Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Trust

This morning while in the shower I was listening to the radio, 105.1 to be exact, and tuesdays are apparently maternity tuesday. Ssssoooo what they do is check who the father of a baby is. The woman usually brings up who she THINKS the baby father is.

Smh.

What's extremely sad about this is how people publicly embarass not only themselves but others as well.

What urks is that today a married woman was there with this guy she fucked while in d.r. Aka my native country. This, my own experience, along with all the crazy (true) stories I've heard about cheating while together for a minute or while married drives me crazy.

How am I gunna trust a girl (bitch) with soo much just to get deceived. I guess everyone has this dilemma.

Just wanted to blog my fustrations from the BLACKBERRY! Which I use to call a blueberry. Lmao.

Jam the fuck out cause I'm out. Train going under

Monday, March 30, 2009

100!

Alright so this entry is special because its the hundreth entry and its coming from my blackberry. Oh shit. Yaaaaaaa ddddddaaaaammmmnnnn right, the invasion has started.

O.d. Right. A little tight at myself and for the simple fact I'm working tonight but at least its with my manager and he's bringing beats. Oooohhhh Sssshhhiiittt. Okay as much as I am mad I'm hyped.

I'm changing my.blog up.too. Hope you like the new design.
Bad news: Most Likely II Succeed is postponed indefinitely until I can create the best product for my current and future fans as well as have the music that I love and feel comfortable delivering at. I was partially upset about a reason 2 believe but I was young and wanted to be heard. That's ny hunger combined with stubborness and a wrestless work ethic. I'm just tired of listening to crappy music and good peoples music when I know I can do the samething.

The struggle I've been having though has been with what kind of artist am I? What kind of hip-hop artist am I? I got to figure that shit out and I also want to change the definiton of a rapper being connected to hip-hop. Why can't I be a rock rapper, rNb rapper. You get it? Expect more rambaling. I'm 19 now a year into my manhood even if people don't CONSIDER me a man.

Before you do though look around and think of WHO u think is a REAL MAN and look at there actions and characteristics and tell me if you still think their a MAN. Then if you know me, compare me and tell me what the biggest difference is AND please don't say experience. Before people were experienced they had to manuevur and do something in order to become more experienced.

Ya dig? I'm down.

Red cafe- birthday sex
Cassie ft. Diddy- must b love
Jam young- say you will
Show tufli- dead presidents

Feel me!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Mind Full Of Doubt

Every once in a while, i get extrememly doubtful thinking about my music career.
Eventhough, i am NOT close to being famous does that change the fact that i'm an artist, a writer, a music composer with aspirations and desires?

I don't know the answer, maybe you do but i don't.

There's a lot of things i feel like i'm naive in when it comes to music. I'm not going to name all of them, but there's a lot.

THE WORST THING, is that i don't have a circle of people around me who understand me. WHO Agree with my view on music and my goals. Who make different music, beats, engineer and that could help me. I have to do all this shit on my own and at times it's depressing. I don't have too many REAL opinions meaing there's a lot subjective opinions, which sucks. BUT i don't feel i'm ready yet but if i had this circle, i definitely could be.

SHIT is WACK. i'm going to elaborate more later. G2G.

~DOUBTFUL~

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Recommendation 4 Readers

Well, this will be something new, meaning a new element to what i've done in the past. I guess as i approach a 100entries, i get more creative and shit with what i'm doing.

Right now i am SUPPOSE to be WRITING a PAPER, which i will. 2 pages double spaced. I'm going to get it done and i'm going to do it well. I SWEAR. I'm just not sure exactly what i want to write, there's three options. AND to be extremely honest i've only read 1 book/work in my class out of like 5. o.d. and somehow i'm still in the A range. phew. is it luck or skill, or maybe a little bit of both with divine intervention. THAT should be a song "divine intervention" not on some like holy shit where i like praise god and sing but on some philosophical, i believe in god type shit. GOD, I LOVE BLOGGING.

Okay so basically the only book i read, i'm recommending. It's a memoir/biography/graphic novel. It's really good. True story about the holacaust. The book adds a new element of reading. The pictures are black and white and the voabulary is FAIRLY simple BUT it's extremely powerful. Won the 1992 Pulitzer Prize. There's two parts. I'm on the second one now. If you have time (which eventually you will) just cop it. Educational reading is fun. FOR REAL. I occasionally do it. I can't be a good writer if i don't read. =)


And for old times sakes....(site's working =)

~Jam The Fuck Out~
P.S. Wish me luck

Side Note

First day of being 19, has been a success. lol. now only 364 days left to be a teen. It's actually kind of exciting. I'm doing MAD STUPID shit until i turn over a new leaf at 2-0. FFFFFUUUUCCCCKKKKKK IIIIIITTTTTT.

Phone came in. =(. I'll get it on tomorrow. FUCK.

Got a USB from my grandparents in the morning. THAT was fucking exciting. holla.

Editing some more videos after i do my draft essay. FUCK i'm NERVOUS.

Last thing: Shaq is hilarious. i kinda still like lebron's shit betterz

~Jam The Fuck Out~

Monday, March 23, 2009

In Conclusion...

So it's a rap. FIN. Last entry of the day. I shouldn't be up. Early ass class. Essay to write. YOU KNOW. All that good/bad stuff.

Today was alright. Maybe i put too much emphasis on things but i'm pretty sure no matter how old you are a BIRTHDAY, is a BIRTHDAY and that motherfucking day GOT TO BE SPECIAL. DEADASS. DEADASS. DEADASS.

So i went to school. God kept me awake all day, yay!
Went to class. Skipped class. Ate food at applebees with my homie. Went to queens to see my P-O-P, just me and him (gasp, shocked face aka home alone face), went to applebees again with him. Argued with some people (not p-o-p), saw my little sisters and brother (except ashley) and blog. End of day.

Special, kinda. Upset, more like a bit indifferent but a bit meloncoly. I'll do it big eventually. I HOPE.

"You mean a lot to me. I swear on that."
You guy(s) know who you are. ya dig?

You know what made me sad? how bad my youngest(of the three of us Ashley, Victoria, Me) of my sisters is technically alone. I know she lives with my step sister, my lil sis, AVA, and my lil bro, JPJR, but it's not the same when you grow up with your big bro and big sis. I want to cry and take her here with me. I DEADASS love her and understand her. My parents want to put her into catholic school (yikes). Aw, man son, some sad shit. She wrote me a card telling me how different it was seeing me everyday to barely seeing me. AND THAT is the worse feeling in the world (hmmm, sound familiar) and if people don't understand how hard of a transition that is, THEY ARE OUT OF THEIR MINDS. SERIOUSLY. THEY ARE.

VICKY, although you don't read this. I LOVE YOU TO DEATH. AND I PROMISE WHEN I GET OLDER (tear drop falls) I'm going to watch over and take better care of you. NOT JUST YOU, but for everybody around me. I was put here to do something special and so were you. WHEN i make it, which i promise i will, i'll be there even more. JUST KNOW, I'm always here. Text. Call. Person. Letter. Whatever. I'm here lil sis through whatever. GOD i owe you a big hug next time. i do. (wipes tear)

.....................................

I think i'm done with this. THanks grandparents and aunt/godmother for the mini-cake, candle, and the ZITS present. lmao. They got me a whole book of the zits i post up. O.D. right? VERY COOL GIFT.

Side note: Nothing beats carvel cake, SORRY. ha ha.

Tomorrow should be better. That's the first of 365 days i'll be nineteen. THE LAST TEEN YEAR.
I am the last TEEN. lol.

Oh and thanks JUELZ for the shout out and Tiff and Carrie for saying happy birthday like twenty millions times. lol.

Until the next day...

~Jam The Fuck Out, i guess~
(mood;hopeful, distraught, but HOPEFUL)
crossing fingers

Best Wishes

Hello, fellow comrads. It's the day of the motherfucking 23rd of March, word up? yea WORD!
I actually feel good. The day is kind of passing by quickly, which makes me a little upset.

I am one of those monumental motherfucking motherfuckers. lol. You can tell by the cursing i'm in a good "enough" mood.
Just here in school thinking about.... dreaming about... and my blackberry and what other possible good stuff is going to happen.

Oh and by the way in Jam's WORLD i don't often drink. NAH. OFTEN =key word. lmao. I'm not going to get smashed man because i simply care about school, i'll save that for friday night, saturday and part of sunday, YA DIG?

CHill, though. Grandma aka abuela start that margarita mix. I'm in there !!!!!!

Okay quick recap of last couple days in detail.
Went to dinner friday. Mixed feelings about that. ALMOST threw up. Ate too much and dranks HEAVY drinks, heavy meaning filling. Then i stayed over my friend's house and well that's enough of that. There were some good... i swear.
Saturday i went to a club that i've never been to before. It was cool. Interesting. not my type of mood/vibe but i had a ridiculous amount of fun because new people i met, we got treated like kings and both my niggaz, David, are fucking awesome. He watches over us which i respect. I feel more at home. Ya dig!
Sunday, just worked, blogged, and that's it.


Read every lyric that's how i feel NOW, and this is my favorite weezy song.
"no emotions from a king"

This is how i felt last night "I don't want to get older...."


Fuck it, i'm accepting time. I always use to picture the future and be hopeful and time was my friend but i don't know since high school we have a different relationship. Whatever though. I guess that live one day at a time motto is how i look at life now. SAD but fuck it.

Today, let's enjoy. Weather is nice. AND don't forget to check out all the entries below. my real readers.

THANKS EVERYONE WHO WISHED ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
AND....(drum roll)

Happy birthday to me! Lcahim (i can't spell jewish words) Mazaltov and put your glasses up!

New(Free)MusicLINKS

http://www.zshare.net/audio/57459989aa7bad0f/
-If You Say You Will
(Written from el carazon mi amigos)

http://www.zshare.net/audio/57464557aee1f2a4/
-March 23, 2009
(birthday song i wrote out of pure fun. O.D. Fun. Sampled 50 Cent and shout out to all the poeple on the voicemail, lol. PLEASE CHECK THIS OUT)

http://www.zshare.net/audio/5708825867e40f68/
-Magic Flow Ft. Wes Studii
(120 Downloads so far, pass it along)

No more until "Most Likely II Succeed." =)

Sorry but ~Jam The Fuck Out~

Recap

Wes Studii on March 23, 2006- That's crazy, just found this. PLEASE WATCH HIS VIDEO and MY NEW VIDEOS, FOR REAL... PLEASE...


March 23, 2004- I don't remember off the top of my head
March 23, 2005- Got kissed by a girl i liked. Started going out with someone.
March 23, 2006-The last year my mom lived in NY. She found an Xbox 360 for me somehow with NBA Live 06. Love ya mom. Also the trend of (***) on my bday starts.
March 23, 2007-First time i do anything with a girl i would've never known influenced me like she did. First year in a new house. My father throws a power ranger themed party, with my mentor there and part of the fam. Good ass bday. ALSO, get thrown a mini party in school, shouts out to everyone who was there and that wonderful chocolate cake. I got pics.
March 23, 2008-On easter, i remember it, but NOT too memorial. Easter was more important than me. (***) happens earlier. trend continues.
March 23, 2009- To be continued
March 2007 picture, lol

Sunday, March 22, 2009

New Videos & Music

Okay, so these are my two new videos. Created & edited by me. NOW, i'm not the greatest, nor the patientest person in the world but fuck it, i guess. I will learn from my mistakes in the (near)future but i'm dead ass, like everything in my life, i'm doing this on my own. PAYING with LOAN MONEY, to go to the studio every week to bring YOU GUYS, music. Yea, i'm not getting paid for this. All i get is satisfaction, love, and happiness, IF THAT, at times. Because the music industry, game, is fucked up. BUT just respect me and what i'm doing alone. If you think it's absolute crap, then so be it, what can i do??? I'm just 18(while i can say that) trying to make my dreams happen. IMAGINE, if i had a team, a publisct, a hair stylist, people who made beats and wrote music like me? GOD DAMN, that would be hot but until then here it is...

First:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/57459989aa7bad0f/
That's the new link to another song i just recorded. On Kanye's Beat. Usually i hate rhyming on other people's instrumentals but fuck it. I'm doing it my way.
P.S. I need to find a style, SERIOUSLY
*Audrey want to help?
P.P.S If you like it, download it and pass it along to your friends, please, out of love and desperation PLEASE. (Oh shit, new title :Out of desperatin & Love, OMG)

Next: This was at the studio friday, you'll hear a snippet of the song above in it. EDITED by me, again.

Then i wanted to learn how to put JUST a song on YOUTUBE and guess what I DID IT!

Two things: Last FREE new song (by itself) will be released within the next 24hours. It's a song i wanted to try to do something different with. Something fun. Something i can bare to listen to. lol. =)but is creative.
THEN, ZITS:
Not,link is broken.
~Jam The Fuck Out~

Neglecting

DAMN, i dead ass hate when i can't blog. I love the idea of spontaneously writing. I don't know these last 60 hours have been extremely hectic for me. I drank a lot of liquor (a lot for my standards because i can't really drink a lot), made it rain in the club, nearly cried, got really angry, really sad, had an anxiety attack, recorded new music, smoked, and worked.
Yea i know so much....before i get into it i just have to say something to Julian.

Yo Juelz, i lost, i'm not going to force the next like ten entries to reach a hundred. I'm gunna get 99 purposely before tomorrow ends.

By the way i'm like writing this at exactly 11:29 on March 22, 2009.

WOA.

I really can't believe i'm about to be nineteen, seriously. I know it's not TOO big since MAD people in the world have surpassed 19 and even a hundred. which makes me wonder what i know about life.

I really hate the fact that i dwell heavily on the negative when something bad happens to me.
Is this a natural reaction? Is it rational?
What does rational really mean? What is reality? What is life? Is there even such things?
or are we dreaming? who knows. My fault for getting all philosophical.

But sometimes i really wonder, what is the point of love?
or loving someone? Sooo many people love each other yet they hurt each other everyday or sometimes just a couple of times which makes a person NOT want to love them BUT my theory stands that you cannot choose who you fall in love with. PERIOD. No way. You don't know that every single time you are spending time with this person, learning, studying, watching, feeling, with this person, that inevitably that you ARE in fact going to love this person and FOR the rest of your life.
This connects to my other theory that people fall in love only a few times in their lifetime, IF THAT.

AND here is my new theory. LOVE is not strong enough to do anything.
It is not strong enough to:
Keep a marriage/relationship
Keep Trust
Keep From Cheating or compromising your wants
Change you forever
Start a relationship & settle down

That's just a few. It's really ridiculous, if you ask me but then again WHO IS ASKING ME.
I'm suppose to be living my life right now happily. Jumping for fucking joy that in like 4 hours (3 something AM, when i was officially brought to earth out of the place my mother pees out of) i'm going to be a year older. A year older to finishing college. Reaching my aspirations. Getting married. Being able to drink. And blah, blah, blah, blah.

I think i may need anti depression pills. WOA.

This is when i think i'm crazy but ironically i put it all over the Internet and HERE, for my ten followers and other secret followers to read.

~Jam The Fuck Out~

O.D. Quick Entry

Happy Birthday to Angelica Berry.
Thanks for the cake.
Not hungover but just o.d. tired.
Still upset.
Still a little stressed.
Still crying inside.
Nervous. Happy. Excited. Confused.
Presents?
Ideal day?
Later

Friday, March 20, 2009

Just Blogging/Fantasizing

She's bad lol.

Step up 2

Psycho: part of the movie

Saw it in film class. pretty clasic shit. O.d. though. Scary. Plot was fucking good. Music very eeeary. Check it out.
(-------------------------)
AND oh shit, i just found this. Political song before Obama became president. check it!

These zits are hilarious. This one is dedicated to my abuelo. lol.
~Jam The Fuck Out~

Today

I fucking hate my computer. I need a new one seriously. Might go spend like 300 on a small one and get it fixed. I love my dad but i don't know, for some one who has been working with computers as long as him you THINK, he'd be able to figure out this virus that has my laptop on LOCKDOWN. But no...

Anyway, let's get away from the negative.

Today's Agenda:
Cake
Drinking
Maybe Movie
Returning Video Game
Missing Mike
AND STUDIO
plus push ups and shit.

I'm not soar today but i will be the next two days, i already know. lol.
I been lifting with a couple of the guys from the team and it really makes me feel good.
Dead ass i love the feeling of my chest gettiong buff. Nothing else. JUST MY CHEST.
Why? because i can picture it looking mad good in the future.
Of course this won't really help with me much but it is a good self esteem booster. That's for sure.

What i'm going to record:
If You Say You Will
Jam's Pain (Going on ML2S) *ML2S =Most likely 2 succeed
March 23, 2009
I'm Still Fly (maybe going on ML2S)
Judgement Day (Intro to ML2S)

thinking about it makes me, i don't know. FEEL SO GOOD. lol.
~Jam The Fuck Out~

Thursday, March 19, 2009

40 Plus Club

HOLY SHIT. Did anybody know these ladies were all over 40? God damn, 40's looking mad young right now. I know, i know, i have a older woman fetish. I'm like the spanish rapper Ashton/John Mayer. lol. But god damn. Out of these 4, it's
1)Stacy Dash
2)Halle Berry
3)Courtney Cox
4)Sandra Bullock
 

That was fucking hard to choose. I mean dead ass look at them. I know a girl who is dead ass just as pretty as them. She's not a model but she's just naturally beautiful. 
AND I KNOW LOOKS ARE NOT EVERYTHING but they do cause an ATTRACTION. AND you won't really want to talk to a person unless you find them a bit attractive. 
UNLESS, you get the exception where the person is okay or has some nice features, becomes your friend and you see there outstanding qualities and BANG, BOOM, you attracted to them. lol. 

"If looks could kill, then girl i have to kill you"
"If looks could kill, i can't ever look in the mirror" lol. 

SO creative! So! AND Julian that video shit, i'm fucking down. I think we should do it for.....
Pick It Up?
Never Change?
Actually i know i want to do a video to my One Chance Part 2 once it's done but it got to be some o.d CRAZY SHIIITTTT. 
Got to get that cover done. I hate pushbacks!!!!!!!!!

OH, my stomach is FUCKED Up.
Midterm: 57? that's what i think. Essays good/decent. Multiple choice:we'll pray on it. 

Party Saturday or "Work" Party Saturday...hmmm?
DV am i sleeping over? lol. Like he reads this.
I know my randomness, is crazy right now. I can't think. =)
(------------------------------------------------------------------)
The day a future genius was born: 4days
The day one of the best pg's was born:4days
The day my presents come:unknown
The day Most Likely To Succed might proceed to see the light of day:April 18
Being fly, swaggerlicious, with an upset stomach, and beating intramural team in overtime while dropping 19 with new gel soles on my official college basketball kicks: priceless.
(--------------------------------------------------)
Last but NOT LEAST: 
My NEW PHONE!!!!! Cross fingers, on saturday!!! OMG, i am EXCITED.

New term:~Jam The FUCK OUT~

Mike J. (Gonefornow)Gottie

This entry is to pay homage to my one and only uncle, brother, friend, and etc. He's really not the most amazing person on earth and doesn't always make the BEST decisions but that's my "more than a nigga" nigga. I love him. And anytime he calls me his little brother, it makes me smile. On some none homo shit, he's family, so don't judge this.

I haven't seen him since the performance and won't for a while he's mad busy with working at a hotel, taking care of his baby and his baby mother, making music, and working on his album. I don't want to say it's NOT going to happen BUT i think that his album won't drop until '2010. AN album man is tough work regardless if a label is behind you. If it does drop this year though good for him. Mike is a fucking beast, period. Lyrically me and him are pretty close, he has it for now. His flow is definitely better but i'm his protege for now.

Personally i'm not down with being 2nd to anyone especailly when the spotlight comes but for now it's cool. He's my competition and soon to be the industry's competition.

Anyway, i just wanted to say I MISS YOU, A LOT. I hope we see eachother real soon. I'm posting your video and doing this blog for you out of respect.
(By the way he's only 22). =)
CHECK OUT THE VIDEO. IT'S FROM THE SUGAR BAR TOO BECAUSE IT WAS HIS VENUE. I just had my own fanbase. lol.

In the video, his dj also canibus's dj announces it. If you got about ten mintues check him out, please.

~Jam the fuck out~
about to fail my midterm. YIKES!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I Guess We're Losers

My man charles hamilton dropped his second video. The video is alright. Song is tough but I, heard it a billion times so yeaaa. I loved when he performed it. Anyway, check it out!

Demev link:http://demevolist.wordpress.com/
This other video, is personally for me, to watch later. lol

Monday, March 16, 2009

Game Mania

EDIT: READ THE ENTRY BELOW FIRST. It's A BIT more important to me BUT PLEASE READ BOTH.
AND Here's The link for the Magic Flow song, i'm tired of waiting, if it's bad be honest.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/5708825867e40f68/

WOW....OKAY THIS IS SPONTANOUS WRITING. I'm watching sex and the city and this episode is crazy.
First, Carrie asks "can men change?" I think so. it's all about sacrafice. I guess. A lot of people don't do it. I do. Maybe i'm weird. Maybe i should JUST be an asshole instead of the guy girl's will want in the future. I'm not good enough NOW but i'm good enough for the future. YAY!

I don't know. The can men change shit, was i don't know. No one take that to heart. I can't think straight right now.
Second thing they talk about was cuddling and morning sex. OH and how Miranda is really compulsive and tense. She doesn't have "time." It bothers me, a lot. I wish i could find a piece of it and post it up.
I'll make it quick. Basically Steve, who Miranda is dating, likes to have sex in the morning and then cuddle. One saturday they do it and she gets up right after because she has "errands to do.'
He says can't you just lay down AND THEN She wants...

A TIME FRAME????? She was like how long do u need? 10/20mins?

WHAT THE FUCK. WOA. That made me mad. I hate shit like that. People not having time to cuddle, have sex, always needing to d something. I understand needing to get shit DONE but all the time, what the fuck?

Later on, this girl says that "Girls look for the cuddling guy" but apparently they don't or maybe the ones i choose or guys like me choose don't. Whatever. I'm done with this sex and the city bullshit. Sorry.

SORRY.
(Side Note: I've never had sex in the morning before someone had to go to school or sex or something in that category. =(. One day)

NOW on to the original BLOG entry

I hate working at gamestop. Wait, don't judge me yet. It's not because of the people, the schedule, the pay, it's because i can't buy anything and i can't play anything in the store.
I want a ps3. i want resident evil. I want MAD SHIT. but i can't buy and i don't have time to play. So it infuriates me a lot. AND i heard my friend Julian bought the special edition Resident Evil and NOW i'm mad at him, lol. j/k. But i'm pissed because i just want to be a kid and play video games.
Is there something wrong with that?

(lmao. This Zits is dedicated to my Aunt, WHY? Because She will vouch that the lady in the pink is her. hahaha)

~Jam The Fuck Out~
P.S. My Twitter is www.twitter.com/jamdreams
March 20- GET MY BLACK BERRY WOOOO HOOO
7 days until b-day

Sunday, March 15, 2009

It Was All Dream...(Confessions Round II)

Hey yall, crazy night. For real. My sleep, was type crazy. Dead ass. These allergies be bugging me the fuck out and knocking me the fuck out. I slept until basically one o clock the last two nights which i never do. NEVER, EVER, DO! So it's good.

Still a bit nasil. just a bit. he he.

Anyway, on to the dream and my own dissappoints (lol). So i had a dream like my whole senior class was going on a trip with like the chaparones (can't spell) that went with us senior trip. Okay well in plain english, the graduating class of 08 went on a trip this year for like the reunion with the same people we went to the senior trip with. Phew. Got it out.
Well, we were on a trip to... I don't remember actually. Somewhere real nice. Better than Virgina. Might of have been out of the states. I don't know. It was just weird. We were like in this small coach bus but it looked like a van but everyone was in it. The place around us looked like florida/ecuador/africa(well my perception of africa). But it was beautiful. Everyone on the bus was going crazy and shit. Then i moved up to the front and things got o.d. weird (as dreams tend to do). We were like driving on this road that seemed to be like a waterfall/rollercoaster. It was going in a loop yet we kept moving foward. Then i woke up.
(panting starts, sweat drips)

What it means i don't have a clue, what i thought of was what i blogged about earlier. How i feel i missed out.

I was a bum on the senior trip, WORD Up. It's not like i didn't have a lot of fun BUT i should've had TONS of fun. The roller coaster thing i understood but i was kind of misreable. Alone. All of senior year i felt like i needed to fit in somewhere and the worst part was that i didn't. My friends from middle school/hs were different. I didn't have a group just people and a person. That person wasn't even in high school. Now i know that's partially my fault, it absolutely is. I should've put more effort in everyone BUT everyone also just left. I was in school trying to stay away from home while everyone was "doing them." I just kind of regret being a bum the second day...

It makes me soo sad. I won't care AS much when i get older but it does. Like i can NEVER go back to high school. It's like losing someone. U HAVE TO TALK TO AND APPRECIATE THEM WHILE THEY'RE THERE BECAUSE IF NOT, THAT'S IT. If anybody i knew died today who i was extremely close to i would feel the way i feel now except a million times worse. Knowing when i call them they won't be there. Knowing if i go to their job they won't be there. It's gone. They're gone. JUST like high school. O.D.

Prom too. Everyone went crazy about it. Me, nothing. I don't regret anything just wish i changed a few things. Should've went to Webster Hall regardless of money issues or so "called money issues" that was my excuse. THEN i worked the day after like a bum. It's not like i HAD to work, i just LET it happen. I didn't dance. I just felt uncomfortable and to be extremely truthful i'm scared to dance.
I feel like i have no rhythm, no nothing. Just two left feet, a large amount of low confidence AND i feel like everyone is staring at me. HARD BODY.

I'm working on all this bullshit. Especially the dancing. I'm trying to get out of my (un)comfortable zone. I need to experience. That's what i've been told. SO FUCK IT, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK It.

Tomorrow's entry will be MY IDEAL BIRTHDAY-DAY. HMMMM. Still thinking.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Allegeric

Hey yall, PEACH TREES! lol
Anyway, i think the allergies got me. Damn weather it sucks. just joking.
The weather is popping but it's allergy season.
Already lost an hour of sleep. AND that means all the bugs are soon to come out.
STILL with all the negative, spring is the best, I REPEAT, THE BEST season. Not too cold, not too hot. Sun is out. Goes down at the right time (like a good girlfriend, lol, how arrogant of me =)

I'm about to take a shower and go to therapy. Wooo. I type knocked out last night. Can't eat. Clariton working. About to do some push ups and crunches before i shower.

Oh and as for "Magic Flow", i think it's a good track, pretty hot. It's a spring time song. So i hope yall like it but if you don't... JUST be honest, honestly, please. lol.

Also check out the freestyle below. (in the previous entry)

Last, last night was crazy. WILD. I have nothing against gay people but i've never seen so many and never hung out with so many in my life AND the ones i hung out with probably weren't the best ones to hang out with. Since they were kind of loud, rude, vulgar, very straight foward, yet a bit mannered. Weird. lol. The magaritas (FROZEN are the BEST) at BBq's are popping.

Justin, happy belated birthday.
~Jam Out~

Friday, March 13, 2009

It'sallgoodevenwhenitaint

I Love (Hate) Life!
lol. Hate is such a strong word, isn't it? Sometimes it's just write to explain a situation. Anyway, i'm fucking tired and possibly sick. I guess the lack of sleep has been killing me, maybe? I truthfully don't have a fucking CLUE!

NEXT WEEK, ON MONDAY, i swear TO GOD i'm going to start working out, sick or not.
In the words of Young Jeezy's adlibs: YYYEEEEAAAAA


Oh, forgot to mention, i have a little surprise for your ears. YES. OH YES. New track and guess with who, my man Wes Studii. He actually use to go to R.F.K, idk about High School but like in 97. When the school FIRST started. Woa. He's old. lol. Nah just playin.
SHOUTS TO WES, first track together, let's keep it coming.

His album is coming out...from the back of his car. Underground shit. Who is gunna buy one? Takers. I'll post some shit. He's ill. Took my song to the next level.

It's called "Magic Flow (We Got It)"
On Robin Thicke's Magic beat. Fire.
Spent like an hour in there recording. 1 1/2 chilling.
Putting up later, after i make sure from my sources, it's worth putting up.
LYRICALLY i'm a beast!
SWAGG is coming up. WOOOO.

Check the last bar in the first bar. I got to explain it. Just to ill.
"Shhhh, i am it,
Take away the i am, that's me, THE SHIT."

Shhh -i am + it = Shit
Get it? ha ha.

P.S. I WANT KANYE WEST'S COLLEGE DROPOUT. SOMEBODY GET IT FOR ME!!!!
PLEASE. And some Studio & Regular headphones. AHHHH
EDIT: Oh shit, it's on youtube. Should i keep it up?
LET ME KNOW


(lisp comes out O.D.!)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Songs of the day

A, YO! I just want to say PLEASE read the previous entries since everything has SUBSTANCE (yea, that's right Julian)


Ciara Joints that remind me....


Quick Question: Why does everybody hate kanye, WHY? I know he can't sing but FUCK!
Appreciate the art. You see people saying Jackson Pollock can't fucking paint?
That Duchamp's shit aint art? That shit appreciated O.D. by REAL ARTISTS!


(Duchamp on left: Pollock on right)
And on some deadass shit, the shit on the left could be my fucking mixtape cover.
Dedicated...


I know mad videos and shit. I just really hope you guys take out the time to actually LISTEN to the songs i put up. There's ALWAYS a reason why i put up a song and if you ain't heard it or don't like the genre JUST GIVE IT A TRY.
I went on Audrey's Page and heard Jason Mraz and shit, and i was like YO, that song is fire. Downloaded it at that moment. So c'mon people.

Ohh my stomach still hurts, a lot. Twisted. Trying not to think, too much. Just worried. For real. Crossing my fingers.
(You WILL hear from me later)
OH and STTTTUUUUDDDDDIIIOOOOOO tomorrow. Holla!
Anybody want to come? Maybe you?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Last Note of the Day

I live an interesting life.
It's cool.
I'm glad yall who are in it are apart of it.
A part of history.
Especially, YOU
.
P.S. Audrey i can't comment for some reason but THANK YOU!

Pop/Negative Vs. Positive/Senior Year/Last Day

Okay since i already posted like three entries, i'm just going to put the final one up with all that i need to say and hopefully i'll be done for the day.

I actually just feel like Blogging o.d. MAYBE i'm just like upset and i can't count on music to cheer me up right now. soooo yea.
POP:
It's just a verse, unfinished plus i didn't really like it too much, personally. It's OKAY to me but i kind of just wish my father was here. Someone i could talk to and trust more than anybody in the whole wide world except (keep name secret) lol. Idk. I guess since i have a father, i ideal a little more than fatherless children because i see hope and have expectations.
here we go;

"Hey pop, i'm seding you this musical love letter
hoping that things will get much better, in time
i can't say it in person, so i say it in rhyme
sometimes i wish things were all fine
and that you were just mine
i know that's selfish but i can't help it
because i never had you fully there
it's like my childhood was slighlty impared
and i wouldn't DARE, say, you were a bad father
or that you could of worked harder
i'm just saying, you were suppose to be my protector
all the way up to my first college semester
Suppose to teach me, wrong from right
and good habits before i went to bed at night
tuck me in and we'd talk about girls
how one day i'd find the one and give her the world
but to still be careful of stds
it may get you like it almost got me
where protection, no pregnacies
and you know what? you're like a little me
eventaully, you'll be all grown up
but i got your back essentially
so don't try to act tough..."
NEXT: Negative Vs. Positive
so i just want to know why the human brain remembers WAY more negative thoughts and experiences than positive. Is it because the negative damage us? scar us? change who we are, in order to adapt? What is it, i want to know!
Because truthfully i am a victim. I AM HUMAN. believe it or not. Although i act like an untouchable superhero.. i am and will be one of the sweetest, sensitive, sensual men you readers will ever meet.
But i just don't understand. The only thing else i say on this subject is this...
If the positive outway the negative by like a thousand or close to it, stop dwelling on the bullshit especially if you love/care dearly about someone. You don't want to lose something special. NOT AT ALL. Friends are hard to come by. Enemies are easy to come by.
AND LOVE, true love well you're lucky to find it twice in a lifetime. Don't let it slip. I certaintly won't.
Don't be the "damn, i lost what i had because i didn't realize what was in front of me" folks. Please. I am trying so hard to not be, NOT BE one of those people. DEAD ASS.
NEXT:Senior Year
okay, i must confess. I missed out senior year. i was in a daze. i don't regret anything. i swear i don't. i just wish i was a little more aware and enjoyed it more. that's all i'm saying.
Last thing:Last Day

(pretends to find an eyelash) i wish....
Now i won't say just in case it comes true but i want to relive the day the pictures above were taken.
I swear on everything i love that THAT DAY, was one of the best of my life and i would not trade it in for ANYTHING. NOTHING. Not a date with beyonce or a record deal. (the last part was hard to write but it's true because i would get the record deal anyway =) no trade ins, this aint gamestop. lmao)
I was thinking again, and overthinking again on the train and i really wish this day would come back. WHY? basically i thought this was what i could look foward to in the future. Of course not everyday will be amazing but when you're with extraordinary company it's bound to reoccur every once in a while. Stuff like that day are moments i live for, cherish, and simply love.

I hope with all my heart a day like that comes back because i'm pretty sure that was the last time i was 93 percent happy. Those days don't come often, if ever.
So homie, HB i hope we can get a day like this again. I pray it does.
In the words of someone extremely monumental "It will. I know it will. Just hold on."
FIN

Just to get this out of the way...

Yea, so she cheated on me and is supposedly having a baby. Whatever. Still lover.
Jam=sucker for love. Here's the truth...
She had a nose job (which we knew)
<---Before <---After
Jennifer Aniston admitted in 2007 that she did, in fact, have rhinoplasty to correct a deviated septum. She denies doing it for cosmetic purposes, and we almost believe her, because her nose seemed perfectly fine and not really in need of any renovations.(yahoo.com-source)

BELOW: Really sexy, lol.

Don't ask, Just Get It.


I'm not exactly a "genius" yet or look as good as kanye (or as fly as him, AT LEAST NOT YET)
but this is a hot picture.
(one word) Spandex?

Old Song with the "other" Martinez (soon to be second) with my 2nd favorite rapper (Jay-Z)
"Missing Mi Amor" =Title of song?

Blogging relieves stress, is fun, and keeps the mind stimulating/occupied and the heart quiet?
Question everything... (said one of my 1st grade teachers)
~Jam Out~
EDIT: Talented Chick
Day N Night...I think i need some of that green stuff. Not a pothead though.
Check the electronic/remixed version. She's fire
(i feel like a bitter stealing mad shit from Charles' blog...grrr)

Sick

I fucked up...I know.
I feel so sick. Sick to my head. Stomach. Mouth. Just everything.
Ugh, what a horrible feeling. Might go to bed early but i have to do a presentation.
Not much to say. I feel like a dead guy is decapatating next to me.
Yea. I just need time.

On a quick other note: The New Ipod Shuffle
Cool and Hip or Ugly as Shit?
until later or tomorrow...

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Procrastinator?

Ayo, lol.
I keep accumulating viruses. I'm retarded.
Procrastinating on readings & studying. Sometimes i extremely dislike college.
Going to bed soon.
Basketball is over. I need to get rid of my stomach and insecurity of it.
Watching Citizen Kane, trying to study shit from it. It's on VHS. Weird shit.
C told me not to blog but i can't help it. It's a quick entry.
WOO! I need to pray again for my midterm.
(side note: Citizen Kane is wild! "Only one person decides what i do and that's me"
Damn, homie just wanted and needed some love plus he needed to learn HOW to love.
=(. Rosebud)

More Drake. This below is Congradulations. Sampled Coldplay. This nigga is next up. Then me, hopefully. lol. "I'm gunna blow. Pause."

"I'm still myself
suicide bars, I kill myself
charge it to the game, I bill myself
I don't feel yall but i FEEL MYSELF"
"I got a monopoly, catch me on my boardwalk
Like I said we pull your card, find out your a hallmark"
WOOO.

~Jam Out~

Monday, March 9, 2009

CUNYAC CHAMPS VIDEO

Fast Foward the girl's shit. Eventhough we had an early exit from the NCAA Tournament, all i hear is: B-R,-O,-O-K,-L-Y-N COME AGAIN!!!

Watch it & Love it!

The (Almost) Complete Birthday List =)

Small HDTV ($300 or less)
PS3 (with Street Fighter, Little Big Planet, & New 50 Cent Game)
Organizer (for my life)
Iphone
(2)New Fitted Caps
(2)Sneakers
Love (Never comes for free/always with a price)
Carvel Ice Cream Cake (Mmmm Good, My favorite cake)
Microphone (Studio Mic starting at $100)
Protools 4 Dummies
Eminem Poster/Frame
Shopping Mula
The good parts of my 18th birthday
Home Free Weights (15/20pds to start)
Performance/Party

No Date But Tracklist

No Particular Order Yet:
Most Likely II Succeed
1)
Pick It up Ft. Mike J. Gottie
2)I Stay Fly
3)Jam's Pain
4)Heart On Paper
5)Reality Check
6)Judgement Day
7)Like This Ft. Wes Studii
8)Itsallgoodevenwhenitaint
9)How You Doing Ft. Auto-Tune
10)Get By
11)Cut That Ass(Skit)
12)Stop, Breathe Remix Ft. Mike J. Gottie
13)My Ode
Subject to change

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Straight-Foward

Meloncoly Day.
Enough Elaboration.
Sometimes I Hate Life, Esclamation.
Get The Point.
Be Stressed, Pass A Joint.
Light Up Then, Make A Hit.
Using My Pain As The Anchor To My Shit.
If You Wondering That's Why I Spit.
Fuck School. Fuck Work.
Going Hard Is My Job.
In My Bed, Toss & Turn Like Door Knob.
Or A Porn Star.
I Was Born With Scars.
Born To Be On TV, Dancing With The Stars.
Fuck A Big House, Big Garage, Big Cars.
Give Me A Studio & The Closest Bitch To Perfection.
So My Life Can Be Making Music & Fucking With No Protection...
Happy Ending...

What you think, cover material??

P.S. I got the second performance video, but personally i'm ehh about it.
I'm a write a WHOLE lot more tomorrow. So much more to mention.
~Jam Out~

Friday, March 6, 2009

Game Time

So this is spontaneous writing. Just going off with just happened...
"It's Game Time." 4th quarter. Off season. Where niggaz become MEN and MEN become champions.

I dead ass love basketball and the last two years have just really, made me re-fall in love with it. When you get discouraged and people shit on you, don't believe in you, it really leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Like on some "fuck this shit" type shit. BUT dead ass i love ball and although i hate these basketball teammates of mine sometimes, i love them. O.D. hard. I can't believe on Monday there will be no practice. i don't know what I'm going to do with myself. It's a rap. It's just over. (snaps finger, blinks eye) Like that.

So REWIND: We lost today, a game i knew from tip-off we were going to lose. Swagger, confidence, hunger was not there. AT ALL. we won the chip and MOST of them were satisfied. YEA, people may have WANTED to win but they didn't SHOW IT, PLAY LIKE IT.

I know i'm like the last man on the team, but it's different now. MY TEAMMATES ARE STILL BETTER THAN ME, but there's not this gap anymore because to a certain extent i know i can bus they ass. I know i'm NOT TOO FAR away from taking their spot and it makes me FURIOUS that i didn't even get a chance. Coach was right at the beginning of the season, i wasn't ready at all BUT life, college, basketball get you use to the shit.
I KNOW FOR A FACT when i go to a park i will BUST some ASS o.d. hard that people that are going to guard me will fucking need surgery or some lotion in their asshole.

TRUE STORY.

Anyway, WE LOST by like 15 or something. I hit a three. WOOOHOOO, well kind of. I rather hit the fucking game tying three and not the "hey let me put you in for 28 seconds before this year ends" 3. But whatever.

9games-16 points, No assists =( and like 6 rebounds. lol. Fuck it, i'm a scorer now.
Next year i'm doing both. I'm going to be what i use to be. ME!

Again, i love them man. NO YEAR will ever succumb this year. what i've been through and all that. but from here only one way to go.....

UP

so that's where i'm going. Game face on. Ready to take on life. ball. blogging and MUSIC. Oh yea and college. lmao. i forget i go to school sometimes.

It's a rap man.
MUSIC, Ball, MUSIC, BALL, MUSIC, BALL, Blog, Sex, MUSIC, BALL, MUSIC, BALL, Blog, Sex, Sex, Blog, Ball, MUSIC, MUSIC

Work and school will fit somehow. BUT that's going to be my life. WORD UP. I'm tired of being pushed over, criticized, and all that...

I hate being FAT t0o. i hate looking down and seeing this stomach, but i love who i am, 99 percent of the time. but I'm human. i make mistakes. but here.

A YO WORLD, I'm HERE AND HERE TO STAY...for a while at least.

so holla at me.
Jam Young
J-Mart
J Mo
Jonathan Martinez
Jon

All of me is here... the world is mine and I'm taking it. FROM HERE ON OUT.

It's game time. Join me, hate me, or watch me. BUT it's happening.

SHOUT OUT TO BC & Everybody.

17 days until the B-Day...

I'm out (might add later) beep

Thursday, March 5, 2009

LIGHT (Night) II

Upstate, yall. 7hours. Fell asleep. I hate Mcdonalds. WE CHILLEN.
Had some bangin pizza. In the hotel =)
~Jam Out~ (write later, coach is o.ding) CHAMPS

Why?

Am I up?
I hate YOUTUBE. AHHH

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Nail Bitter


Well the Knicks pretty much won, well pretty easily. lol. Not really much to say there. It was fun. Free popcorn. Cotton Candy. Old pals (woa). THE best part of the night, deadass, was when the Knicks Rookie aka The Rooster aka #8 aka Gallineri (don't know how to spell his name) did some
EXTRA SHIT....
Fake, shake and bake... Swoosh. Right in the defender's face. I WAS HYPED. lol. Had some of a beer too. Didn't feel like having my own. Had 2 Chimichangas, lol, mad good, mad small but it was LATINO NIGHT.

ONE DAY: I will rep for my spanish people and perform at MSG at half time, word? YEA, word.
Although i COULD die happy STILL so much more to do. WATCH the video i posted on the early entry. Charles killed it. Ill band. ILL Carson Daily show.

So the knicks won by four. Nice dunks here and there. MAD fast paced. Terrible Defense and offense. Lol. I miss my team. Hopefully Rich does some Gallineri impersonation and we play on saturday. LLLLLLOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGG trip so i got to write a "go away" entry.

Illy. (another inside joke, JULIAN!!)
Waiting for youtube to upload my video... lol.
Well i was type bored and been hearing MAD freestyle videos, so FUCK IT.
I'm an artist, i can do it too. I tried to go HARD but i'm a songwriter. Nah mean?
video
There you go!

P.S. If yall too lazy too see the first video of charles here's the second one, but i like the first one better.
P.P.S. More Poetry coming soon.


AHHHHHHHH ~Jam Out~

The spotlight...

O.D. =D
Basically, that's part of the reason i live, the spotlight.
The mic. The passion. The drive. The love. The success. The chances of tragedy.
Influence. Inspiration. Aspiration. Legacy. Legend. Life.
MUSIC. Watch the video below... This what i want to do one day SOOOOONNNNN soo BAD!
It's ill, trust me, just check it out.
AND..I THINK...I THINK... I Can...Be happy being HALF-Famous. =) Yay boy.


F.Y.I-Goal of the month 100 entries by my birthday...Oh believe me, i'll make it. Won't be short either like on some hi/bye shit (inside joke...JULIAN!)
Might take my laptop upstate with me to the game. SO you'll DEFINITELY be hearing from me.

OH and my game will be online at like 6 on friday. Just go to the NCAA website and d3i think. Who wants to see Jam on tv, on the bench looking fly? I DO, I DO (chant)
~Out~
De-FENSE
EDIT: Going to post a birthday list soon. Won't be toooo long. i don't know if intangible things will be on it.

Prayer


Yes, i'm deadass about to pray on my blog.
"I'm not really religious but i got to have faith" -Jam Young "Reality Check" from Most Likely II Succeed

Shout out to the cheerleading team for winning their fourth straight competition!
DYNASTY!!!

Yo mad crazy shit's been happening. Can't really explain it at all. Something's definitely missing for sure but i'm not dwelling on it, or the negative. It just makes me mad that people complain but yet push you away. What? Huh? Yea, it's exactly what it says. You decided something and you face the consequences. No, if ands or butts. AND if you try to hurt me, then i already know what kind of person you are, so why would i bother, seriously?
I've been dumb long enough.

Phew, now that, that's over. Here we go...
(wait) here this song while we pray

okay now...

Thank you god for everything you've given me and everyone else. Positive and Negative. You've blessed many of us (especially me) with some incrediable abilities and talent to show off to the world. Help me continue to be persistant, loved, and successful. I owe my being to you and so much more. I know i don't always "pray" to you but i do BELIEVE in you and think that without you i wouldn't have accomplished what i have. Difficulty is an everyday challenge and will always be something i will have to face from the people closest to me, especially. I just feel blessed although i feel weird and incomplete. I know, i was born to do something special. Everyone is. So guide is into the light... and watch over us through the night...

AMEN.

yea, i just dead ass prayed while a Journey song was playing on my blog, but fuck it.

~Jam Out~
P.S. My "Girlfriend's Cover"

Then her "Boyfriend's Photoshop Picture" (Thanks C-Star)
P.P.S. See if you can find JAM! lmao

AND hugo, for those who know him...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I'm Really Sorry

"Even I can't keep up with my transformation to fame." That's the line of the day.
Drake- "Best I Ever Had." That's the song of the week. FEEL GOOD MUSIC. I coined that.

I'm saying sorry basically because the tracks i was going to record aren't getting recorded this week basically because i have a basketball game at St. Lawrence aka Victims aka near the border of Canada. Yea! NCAA first round starts Friday, we out Thursday night.

Going to a knicks game tomorrow. Let's go Nate & Hughes. Holla. Write Mas Tardes. =)
getting my Spanish up!

I promise that the songs WILL be done next week.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Fast & Furious...


First snow days in ages and I'M AT SCHOOL... (you could imagine how i feel, thus the title)
So yes, my school stayed open
SUCKS
Today is good for these things:
1)Relaxing
2)Watching Movies in bed with someone
3)Drinking Hot Chocolate
4)Making Love ALL DAY(may not be possible but you can do it a few times)

Call me a pervert for the last one but fuck it
" I Say the shit you're afraid to say
that's why for me there's only one way, UP"

Spiderman needs his "MJ" and Jam needs his "PB"
On the web and got bread but no spread =/
{Don't want to get into my anger..........................................}


~Jam Out~

R.I.P Dr. Suess (Today was his birthday, not his death date)

Let the March Madness begin... VA here we come!

21days until the B-day...(uh-oh, nervous)

Sunday, March 1, 2009

No Words Can Describe The Feeling Of Infintity...

Need i say more.... Brooklyn We go HARD!





One of three performance videos...(thanks D & C =)...

I think everything above sums it all up...Champions
(music plays...We are the Champions, my friends...)

09 has already brought some crazy shit in my life and i think i need more (positive) crazy shit to happen. WOW. I'm really in a HIGH ON LIFE type mood.
PLEASE LISTEN TO THE SONG BELOW. PLEASE, if you care about me...
It's just feel good music.


Will write more when i wake up~Jam Out~

P.S. YALL CAN'T TELL ME NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDITTell Baruch this... WELCOME TO HEARTBREAK
"I left before they even cut the cake, welcome to heartbreak"

And then tell em that we're number ONE

P.P.S
4 real i keep saying this but if i died tomorrow, i can say in 18years i've done shit people haven't done in a lifetime. AND to be o.d. truthful, if i did die, i hope i influenced some of you guys in an amazing way. YOU GUYS INSPIRE ME, to INSPIRE.
ONLY other thing i could ask for was a girl and a best friend for this moment. A best friend to give me the biggest, gayest hug in the world and tell me "son, you fucking did it" and a girl, that i love and who also adores me, give me the biggest, realest kiss of my life. THEN MAYBE.. make love until i die. THEN GIVE ME A GOLD RECORD for my cd and it's a rap. lol. Literally

HISTORY IS MY HANDS