “Any Girl”) but doesn’t really fit in explaining Banks’ hunger pains. Minus the very minor things that could make Hunger For More 2 sound more polished, this is the album we all wanted from Banks back in 2006. Either way, we should be thankful that in 2010 Banks is not only still rhyming with precision but trying to expand his own brand. Hunger For More 2 is the perfect way to reintroduce and resurrect Banks’ career and more importantly leaving us the fans hungry for more too.

First week sales: 45,000

SkyLabENT

http://www.reverbnation.com/artist/artist_videos/1061699?sel_song_id=6224973&autoplay=trued
Above is a video of my uncle and his associates, Los and Deniro, who make up the Long Island movement "Sky Lab." I've been helping them and recording for free at their studio which is pretty cool. I'm trying to get down with them because they actually have organization, shows, and a small following. It's the beginning of something big so in the words of will i am "check it out, check it out."
Also this is my uncle's latest mixtape. He's planning to drop another one, which i will HOPEFULLY, be featured on around christmas/new years. It's going to be semi-dark just like "Halloween" was/is. There is another mixtape of SkyLab's that is available on the bandcamp too, if you want to check that out.
LINK: www.skylabent.bancamp.com

Hell on Earth (Reject Verse)

I'm just tryna spread my feelings like, butter for the bread,
working on my everything, tryna get ahead,
when life's good, god's testing you instead,
of helping you, to see if you'll over come it, or fall off the edge,
like being innocent, and getting pulled by the feds,
a nigga broke, so when I smoke, only get the regs,
still high enough to ask "is life better when ya dead",-trick question,
dear friends, I'm here to leave a message,
when you don't see me, life's progressing- I think...
but there's an ironic lesson, to be learned,
because I cried my whole life since my father was too busy earn-ing,
dollars, to spend time,
now, when yall wanna see me, I leave yall for the grind,
this applies, to my shawties too,
I'm out here, looking for ways to fill our plates with food,
all while chasing a dream, that seems too far to reach,
maybe at age 20, I'm at my peak, meaning-
life's all downhill from here,
so pass me a lime with a bud light beer,
gotta cherish the moment, before it disappears,
like when I look back, at all my past years, past peers, and it's different,
they don't even know my name,
barely remember my face,
it won't ever be the same, SMH,
fuck yall niggaz who just love to hate,
thinking about what I'm doing, when yall masturbate,
YOU just wait, I gotta date with fate,
and when I fuck her,
then you'll have a real reason for the envy, and jealousy,
If I'm on earth, then why does it feel like hell to me,
If I'm on earth, then why does it feel like hell to me?

December Has Arrived

What's good yall?

This is my first entry of december and my first entry from my new blackberry, which has been acting up already...a little bit but it's a pretty good phone besides that. A couple things have been going on as of late, the typical basketball woes and life shit. So I'm going to just finish up where I left off. Florida and thanksgiving weekend was pretty good. Had our traditional sonic meal. Did a lot of black friday shopping:
1. Jay-Z Decoded
2. Lloyd Banks- HF2
3. Curren$y- Pilot Talk
4. Nicki Minaj- Pink Friday
5. Entourage season 1 and 2
6. Sneakers (All Grey Ken Griffey's)
7. Clothes

So I would say that was a win as well. The best part of thanksgiving though was that I got to spend time with my sisters, mom, and grandmother. I also met my sister's boyfriend which was interesting. He's cool, I guess. My grandmother behaved well and was very loving. She's coming to New York this saturday. After I came home on sunday, I watched football of course and met a cute a little dog, who I fell In love with. Kudo still has a place in my heart though (my mom's dog). Since then the week has been hectic.

Homework and more homework. Basketball and more basketball. Monday's practice was my first time picking up a ball in almost a week so I was a little rusty. Tuesday we lost to a team we hadn't lost two in almost half a decade. Crazy! But it's better to have loses now rather than later. We have a lot of tweaks and things to chance and improve both on the coaching side but more on the basketball players (think the bench). Anyway, yesterday I played and scored 6 pts in 7 minutes. Career high. I'm happy about it but I still feel some type of way about the season and my teammates. Still I have to enjoy the moment and not dwell on the negative like missing two free throws. So that's what I'll try to do. I have practice in a little so I'll add more later.

Happy (Black) Thanksgiving (Friday) Day lol.

Hey yall,
I decided to put the last two days together in one entry so happy thanksgiving and black friday to you all. I really hope that everyone got to spend time with families and friends and stuffed their faces with turkey. I had a good time. It was really nice. I'm actually in florida visiting my mom and sisters and my grandmother's here. We had a lot of good homemade food. My sister's are pretty good cooks. Also had some wine. Actually in the last 2 hours, I've had lots of wine but it was delicious. Moscato for life baby.

Anyway, black friday was alright. Only went to target and the mall but there weren't any crazy sales. I still really want NBA 2K11 and Jay-Z's decoded book but I'll have to wait. I did get two copies of kanye's album, the nicki minaj album, curren$y album, and the itunes Lloyd Banks album. I'm tight tho because I haven't found a physical copy of Lloyd Banks' album...smh but whatever. I got a new pair of sneakers and some new clothing but nothing too crazy or too much. Btw, on a random note, I HATE NOT excerising. Wish I could play ball but instead I'll try and relax myself and get some work done. I have a LOT of work to do. An insurmountable amount of work. Shit sucks but still trying to enjoy my time. I also got my new phone, which I'm trying to set up so this entry will probably be the last from my blackberry curve.

Anyway, I'm getting back to my family time. Go buy music albums today, for real all the music is fantastic. Enjoy yourselves and know that I appreciate anytime you take out to read into my life.

Jam on it! The chronicles begin...

Is It Destiny?

What's up yall?
Do yall ever ask yourself that question...is it destiny, or rather is this destiny? Is this what my destiny is?
Sitting on a bench, on a team where I suppose to have promise and be able to possibly play when I first got there. The last two years I can TOTALLY understand why I haven't played. I wasn't ready one year and the other not prepared at all. This year though... I really thought I had a legit chance at something. Even an ounce of playtime would be nice. I think a few other people thought I would play too but it doesn't seem likely and frankly it is kind of depressing...if not really depressing.

But because I'm me...I guess I will have to make the best of the situation, honestly. I will suck it up and keep working my ass off...in practice and in games and outside. I know I'm good. Good enough to play and if I have to prove it or reprove it best believe for once I'm up for the challenge.

My only fret is that I don't know if this is what was suppose to happen. I don't want to just sit and wait until its too late before I truley know BUT the first step is to question and that's what I'm doing, questioning. Also, I have been trying to figure why dumb people try to bring me down or bully me. It's been a problem here and there but when it comes up it is reallllll annoying. I try to not let it effect me and usually it doesn't, but I would just like to know the intentions behind it all. I don't fuck with u so get out my face. That's really how I feel.

Just so you guys know this has all come up since the last 3 games I haven't played, we've lost 2 of those 3, I've been "bullied" over the course of the last week, and I just need to write about it to get it over with. I will not goo into detail but it was the first incident and events as such in my life. So it was a bit of a shock and an embarrassment but I now realize it's just more adversity, that I will beat at the end. So to the haters "FUCK YALL NIGGAZ" lol. Word up.

Now I can move "on to the next one." Just so yall know Kanye, Currensy, Lloyd Banks, and Nicki Minaj all dropped their albums and I will be copping all of them. I advise you at least get Ye and Banks. They will be dope. I promise. Speaking of that I will try and write a double, if not triple review on 3 of those albums for the next paper. I wrote my first article and got it published in this weeks paper. DOPE. I will post it up. It was a review on Kid Cudi's new album. I'd give it 7.5/8 stars. It was above solid but not great.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm off to buy jay-z's book too and go to florida. I'm suppose to be seeing my dad in the morning, which I hope doesn't fall through. I miss the old guy. Lol. I'm done for this entry though. You'll hear from me soon.

Let the jam young chronicles begin...
Jam on it.

Push On

This is an anthem for our everyday, people. We got to push on no matter, what. I really would like to do a collaboration with this guy. This is good hip-hop.

(New entry coming...featuring J.Cole & (my brother/uncle) Em Jay new mixtapes)

5 Stars 4 The Douche Bag

Yo i love Kanye and he is a genius and will be crowned one of the greatest of all time. If i can be 1/18 as good as he is, i will be extremely successful. Just to let you guys know i'm doing really well and basketball but i don't want to jinx myself so next topic :)

So kanye west posted the review rolling stone wrote about his album and... yup, you guessed it by the title. 5 stars. The perfect album. You guys can read it here:
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/reviews/album/45342/232350

On related Kanye news, his protege and fellow G.O.O.D Music member/artist released his 2nd album today and although rolling stone only liked this half as much as Kanye's work (2 1/2 stars for Cudi) the people are loving it. It was sold out in the target by my school, which is BULLSHIT so i couldn't cop it today but i will ASAP. This week it is 10 dollars in stores, you can't go wrong.

Last, rolling stone has pictures from the greatest concert ever and the pictures are amazing. Phenemonal. Check em out here:
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/photos/28431/203449/18

Enjoy this for real. Love yall.
JAM ON IT!

Little Paul and a Happy Birthday

Hey yall,

just wanted to write a quick entry and say Happy Birthday to a good friend of mine, carrie. I want to personally wish you a Happy Birthday on my blog. That's the best thing i can do, for you, so enjoy it. :) lol.

I also wanted to tell you guys a quick story...
Ever since i moved into my grandmother's house/home/apartment a lot of people who know my father or grew up with him, call him paul, and call me paul jr. or little paul. Now i'm not exactly little but my dad is a bit taller than i am as well as a bit bigger than i am. Anyway, yesterday i was leaving the building and was stopped by two of my dad's old friends, who still live in the building, and they actually asked me questions, besides how's your dad doing. They wanted to know what i was doing with life and i told them and they joked around with me. I told them about my creative writing major and how i play basketball in college and they had this like proud look, like "look what paul's son is doing: great things." It was pretty cool then they told me stories about my dad and how my grandmother dressed him in highwater jeans and how they use to play handball and peg my dad in his huge butt. lol. It was cool but the thing that stood out to me was that one of the guys said to his friend, "this is paul's son, he's going to be a writer." It felt good. It felt nice to actually be associated with my father for once. I am, my own man, always have been but it was... cool. It brought a smile to my face. I was also very happy about the "he's going to be a writer." I think that's one of the few times i've ever heard that, made me feel like a little kid eventhough i know i'm taking every step toward being a "writer."

Anyway, that's really it. Got a scrimmage today and i have people rootin for me BUT more importantly, i have my focus and i have ME rootin for ME and that's what i've been searching and missing all along. So go jay! do your thing today and earn what you know you deserve.

Jam on It!

All I Have 2 Say

:)
Keep it up jay

It's Hard To Be Positive When You're a Pessimist

Hey yall,

The picture has no relevance to what i'm about to write...actually it's suppose to put a positive spin on all of his fuckery going on in my life. I would say 75 percent of my problems are created by me, 88 percent would include problems i create plus things i have no control over. The rest are other people and things like school...etc. That's just some brief insight and also since i will not have therapy this week, more than likely, i have to talk to myself and whoever else will listen through this blog. Also, in all honestly, fuck a lot of yall. I write because this is what i do, i'm a writer, so don't criticize me for doing what my title tells me to do and what i love, LOVE to do.

Happy Birthday Lisa! Eventhough, i know for a fact you have never been on here lol. I still shout out people because it's necessary. Just as a heads up, i may-be detatching myself more off of social networks and on my phone in general. I am caused too much extra stress by these things. Okay, now that all of the aforementioned has been stated i will quickly note that i finally earned my first "A" of the semester and in my shakespeare class, which i am doing the worst in, ironically. Still i am proud and look to use these grades as momumentum to propell nothing lower than a B, for my first semester ever, EVER? yes, ever. Now on to the negative...

I'm still struggling and turning the ball over in practice and even worse, my confidence and aggression is still shot by mental loops i can't seem to jump through. Everyone else can but me. I really don't know if i can be on a team/bench for 3 years with no progression. Granted it is my fault but once things are made up i will be lost forever in it- the black hole of basketball. I have very few time left to show my coach i have done a 360 or at worst, 180 but again the window of opportunity is closing, fast. This makes me think... maybe i should redshirt or possibly quit. What is my purpose, really? If to rot on a bench with my self pride, confidence, and aggression is dwindling on a sideline cheering people on, when i should be cheering and playing on the court with them. again, i use should...placing full blame and responsibility on myself. I'm sick. I'm in terrible condition. I'm overwhelmingly exhausted by trying to climb these mental roadblocks. it's bullshit, on my part because i'm standing in the way of myself. Do you know how that feels? When you, yourself, is the ONLY one to blame. Let me tell you, it's worse than self depricating...it feels as close to death as i may get until i reach actual death. I'm tired of excsues, tired of needing inspiration from music and people...i need to figure this shit out and fast.

Strangely, the only thing i can think of is... did god put this in my path for a reason? or am i meant to fail. I'm not sure of the answer yet but i have to figure that out, soon, as well.

And just as an FYI: I am an extremist. A purist extremist. It is in my blood, personality, and maybe worse, soul.

Lastly...i don't even know where to start with this one. It's just the same old stuff, same old painful, escalating arguments that consume my day, my nights, my mind, my sleep, my everything. It's worse than adding sprinkles on top, it's like adding a bigger cone with sprinkles on top of the bad cone i have already. Basically, when this i am fighting with her everything is even worse. Like why can't things be terrible and i can know that she's there, waiting and yearning for my kiss. Things like that don't exist, not even in an ideal world. It is something to abstract, to outside for the imagination even to grapple it.

Let me explain something. I am in love. I have been in love for a while now but i am not in a relationship, mainly because of my own choice. Mentally the title, the responsibility, the obligations, the commitment and much worse stuff scare me. Honestly, i haven't been in a "relationship" since i was 15 years old. Shouldn't love be bigger than a relationship, or a title, or marriage to say the least. At least, for now. But it's not. My hard truth, my fear is painful. For that i am sincerely apologetic.

Now let me ask the audience something. You ever have an arguement, a pointless one at that, but with all the time wasted and words spatted, the arguement just grows into something more terrible. You say things and so do they. Well it's like that a lot for me. I have probably said "the worst things i've ever heard" a few times.

I can't even finish that train of thought, main thing is... i will be in love and don't know if i will fall out of it but this constant "let's separate" bit on both our behalves is (insert word) devastating and annoying. Well i may have solved that problem because i don't know if we'll be talking or seeing each other much. A lot of other factors come in play: age, needs, wants, goals, pms, holidays, change, events, stress, and they all effected this arguement and possible separation.

I'm in pain but i'm also in denial but that's how the ball rolls, as the saying goes. I could go on forever on this subject but i can't really. It's time to just give my mind a rest, focus on school work, and making music AND more importantly succeeding in my dreams.

BTW: Growing up is not bad, it is just strange and rather interesting and it effects me everyday.

Whatever yall, just jam on it. Whatever it is.
And i will pray, hope, and yearn for positive outcomes in ALL my situations and in ALL of YOURS too.

Another day, another obstacle trying to strap you down into the electric chair.
Will i succumb? Will you? I hope not. Maybe i should stop hoping and do. Make this right. Either way, i'm still going to spend a lot of money coming up, even if the person and i are not...anything.

ZZZZZZ goodnight (cold) world, i'll see you in the morning...

Don't Laugh

but this is pretty interesting. Sometimes bad music, stupid people, but internet savy people make money...aka Soulja Boy

Quick Fix

Hey y'all,

I'm typing from my iPod touch for the first time and it's kinda weird but itsallgoodevenwhenitaint, pun intended. Well I'm just really exhausted spent the whole day in D.C. yesterday. We left at 3 in the morning and I felt horrible most of the time but it was a good experience. The rally was pretty dope although I wish I could have enjoyed it more. It was the first school trip I ever went on, in college besides basketball. Speaking of basketball we are two weeks in and I need to step it up. As usual I've been feeling kind of down but I think this week will look up for sure. I just really need sleep.

By the way happy Halloween everyone and happy early birthday to my first little sister Ashley. I hope everything is well with you little sis, I miss u a lot and can't wait till we reunite on thanksgiving weekend.

Back to sports though, cross country just ended today. I ties my best running score of the year and I'm really proud of that regardless of what place I came in. I just wanted to be happy and be positive and let that transition into basketball which is probably one of the hardest mental humps I've ever encountered but I'm ready to overcome it, for real... I'm tired of looking for inspiration this year it has to come from within and it will. God has a plan for me but the same time I need to have a plan for myself... Last thing I'd like to mention is that I will be writing for my school newspaper and all articles, published or not, will be posted on the blog.

Love y'all. We only got one life and we need to live it right.
jam on it!

I Just Want To State...

that linkin park is dope. I will confess that after hybrid theory i stop like really listening to them but i am back. I bought their new album "Thousand Sons" something like that. It's pretty good i must say off the first listen. I like showing my non-hip-hop side off. I would love to see them in concert, would be reallllyyy dope. So as a bonus...
Jason Mraz ft. Cobe Calliat "Lucky"

This song is dedicated to my best friend. I know she went to bed upset because i was a dick and really there was no reason for us to argue over a stupid phone call. Well, i'm sorry for not calling and next time i will call even if just for a second.
Love you.

Also, just so yall know. Last 2 days, i've done really well and well. Let's hope tomorrow i'll progress :)

Dreams are meant to be realized...

Happy Birthday Eminem

Happy Birthday Em. I know my blog is starting to look like the Eminem Show or the Stan show (no pun intended) :) but he really is the greatest. Above is a glimpse of his greatness in 1999 and i sort of remade this song in my own way on this guy hannibal's beat. I might add a fourth verse and someother shit to it, we'll see. Anywho... just wanted to update you guys. My grandfather's leaving tuesday to go back to Ecuador, kinda sad. 4weeks go by quick, i tell you that much. It's just hard because a lot of people, rather most people in my life just kind of up and leave. But i know he'll come back and i'll definitely try and call him at least 3 times more than i do now (which is zero). Sad, again, i know, trust me.

On some good news though, i finally hung out with my uncle mike and i think i impressed the founder and studio owner of skylab ent., Los. Cool guy. Hispanic. Just started rapping. He liked my songs and i always feel weird having these guys who don't know my music...listen to it, ya know. Anyway, when i go back there i'm going to start recording my project that ill release through SkyLab Ent. I also have to finish my dual mixtape which is with Cloud 9/Honor Roll. THEN i'm going to try to do 2 other projects one solely produced by Hannibal and DJ Puerto Roc. Maybe i'll mixed it. Idk if i can have just ONE producer but we'll see. I bought like 6 beats off of Roc and i have yet to really conquer them but i do want to record something with him in jersey within the next month so i gotta get a move on but i can't rush greatness or my talent.

On a side note, incompetant, idiotic people are annoying. LMAO. Will not go in depth about it but whatever. BY THE WAY, I'm still obsessed over the SOCIAL NETWORK and want to see it again...anyone who wants to go, well, just contact me. I want to read and see the movie "waiting for superman" as well looks type dope. OHHH and just to bring Eminem back for a second, i'm doing a paper on him for one of my classes... like how ill is that?!?!?!?! I know and once i finish it i'm going to try and get it published somewhere...the makings of a young writer, Jonathan Andrew (separate from Jam Young).

LAST THING, Basketball starts tomorrow. A little nervous BUT not dwelling... THIS IS MY TIME. I know it and so i gotta take advantage of it. I have people believing in me and wanting this for me and NOW it's time for me to believe in myself. Everything else will come together after that. So let's make it happen jay. Tomorrow is the beginning of finding success, AGAIN. OH, on a funny note i through up today during my race but ended up 5th for the first time for my team BUT i let a certain somebody smoke me again. COME championship THIS WILL NOT BE ACCEPTABLE. SO i will get him back.

Jam on it People...
everything is coming (like lebron's ring)

Quicky

Above is the Eminem interview on 60minutes. Really dope. Check it out, whether you're a fan or not.

Right now i am getting frustrated because i am doing nothing and have been up since 10. I'm watching "Overnight Delivery" with Paul Rudd and Reese Weatherspoon. Pretty funny. I just want/need to d something productive. Killing me. BUT just so you know this weekend has been pretty progressive. I miss my friends though and some other people/person. I chilled with the homie DJ Puertoroc, who is honestly one of the coolest people i've met that deals with the industry and hooked me up with the things i love, mainly beats and learning...i gotta do his beats justice.

Go check out his website: djpuertoroc.com i'm sure in due time i may make my way onto his site. That would be an accomplishment. Also check out freezyent.com in the coming days, i will be featured on the site (hopefully) with some new music you guys can check out. The website is currently undergoing changes so excuse the grammatical errors and any malfunctions.

Alright gotta go... 10page paper weighing over my head...yay

Jam on it

Don't Call it a Comeback

I've always been here just in the preferial sense. Anyway, I wanted to publish another entry. Today is gorgeousssssssssssssssssssss...really. It's phenemonal outside. I really hope that the studio session that I have today is FIRE but not too long. I would really like to enjoy this day.

Anyway, ironically when I start blogging again the drama comes in my life again. I'm not going to touch on it though because honestly, positivity is the policy...ya dig! I was furious last night because I was supposeto be in L.I., chillen, vibin to music, with my uncle who's trapped in the depths of Long Island. I missed the train by a minute. ShÍt sucked but it was a blessing in disguise. Chilled with my boy danny and then got decent sleep, just kept being interrupted but hey I got time to rest...I just have to deal with the pressures of school. 10page paper due this thursday. Yea. Exactly. Shit sucks. So I gotta get focused! Lots of research.

I'm sure the above, was written very awkwardly and I apologize for that. I'm just dazed out. But today and this weekend will be great! Let's get it

Jam on it 4 the 4 day weekend

Critique

http://www.tjchapman.com/10-reasons-why-most-indie-recording-artists-f

Please check that out BEFORE reading this. I just have to put my two sense in. IDK who this guy is, honestly but he has a few good points. Professionalism, memorization, stage performance, marketing, etc but i feel like there's no umph and the part about "extraordinary talent" pisses me off BECAUSE not everybody is extraordinary talent, especially signed acts. There is a lot of trash out there. It could've been written better too...the music industry isn't just "Hard" it is hard to get into, cold, and you have to have everything pre-pared to sign to a MAJOR label. I feel like he gives the tools and idea for people but doesn't really inspire or help them. It's just kind of a statement and i feel like when you say "10 reasons why most indie recording artist fail" you have to give them hope...sure music isn't for everybody but still.

Also check this video out,

Show TuFli Ft. Vado - The Block (Official Video) from Bam Gates on Vimeo.

This is Vado (3rd verse), who is associated to Cam'ron and the Diplomats. He's a beast and i think represents NY and Harlem in a good light. He has my freshmen 2011 vote. Show TuFli, who's song this is...is MY AGE and doing big things. Works with a lot of great people, that i would love to work with, and i actually have a song i will be submitting to him that he hopefully gets on for one of my 4 projects. Check out his "Iamanartistandimsensitiveaboutmyshit" mixtape and Vado's upcoming mixtape/album: "Slime Flu"

Jonathan Andrew EP
Untitled Mixtape (not the title, lol)
Untouchable Superhero
and my duo mixtape: Honor Roll (group name)- Freshmen Orientation (this will come out first)

I've been writing and editing a lot. Super excited.
NEED to get this Freshmen Orientation mixtape done. 2 more sessions of NEW music. Then tracklist. I still say FBA will be the first song released, NOT the single though. I think the single will be Hellbound...

We'll see though. Got work to do. Just was really bothered with the article although it caught my attention and was interesting. 2 entries in 2 days WOOO! holla

It's Crazyyyy

It's October already!?!?!? Meaning winter, basketball, Superbowl, finals, essays, and a bunch of holidays are on the horizon. I'm SO glad that we have off this Monday. An extra day is just what is needed, like seriously (valley girl voice).

By the way, shame on me! For not writing or doing ANYTHING at all. Shit has been hectic and insane and honestly i am NOT as attached to blogging as i use to be...probably because entries on mine are usually long, thought out well, and i like to be spontaneous and short. SO if you don't know already

www.twitter.com/Jamdreams

Will be updating the blog visually and adding a mailing list hopefully! Yes i know. Should be dope. Which means whoever is on the mailing list will get EXCLUSIVE freewrites from me, sporadically. I just figure why not give the world freestyle BUT to the group that wants them. It'll be like having Christmas at least once a month. haha. ;)

Anyway, I'm formatting this entry like a poem since i have to write one and am procrastinating. Here's some interesting news though: This past Sunday (2/3days ago) i recorded my best time EVER in cross country. It was in the 35 range. My coach said 35:05, Lehman college, who held the race, said 35:43. Either way it's a minute improvement and still the best. This week i will strive for under 35:05... somewhere like 34:45. i know i can do it. So i gotta make it happen.

Other stuff, is that I'm actually LEARNING in class (oooooo (little alien from toy story voice)) so it should be really cool. ALSO, i might start writing for my school newspaper and if i do, all those published and maybe even the non published ones will be posted on this site. I'm also going to release the "Deuces Remix" called FBA (Fuck Bitches Anthem) lol which I'm going to have Julian do the artwork (he's an artist, photographer, entrepreneur, and an old good friend) and shoot the video sometime in the next month, cross fingers.

In addition, i will probably be going to the studio this week (thank god!) maybe Friday and Monday. Depends really. My father's birthday is tomorrow. and basketball starts OCT. 18 yikes! I'm ready though. NO MORE PUSSY SHIT, MARTINEZ. GOT IT? Good.

Well that's it. Going to post the new Eminem video, my friends link to their new (not well organized but alright mixtape), and i WILL be featured in another not well grammered/set-up website called FREEZYENT.COM once i had in some songs and bios.

HONOR ROLL! Freshmen Orientation! Coming Soon

Good songs: " Who We Are," "Big Boss B.I.," "Go Haters," and "Hip-Hop."
http://www.datpiff.com/KarLovy_Emjay_Off-City_Hits_R_Us.m154533.html
Eminem ft. Lil Wayne- No Love (3rd Recovery single)

FALL of Love

I don't know why I wrote that title. I tried to be clever. Lol. But what's good yall? I hope you guys missed me. Cause I missed yall. I thought about blogging a lot. Felt guilty for not. But anyway, what is up with you guys? Is school and life going well? I would hope so. My life is not bad at all. Can't complain except for the 6 hours of sleep I'm on. Ugh.

This week was an interesting week but basketball wise, my confidence and skill kinda dipped but I'm NOT phased. I will get back on the grind this week. Have no choice. I never really felt so focused before. But it's not just basketball, my rhymes (at least I feel) are iffy too. It will all come back in place though.

Anyway, MONDAY was the greatest concert of my life lol. I saw my favorite rapper ever! Eminem. The greatest. I have been feeling detached from him but he'll always be THE REASON I started to love rap music. It was real cool. Chill. Had a few beers. Got a t-shirt. A bunch of people performed too. So glad kanye came and ripped the stage. Otherwise I might of fell asleep through jay-z's performance (what? Is he serious). I know that sounds crazy BUT I've seen Jay-Z 5 times in concert. So don't judge me. I love him BUT he did have to go AFTER eminem. Ya know?

Okay so before I continue with my festivies. I wanna talk about where I AM going CURRENTLY. A funeral home. A wake. Yikes. 2nd one ever in my life. This is while my grandfather is dealing with mortality issues and my aunt is sick. But let's not dwell on negativity. I am glad I can support shea, regardless of his dick headish ways at times. That's my boy. He helped make brooklyn college a good experience. So I wish him the best. So before I continue
R.I.P Mrs. Shea.

I can't really imagine losing my mother so I know it's probably beyond difficult for him but keep your head up boy.
Next order of business, last night. Went to a bar with a couple girls and danny. My boy. It was interesting, seeing a mesh of my worlds. Danny and the girls are from two different sides of spectrums in terms of my life and who they are BUT it turned out pretty well. NO COMPLAINTS. Played some flip cup, was 2-0 in Beer Pong, and took 2 shots. :) Solid!

Next, music! No new music yet. Haven't been to a studio in a while but I have some nice opportunities still lined up. It should be good. Freezy ent. Is lined up. Hopefully that'll be a good look. But I'm excited. Writing some good deep stuff. Got my uncle's dj trying to help me.

School has been alright too. Not really too fond of most of my classes but I'm kinda glad to be back. Trying to do real good. 2.0 baby. And I'm doing cross country again. First race did pretty good. I gotta step it up. I wanna get under 35mins for 5 miles and keep improving. Gotta do it. Well I gotta go but will keep you guys updated still. Love yall.

Jam on it!

Back 2 To Da...

Schoolbooks.
Late nights.
Sleep deprivation.
Learning.
Hopefully progressing.

Hey yall,

Sorry for the delay. I was suppose to write a few entries that never transpired. If I don't catch the moment that I feel like blogging then I never get to posting something but I wanna finish this month off right and next month even better. Finally listening to "Big Sean's Finally Famous Vol. 3" which I'm going to digest the next few days until it becomes a semi-frequently visited album on my ipod.

Anyway, school started and somehow I chipped my 2nd/3rd tooth? Not cool. Don't know. It's one of my first two front teeth, the left one, right on the bottom, fucking weird. A lot of shit is wierd (I'm spelling the word two ways because honestly I don't remember which one is correct lol,yea B2B (back to business)). My stomach. Basketball. Music. It's like everything goes good fast and with a flip goes back to being strange, which is normalcy.

For those who don't know I started school last thursday. It's been cool so far. I've been early the first 3 days which is a major minor improvement for me. (See what I did there :)) Well everything is going to be coming fast. Essays. Homework. Cross Country and then... Yea the scariest part of the school year BASKETBALL SEASON. It's suppose to be a fun and exciting thing but the problem is I'm gunna be a junior and I don't know if I'm going to be playing let alone if I deserve to be playing. I MEAN, I know. And truley believe that I deserve to play BUT can I prove it to my coaches, teammates, and most importantly to MYSELF and the world that I live in. That's my biggest questionmark. My mentality was/is very different then it was last years, and I won't let that happen but their still a lot I need to improve on. All I have is this last month and a half and then I clock in, and clock out... But do I clock in and underperform? There's a lot of questions.

I don't necessarily look at who I'm better than. I'm looking it like where, how can I help the team, help myself, and also be the best I can on the court. My IQ is good but is my MIND/confidence going to be on point? I guess it's all believing and getting what I KNOW I deserve. So the fire builds.

On to the music,
I was/am planning to drop a CD Oct.1 but I feel like that's really unlikely. I put dates because I want to believe I can find a way to make it. Understand. If I don't then it may NEVER come out. I mean it's been 3 years and I've learned a lot. Been through a lot. I never get cocky because I have so much more to learn but I will be great when the time is right...till then I'm a little above average. Realistically. There's just so much running in my mind. It's like constant anxiety but I've learn how to cope. I do have some really good/interesting joints and I was really excited about this but I think it will turn out good whenever it drops. In terms of MY OWN/ SOLO shit...that will be coming not too short after. I want to do an EP (Jonathan Andrew EP) and the actual mixtape I'm debating between a few titles (as usual). I just hate talking about it with no action. Love yall for listening tho.

So recent events:
Went to turtle bay
End of the summer BBQ
Rock the Bells
Vacation

Well that's all I can think of for now. Look for new entries. Jam on it

Re-adjusting

Sorry, if the title isn't spelled right. Going to try and make this as short as possible. I've been back now, for a little over a week and its been a very interesting week so far (today is the conclusion). In a week, I've managed to jam pack a whole day in the studio, 3 bball workouts along with playing ball 3 times, then seeing some of my good friends, my aunt and uncle, my grandparents, had therapy, saw a movie, and talked to my sisters a few times already via text. I've also been networking my ass off. Trying to get work done without being employeed. Crazy how that works.

So hopefully for the next four projects I put out (Early Arrival, Jonathan Andrew EP, Flight Delay, TBA) you'll enjoy numerous different type of records along with a few people you've never heard of BUT who are nice and have been on my dream website (2dopeboyz). And initially that's the goal. I have real big expectations of myself and I'm real nervous cause the next few months and even more importantly, the next two-three years can be a refreshening, humbling, awfully amazing experience. I hope I have the friends I have now when alllll that happends (Johnny F, Danny, Jeremy, Julian, Carrie, Chris, Matt, John, DV and David....just to name off the top of my head). First impressions are important but they aren't everything, a lot of time, your first impression you overlook a lot and hopefully people will recognize my talent/skill sooner than later.

Anyway, based on my last semi-depressing entry, I do still miss my sisters and my family dearly. I realize how important they are and why I need to be closer and a BIGGER influence in their lives. So hopefully, that CAN be done.

This is another HUGE week me (finding a job, workouts, possible performance, studio sessions, etc) and my last full week before school. I gotta take advantage of it. So there you have it. And if you guys pray, keep me in your prayers. Especially today, I want today to go well.

Love yall who read this.
All of you. Even if you don't like me...because you take time out of your life to acknowledge me SO you should be acknowledged too.

Jam on it

And It's Over... For Now...

Sad shit really. Extremely sad shit. Yesterday was my last full day and last night in Florida and i tried to spend it as good as possible. Went to the pool again, went to get NY pizza in Florida, and just watched my last episode of Dexter (season 2) and true blood's latest one. Worked out a little. It was actual a beautiful ending...in a sense. My sisters and i swam in the pool and reminisced. We laughed mostly and tried to reconcile things about our past...things that they didn't know/remember. I told them a few things but its funny how much i forgot at the moment...it seemed like the 20 years of my life went by so fast. I was choked up. It feels like it was just the other day, we were living up stairs in our 2 family house, with my mom and it was us 3. Me, Victoria, and Ashley. It was like a movie honestly. And i don't think they realize the intensity of the situation. My youth...is ending. Sure the 20's are going to be, possibly the best years of my life BUT i'll be grown up. Looking for a real job, contemplating kids, marriage and all that other shit you think about when your a kid but honestly i think every grown up would like to be a kid again...at least until maybe they have one. A kid. that is a part of you. looks like you. acts like you. My sisters won't be teens for long and by the time you know it, things may be so different... and just on an (insert/cliff note) i'll miss my mom a lot too. It's always a pleasure having her around but i'm use to her not being around...but my sisters...not really. They've always been there and just their presence sometimes has kept me going. Now i'm going back to college point with an empty bedroom and mixed feelings. That place use to feel like home and maybe it still will be but it won't be the same. At all. I just can't take this right now.

I just really wish i could be there again...how did everything happen so fast. The divorce. The moving. The remarriage. The moving. The running away. The me-leaving. The closer i get to 21...the more and more i realize that growing up kinda sucks...especially when your doing it alone. All i wanna do is cry. shit all i'm doing is crying but i have to get ready and move. The best people in life learn to adjust and i guess even when their heart is dismembered, they strive. That's what i'm best at. Falling off the horse and trying again...no matter how many or how bad my insecurities are. I've wrote mainly painful entries in this blog and this is no different. BUt only the future and god knows what its hold and then again, maybe not even them. All i know is that...i have to make a change and call. Visit more. This once a year crap has to be done. Its gunna be hard tho, when its just me going down there and they may be coming up...means i may not see my mom.

I'd write more but i have to make this place a lot less personal. AND i have to get ready. itsallgoodevenwhenitaint... well we'll see.

"The More i Suffer, I Suffocate"

YUPPPPPP! (trey songz voice) you should already KNOW what it is! If you ain't see it yet, you'll see it hear first. Dope ass video too bad it was overlooked because Kanye dropped a video but fuck it. Eminem is six weeks in from his album and is still top #2 albums. 5 weeks at number one, hopefully he reclaims the spot and goes double platiunum in 7 weeks (unheard of now a days). This guy is a genius. I give the video an 8/10, could've been a bit more creative and i kinda wish it was em doing the seens himself...he did win an academy award lol. oh well. Sorry that i'm resorting to posting up videos now but sometimes a song creates a thousand thoughts...

take that, take that (diddy voice)
JAM ON IT!

Floridian New Yorker

Hey y'all,
for once I'm actually blogging from a computer, so for once, I'm going to try and keep this short. I'm still in Florida for those who don't know but only for another 2days and a half, which for me, is extremely saddening. Depressing actually. But life must move on, whether I'm ready or not. If you haven't been reading the reason WHY i will be extremely dysfunctional when i get back home is because my two little sisters are moving/moved to Florida indefinitely. It makes me want to cry inside writing it but there's not much i can do. Anyway, my time spent here has been semi-productive and fun but also very strange and fattening. I haven't exercised really. Just been watching movies and relaxing and joking with/on my sisters. Who are beautiful monsters as ne-yo would put it. lol. But let me list some of the few things i've done...
1. Networked on twitter, A LOT
2. Shot a video, that i am currently trying to edit as we speak
3. Watched a bunch of rap videos while being tormented because i cannot place new music on to my ipod
4. Trying to budget/find beats for this project that Pretty Boy Acey and I have been working on...scheduled released August 24....
5. My new found obsession: Dexter (dope showtime show)
6. I have seen Fight Club, 500days of summer, the spy next door, 2012, Daybreakers, Tooth Fairy, and i'm pretty sure i'm missing one.
7. I cooked my first meal...eggs with ham :)
8. Been working out in the house....10pd dumbells and chairs put together make for good dips lol
9. Been reprehended by my mother for being a "smart ass" and a "wise guy" yea i love her but my respect is always up and down
10. Went to the best/biggest mall i've seen so far
11. Pool Count: 1 Beach Count: 1 time to upgrade...
12. Bought an American Eagle shirt Money Spent so far: 29 bucks (29bucks over what i planned/wanted to)

That's about it so far. I also realized that i wish i had more money in my life...being money strapped aka poor is NOT fun.

Love you readers tho...
Changes are gon come lol

Jam on it!

I Think I Just Got The (ch)ILLZ

The ILLZ - Persistence (Official Video) from Delgis Mustafa on Vimeo.

The ILLZ - M.P.A.(My Public Apology) (Official Video) from Delgis Mustafa on Vimeo.

Now after viewing both videos and songs...i think the 2nd is shot better but the first is way better BUT both videos and songs are dope as hell. The rapper's name is the ILLZ. PLEASE CHECK HIM OUT. Now i'm not saying i'm a huge fan because i've only heard a few tracks/things from him but i think he's a bit of an inspiration to me. He's dominican. Resides (at this moment) in New Jersey, i believe. He has the type of look/feel that i feel my music/image has/can have. Real cool. I would love to do a track with this guy too.

I really hope you guys take the 7 minutes (if that) out of your life to listen/watch because you might get the illz/chillz too. You never know.

Jam on it :)

the start of the beginning

Hey yall,
This will be a quick entry because I'm tired and at dinner in florida. Just arrived not too long ago. I was kind of depreseed or should I say I am a bit depressed because the time has come...living in new york with no immediate/full siblings. The cute little misreable sisters I've known most of my life. I remember when I use to make up stories to my sister ashley and she would believe it. And then when I started to like ashley we tagged team on victoria who annoyed us. One time we tied her to the chair, well taped her to the chair. Good times (laughs to self). Well those are kind of over or should I say limited. Now they're going to live a different life then I ever did...and I may never understand. But I still know what's it's like to be a teen and how hard it is to be a brother but I guess as they move on...I have to too. But I will miss them dearly. Also, just for the record my mom's new bf, not that attractive (no homo)but pretty cool. Less uncomfortable then the last one BUT I still am cautious cause she's my mom...which makes me protective. I'm the only man that has been consistant in her life...kinda.

Anyway, will keep u updated. Gotta run and go back on a diet...tomorrow :)

Jam on it

Inspirational Rap

Room For Improvement

What's good yall? I'ma just do a quick entry, cbecause I really got a lot to say BUT I'm just extrememly tired and about to eat and watch some tv then its off to bed. (Side note: I miss my baby lol) yall don't know here and won't. maybe because she doesn't exist or maybe she does...I guess that's for me to know. :) anywho, my life is improving. I am no longer as depressed as I have been about a job. ONCE I come back from florida, I'm getting one AT SCHOOL. I've been getting G'd because they hired like 7 new people when I filled out 2 applications. Best believe I'm TIGHT. Lmao. I am but sooo much positivity that I don't care for the negative.

FYI I've surrounded myself with good people, great people I should really say. Things are coming along. Weights down, self-esteem up, I just gotta work even harderrrrrrr than I am. OH and there will be a mixtape but not what you expected. It's gunna be a duo-mixtape out before august...jam young is back yall and it feels fucking exuberant (or however u spell it). No title, no offical group name, but songs are being made and THATS most improtant. Feel me?
And since I'm talking about good people shouts to (in no particular order) julian, farah, carrie, danny, jeremy, johnny f, killa, steve, rob, matt, chris, eddie, vic, and anybody else I forgot I'm sorry BUT know I see u.

Ugh, my stomach hurts.oh well. Grind on. Speaking of grind, shouts to audrey, julian, andddddd alexis. Good job with the blogging and everything else you guys do. Now, I'm gunna post an asher roth song called "grind" the song is beyond dope. Like it's very kanye esque and he killllssssss it. Also, back to the music tip I got a few more possible collaborations in the works so just pray it happends and gets done. I got music for days man. For real. I'll post a track reallllll soon. That's a promise. Another thing I'm working on is being better with everything, from timeliness to just progressing as a human being.

Anyway, I'm about to bounce. Just keep looking for me yall cause on the real, I'm tired of wanting things. Its time to start to being.

Jam on it!

Highschool Throwbacks

Ray J - One Wish
Uploaded by R33f. - See the latest featured music videos.

The Adventures of My Life...The Overview

Hey wassup yall, I do realize this is late but I just felt the need to really just discuss what has happend in recent weeks. Pretty amazing and productive stuff. I haven't heard anything from jobs, just lies and no interviews. It's hard out here but then again I haven't really been trying much.
These are some other things that have gone on:
I went to virgina
My heart has been torn (not necessarily in a negative way but between 3 things, experience, the woman I love, and the woman who maybe, slowly stealing my heart without knowing it..wild stuff)
A friend of mine just turned 21
Another friend went to the poorest country on this side of the world
I have spent countless days not excersing, hanging out, doing the regular push-up/crunch routine, staying in (a little), spending my time with two girls, and I forget what else.
I tried a cookie monster
Went to the pool...twice (gasp)
Been to the studio :) (recorded 5 new records)
Went to a club
Went to a house party or two
Went to a couple bbq
I also been trying to write, re-focus, play ball andddd save money (finally).

Today, my ipod just got wiped out (fuck life) and I'm going to create a simple t-shirt to along with the music I'll be creating. I'm trying to read at least 3 books this summer, I'm almost done with the first one.

I'm sorry for the randomness/not making sense of this entry...it was to get something off my chest but that won't be happening because instead I'm going to get ready for a productive day tomorrow (and re-doing my resume (hopefully) again). I just wanna say I wish, I could experience (kinda) and have the girl of my dreams but life doesn't work that way. I also wish I could stop being a pussy...grrrr. Muscially/ball wise and socially. I'm a fun person...I think?? Its alright. Just loving life or trying to focus on a life that I will ABSOLUTELY love.

Jam on it!

I'll Be Your Friend...

The video is alright. Not shot with the best camera but the editing is decent and i like the concept of it. The song is tight tho. The chorus got my attention hard and the beat (by Woody, a producer i'd like to work with in the future) is beautiful.
Tell me what you think of it... this is the first time i heard it and the first time i heard of this guy.

Happy Birthday Mom...

Also Happy (early) Birthday to Farah. 21! lol.
Today is going to be a verrrryyyy interesting start to a an eventful week...hopefully. No jinxing lol. But this entry isn't to vent, it is simply here to re-introduce you and myself to why i rap... I'm posting a verse i wrote when i was 16 that helped re-inspire me today, of why i shouldn't give up on my dream. Hope you like. Another entry will probably be posted today too tho :)

P.S. Thank Me Later IN STORES NOW
and (a bit more important)so is...
EMINEM'S RECOVERY!!!!

(yo pass that)
Don't play cards game but i declare war
You start it, i finish it boy
better stir me cause i'm that raw
getting stack the size of a chainsaw
better stand tall, or don't stand at all
but either way you gon fall like the towers
tee on the color of baby powder
cause that's how i do son
unit by unit, that's how i move son
smoother than baby oil, leave niggaz under soil
hot boy, under the sun i boil,
plans getting foiled, cause your henchmen are unloyal
while i'm royalty, like yall bitch, yall niggaz is under me
cause i'm thunderin, hollerin, hootin
this ain't bball practice when niggaz start shootin
yall cunts are stupid
call me baby cause homie i'm ruth-less
just hip-hop's nusence,
yall niggaz droppin dimes, i'm droppin two sense
i am the offense, no offense intended to you lames
all yall my children cause i'm sonnin this game
Tiki Barber on the mic, i'm running this game
I'm on fire, leaving streaks of flame when i step,
rain man, i can make deserts wet, without droppin an ounce of sweat
like 12 reps, i'm set, call me 42, cause i place the bet
i am the best, yall just incorrect
now feel the pain i'm about in to inflict, nigga
(gun sound)

ahh young me

*Jam On It*

Something Interesting

Daisy Lowe for UK esquire HD from Greg Williams on Vimeo.

The Dopest Rapper ALIVE is BACK

Dorian Cafe

Saved my life today. Thank you dorian cafe. And in light of you saving my stomach and my pants from destruction I bought the cheapest thing on your menu...a small coffee light and sweer. Long night ahead? Lol.

Okay, well if you can't guess. I had to realllllyYyyyyyyYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy use the bathroom. I felt it before I got to grand central station on the 7 (coming from brooklyn, practice, I've been traveling all day tho) and thought I can wait...nah. I was so edgy. Sometimes I can't control it. I start sweating, panting, a little hyperventaliation. Lol. Just can't take it. So put your glasses up for the cafe in vernon jackson...

Can't wait to be home.

Just thought I'd share. I'm so relieved. Later.

#letsmakeourdreamscometrue

Sometimes I Wonder...

Hey yall,

Just finished my bball game. We lost 75-70. I kinda choked. 8 pts. When I was avg. 15. Missed 3 floaters, 5 layups and 3 three pointers. So I was 3/11, 2/2 for the free throwline. It was an epic game tho. Nothing I can be mad about. Played my heart out and brought the best out of my team...the way I use to.

I also got all my grades back, I wanna figure out the whole avg for the semester. I got an Aplus,Aminus, Bplus, B, and a C. Or in highschool terms...103, 93, 88, 85, and a 75. Definitely my best semester but still a little dissappointed. I really tried hard this semester. On time to class a lot (still late a lot tho), handing in work early, (a few stuff late still) but definitely worked hard. I thought I deserved an A- in classical cultures but I guess not...

Anyway, this entry is mainly about destiny or god or well a combination of a bunch of things. Have you ever heard the saying "god only gives you things you can handle" or stuff around that. Well I've been seeing that a lot lately and it reminds me of this movie, evan almhighty where morgan freeman or somebody said, would god give you strength or a situation where you could display you're strength. And I feel like this is somewhat true or maybe really true and if it is, indeed true, how do I overcome what's in front of me.

How do I go from being the 13/14 man on a team to being a good college player, someone who can play, cause I can play ball. I've done it, proved it, shown it. I'm not the greatest by any means but I'm a good player... And somewhere deep down I know this and so do other people, I know they do cause they've seen it too. But how do I accomplish that? How do I accomplish the impossible. This is my year. It's a year where things get proven. Can we win without rich... Can we win without 3 1,000scorers. With 3 new starters. Who's the bench gunna be. Etc. So many questions and truthfully my goal...is to be that 8th man. Who gets about 5-15mins a game. Who does what needs to be done. Brings energy. Brings fire. Defense. Spark. I can do that but how... With things in life...I have this mental block. This thing that stops me from being well great, and sometimes just good. And it's not just with music and writing, which I've heard I'm way better at...and will discuss in a minute about...but just this basketball shit. I feel like the time is NOW. THE MOTHERFUCKING TIME IS NOW. TIME to get a job and play ball. Maybe the reason I don't have a job is to focus on music and ball. Maybe god wants me to realize this. Maybe he wants me to work harder than I ever have in my life to let me know that my dreams can be achieved. That dreams can be reality....

Is this his grand plan to see me succeed? Has he shown me enough of my mistakes that this is...maybe my last opportunity to prove something to the world...musically. Family wise. Girlfriend wise (no I don't have one...yet), and basketball wise.

I've always prided myself on being different. On being self motivated. I've proved it. I've never reached the top. I've scratched the surface. And history has a funny way of repeating itself...in good ways... Not just bad. So am I feeling this way because it truly is time to do what no one I know, parent, grown up, friend, kids, everyone has everydone...succeed beyond what the mind can fathom...

I don't know where I get this deep feeling from but I just know great things can come but I have to grab it. Failing has taught me that. When I lost the division my senior year and basically threw away my seniorgame by having a 3minute lapse after killing I've learned. Life is a bitch but you gotta grab that bitch from behind and turn it around and kiss it. From kissing u can get head and fuck that bitch. Fuck her till you succeed.

When I lost that game my senior year...Þhat I remember like yesterday...everyone said it would be alright, I had bigger things coming for me. Never knew those big things could be at brooklyn college. Brooklyn college aka the new RFK for me. I had my first scout. Me, my first scout. No one told me I could do it. NO one said jonathan you know you could play college ball and be a good player and if u work hard a great fucking player. No one told me I could average 12 assists per game and win a psal award (that I thought I'd lost). Matter fact, not anybody believed me. And I have this fake cokiness or I did which made a dent but never a big difference. But I need confidence...confidence within. I need to make this happen. I hate talking. I love action. And this is something I need...

Do yall believe...
Regardless of my bitterness
Regardless of my lateness
My lies, my failures, my insecurities...do yall feel and see what I do?

Probably not and that's okay. Pressure makes a man. Well how you handle pressure makes you a man.

I know I've wrote a lot but there's a few more things to touch on that relate to this topic...

Father:
My father is anakin skywalker in my life. He did many of the same things but fucked up...he coulda been so much more and still can be. He may never be that famous dj but he can learn how to be...well a good father, a good husband, a hard worker and come to terms with my mom. I judge my mom a lot too. It's equally split in fault but something about my dad...for me...was always missing. Not going to games. Not doing enough with me. Not teaching me how to be a man. Manage money. Giving me taxes on time. just being a father.

When I was living with him for those last two years in highschool, my dad cried a few times...before that I had only seen him cry maybe once or twice. I vividly remember one time. And I knew that meant something. The fact that he had his son and his other children and he had a family. A fucked up one but still a family. And as a footnote, I accomplished evertything in hs while living under that roof...amazingly.

but anyway, my dad only has two children left. Two children I hope he doesn't fuck up as much as he did with me and my sisters. I hope JP is fucking amazing when he gets older... And I'm a help that motherfucker as much as I can. I know that, he probably doesn't even know that he has an older brother now but soon, he will. I promise that.and ava will have an older brother too.

Anyway, I've been realizing that it's time to be more of a man...to call my dad, my mom, talk to sam, and show my father what it means to be a man (and a father, one day). I gotta do what I've been afraid to do and fix MY family. And this all goes back to me feeling that I'm going to make it. In whatever I do but hopefully in music...again, it starts now.

Last thing:
Yesterday I saw my uncle, mike, for the first time. I just love that man. I don't look up to him like I use to, but that's my nigga. My uncle. My competition and my brother, who always seem to look out for me. It felt good to he there. And I talked to DV for a little while I was with him and I told him I smoked...well smoked for the occassion. Fuck it. I'm my own man, I should be able to decide when I can do certain things...and he said smh, enjoy. Made me kinda tight. I'm sure he just said it, like why me, why his little brother he usually does the right thing but truthfully, if he knows that or thought that, no need for the smh. It's just something that's been apart of me since 14. Anyway, I'm gunna see mike again tomorrow, and finish recording a song...which I was really self-concious about. Idk what it is but when I do music with mike, I get uncomfortable...well almost anybody I do but with him especially. I'm the little nigga and I'm not exactly "little" anymore so I feel like I gotta step up but again no confidence. So tomorrow, I gotta prove something...again and everyday.

Phew.
Sorry about all that. Just needed to get that off.
Hope everyone is good. Got an early workout in the A.M.
#letsmakeourdreamscometrue

Jam on it