Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Mood Ring Part 11: Not How I'm Feeling NOW, but hope i don't feel this way LATER

This is the first REAL video that i know of from the homie XV. It's dope but at the same time dissappointing. When you have a LOW budget, i would HOPE they would try and make it look like it didn't. I don't know. I'm glad there's a video and that people like it. The song is very relatable to ME and for other people. It's barely over three minutes, so just take out the time and "make it do what it do."

P.S. Hate Work..School Work

Monday, September 28, 2009

Just Wanted To Say

Funk ain't over, neither is the drought
but it's raining out my window...
wierd... huh? What?

Try to see what's in my mind, movie film, big screen
lil man, big dreams, deranged, crazed, confused, abused,
Yet i Know...





Saturday, September 26, 2009

Few Words Some (Sum) It All UP

I'm tired as fuck right now but i'm still up. Just too much thinking and not functioning and things just aren't right. MY body isn't right, my bball game isn't right, music isn't right, and my head is definitely NOT functioning properly. I don't really know what else to say or do right now... And on top of that my blackberry, that fell into water about a week ago, is finished. Broken completely. I have to wait to get a new one so anybody who has texted, bbm me, or called me on that number i completely apologize. I kind of look it as a minor blessing though, being free from the media. Free from my typical habits. I don't know. About to watch "Bored to Death" on HBO and go to sleep. Long weekend of headaches, work, and hopefully some enjoyment. I feel like screaming. I feel like cursing, especially at YOU, yes YOU, you know who the FUCK YOU ARE. God...

"What happends when the same thing you love is the same thing you hate?" -quoting myself.

Goodnight yall and wish me luck. As the city stays awake, my eyes begin to drift off into a state of hopefulness, hopefully, in my dreams and eventually in reality...

Friday, September 25, 2009

What To Do/Men Lie, Women Lie, Numbers Don't...

"Men lie, Women lie, Numbers don't" - Jay-Z
One of the smartest business man and rap greats said the statement above and although i 98 percent agree with him, NUMBERS do lie. Numbers ignore talent, ignore exposure, ignore potiential. And i just feel like i need to say that. Numbers are important and SHOULD always be CONSIDERED and LOOKED AT but at the end of the day if your quality and product is better and doesn't sell as much as someone else's, it's not your fault, blame business and marketing and the SYSTEM.

I suck at tests but that doesn't mean i'm not smart or intelligent or that i can't succeed like the businessman that walk around wallstreet with their head high and there nuts low. lol.

Anyway, that's not what this entry is about... this entry is about...
The iphone?

Yes the iphone! Well kind of... lol.

I want this phone dammit! I don't know why. I don't know if it's business, marketting ploys, the fact i can obtain it. I don't fucking know! i just want this phone but it will cost me an extra 30/40 a month and 99 plus tax of course on the spot. hmmmm and if i get this phone i will have to get my own contract and i think i'm finally going to MAN-UP about it. My mom pays for my verizon phone so i'll still have both BUT i'll be learning the responsibility of paying bills and earning credit. I'm just nervous as hell. I don't want to fuck up. It's part of growing up though and not being like my father, who at one time almost owed AT&T 4 figures worth of money. yea...

So i took out a loan, 4,000 dollars to be exact and this is my split.
1,000- For my mixtape
1,000- Save, don't touch
1,000- pay my mom back/school
1,000- on whatever the fuck i want but mainly necessities/accessories
Things i need to pay for:
Food, living life, transportation, and talking

Soooo depending on the plan this is my breakdown without it:
Earn about $300 a month from Gamestop (will change depending on basketball and if i get to keep the job)
89 dollars- metro card
Spend about 10-20 dollars a day on food (estimate for a week) 80 dollars.
4 week total: 320

so technically i already use more than what i earn.
PLUS other shit which can not be calculated.
Liquor, Beer, Movies, Hanging out.

So before i make this commitment i need help and need money to figure this shit out.
If anyone can help it will be well appreciated.

Start: BUYING 3 24 packs of Poland Spring water at 4 a piece =12 dollars
Buying water in a week 2 x 7 = 14 if not more.
I need to start saving again.

SO let's do this

P.S. Blackberry is DONE SON!

"On To The Next One" Blueprint 3 Review FINALLY!

I want to start by saying... i'm probably the LAST MAN on EARTH to do this review but i don't know sometimes i'm BIG on being a BIG procrastinator lol. Fuck it. (I won't be cursing in the review) Last i'm going to say that i'm going to try to be objective since i NOW put Jay-Z and Eminem as my number one favorite artist(s) of all time. Now let's get it moving already...

"What We Talking About" is the intro to Jay-Z's epic, new sounding album, The Blueprint 3. Now before we break down the song, ask this question outloud to yourself? What are we talking about. What is Jay, himself talking about? What are we expecting him to talk about? AND does he have anything LEFT to say. After reading over 15 reviews on the album, many pose this question what more can he say? The reason they ask this is because Jay-Z himself, prior to his comeback album Kingdom Come asked us the question firs. "What More Can I Say" Jay-Z proclaimed on the album and many people believe that he doesn't have much MORE to say, cause he has said it all. Now it's just the same old talk but in a new way. There's nothing WRONG with that but i indeed asked myself the question, how does Jay-Z, 11 solo albums in, millions and millions of dollars in, and countless other venues, shows, and parties in, have something to still SAY and something to GIVE listeners and MAINLY hip-hop. Jay's answer is quite simply this:
What we talkin' bout real shit? Or we talkin' bout ryhmes
You talkin' bout millions Or you talking' bout mine
What we talkin' bout Cuz I ain't got time
For what people be talkin' bout all the time
What we talkin' bout fiction Or we talkin bout fact
You talkin' bout fiction? Hold up pardon my back
I'm talkin' bout life And all I hear is Oh yeah he keeps talkin' bout crack
I ain't talkin' bout profit I'm talkin' bout pain
I'm talkin' bout despair I'm talkin' bout shame
I ain't talkin' bout gossip I ain't talkin' bout Game
I ain't talkin bout Jimmy I ain't talkin' bout Dame
I'm talkin' bout real shit Dem people playin'
What is you talkin' bout I don't know what y'all sayin'
People keep talkin' bout Hov take it back
I'm doin' better than before Why would I do that?

Ain't nothing cool bout carryin' a strap
Bout worryin' your moms And buryin' your best cat
Talkin' bout revenge While carryin' his casket
All teary-eyed Bout to take it to a matress
I'm talkin' bout music I ain't talkin' bout rap
You talkin' bout who's hot I ain't talkin' bout that
The conversation is changed Lets yap about that

I don't run rap no more I run the map"

Now what i highlighted is Jay-Z telling rap fans to STOP! expectating something of the same variety of what he use to do. He can't do it! without coming off as a gimmick. He got lucky with American Gangster because it was a "concept" album, that i personally loved but ladies and gents Hov's moved on and you should too. But let's get back to the question, of what he's trying to do here. Hov's trying to make a statement, in english terms a thesis statement but the problem is, that his statement is unclear to the audience and to himself. With an unclear thesis statement there are going to be holes and things that seem a bit, confusing. That's what the rest of the album is like. For example , DOA (Death of the Autone) is an amazing concept with an even better excution, especially production wise. Produce No I.D. straight ripped this. With the horns and screeching violens, as an artist i always want to just jump on and rap on it, and as a listener it's just a BANGER. It knocks so hard in my headphones and although people are probably sick of this song by now, anytime i listen to it, i just love it. The vibe is dope and Hov's flow is wondeful and NEW. The problem is that the lyrics although great are relatively simple for Jay-Z's taste. Lyrically it's kind of subpar compared to the rest of the album but subpar Jay-Z is like asking your mom to cook you a full course meal and all she forgot was the salad. I think we can live with that.

I believe this is the same with the other single, Run This Town featuring star guest appearances from Kanye West and Rhianna. The production on Kanye's behalf is phenemonal. The drums and claps are captivating. Rhianna's voice and chorus grew on me A LOT and makes the song an Anthem, probably the only one on the cd. Before i run i listen to this song, cause "i can feel it in the air, the screams from everywhere." The chorus is pure poetry if you can't dig it, lyrically all i can do is shake my head. Lyrically, Jay-Z wise again, it's a bit average, just above average and we don't expect him to make AVERAGE music, let alone average verses. But as everyone knows KANYE WEST, yes MR. WEST, the LouiVattaonDon steals the show with this one. His drop, verse, vibe, everything was what not only put the wipcream and cherry on top but the sprinkles too.

Other standout songs include Empire State of Mind featuring Alicia Keys, Already Home featuring Kid Cudi, Venus Vs. Mars, Star is Born featuring J.Cole, and i want to put Thank You and Reminder on it as well but i'll explain why their honorable mentions.

Thank You is another Kanye produced track. It's different. Fresh of breath air. New. But i'm not really feeling Hov's accent although i like that he tried something different. It's a little too much i think, the bragging and boasting YET your suppose to be thanking YOUR FANS, that helped him almost go gold the first week AND kept him at Number one on billboard TWO WEEKS IN A ROW, which now a days is unheard of. Lyrically the track is nasty but it just doesn't do MUCH for me. If i could just skip to the third verse "I was gon' do it with the flow/But they did it with their sales/I was gon' 9/11 'em,/but they didn't need the help..." " Niggas thought they was ill found out they was...ILL/ And it's like you knew exactly how I wanted you to feel" Oh My God the flow was ILL!! or EWWW!!! lmao.

Reminder i think it's a good track. Lyrically one of the best in the album. Chorus is okay, i can deal with it as well as the uninspired beat that Timberland made. Mastered it sound SO much better than the first version i heard online but of course it's suppose to sound better. It's just that i don't know maybe a different beat, more gangster chorus this song could have been the best song on the cd.

Real as it Gets is a cool song as well but it doesn't do much for me. Hov lyrically sounds awesome. Young Jeezy actually surprised me, again, with some concious lyrics as well as an infectious chorus but i feel, again and again, that there's just something missing, that UMPH. THe thing that separates good albums to great albums and great albums to...dare i say "CLASSIC." The song is good though. Listenable. I just think if this was on a Jeezy album it would of been BETTER.

Hater is a short, catchy, new-age, futuristic, display of dope lyriscism from Mr. West and his big brother but this track too i felt had more potiential. Making this a little longer with a chorus, a real chorus but keep the back and forth, this could of easily been a third or fourth single. I like the beat. People compare it to the A-Milli beat or a leftover track from 808 n Heartbreaks but i don't know if i agree. Song grew on me, definitely one of the better tracks.

The problem is that it's hard to formulate YOUR OWN opinion with so many others influencing you and etc.

On to the Next One featuring Swizz Beats, just plain sick, as sickest as can be for Jay-Z. All three verses are MURDER!!! The beat, maybe a different production would have made this the LONE BEST track on the CD. But i dig it. FREEZE!
(god damn my hand is hurting)

Off That, Young Forever, and So Ambitious... Young Forever, i love the concept, the excution was good but the track just doesn't do much for me. I wanted something REAL EPIC for the last track. I felt like this was a track or two before the finish. Mr. Hudson's voice is nice but the production too Kanye was slacking a bit using the same sound he used for Supernova (Mr. Hudson, Kanye West assisted single) and Stronger (Graduation). Off that featuring Drake, the potiential was HUGE, bigger than HUGE but i think it dissappointed. Lyrically Jay-Z goes off, one of the best lyrical tracks, "Got blueprints on my white ipod," but Drake maybe deserved a verse or something. JUST SOMETHING WAS MISSING. Drake didn't seem uppity. He was kind of just whatever to the track. He didn't add his normal spunk. Timberland too. The knock of the beat could have been way better. WAY BETTER. Go download Bubba Spark's Ugly song and see the difference in Timberland production. The way Venus and Mars beat was is how Off That should hit your ears when you put your headphones on. So Ambitious, really good concept, outstanding lyrics but the overproduct, another short coming. DAMN YOU, Pharrell. Lyrically i like the chorus and shit. Dope. Hov came extra correct, teaching a lesson. Stepping outside his normal self to produce something grand. Potiential was high, track not so much with the delivery.

The problem for this album with me is that it is just above average. Lyrically and flow wise, NO ONE is better than Hov. Nobody not at 39 and certainly not at 26. I don't want Hov to ever stop making albums and music even if it means every album sounds like this one. I just don't want him to go and i know many of you feel the same way. I just wish something really, really stood out about the album JUST one track that everyone could agree was phenemonal. The closest two are Already Home and Empire State of Mind (two best songs on the album, Alicia Keys (in non-poppy) chorus (which was so heartfelt) and Kid Cudi's amazing chorus plus Hov's painting skills made the tracks amazing) but i felt like the bump wasn't right. When i say bump i mean the way it sounds when you play it in your car, top down, windows down. There was UMPH but not enough. The large amount of features bothered me too although it didn't really effect Hov except on Run This Town and Real As It Gets. Star is born should be right up there too because Sean Carter is also stepping out of his box and i'm glad he brought J. Cole along for the ride with him.

I just have to say this is an EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD ALBUM. Rolling Stone gave it 3 stars because even if Jay-Z is talking about the same things he's doing it really well and hip/new lol. I give it a 3.75. It was almost good enough to be a four if it just would've had that one track. I do believe though that Jay does have ONE Classic ALBUM left in him, I just hope it gets to see the daylight.

P.S. If you haven't bought the album already PLEASE DO!

GOD DAMN, that took me an hour...smh

Kinda Dope

Hey yall,

i'm going to explain everything that's going on in another entry but right now i want to discuss this AMAZING, possibly once in a lifetime experience. AND it's called South Park lol. Right now i know your thinking to yourself like what the hell is this wanna-be rapper, philosopher, hardworking, lazy, blogger fucking talking about? I can watch South Park from my house and what can the show POSSIBLY teach anyone WELL apparently it can teach A LOT, matter fact A BUNCH. It's a Television Radio Class and my professor (Brian Dunphy) is an amazing teacher and man, well for what i know of him, obviously. He and his Mass Media class last year during my first ever semester in college was one of the few positive things in my life around the time and it kept me sane. Actually the first time he taught this "South Park Class" was last year and i sat in on many of the classes, just listening and observing, taking the experience all in.

I've never been a FAN or really took out the time to watch South Park but i just thought it was very innovative, a big chance on his part, still there has to be substance if it got approved, right?

If you said yes, than you are very much right. It's actually a lot of reading, a lot of open-minded thoughts so the narrow minded will never be able to comprehend something like this but it's awesome. The class actually makes me really nervous, i may be the ONLY sophmore in the class but i'm glad he has the confidence in me to believe and think i would do well in this type of free-thinking, free-flowing environment.

If you go online and type in my professor's name and the class you might find an interview or an article or two about last years class. But what i really wanted to show and discuss to you, was about THIS year's class. WE were already on TV, Brooklyn 12 and it's on youtube.

Please ignore the HOT woman before our part. I don't think you can see me cause i'm on the side of the camera that wasn't filming because class started early. fuck life. lol.


P.S. Don't Mind This, Gamestop shiiittt 1800 818 1374

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

2 Quick THINGS

Don't say i never put you on... even when i'm blackberryless

Link to This Perfect Life:

Monday, September 21, 2009

Last BUT not LEAST

That's where you can Vote for my pal Angelica. She is a hard-working person with a very determined mind and heart. PLEASE, anyone who read this support her, if you're not already. :)

She better thank me :) lol.

Mood Ring 10: Extra Special Edition

These are moods i've felt recently but the last two are songs that inspire me. That when i listen to i want to go out and make something of myself soooo dig it.

Blueprint 3 Review COMING SOON.

Just to throw out there Charles Hamilton supposedly got dropped from Interscope and the album i was waiting for June 25 finally dropped on the internet. I'll post the link on a later entry.
This one song is a song from it called "All Alone"

this is an oldschool throwback Justin! Somebody get me this beat ASAP!

Jay-Z Featuring Pharell -So Ambitious

"The motivation for me, is them telling me what i can not be, OH WELL!" "I'm so Ambitious, i might hit two sisters :)"
Last Call- J. Cole

This last one is the song that helped me finish my first 5.3 miles without stopping. YOU KNOW! Kid CUDI!!!!!!!!!
HEART OF A LION "Can't Nobody Stop me!"


Let the music speak for itself

Recommendation: Spoof Edition

The last one is my favorite. He ripped it. It wasn't like crazy funny or nasty like the other ones but this man is creative and funny as fuck. He use to be on Nick Cannon's wylin out show. His name is Affion Crockett. If you don't know the originals of the spoofs check em out on youtube but don't say i ain't never did anything for you!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Succeed Or Die Trying

The following title is how I live my life. Period.

Soo let's run through some current events lol. I forgot to mention my mom came to new york friday morning, randomly for a job interview. Crazy right? And I'm not gunna lie I was happy she was here but furious she didn't tell me. Like she assumed I was going to my house in cp and left it at that. Like what? How the hell we should she feel if I just went to west palm to her house suddenly but she went to her friends house that day and never knew I was there. Sometimes I wonder where people's thought processes are. Like I haven't seen her since July and it took me a year to see her before. Anyway, whatever. I ended up seeing her obviously. It was nice.

Extrememly nice.

I love my mom to death and wish I had one relevant parent. You know? On saturday I told my therapist like I felt like since I turned 16 I been my own father and basically mother too. Sure they did certain and somethings for me but not as much as they have. Ironically it's like now that I'm older I get the less attention, no phone calls, no anything really.

What am I bird? What I mean by that is that birds just let their children go, learn how to fly and let me do their own thing. I don't think humans are SUPPOSE to be that way.

Whatever. I'm just glad I got to see her. Like all I wanted was a hug from my mom :(. That's all I wanted. To know that I still have one and can get a hug from her. Just thinking about It makes me wanna cry.

Anyway, me and my friend drank and wrote songs. It feels good to have a partner and people who believe in us. well maybe him a little more because they were his friends first, although that's a fucked up way to view things. But I'm sure either way it's sincere. One of the good things about going back is the positive friendships I have developed. :)

Anyway, after my long night, it was hard to sleep and I didn't want to get up but randomly that night my grandfather got 3 tickets to the Mets game and took me and my sister ashley.

My mom's flight was at 11 45 so we had leave before 10 30. I was exhausted BUT I still got up because I wanted to squeeze out any minute with her. Also because I was fucked up 4 years ago when she was moving to florida. The day she was leaving, I just hugged her and left the house. I don't know why did that instead of going to the airport. I went to go play ball and hang out with my then girlfriend. I think I was in denial and didn't want to face her leaving my life. And when I say someone's leaving my life I mean they lose their everyday relevance in it.

Just thinking about it we had a very deep conversation about everything.


I can't continue talking about it but I hope you get the point. Anyway, saturday morning/afternoon went to the mets game, dumb tired. I left before the 7th inning started and the score was 1-0. Then I went to therapy ten minutes late but had a good session except that it went quicker than any other session I've had. And I've had sessions for like ten mins where I got everything off my chest lol. Sooo wierd.

Okay than the rest of night kind of just went smoothly didn't do too much of anything. But just to add (I don't know why I get mad at this but) when my co-workers go out I don't ever get an invite anymore. I was actually praised the last couple days because I impressed the managers at my store and other stores with how good I did the walls in my store. They wanted to give me more hours n everything but of course if I did take more on, I would die lol. But I don't even get an invite to a dinner for one of our friends/ex-employees promotion and then (not that I would've gone) they go to a club last night. They talk about it in front of me but don't say a god damn thing to me about going?

Just the day before I was being complimented on my positive attitude through hard times and I'm always talk about music with my manager yet we never get anything done. No beats no anything. Whatever. I'm not bitter and I'm not going to be you know why...

Cause I know I have a plan and god has a big plan for me that I'm going to work hard for and I'm going to furfill.

Anyway, I just want to go to the movies. Just relax with a bag of popcorn and water and watch a good movie, chick flick or not :)

Last, I woke up again @ 6:50 and got to school on time but couldn't take a nap on the bus still it didn't matter. I was determined to finish the course and in good time.

My coach placed faith in me and so did my older brother DV. It also helped that I ran the curse friday that gave me major inspiration. And guess what!?!?

My team finished first. I finished 7 of 8. And I finished in 42 mins flat! And I'm not that tired, physically. Could use a nap but I'm gunna play ball. First take a shower.

Gunna post like 2 more entries (I got you angelica!). Holla at me yall...

I know people have always hated and disliked my "one-up you" I'm gunna do bette mentality but u don't understand how hard I've worked to get here and for the most part I did it by myself but with the help of a couple people too.

Just know I'm gunna succeed or die trying.


Jam the fuck out yall...

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Am I Dying? And When the Good Turns Bad

"When a girl girl goes bad, she's gone forever"-Jay-Z

Thought that would be a good quote to start entry of stressful proportions. Been a long ass week and emotionally more than physical I'm drained, torn, hurt, stressed, (insert word that describes everything I just said).

Yea. Well know you know why I say fuck life lol. And yesterday my phone almost officially died. The blackberry my only physical birthday present.

(Was suppose to get a microphone and a pair of sneakers but we won't get into that. BLOAW!)

I'm not even mad about that shit. My last two birthdays were alright but I'm a make it great. (Listening to Empire State of Mind feeling better especially with the sun shining). Anyway, this week I've been exhausted but of course just because your running on e doesn't mean the drama stops coming. It's ironic because the last 3 years I've tried my absolute hardest to stay away from it all (on some HOV shit!) But people and woman always go after you.

I must say shit gets depressing, last year I definitely was depressed, maybe not severly but I think you could read it off of my face. Not much went right and I contributed some of that on to myself but ugh. Anyway, here I am soo much better but things are confusing as ever. I know who I am and what I want to be but that's about it. Mind has been boggled like the board game. Right now I actually have some people that care about me, ugly, broke or not, they do. I have people that actually go look for me and that's something I haven't had in a while.

I went back to college point this summer for my sanity, for my identity, to remember who I am. I know it's not the greatest place in the world but neither is Marcy or 8mile. Which I'm sure Jay-Z and Eminem went back to even if just for once time to rememver who they are. Hell 50cent bought his old house, made a studio, and recorded a whole album where he use to live with his grandma. Something about where you were brought up brings up nostalgic thoughts that make you whole. Regardless of how FUCKED UP it was for you at one time, there's some inspiration, some rememberence, some homage being paid when you go to where you use to live and College Point is that place for me.

I always went back I just never told anybody. I would just see my family and bounce and people would be like where you been Jam? And I'd ignore it. I looked down at these people like I was sooo much better than them because I've made something of myself and continue to. But who am I to think I'm better than an individual who just didn't have my determination, who didn't want to overcome the troubles they went to.

Who was I? To do that. I was and am nobody in that sense. To place judgement. So instead I just know who I am and yea, intellectually, yea school wise, ambition wise, and everything I could be better than everbody I give dap to but that doesn't mean I'm too good to hang out with them, to treat them like they're not human. To not offer a helping hand. If someone needs me I'm here, otherwise if they don't want my help fuck it, that's on them.

If I was in their position I would want someone to try to help me and at one point I was in that situation but I chose to take a different route. I chose to make myself better and it did help that I moved out of the place but spirtually did I ever leave?

I don't think so.

I think I needed to go back to remember who I was. Why I'm doing what I'm doing and that even though I left I got people who show love. People who I can share stories with. People who will remember me, period. That's what it did for me. I got to remember what it was like to have a family, with my sister there, with my aunt and uncle back together.

And in conclusion I don't judge anymore, I'm just here to be the helping hand the hope. What obama is to a little black kid in chicago is what I want to be for people in college point. I'm not the only one who'se moved on though, I have my friend Dayna who'se making something of herself and she knows how I feel. She has the same heart for the place although she's moved on in life. And that's why our personalities mesh and I understand her.

Anyway, that wasn't the point of this entry. I just needed to get that off my chest.

This week I've been exhausted like I said and on friday, yesterday I finally had school off and was trying to be fine doing nothing. Mission accomplished. I ran and didn't worry about doing something. If something happen it did if it didn't it didn't. It was sooo weird. Not rushing. Not caring but it's exactly what I needed PLUS about 9 hours of decent sleep.

Then I ran over 5miles and didn't leave DV behind who thought he wouldn't make it. But he did. That's my brother. And I know there days you wanna give up but you don't and I definitely put a smile on his face for that.

Anyway, I was SUPPOSE to go to a st.john's party which never happend instead me and my boy wrote music, drank by ourselves and chilled.

the rest of the night was terrible, horrible I might say. Won't say why but it was.
Now I'm tired again but will be doing nothing today. Just relaxing, maybe some hw, maybe a movie and then tomorrow I'm going to kill in cross country.

Although I'm all fucked up mentally be on the lookout for more music. It's coming. I promise. I feel it. I really do.

Jam the fuck out yall...


Friday, September 18, 2009

One laRGE Question

"Why do words have so much impact?"

I mean words are just words right?

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" Is that how the saying goes.

I mean sure words like Niggers, crackers, spicks, guidos (however you spell it) have meaning from hundreds of years ago because of oppression and what not, but why do they hurt.

What would you remember or be more hurtful toward you if I said I hate you or showed you I hated you by pulling a prank on you everyday of your life?

I don't know I thought that was an interesting topic that one of my professor's brought up. I hope no one gets offended by this.

It's just a question.

Let your brain ignite, let your thoughts rome, so your mouth can speak an educated response...

Jam the fuck out

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Mood Ring Part 9: Soundtrack 2 My Life (CuDi Edition)

Before i finish my small essay, i just wanted to share this with you. This dope ass song. This should be a little sneak preview of what Kid CuDi's ablum sounds like and what he may bring to music in the future. You have to be able to relate.

Sometimes you let the music speak for yourself.
"I got some issues that nobody can see
and all of these emotions are pouring out of me"

I Feel Somebody Watching Me... Maybe Cause I'm alREady HOMeeeee

What's good new readers? What the hell is new? What's good? I don't get to really hear yall but eventually know I'm gunna have too many followers one day. Meaning the whole world is going to be watching me, to see what I do and I acutally feel like that's already the case.

I have people who read my blog, who read my statuses, who watch me on youtube, myspace all that without me knowing. That's the advantage and disadvantage of having things out there without really trying to promote it but fuck it I'm not ashamed cause soon enoigh the whole world is going to hear my most memorable, deep work and I'm not ashamed at all. What should I be ashamed about, this is what I want to do in life. These are the consequences I have to deal with. It actually makes me happy but nervous. I bet as I get older I will try to privatize everything I do, on some jay-z shit. My wife may not ever have my last name but aslong as I know she's my wife and she knows, fuck it right?

Anywho, I actually came to school on time and when I say on time I actually mean early. It's crazy. This means I CAN do it, now it's all about consitancy, one of the most important things in life. Consistancy, I think people forget that, and when I say people I mean myself too.

Confession: missed anthropology. Fuck life. Lol. I'll get the notes. I'm trying to keep missing class on the minimal. Try no more for the rest of the year. Last year missed WAY too many.

Last notes:
Copped the CUDI album. So far I like. It's mellow. It's me. But I'm far to stuck on the blueprint, oh well. :)

And I bought the special edition one for 19 dollars no bonus 3 songs. -I'm not the only one everyone didn't get it. Fuck life yo. Lol. Whatever. Money is money but I do need it.

Jam the fuck out

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

"Real As It Gets"

Hey yall,

I actuallĂ˝ have an entry to finish if I rememver what I was writing about lol. either it doesn't matter I got to update you guys on the recent events, emotions, and whatever the hell else I can think of!

Oh by the way the Kid Cudi album is out today, must I repeat myself gooooo coooopppp thhhaaattt at your nearest target. I feel bad though because I know it's gunna be dope but I'm a still be more on that BP3 shit, that's party why I didn't buy Raekwon's album. I will. I promise lol.

I been feeling crazy stressed of late but it's weird cuz I'm stressed and feeling good. It's weird. Anyway, as some may now I had my first track meet on sunday morning at 11. I had to wake up at 6 50. I also was neverous as hell but after listening to run this town with the beautiful weather and wonderful competition I was quite hype.

I started and was like oh shit, fuck my life lol but as I kept going I was getting more excited and inspired. Seeing others trying to pass me, other's who are skinny, others who thought they would do real good, fall off while I jogged right passed them felt sooooo good. Plus the weather and I was decently prepared. I wouldn't have broke any records but for my self-esteem and for my own standards I would've made my own records.

I woudld've strarted.a new precendent and chaper in my life. Ironically I didn't finish the race because I was directed the wrong way. I did feel like it was too short but when I saw the finish line I booked it and was feeling good. I could've ran more I'm not gunna front. I was feeling stupendous. Sooo good that I was gunna do anything to finish the race.

Anyway, next sunday I'm a get em. I swear!

Sidenote: I already lost 4 pounds. I'm feeling better. I'm not taking these fat comments to heart anymore fuck it.

On the basketball tip: I feel very awkward. My jumpshot, which improved last year, makes me feel real uncomfortable. My form is sooo weird. Anyway, I did decent yesterday. Scored a couple points, hustled, played d. Once I get my confidence near the clouds, which I'm sure will be soon, I'm gunna dribble the ball, go to the basket, pass the ball, control shit and hit my mid-range jumpshot.

Yesterday no one called me fat either. Haha.

People see me working hard. Marlon made me feel good when we were lifting weights together. It did feel mad good. I'm doing pushups and crunches at home. I'm not letting anything faze me.

Aslong as I show that I'm hard-working no one's gunna take my spot and people let me know that.

So I'm goooooddddd. But I wanna be better. Holl@!

So this past weekend was alright, played a litle ball, just chilled. I'm actually pretty proud of myself, I did some bold, but positive things this weekend, which I miss dearly.

That's life though, sometimes even when you work hard, put in work, you may never obtain everything you want. Fuck it!

I'm tired, just got to class. 7 hours is not enough for me.

Tonight I have to go to work and work on my first paper of the year. I actually have 2 coming up too.

Fuck life lol.

Anyway, I might give up my second day or trade it for saturday. I just got to fill out my loan. Damn I can be maaaaddd lazy sometimes. Oh well. I'm taking on all challenges and challengers.

"Ooo, they want me to fall, fall from the top, they want to drop, they want to stop, they want me to go...but I'm already home, HEY, I'm already home"

Jam The Fuck Out

Monday, September 14, 2009

Mood Ring: Part 8 "Empire State of Mind"

Hey yall, told yall i'm on my grind. lol. Anyway, this mood ring goes out to a new favorite song from Jay-Z's BP3. The song is, well amazing! It's so different from what he usually does/has done and Alicia Keys sounds magnificent. Many reviews i've read says that she sounds "pop-py." I must say i beg to differ. Live or in person i know she sounds amazing and is just as beautiful as her voice. As for Jay-Z "What More Can I Say" "He's an idol in my eyes" (Kanye West) and i just hope i get to work with him somebody seriously. I know H-O-V probably has his ego trips but i think and hope that deep down he's as good as he portrays himself to be. Everyone can be a dick so i don't knock him for that. It would just hurt never to be able to do a song with him...
Anyway, enjoy this one and i apologize if i'm jockin carrie, jockin carrie lol. Someone will get it.

"The city never sleeps, better slip you an ambien"
"I do it for the culture"

Go buy that Blueprint 3!!!


Sunday, September 13, 2009

Reconcilation: I THINK NOT! New Catch Phrase/Lifestyle/Quote

My uncle and cousion started this so I will begin it like a fucking poem:

Fuck life

Or in twitter times #fucklife

"Fuck life"

A girl who claims she loves you, makes you wait for her, but tells you to go on with your life, get jelous, spazzes, calls you pathetic but STILL doesn't WANT to be with you equals...

Fuck life

Getting cut after playing for a championship basketball team

Fuck life

Running cross country, being the 2nd slowest runner, getting called fat, not finishing your first race, while getting a burn and your rash worsens.

Fuck life

Having a home but not having a home

Fuck life

Economy is supposedly getting better but your family situation is getting worse, especially with money

Fuck life

I think you get the point. That's all I wanted to say. Enjoyyyyy

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Resurrection & Restoration

Let's talk insecurities...
3 that top my list are:
Rejection(not being good enough)

And those are three things I've been struggling with for the upper half of my life 9 1/2 years I guess you can say. The biggest one is weight though simply because it's always there. I can only put myself in certain situations where dancing will effect me but weight that's on me 24/7. Can't do shit about it but lose it. And eventhough I do lose it, I just don't have much control over it for some reason. It's wild.

One summer I gain, next summer I don't. It's this constant cycle and believe me I feel no pressure by society. I feel pressure from myself, my peers, and my sport. Like how the fuck have I played sports all my life and still have this chuby/belly babyfat shit. I don't even think it's babyfat more like b.s. Aka fat but yesterday it bothered the shit at me.

people on my team in school mentioned I have gained weight and I must admit ten or so pounds is a lot BUT to make it seem like I went from a twig to a log pisses me the fuck off. And to constantly bring it up, from one person to another person damn. Like is making a scene about It NECESSARY no BUT what I will do is shut everyone down. I just have to prove it to myself you know. That's were It starts. I shut people down about my rappin n my weight for years. Had haters suck me so hard thought they were my girlfriend but whatever. I just need to "brush my shoulder off" tell these "haters" "I'm as real as it gets" then from being on the team I'm moving "on to the next one." "What more can I say?"

Leave it at that. I'm placing the blueprint on these people.


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Drinking Cheap but expensive Coffee while learning about RED hot Magma...Boredom

Lol. I love the title don't you. 2nd class of the day and I'm kind of bored. Ironically the class is pretty interesting. I like the professor. He's an archeologist himself so it's cool that he can teach a class. Wanna hear something weird? My dad is teaching a computer class at Queens Borough Community College. Lol. I have no idea how. How because he has nothing but a highschool degree and because he has no time for himself and for his children BUT I wish him the best of luck.

And I just want to say mmmm.... I miss coffee, specifically smiley's coffee in the morning. Fuck, I miss RFK. Anyway, at least I'm getting use to and adapting to college. I think next year I'm a take out a big ass loan and live in like a dorm complex apply to it. Even if it takes me the same time from my house, I just NEED the experience especially if I STAY in brooklyn. I really like the area, school, professors here though.

Anyway, I wanna finish by rhyming words so if you guys no any that I don't mention please drop a comment :) holla!

Dammit (lol)
Hat Trick

Lol okay I'm done. Let me hear your results.

"H-O-V, I got my own lane already!" -Already Home, Jay-Z

Cop that BLUEPRINT 3 and Only Built 4 Cuban Linx

Jam The Fuck Out, laides and gents

I'm B(l)ack Again, Cause I (REALLY) Couldn't Go Back

Meaning I'm back like I never left. I couldn't go back to NOT blogging so I'm blogging again, straight from this new class I acquired last week. It's kind of cool but I'm tired as fuck. It's the intro to music, and yall know how much I love music.

The professor is nice and seems like she knows what she's talking about. She's probably the oldest professor I've encountered/learned from but I don't mind. POWER to MORE KNOWLEDGE.

Listnening to some jazz/swing music. Cridack lol. I think it's funny how I can talk like a hoodlum yet write (most of the time) like an intelligent white man. Lol. "I dress like the white man and act like I'm black" to quote myself. Uh-oh haha.

Yesterday, first day back from the vacation (3day :() cause I have fucking class friday...booooo! Haha. But I actually had my english class grow on me. We read some dope ass poetry by Audre Lorde. I'm looking foward to it. I still have time to drop it so we'll see. I actually read a bit for my history class but we got a quiz friday (fuck life! Lol).

Anyway, basketball starts today. A little nervous but I'm a do my best.

"I don't know what I'm a do but I'm a do it!" -Kobe from a Fabolous song

I'm still wondering if I should buy Reakwon's Only Built 4 Cuban Linx 2. I know it's gunna be dope 90's music. I got a few days to decide so no worries. And sorry Trey Songz for not coppin "Ready" but I got it from someone who did buy it :)

Oh and before I go, just listened to the Blueprint 3 for the first time, straight through and I'm not Mad. Not mad at all. It's some new age, but old age, hip-hop, experimental type shit and I like it. It's not an album for everyone unless your just into lyrics. Hov's lyrics are still fucking ridiculous. Don't ever say that man's "lyrical skill and flow" fell off, seriously. Some songs may be trash but his words will murder most rappers out. Hov's in a league of his own and the only person who's his competition is Eminem, Nas, and Jay-Z (the old Jay-Z). Dr. Dre, 50 Cent, Rakim aren't consitant enough to be his challenger.

P.S. Go cop the albums. Do it 4 Hip-Hop! 4 real. "If you don't know now you know nigga"

"The city never sleeps, better pass you an ambien" -Empire State of Mind "Jay-Z"

Mind-blowing (booom (blow up sound)) lmao.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Hope He reCeives My Love

Hey, i just want to shout out my uncle/brother Michael J. Rivera aka Em Jay (changed his name from Mike J. Gottie). Today's his birthday and he's spent the last five days in Vegas, which i'm certainly a little jelous of but hopefully my time will come. Actually, i know it will. I'm a wild boy and CAN'T HELP IT! ("I can't help it, if i wanted to, i can't help, even if i could" (RIP Michael Jackson)).

And Happy Birthday to my Man Marcus too. I just met him in the summer but he's a really cool dude. I found out he rapped and me and my man (partner) Johnny F took him to the studio and he recorded two songs with us. His first two songs EVER and hopefully they aren't the LAST too. Actually on friday i was suppose to go visit him in R.I., because he dorms there and plays football for a low D1 school (how cool is that) but i had work friday and i'm not that upset although it would've been nice chilling with him.

That reminds me i had a pretty good therapy session on Saturday. I actually made it on time, well of course i paid for a cab because technically i was late, lol. But i have to make a better effort to be more on time with things and i SWEAR i'm trying. I still have a few months left to try and earn my permit for driving. That was one of my goals for the year and can't forget about that.

Those who are wondering i'm still doing the Rebirth, or going through the Rebirth process. I just haven't mentioned it or really have been following it. I've been a mess, lack of sleep, school, i'm still not very adjusted and cordinated. Anyway, since school is starting i'll be back on my grind. I'm almost at entry 250 and the year anniversary is in a few months (december) so hopefully i can reach 400 by then. But i'm not going to rush or force anything.

I think i should go running, i don't well see. I just wanted to write about the events this week before i leave:

Sept 8.- Jay-Z "Blueprint 3" drops (A MUST BUY FOR EVERYONE!)
Raekwon "Only Built For Cuban Linx 2" (Debating about buying it but i heard it was going to be an awesome album)
50 Cent "50 Laws of (?)" mixtape drops which i will definitely download.
(p.s. i need to buy a new usb)
My school work out facility opens up! holla! i can't wait to be fit.
Then running cross country (if i can get someone to switch with me :/)
I need to buy my books and get a fucking loannnnnnnnnnnn!
I still owe the MTA MAD MONEY! So i have to get that done ASAP. (i'm gunna cry)

Sept 9. -First day of basketball workouts (nails bitting)
Possible drop off class and pick up of another

Sept 10. - Regular day of school :(
Probably going to RFK before i go to school

Sept 11. - 8 year anniversary of 9/11 (RIP to all the people that died)
8 year anniversary of the first Jay-Z "Blueprint"
Happy Birthday Fabolous
And Jay-Z concert, HOPEFULLLYYYYYYYYYYY (It's going to be telecated though @ 9 o clock)

Sept 12.- Therapy/possible work

Sept 13. - True Blood finale
Fist Cross Country Meet

stress....blah...stay positive...

JAM the fuck OUT!

Recommendation: (Good Music Edition) How Fly & Greenlight

Hey yall, this is another addition of shit i've listened to and want to pass along. Wiz Khalifa & Currensy are dope solo artists. I'm not a HUGE fan of either but i do enjoy a lot of their music. The cover is pretty hot and if you do check it out, i really hope you enjoy it. I think the quality (how it sounds) is a bit rushed cause some tracks are longer than others but besides that i can pretty much listen to the whole thing straight with very little need to skip.



My second recommendation is Bow Wow, formally known as Lil Bow Wow. Yup, he's growing up and his music is definitely maturing. I'm not going to front like i didn't listen to him when i was younger, shit, i copped probably the first 3 albums. Lil Homie had hits even if he didn't write them. Eventually, he got older and people stopped caring. People judge him because when he was 12-16 and younger people wrote/helped him write rhymes, truthfully i don't see what's wrong with that. He was mad young but he gets a lot of heat for it. You don't hear people shitting on Wayne, when the WHOLE WORLD knows people wrote for him EVEN NOW! (cough, cough DRAKE). Anyway, with that said, in this effort i believe BOW WoW is writing for himself and making pretty good music at that. The mixtape is very diverse and i want to say i kind of like it more than "How FLY." The beats bang pretty good and Bow Wow has some pretty decent punchlines. I think the beginning of the mixtape is FIRE.

Conclusion: Add both of these to your listening collection. Holl@!

Recommendation (TV edition): Hung

Hey yall, hope you liked my poem. I really enjoyed it. It was very liberating, actually extrememly liberating. I'm still feeling weird but that's for another entry. Here, i want to push you guys into watching (yet) ANOTHER HBO SHOW. Usually on Sunday's it goes: True Blood, Hung, and Entourage. So now that i've recommended True Blood and Entourage, it's time to put the icing on the cake for our tv lovers.

Hung is a term used for well-endowed men aka big penis men. Apparently i read in a magazine that most men don't have over an 8inch erect penis (only 3%) of the population has one (that includes larger too). I don't know i just thought i'd throw that random (kinda gay) fact in. Anyway, the sohow is about this guy who lost his kids, his house in ruins, he has an annoying neighbor, and ex wife married to some geek from their h.s. He also lives in a tent and works as a gym teacher at his old highschool were he was a praised baseball star who ALMOST went pro. After watching the first two epsisodes you'll be hooked and understand how he got the idea to become, well, a male jiggalo. It's pretty cool, intense, sexual, and funny.

So if you have HBO check it out. Take a stab at it. Life is (kinda) about taking chances, no? :)

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Just Some Randomnes§

Homie wanna talk, well let's be about it

Be straight foward, let's not tip-toe around it,

What's on your mind, in your chest, put it out, on the desk, let your heart breathe again, so we can be free again

Take steps, away and towards

The lights in us, but the darkness come fowards

As death and pain comes closer, my eyes get lower, and I'm soaked, with emotions, no umbrella of protection, no invisable cloak to disseaper, like a deflated erection


Help, the child in me screams, vile, and desperately in need

I must suceed, or succeed


Rambling, thoughts very clouded, what's filtered, I need rest and some coffee

Everyday, not the same, torn or in shame, but life is a game, that we have to play


Felt, before, walk or stay within the confined doors,

The allure

Pull, close, away, tug of war, what we endure, shall always stay, corruption, of something, sort, has placed me under cuffs of captivation


Only in theory, paper, or typing, can I bleed my feelings, with no knifing,

Drawn out predicitions, of life

Scribble in the insides of the tombs deep within my eye seeing, dome

My scrotem is packed and empty light, but heavy, still either or my necessity to take chance, to risk, life in order to feel and touch and love






If there is one

Shed light

Let's Have A (Re)Discussion

What's good readers, listeners, and observers aka people I appreciate very much. I'm tired as fuck and wish I fell asleep a little but ago but I can't sleep. Some stressful, angry situations I been going through. Been stressed about school and just need like good/quality sleep. I don't get that very much or often. Lol. Sleeping with my grandparents (alone, on the couch bed, NOT WITH THEM) can be a bit stressful since they get up o.d. Early, make. Noise, and wake me up. I learned how to avoid that shit. Also my knee is kinda bothering me still. I actually hurt it during cross country. I didn't know I had knee problems cause apparently my knee is too high. Which means I have to stretch a lot, A LOT, and I will probably have knee surgery kinda early in my life (like late 30's/40's). Yea. Not a good look.

Right now I'm watching the 5th element with my sister ashley and this shit is dumb weird. And on a random note, I think my sister is extremely pretty and I have to watch out for her because of that. Actually I think all my siblings are really pretty. I was actually hanging out with them today. It was really nice. I actually made therapy on time too. I really needed it, like really needed to talk. I also have to make therapy on time or someone's gunna take my slot and I lose my amazing therapist.

Anyway, I just want to reiterate how life is sooo weird. My uncle blames life, I blame the people in life. Yea life may be a bitch but it's the people she births that make it crazy.

I'm about to pass out again. Goodnight. Will write an entry or two more, later. Sweet dreams.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Blueprint 3

First i'd like to say R.I.P to Aaliyah and Michael Jackson, whose birthday just passed recently. I've just really been in my own world and stressed. I have to do a couple more recommendations on two more mixtapes and two new shows from HBO. BUT let's talk about another big album in my life. The Blueprint 3 by Jay-Z.

The Blueprint One was an album i took for granted. It was one of the most bootlegged cd's at the time and probably in history lol. Ironically (or not) my dad bootlegged everything and of course he had the Blueprint. At the time i wasn't a Jay-Z Fan. I go through phases, sad, lost, growing up phases and usually during these period of times i get attatched to a new artist. First it was Eminem, then Jay-Z, then 50 Cent/G-Unit, Kanye, and Charles Hamilton. Now i listen to so many artists it's hard and i like a lot of them but i haven't really been attatched to one except maybe XV. So the blueprint came out in 2001, actually september 11, 2001. It was crazy. I remember exactly where i was at the moment, in the lunchroom of RFK during Music class. My dad ended up picking me up cause he was late for work and guess where he worked right by? yup, the twin towers. So i guess he was lucky, who knows what would of happen. Anyway, i remember him sometime bringing cd's and i picked it out. i think i listened to it but obviously oblivious to how amazing the cd was at the time. i was still attached to eminem (and didn't want to cheat on him lmao). There was a track on the cd titled "Renegade" with eminem and jay-z. so this song instantly became a classic and the one song i really listened to on the album. It's probably one of the best, if not the best on it.

(that's them performing live two or so months ago, the song)
So then when i started liking Jay-Z, he was on to the Blueprint 2. I made my mom buy me the album and that was actually the first Jay-Z album i got or bought. I liked all the commercial sounding songs on it, not listening to the real gems on the cd. Remember the "Bonnie n Clyde 02" remix. That shit was fire. Beyonce looked sooooo sexy. Anyway, it just happend that was my first cd and the beginning of the Jay-Z frenzie. Then i bought the black album but didn't really listen to it either. I became infautated with G-UNit and EMinem now and those were the only two things i listened to. A few years later, when i started really writing music for myself and had an open ear for punchlines and such (thanks to G-Unit and Eminem lol) i listened to the jay-z albums i had and realized this man was a genius. The black album became my blueprint.

Anyway, i had to lead up to the story because here i am, at 19, and Jay-Z is back with the Blueprint 3. Which, from what i've read and heard has been receiving a lot of heat, critism, and more. The whole album has leaked (just like the first blueprint) and Jay-Z wanted to dropit on September 11 (friday) to remember his first blueprint. BUT of course he pushed it up to tuesday (found out recently) because i'm assuming of the album leak. Ironically, i think he leaked the whole thing purposely and planned this. He's been very creative though. Jay has been trying to take his music to the next level since he's been back out. I thought (in 2005/2006) that i would never hear Jay again then he dropped Kingdom Come (which i was extremely impressed by) but i was just glad to be hearing him. I would love, absolutely love him to do a song with me in the future. So i'm glad he's maturing, still out and making music. I just think people don't understand him. I'm not going to front like the music he's making is CLASSIC material but how much can it be. I still believe He has that last CLASSIC in him but i think his final, final, album will be a classic. He's still Jay-Z. He's just done enough hip-hop and i don't blame him for exploring, especially with the way hip-hop is changing.

I'm just bothered by the leak and the lack of understanding but i do miss HIP-HOP Jay. Blueprint/Black Album Jay. But i'm not hating. I'm just glad he's still here and being hated cause that means he's relevant.

GO COP, Sept 8th BLUEPRINT 3. AND PRAY i get tickets to his friday concert. HOLLA!

P.S. This is innovative

P.P.S If you don't think he still got it. Listen to his flow and the words on this song, which you probably heard already but.
"my raps don't have melodies, this make niggaz wanna go out and commit felonies"

Mood Ring (Special Edition) Part 7

Let's start off positive with the mood ring session. I'm back yall. Last month and the last couple months i just been having problem blogging. like when i want to my computer or phone isn't working. It's fucking weird. Well the first song is the new, radio played, drake song which pretty fire. i have to say EVERYONE did their thing on this. THe song really grew on me. I just wished Kanye's verse stood out MORE and Em's verse was a little more clear cause they both went in. If you need a song to get you hype, excited, and make you feel good this is definitely the song to listen to. (shouts to Johnny F, who beat me to it lol)

The next song is a lot more mellow. I posted the lyrics. This is actually part 2. The first one is extremely good but i like how the beat is more natural sounding, it makes the song deeper, more powerful and Wayne changed a few lyrics up too. I guess i kind of feel the way the song does and kind don't. Actually i have a long history with the original song since it came out before my senior year in high school and i felt so strong about it. Cause the girl i was messing with was still having trouble with her long-relationship ex boyfriend and i felt it. SO i hope you do too.

Lyrics are below

Ummm I wouldnt Care if You Was a Prostitute,
And That You Hit Every Man That You Ever Knew,
See It Wouldn't Make a Difference If That Was Way Before Me And You Girl,
And You Dont Ever Have To Worry About Me Long As You Keep It Real,
Whatevers On Your Mind, Speak On How You Feel,
Stay Truthful To Me And Never Lie To Me,
And Don't You Ever Keep No Secrets No Matter,
You Know What I Mean...? Yeah...
And if you don't then I'll EXplain,

[Repeat Chorus]

Listen, I Say,
I wouldnt Care if You Was a Prostitute,
And That You Hit Every Man That You Ever Knew,
See It Wouldn't Make a Difference If That Was Way Before Me And You Girl,
And You Dont Ever Have To Worry About Me Long As You Keep It Real,
Whatevers On Your Mind, Speak On How You Feel,
Stay Truthful To Me And Never Lie To Me,
And Don't You Ever Keep No Secrets No Matter,
You Know What I Mean Yeaaahh...
And If You Dont Then I'll Explain,

[Verse 1]

You could be my Mrs. Wayne, And We Can Do The Damn Thang.
I had to tell my brother, Man, I Met a Girl Like You,
And I Aint Never Met another Girl Like You,
But I know What To Do Wit a Gal Like You....I Do.


I wouldnt Care if You Was a Prostitute,
And That You Hit Every Man That You Ever Knew,
See It Wouldn't Make a Difference If That Was Way Before Me And You Girl,
And You Dont Ever Have To Worry About Me Long As You Keep It Real,
Whatevers On Your Mind, Speak On How You Feel,
Stay Truthful To Me And Never Lie To Me,
And Don't You Ever Keep No Secrets No Matter Whatever,
You Know What I Mean Yeaaahh...
And If You Dont Then I'll Explain,

[Verse 2]

See I Give up the game at the top of the arena,
Theres a jersey wit my name Baaaby,
Whats happening baby, whats happening baby,
You know you need to roll wit a champion baaby,
And Every Time I See You I Get Asthma Baby,
Like *Gasps*...That's My Baaby.


I wouldnt Care if You Was a Prostitute,
And That You Hit Every Man That You Ever Knew,
See I't Wouldn't Make a Difference If That Was Way Before Me And You Girl,
And You Dont Ever Have To Worry About Me Long As You Keep It Real,
Whatevers On Your Mind, Speak On How You Feel,
Stay Truthful To Me And Never Lie To Me,
And Don't You Ever Keep No Secrets No Matter Whatever,
You Know What I Mean Yeaaahh...
Uhhhh...See, Cause,

[Verse 3]

I aint the kind that Kiss and tell,
But my man say that he really know you well,
But I don't carrree, I wanna know you for my damn self,
And even though stunnas say you scandalous,
And you known to go from one man to the next,
But I dont care what he say,
No I don't care what he say,
Because they can say what they want girl,
But they will never change my views,
Cause they will never know you the way that I know you,
And Im trying to share the rest of my whole life with you,
And if it gotta be a thong, so be it baby,
And if your friends cant understand...

[End Hooks 1 & 2]

You don't Need them Baaby...

You don't Need Em' Baaby...

You don't Need Em' Baaby,

Don't Need Em...Tell Em...

Now Let Me Hear You Say I Love It Baaby,

Say I Love It Baaby...

Say I Love It Baaby...

Say I Love It Baaby...

Say I Love It Baaby...

Say I Love It Baaby...

Say I Love It Baaby...OooOo I Love It Baby

Say I Love It Baaby,

Say I Love It Baaby...

Say I Love It Baaby...

Say I Love It Baaby...

Say I Love It Baaby...

I Love It Baaby...

Say I Love It Baaby...

Say I Love It Baaby.

Friday, September 4, 2009


Hey yall, this is my second attempt to blog. The other entry is unfinished, unprepared, with the same title as this entry. I must admit these last two weeks have been extremely hectic and insane. Emotions scattered all over the place. Esepcaiily last week's friday. OMG. Is all I can really say. What I need I'm not sure. What I'd like is a relaxing weekend which hopeful I get. Full of drinking, fun situations, and stress-freeeeeeeeee.

I may be in a fantasy land for wishing that and thinking it could be reality. Who knows. Anyway, let's start the recap (and by the way this will be a hell of a LONG entry).

Friday: first day of school. You know the anxiety you get when you know you have a big day ahead of you. Well that's how I felt and on top of that I found a journal that I use to write in and remembered some pretty disturbing thoughts of the last year. Crazy last year. All my distraught feelings. Compared to how I feel NOW, I was definitely borderline depressed this time ago last year. Well I'm a year older, fatter, and hopefully wiser. That night and day I just had thoughts that made me so sick, mentally sick to physically sick, to the point I was gagging and in need of throwing up. That is not a good feeling my friends, at all. It's actually a really disgusting one. I actually was talking to a friend(?) About a past relationship I had. How this girl pretty much left me for the better of our relationship. Saying that we're partners and that we'd be together one day when she's older and blah blah. You could imagine after 2 years how I must of have felt toward this event. And when I think about it, I'm not gunna lie it stills bothers me. Not that I don't understand the intention of that but rather the risk and straight reluctance it took to accomplish that feat. Well regardless it happend. And the problem is every once in a while the situation is in my face and I kinda just want it to go away. How could somone just do that to me. I don't care about age differences or discrepensy's or whatever. So on top of that, school on friday, bad dreams, my thoughts were all over the place. DV, my brother, was having trouble too. It was just all crazy. So he did make me feel better. We bought a budlight lime each, watched hangover, ate yummy taco and tried to forget about the nearly finished day. I would've slept over it's just I had to do something saturday but thinking about it now, I can't remember what. Lol.

Saturday: definitely not even close as bad. When I woke up I was iffy. The thing that infurated me was that I missed therapy...ON MY OWN. Like I was sooo looking foward to it and I fucking missed it. I must be retarded or something seriously. Anyway, after I just went to work chilled with some my co-workers than I went to the movies and just relaxed.

Sunday: I woke up relatively early to see Final Destination. Technically the fourth installment of the series. Uhhh, it was pretty awful and FYI just cause something is in a bigger dimension (3-D) doesn't mean it doesn't need a good story line or even good actors. More gore also doesn't make up for lack of budget or lack of skill how to make the best of a budget. A movie doesn't necessarily NEED promotion. A lot of independent films get NOOOO promotion and are really good. example: Juno :) Anyway, that day I went to boulder creek for the first time since I was like what, 14 maybe. My boy John works there, so it was cool but the food wasn't really that good. And it was pretty expensive and we didn't even order that much. Crazy. Then I watched True Blood, which is the shit. I actually missed Hung :/ but I went to this kid who lived in a gated community with a crazy apartment on the 15th floor. Beautiful. Big ass television. Lol. His mom was mad nice. We saw Entourage which was pretty good. Just to say Sloan is fiiiiinnnnnnnneeeeeee.

Monday: I had my favorite class with my favorite professor in college already. His name is Brian Dunphy, he's really the man in my opinion. The way he makes students push themselves, makes us think and stimulate our minds. I mean I'm not the smartest person in the world and sometimes can't articulate myself properly but when I do, he will be one of the reasons I will. He helped me survive first semester. True story.

Tuesday: Could've made up my therapy session but nope :/ instead I started cross country which was pretty cool. It's pushing me beyond my limits. I don't know how I'm going to survive it to be extremely honest with you guys. It makes me feel good I can run 4miles (flat-footed ground) but I don't know. If I run for fun and play ball I should be good. I don't want to over work myself. I'm nervous already about my classes. But this day was really good. I actually felt good to be back in school, campus, with everyone. The sun was bright. BEAUTIFUL.

Wenesday: Another good weather day but not necessarily a good day. Class was pretty good. I did get an overtally finally BUT I still got rejected from creative writing and still have this class that I don't like. :/ anyway, I got into another FUCKING argument with someone that nearly ruined my fucking day. Like wtf. Anyway, I was suppose to run (not including 5 warm-ups, the cool down, or working on our core body) 27 laps in 33 minutes that was the goal. I did like 21 in like 37mins lol.yea. And like in the second lap my knee started hurting. It still does. It's weird. Real weird talking about this shit but whatever. Cuz I have to start stretching LIKE everyday and night. Shit is bugged. And she told me my knee is too high up and I will need knee surgery earlier than other people. Not good. But whatever. Let's not think about that.

Thursday: the aftermath of the argument that continuely progressed throughout the fucking day. I'm still very distraught about it. Shit is just bullshit. Extra bullshit. Meaning like a pile of bullshit that could fill up the empire state building. Anyway, besides that decent day. Work was good not bad, not great. Lol.

Today: well damn, I felt like that was quick but I just have to make a few sidenotes. I know this is a long entry but at least it's organized lmao. Anyway, I'm about to go to work now but at least u feel my good and bads.

P.S. I run this shhhiiiiiiittttt.