Saturday, January 31, 2009

Realization

I just want to say on my last post i, um, O.Ded! Wow, i was tight. lol

Officially Tight

Yo, it's 5:32 a.m. yes check the motherfucking time of the entry and i am officially tight. This is bullshit. I have to be at work in exactly 1:27 mins. The best part is i find out at 12pm last night. Do you know how fucking mad i am right now? Tomorrow is a long ass day or should i say today. work.basketball. and then i was planning to go bowling with like 7 co-workers. Man but now i might not fuck that. Call me a drama queen and shit, dramatic, over the top and i'll say FUCK YOU, don't fuck with my sleep. I can survive one day with like 3/4 hrs, if i'm lucky but TWO DAYS. Yesterday i was tight cause i went to bed late and was going to the studio. Got up because i rather be tired and doing what i love (cause music is my life, then getting up for fucking school) got dressed and found out my session was cancelled, again. MAN FUCK THAT. How was i suppose to go back to sleep. Now i was so anxious around 12 that i didn't fall asleep until one. Then in my head i get o.d anxious and infuriated, and it's dumb hot in my house that i wake up at like 4 ish and guess what. I'm not falling back to fucking sleep cause i'm even madder that i'm losing sleep.
SELF FOR FILLING PROPHECY. MAYBE. But i'm tight.
So the kid that covered for me on tuesday asked me to open today. I told him i ain't really want to and shit and blah blah blah. But he texted me at 12 and tells me he's in jersey and if i'm taking the shift. I'm not saying he's an asshole but that's some dickheaded shit. 2 nights ago we were talking and i was like man i really don't want to do it, i'll do sunday though if you ask. THEN HE HIT ME UP AT 12 last night.
OFFICIALLY TIGHT.
And at this given point in time, if he were to read this blog entry, i truley don't give a fuck. It's different if I MESS WITH MY HEALTH but when someone else fucks with it, NAH brother. FUCK THAT.....

And on some O.D. to the second power grimey shit, i hope you don't sleep well.
Jam's fucking out.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Oh by the way...

(I'm a trendsetter)
Wassup Yall
Back on my blogging shit, for real. Couldn't come up with anything that I DIDNT use, in terms of rap/poetry so sorry yall. But enjoy what is below.

video
Oh K. Lol. I finally figured out how to get this retarded ass video of myself on the blog. Don't judge. BEING judgemental is not cool. It's music. It's fun. and it was new years. Anyway, I just thought i could share this with the people who follow theblog. Ya dig? Oh and by the way my cocky (5% of me) ego, wants to say that i am indeed a MOTHERFUCKING TRENDSETTER...
(had to get it out of my system)Phew.

Oh and watch the video below too. It's short. It's mad chill. I guess you could say that. It's funny but like a cute funny. Plus Jim Carey reminds me of my father.



And i got to add some Dave Chapelle shit. I had a convo the other day about something that reminded me of this so just check this shit out. WATCH ALL THE VIDEOS PLEASE!!!!!



AND THIS IS WHY I MISS DAVE AND LOVE WHITE PEOPLE.




Oh and by the way i sent an email to Charles Hamilton and he actually responded but said he probably wouldn't be able to do a callboration with me. Yup tough.
"Rejection is a sign of someone's imperfections" (just came up with that but it's not always true. the point is it is sometimes). I wasn't mad but i see you homie. I'll be there soon and we'll laugh about the email. lol.

MARCH 24 People! For some reason i think it will actually be possible. I'll tell you what the date means in the near future cause im a little mad my studio session got cancelled again, second time this week. Glad school is over but i got MAD SHIT to read over the next couple days. SUCKS. I know you guys are in the boat with me.

LAST. Shout out to everyone on blogspot. I'm glad you guys aren't slacking anymore. Julian. Tea chung. lol. Deville. Audrey. I like reading as much as i love writing. =)
~jAM OUT~

P.S. VOTE FOR THE BEST EMAIL. 3 DAYS LEFT.
P.P.S I love Christina Millian & Uma Thurman. Uma more though but only for my only private reasons.


P.P.P.S ALL MY OLDER GIRLS. 19 and ABOVE. LIsten to this song even if it's wretched. I dedicate it to you. lol.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I Am The Defintion of...

Swag-ger
–verb (used without object)
1. to walk or strut with a defiant or insolent air.
2. to boast or brag noisily.–verb (used with object)
3. to bring, drive, force, etc., by blustering.–noun
4. swaggering manner, conduct, or walk; ostentatious display of arrogance and conceit.
AND...
Cre-a-tive
–adjective
1. having the quality or power of creating.
2. resulting from originality of thought, expression, etc.; imaginative: creative writing.
3. originative; productive (usually fol. by of).
4. Facetious. using or creating exaggerated or skewed data, information, etc.: creative bookkeeping.

ha. ha.

Hey yall, i'm in school just chilling relaxing until i get kicked off the computer. WOW. Something smells good. Real good like some sort of spaggetti or some shit. Do i want subway, i don't know. Nothing really going on recently except school. Classes are alright. Nervous about English. I feel like if this is going to be my hardest english class, i got to somehow make it happen....call me crazy. Oh my team won on tuesday. 14-4 or 15-4. Whatever. I scored another 2 points. I'm trying to get it in while i can. FUCK IT. Still need an assist though. I led PSAL last year, i could at least get one, right? lol. I'm going to add an edit soon. Going to write something and post it up since i haven't in a while. LOVE YALL. Other bloggers and commenters and readers. FOR REAL.

P.S. I'm trying to get on Wikipedia, anybody now how?

AND THERE'S A NEW SURVEY. EVERYBODY PLEASE RESPOND!!!!! Want to get that done ASAP.
Omg February is almost here. Valentines Day is almost here. Vacation and Julian u o.d. on the intimacy thing. =) CHIllll homie. lol


P.P.S My man Charles Hamilton is coming out with a mixtape. February 13. Going to post it.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Obsession?

Why am i obessed with intimacy? What is it? Why do i need it?
I was just just watching Sex in the City (don't judge me, lol) and the whole episode was about three-somes. And it was kind of cool, idk, i'm not going to blog about my ideas on the topic. Anyway, the point is at the end, Mr. Biggs or w/e his name is was like me and my ex wife had a three some because we were looking for something, different. At the end Carrie goes i understand the point and thrill of threesomes but it's the intimacy that is a bitch.
And it's true. Cause people have sex all the time and shit but it's this stupid idea of intimacy that people need and that i'm obsesed with.

(Ladies don't judge me)
Read the previous entries & watch the video. WILD.
~Jam Out~

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Wow, Can You Believe This...

Watch this video. It's only a minute long but SO O.D.



Then read the last blog entry
~Jam Out~

Light Up

Hey yall,
the title is a little weird today basically because that's the only thing i could think of. I think it's interesting because i feel like it's a very "good feeling" type of term. It's positive, is what i'm trying to say. lol. I also thought i smelled the scent of marijuana on my hands today so i was like hmmm let's all just "light up." haha. Shout out to all my pothead friends, even though i am certainly not a pot head just a little off the edge. Couple screws loose at time.
Oh by the way I HATE FEELING NAIVE toward LIFE. Makes me want to fight somebody.
Anyway, yesterday was my first day of school. Yay and blah at the same time. I made my first class BUT i ended up in the wrong English 2 class. I am a delinquent. A smart, creative writing delinquent. Why was i never in special ed? That was a joke. I AM NOT retarded. If i was i don't think i would know anyway. Lol. Sorry retarded is so negative. So is special ed. Anyway, my philosophy class is cool. NO book, just a course, packet, and my BRAIN. AWESOME.
Oh by the way had some decent mexican food last night and a margarita? OMG am i turning into an alcoholic. 4 drinks in 5 days. I think that's a record for me.
WOW, i need to experience college more often. lol.
Today im waiting idk, 6 fucking hours doing nothing. I should be blogging about something really cool or sophisticated instead, i'm blogging about crap. How ingenious of me.
Anyway, i'm taking a logical math class. Cool? kind of.
Then i'm taking another Television and Radio class, eh. Feel missed place. Believe i'm the only freshmen and i feel like mass media illiterate. AGAIN, i just know how to write.
I should have called this entry, undecided. WEll maybe i'll write another one later.

It's berrylicious. lmao. Shout out to angelica with her blog. i just thought that was creative (your blog) and stupid funny to take.
AHHH MATH.

I'm just tired, hungry, and spazing.
Job stress.
Valentines Day is coming up
Super bowl.
Homework will eventually come.

OH and i have a midterm on my mother-fucking birthday, WOW.
I already know what i want though. I'll post it eventually. Haha.
Seven inches... LMFAO.

Later.

P.S. I need a color. Something that's me. Swauve. Not to shabby. he he shabby. I'm retarded. Woops. There i go again being entertaining, what am i rapper or something.

OH check out Kanye's kicks, i like this color.
(This is for audrey, fashionist =)



P.P.S. What's a twitter?
And what's APA style? I know MPA style but what's APA? Anybody know?
P.P.P.S.
http://www.yungdrew.com/2008/10/27/charles-hamilton-at-fader-fort-nyc-live-performance-video/ (Julian especially check this out!) I'm going to rip it better though. ha ha =)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

A Shot For Me (P.I.C)

Hey yall.
Haven't really made a cool entry like in a while, lol. Soo let's do a QUICK update. On Friday, which was actually an okay day, i had a game. The biggest game of the season. Baruch-undefeated in CUNY & #1 in the North, Brooklyn-undefeated in CUNY & #1 in the South. It was so big, my coach's old principal came from jersey to see the game. A guy from the Sopranos was there too. AS well as half the gym was filled with Brooklyn College fans. Shout out to yall. Could you imagine being the away team and hearing your name chanted as your up by 7 going into the locker rooom...
(reminisces) BRRRROOOOOOOOKKKKKLLLLLLLYYYYYYNNNNNN!!
LOl. That's what we heard. But in a thriller and a bullshit call. WE LOST. First game in the conference and first in 9 games. ITS CRAZY. The referee mad a terrible call with three tenths of a second, YES, Three tenths of a second. WOW. And the season continues....

Sooo yesterday, worked. blah, blah, blah. I bought a Wii Fit (AYO!)and i saw Mall Cop again but before that. I was hanging out with Julian aka C-Star aka Julez aka P.I.C (Partner in Crime), his sister, and his sister's bf. Wow. Some COOOOLLLL ASSS PEOPLE. We went to a discolsed Billard, lol, and had a couple drinks? What the fuck is a kamakazie? Idk. But i drank it. LOL. I know it had vodka and everyone else had one. What a terrible excuse, right? We spent almost 150 on food and drinks. Haven't done that in a long time, if ever. AND since we spent so much money and gave a good tip. Holla. DRINKS ON THE HOUSE.

(Roc boys theme, horns playing...) WE IN THE HOUSE, HOUSE, HOUSE
We in the house, house, house, (music fades)

Yea, i'm not going to lie. I was nervous but it's a part of growing up =). Isn't it. Damn, Jam conquering another level in life? Oh and i think it was called Soki or something like that.

I was pretty amazed. Shit was wild. For sure. Then we went to see Mall Cop (my second time but fuck it, i was living). It was still funny. Pretty good plot and shit i must say. I got to thank Julian, Meghan (sorry if i spelled it wrong, and julian's sister), and her bf. OH SHIT. I forgot his name. Lol. My bad. But good looks on the tickets and the drinks and shit. Made the week for sure. Fuck the rest of the bullshit. Too bad i couldn't come over. I woulda passed out ANYWAY. For real.

SO Tired. Even now. I couldn't sleep. Stayed up. SO here i am not many hours later. ha ha. I think i laugh a lot at myself and on the blog. Maybe too much. (WIERDO)

Today i need:
1)School Supplies
2)Prepare Mentally
3)Go Record Music
4)Haircut
5)Chill, maybe...

How was pineapple express??? I realllyyy waaannnnttt toooo buuyyy it and see it.

Oh for anybody in R.F.K reading this, i found my graduation videos on my aunt's computer. AGain shout to Julian, that poem was fire kid. Shout out to the teacher's. Yall deserved it for real. Everyone. I hope you guys know your appreciated by a lot of us everyday. I know it's nice to hear it face to face but just know i'm here. Complimenting. AND I peeped Byheny crying. I was going to text her but it was dumb late, not that she's probably up. I got love for her. Our anger and stuff. It was mostly my immaturity at the time, i'll admit it but she was still out to get me =) (teasing). lol.

Oh so know i got another question for my readers. I'm SOOOOO indecisive and i'm in need of a new phone. SO i'm posting the four i want and PLEASE help me choose. AND if ANYONE STILL HAS IDEAS ON A FAN EMAIL, let me know. Jamdreams@gmail.com maybe???? HMMMMMMm...


OKAY. so that's five. I found a couple more but that's the gist of it. I really want a slide, keyboard type shit. Like the first two, voyager and the glyde. Everyone has the voyager. SO i'm like ehhh and i haven't seen anyone with the glyde but then i'm like BLACKBERRY Storm. But if anyone has another cell phone idea with a slide keyboard, let me know. But which one out of the three??????????????????
And the reason i'm iffy about the storm is because i might get the iphone in a couple months and so if I HAVE two phones then i want a slide keyboard and the iphone. WOW, i sound selfish. i'm sorry but i'm asking. SO can anyone help out?

Oh and by the way i love but yet hate starbucks.

I keep swagger jacking stuff but i had to because i'm promoting my boy. C-Star. Check out his video and his cat. lmao.



Charles Hamilton - Song of the Week "Most Likely To Succeed" CHECK IT OUT!

Right before i go, I'm probably putting up this song called "My Ode" I couldn't think of a better title. But it's a remix of the Brooklyn Girls shit. Free download and i'll put it on myspace IF i get the okay from two more people.

(Re-Post, BK Girls -Charles Hamilton)



AND...

Have to finish with this. DUH.


Oh and since i'm feeling good. Well good but tired. Here's another one.


~Jam Out~

Saturday, January 24, 2009

PLEASE...

Get out of my head
<
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<
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<
<
<
<
<
<
<
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<
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And my heart

Friday, January 23, 2009

B.O.M.B.S (Back on my blogging shit)

Wow, i'm going to bed. Just wanted to write a third entry. I been feeling kind of wierd. Down. Today went... well alright. Tomorrow, please be good baby. I need sleep so i'm outty. Miss my real blogger fans. Thanks Audrey for commenting =) (and carrie). Oh and school starts monday... uh oh or could be good. Just wanted to post Zits & my song of the week.

P.S. Omg Valentine's Day is around the corner!!!! Can you believe it? I bet people don't even care. Grr.

Charles Hamilton - Most Likely to Succeed
"Then there is me, using music as my therapy"





Thursday, January 22, 2009

Want 2 Write Some Deep Shit But My Feet Are Not Deep In, Some Deep Shit. Still i Carry So Many Secrets That I Hold Deep Within... (Recycling)

I usually do this a little more organzied but i'm still out of it. Tired. Negative thoughts in my mind. Thinking about the past. Sucks. But hopefully today will be a little better. I have to go to work today, i'm going late but fuck it. Jam needs Money, real bad.
Anyway, i was going to blog a little bit earlier but i thought i'd brush my teeth first and eat some cookie crisp. I love cereal yet i hate it. It's never filling and i always want more. OH and my hunger appetite is out of wack for real. I'm always hungry and i feel like my stomach is getting bigger and not smaller. Whatever i worked out again for the first time in a while on tuesday so if i go to practice earlier, i'll do it again. I'm just soar!

Okay so the first video is this CRAZY ASS DUNK. Peep it. It's only a minute long. Wow. Tea Bag. lol


The next thing i will put up is idk... take it how you want it. I understand thanking god but don't be sarcastic about it. People are bitter. Sometimes YOU HAVE to go through things but sometimes PEOPLE make it UNECESSARY. Sorry if i can't spell. Just read what T.I. said. WOW. ( think i'm bringing wow back =)

T.I.

“I want to thank God for somehow … I know he perfect. So I’m a thank him for everything. I’m a thank him for making me drop out of school. I’m a thank him for making me run the streets. I’m a thank him for making me sell crack. I’m a thank him for making me have shoot-outs. I’m a thank him for allowing me to watch my partners die in my arms, So I’d be fearful enough for my life and paranoid enough to go out and cop machine guns and silencers so I catch a fed case and I have to put up $3 million for my bond so I have to spend seven months of my life in my house, so I have to spend a year of my life in prison just so I be validated enough to get out there and touch the youth because they know that I done been through it, and if I say it, it means something. You know what I’m saying?”

Last, yesterday when i was laughing my ass off with Mike J. Gottie (my uncle) and Karlovy (Dre, my uncle's longtime friend) we heard lil cease on the radio rap to biggie. Lil Cease was part of Junior Mafia and close to biggie. But the whole point of me putting the song is because Karlovy said i sound like him. The mumbling. The voice is kind of similar. I want your opinion. If you've never heard any of my stuff well www.myspace.com/jamyoungmusic.

New Shit coming soon. PromisE.

Lil Cease



~Jam Out~

Writer's Block

I'm about to go to bed but i'm pretty fustrated i have writer's block when it comes to the blog and life. It's crazy ridiculous. I can't explain it. And AGAIN i was late to basketball. Holy shit man. Maybe it's a wierd week because i got over being sick and mentally i'm out of it because of school coming up this next monday. WOW. Days go fast.

I went to the studio today. FELT MAD GOOD. But it's wierd again. I don't know the vibe. The feeling like i'm not good enough coming back. God, i just need some swag, personality, and a better flow. I feel like my writing's not even that good. WOW. There i go again. Mad discouraging talk. I got to stop. Just because i feel negative vibes doesn't mean i have to put my head down. I got to keep my head it up.

(looks up at the sky). New music coming REAL SOON. I PROMISE. I have two new tracks in the palm of my heads and a click away BUT i can't put them on. Grrr. It's painful. I'm trying to stack up tracks for the Free Music online mixtape. Tracklist coming soon. I'll put up some shit eventually. I promise. I need to get some of this out through an actual song, NOT JUST blogging.
I hope you like.

~Jam Out~

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Not a Good Start but How It Finishes Is What Counts

Hey,
The title is pretty self explanatory. You know. The week hasn't started off great. Tomorrow should be a good day. Please let it be.

~Jam Out~

P.S. Read yesterday's entry and ummm STOP SLACKING! I'll back on my blogging shit. Just focusing on music.

P.P.S February 2oth =)

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Deprivation (I think i just created my own word)

Hey yall,
I've been depriving you and my blog, =(. Just nothing really has occurred to really discuss. Nothing crazy. Well i started this like two days ago and i've decided to finish now. I haven't done much this weekend except get over my sickness and hate the fact that i will be jobless for at least a month or so. Grrrrr...

Oh by the way A LOT of yall been slacking on the blog, step up your game people. I've commented! And nobody has ANY suggestions on a possible fan email? Maybe you guys aren't fans, hmmmm? Fishy. I think so.

Anyway, yesterday i hung out with my aunt, sister, and uncle (i guess we can call him that). We watched mall cop. I didn't think it was stupid. Wasn't HILARIOUS but it was funny. Shit was almost sold out???!!! Can anybody believe that shit. I want to see biggie though... Wonder if that will happen. Well what i guess this paragraph will be about is "sisters" or siblings. When i was younger i was an ASSHOLE (for those who think i'm still an asshole, well i was even worse back than =) douches, lol). Well i take it back i wasn't really an asshole just a young teen trying to find his way. To an extent i'm like that now. I'm happy with A LOT of things in life cause fuck it. I'm not going to be AS scared anymore. I still am of course but why fear?

Roosevelt "the only thing to fear is fear itself" I don't know if that's correct, i'm paraphrazing. lol.
WOW my grammer sucks. Anyway, i am still sad about A LOT of shit. i feel very mixed and discontent but i KNOW my goals and therefore being sad won't STOP ME FROM REACHING THEM.

Word? Word up!

Sorry i keep going on tangents. As an older brother (of 5 siblings) i feel very... idk the word. I just feel like i have to be the example and also take care of them. I know i have five siblings but i've had 2 of them for most of my life and i don't know i want to be there for them. When i see them a part of me wants to cry because i'm too busy to always hang out with them. Especially victoria. She's going to be twelve this year. She's going to be getting into the dramatic stages of life and truthfully she's need her older brother and i need her and them. I miss my family. I love each of them but i feel more over protective over "my blood sisters." i know it's wrong to say that, but it's different man. No matter what anybody says.
What else happend this week?? (thinks than over thinks)

My team is on their first eve 7 game winning streak. We're 5-0 in conference and i think 13-3 overall. I'm up to 11 points on the season. It's cool.

Today, i went to New Paltz & We won again. 2 rebounds in 2 minutes. I'm chilling =)

"I don't give a fuck. I care."- tell me what you think that means.

I'm getting lazy sorry.

~Jam Out~


Friday, January 16, 2009

Wishful Thinking...

Hey yall,
I had to swagger jack this from Charles Hamilton's blog(the Brooklyn Girl's guy, www.charleshamilton.blogspot.com) because i think it explains my mood and it's definitely peaceful. I will definitely learn how to sample it once i get all my materials. I just want everybody to take a quick listen. That's all for now. Oh and does anybody have a good idea for like a "fan email" address. I want to create a g-mail account and i think that it would be a good idea to have one. Any ideas leave in the comment box. I hope everyone is doing extremely well. I've been well, i'm not THAT sick anymore but i still am. Grrr. Sucks....
More emotional stress happen yesterday, no need to elaborate. Shit is just difficult and i know i HELP make it that way but I also agree that it's NOT JUST ME. feel me....


~Jam Out~

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Better But Not Great

Hey yall,
today i am feeling much better. WAY better than when i woke up yesterday but i have to go sleep so this will be another short entry, so the people who don't ENJOY the long ones, ENJOY this while it lasts. I played again for a minute but i didn't get the chance to shoot or anything. =(
I know sad.

Anyway, shout out to the listeners on my music myspace page. I don't know who you people are (i wish i did, believe me) but for real thanks for the support and check up. I PROMISE new music. I'm tired of talking about it, dammit, I JUST NEED A STUDIO.

Back to the beginning, we won the game. Pretty easily but of course we played like shit so it seemed like we might loose but we have only lost one close game. (damn albright).
Today was pretty emotional for me. I don't know, maybe i'm having like a guy PMS. Just thinking about it makes me choke up. I feel kind of lonley. I only know a few people, if not one person, who i want to comfort me but no names will be mention. Sometimes what you want, you can't have SO you HAVE to SETTLE. I hate settling. Anyway, tomorrow should be cool. BIGGIE movie comes out friday. HOLLLLAAAA.

Hunter game friday. HOLLLLAAAAA.

Oh and people USE the Chatbox. Start beef. Talk shit. lol. Naw for real, idk. You don't have to log in or have a profile to use it. So it's cool. God i wish i was at least semi-semi-semi famous. Lol. I'll get there.

Enjoy the Zits. ~Jam out~

Got 2 Get This Off...

Just something i came up with. Couldn't sleep. I think it's bad. Not something i would use but the point is there.

"Do you not miss making love?
miss being the one i'm thinking of?
miss being the lips i softly kiss?
miss being the one that i truley miss?
or is it because in your mind i'm just a memory
or does your heart feel i've committed a felony
i don't know cause your not telling me, a word
so i don't know what your thinking, i only assume
i wish today was the future so we could resume
where we left off, before you left off
but i'm just being sincere, do you not miss my hand through your hair
do you not miss the way i use to caremy bottom lip, the way it was softley bitten
the rough licks to your neck, that's what i'm missin
where we were so close, i could smell your perfume
on me,
the way we swirled our tounges around and around
when you were on me
interlocking hands, slowly,
undressing one another
rolling around underneath the covers
the wet from my tounge all over your abdominal
wispers in eachother's ear, leaving goosebumps
that felt phenemonal
the butterflies, look in eachother's eyes.....
i guess it's irrelevant now"

Have another entry underneath

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Short & Sweet 2

Going to quit Starbucks. Don't have a choice.
Still feel shitty but a little better.
Neeeeeddddd some Intimacy (take it however you want it)
Shout out to Huggins & RFK Girls Team for winning their first game. (huggins is becoming a better coach but is still a loser. =)



Later.....

Feel Like A Dirty Diaper...Full of Shit

Yea, so i woke up this morning feeling like ABSOLUTE SHIT. True story. I'm about to try and go back to bed, because i'm tired as fuck. I know, I know, the cursing but "fuck it" lol. I can't even think. Anyway, I never saw the movie Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts before today. I've seen parts of it and technically i didn't even see the whole thing (i missed the first 20mins) but whatever. It was a good movie. I definitely want to make a song and a video off of the movie concept. It's pretty cool, that Cinderella type shit. The stuff below are quotes, i rephrased them because i don't know if i heard correctly or whatever. I thought they were pretty cool. The first one is from the Movie "Evan Almighty" and the second one is from pretty woman.

No homo, i like John Mayer's voice so i put up one of his most popular songs. It makes me feel a little better. Pretty inspiring.

The first video is a rendition of MC Hammer's song i think. For all my english majors, or people who love correcting other people's grammar, you should especially find the video entertaining.

Last, is the piano scene in pretty woman. I was looking for a good fucking scene but i couldn't find it on youtube and i don't have much patience at the moment. I'll probably be home ALLLLLL DAAAAYYYY, so expect more.

"When someone asks god for courage, does he give them courage or does he give the person an opportunity to be courageous?"

"I understand the concept of more, but how much more?"
"I need the fairytale"

English People




John Mayer




Pretty Woman





Zits Comic Strip that i couldn't post last night


P.S. The next entry will be about INTIMACY, how much people NEED it and WANT it, especially myself and probably how people can CHANGE who you are by opening up your eyes to the world.

Monday, January 12, 2009

If Opposites Attract Then That's Why I Have A Cold (cause i'm hot, get it?)

Hey yall, I can barley stay up. Today has been pretty emotional. More job issues and shit. I don't like blamin people but i might be getting skrewed by Starbucks. Whatever. I'm only going to see it my way and my perspective, so whatever. More emotion issues and shit. Whatever. I guess i am bitter and angry and shit. Right now though, i'm just kind of misreable. I'm sick. Like it's terrible. Should have never went to practice. Anyway, i can't think. The title is pretty creative, for my creative minded people.

I just posted a video on you tube that has almost 4 MILLION PLAYS. Is this guy actually talented or is it just sooo funny. Check him out, PLEASE and tell me.
This goes well with the "Zits" Comic strip i put up yesterday on the last entry. Peep it


And this is a clip of my second favorite show, George Lopez. If you've never watched it before you might get into it. Everyday it's at 10-11pm on Nick.



Anyway, i'm going to bed. I'll write more tomorrow. FOR SURE. I promise readers!!!

Jam OUT

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Short & Sweet

Hey, i was really upset before but i've cooled down. Hopefully i can work out my dilemma with this person tomorrow. Life is just complicated.
End of blog.

Jam Out

This is Asher Roth, a new white rapper, check him out. Totally sounds like eminem? tell me if you think so.



Charles Hamilton's Devil in a light pink dress (on a britney spears beat. The video is sims style, check it out)



This explains our generation totally...

Internal Affairs: The Subconscious Mind

I know, i know cool title. I've been home all day, which i can't do so i am leaving after this quick blog. I just remembered something that i wanted to post. So this morning my aunt was like screaming to my grandmother about her health and etc. and i remember hearing it and then in my dreams i began to worry about my grandparents. My grandfather just turned 73 (edit i put 74 last entry by accident) which is cool but i began to worry like "imagine if they weren't there." It scares me just writing it and thinking about it gives me anxiety. Remind me of this movie with Mathew Perry and Mathew Perry's character was scare that if he said his father was dead, that it would come true. I know it's not true but it makes me NERVOUS. Still. I have never lost someone close to me physically. Mentally is different. you know? I mean how would i deal with it...

Okay i'm stopping. Anyway, i can't control that because i can't control or forsee the future. =(.

Has anyone else ever felt similar or actually lost someone like really close? If you want to tell me about it please feel free. It's always good for someone to know they are not alone. Ya dig?

Giants lost. Another sad shit. I'll write before i go to bed.

Jam out

The Oxymoron Entry: I'm feeling Pretty Ugly

God, i'm so creative (this is my ego talking lol). I really am though. Eventually i'll be dubbed either insane or a genius. But there's a fine line between beeing a genius and insanity, or however the saying goes. Whatever. I'm just sick right now. Downloading instrumentals. Watching football (Giants up 11-10) and just exhausted. Damn, i really hope i'm not getting sick, my grandparent's are leaving tomorrow and that's JUST NOT COOL.

Right? Right!

This stupid playlist isn't working, grrr blogpage. I've read a lot of blog entries by people i know and theirs compared to this one, makes mine look like shit... I know it's sad but fuck it.

Brief recap of yesterday:
Grandfater's 74 birthday (God damn) He's in better shape than me.
Got him a Superman T-Shirt & A really cool card (shouts to Lisa)
Now in order:
Wake up with the same exhausted feeling.
Got to the mall at 1:30.
Got a Peppermint Mocha Twist w/xtra wip cream and curls + a spoon. Fucking delicious.
I recommend
Walked around.
Therapy.
Ate some good food.
Worked.
Closed Early.
Picked up my laptop.
Passed The FUCK OUT.

Yea i was going to write more but my bain isn't functioning. Ttyl.

Jam out

P.S. I FINALLY found out how to put a chatbox on my page...sooo USE IT!!! but still comment =)

P.P.S. Need Layout Help

P.P.P.S. Might get a B in the final class (phew)

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Light

Hey yall the reason i am calling this entry "light" is because it's officially my new term. It means like easy, to do something with very little effort sooo when i scored 4 points today, i consider it "light." It ain't nothing anymore. I'm a grown ass man. Ya dig? =) Yea i got into the game today. 2 Minutes, but i got the game face on, always now. I feel like a new me.

Anyway, i'm hoping that i get a C in my last class. Pray people, pray!

Oh and we won by 23.

Next, i was on a panel today at my old school talking to kids about college. Was madddd nervous about public speaking. Idk college has made me more nervous actually but i'm more comfortable with my raps? wierd? i think soo. Anyway it went well except for the fact i saw my sister all up on her bf, but again that's life right? I hope people listen, what i say and experience comes from the heart. College is no joke. (can't wait until next semester).


I'm just going to post this rhyme up and yall tell me what you think, it's not done and i wrote it on the train but i wouldn't post it up if i didn't think it was hot.

"I think i've finally hit rock bottom
i checked every symptom and i got em
academic probation
lyrical blue balls, no masturbation
because the thoughts my mind is creating
can't get out, so i'm the real life jason
no hockey mask, no stack of cash
if individualism was a class
shit i probably wouldn't pass
i hear shit and just want to spazz
because what the fuck happened to my ass
especially recently
cause the only thing recent to me
is my bad memories
mistakes haunting me
not even ugly girls wanting me
and i'm too depressed to anything on my own
right now a sofa bed is the definition of home
while jam is the definition of all alone
i wish i could just blackout to my headphones
lost possibly in another time zone
i just want to be touched like the iPhone
what i know is unknown
so what could i go when my future is on hold
no best friends and even my close
friends don't want to be close
so i'm just looking at the post
of my life
what do i have to do or sacrifice
to get a "yo this nigga is nice"
is it because my heart is frozen sold ice
or because you hate that my lines are tight
like an asshole
yall assholes disgust me
but never discuss me
i just want to be loved be
and everything would be lovely
how about a mother near by
a father who would do more than try
so i could do more than cry
i thought i was living the truth but it's just a lie....

to be continued


Jam Out

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Brooklyn Boys

This will probably be the shortest blog entry to date, since i'm more than exhausted. I feel like death. I finally got my internet to work. FINALLY. shit. I have a 2.7 gpa (so far) which is basically the worst grades i have ever gotten but whatever just waiting for next semester.

Next the reason for the Brooklyn Boys title is because we won against a team that owned Brooklyn College for the last couple years, especially at our home gym (Roosevelt). But we didn't just win, we embarassed them. We won by 30 and could have won by 40. I played like 4 minutes, college career high =). 0-2 though. Missed two easy shots. But after the game i hung out with the team for the first, like with all the older guys. I was the youngest one there (as usual) and the only freshmen and i got my favorite drink "Pina Coloda." You know what call me a light weight and a girl but you know what i don't give a fuck it's yummy. =)
Anyway we went to applebees, long story short, but it was mad fun. Watched basketball game. Cracked jokes. Watched people take shots and act stupid and i actually felt like i was a part of he team. It's something i can't explain but FOR ONCE, i fit in. Somewhat but somewhat is better than not, right???

Well anyway, today was kind of sucky. Got screamed at. Found out i got a C- in Art & a B- in English, i could have gotten an A (guess we'll wait for English 2). Didn't have a great practic like i've been doing and i'm tired as fuck for some reason, like all day. It's weird. I did manage to finish this song called "Sweetheart" about a girl who will never be with me, it's fictional though. Oh and i had like two more great ideas but i'll just tell you one. I'm going to write a song based on the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and call it "Forgetting Jennifer Anniston." It won't actually be about her but its more like a substitute since i don't want to put anybody on blast.

I'm a nice guy. Well i got to finish some shit before i die or pass out. Life's still stressful though but when isn't it? Right????

Just f.y.i i love the people who come on my blog. Again shout out to you guys. It's why i do this.

P.S. I chipped my tooth =(. I need a dentist.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Computer Crisis = The Worst Blogger In The World

Edit Video that will be mentioned was not able to upload.

EDIT 2 I didn't want to write a whole new blog entry for this but on the side off my blog there's a new song, it's by 50 Cent. I know a lot of people probably hate him and i am kind of bitter about him not creating any good music of late BUT check that shit out. Turn my playlist the fuck off and tell me 50 aka Curtis Jackson is NOT making a comeback. If you don't think the song is hot let me know, PLEASE. BUT that shit is popping. I got my new favorite song of the week.
"Let's Get It In" -50 Cent
Hello yall, this maybe my longest post ever (sorry Julian who can't write as much as me)Lmao. Had to put him on blast for a quick second. Fuck, i can't wait to get my new phone so i can blog like all day everyday. Fuck being the best artist alive i want to be the best blogger alive too. Ha. Haters i know are laughing to themselves but F.Y.I i always get the last laugh. Sooo I haven't posted in what feels like two days and change. Well my laptop had a virus and my dad fixed it but the internet STILL doesn't work. I get home too late to use my aunt's computer, who complains a lot about it but i love her, and my grandfather got his computer back yesterday but doesn't want to share. He's over 70 years old and doesn't want me to use his computer. He put a freaking password. lmao. I know seriously. What is up with the older generation these days.... Makes me feel old. SHIT.
Just for the slow people in the room, the aforementioned is the reason for the title of the blog.

Second, SHOUT out to TEA-Chung, who apparently is asain (with the tea reference =) and who must of come up with the name during college. I'm glad to see her back on the blogging scene. (Insert memory of Xanga and my Eminem Obsessed days.) I still like Tiff, that's what i've known her as since 5th grade when well, she and the rest of the world hated me. I was a little bad ass, bad mouth son of a bitch at ten. I just simply didn't give a fuck. OH how things change. Being sentimental sucks. LOL.

Okay back to business. The video above is the video i have been talking about, rather raving about. It's me rapping on New Years. No need for youtube or anything because i am not trying to mess up my career with a 2 minute freestyle i wrote, half asleep and high of life. Lol. I'm usually nice with the shit though. I think it's alright. Kind of funnny. Peep my grandfather in the back looking at me like i'm out of my mind. Take a good look at him actually, cause ladies he's one good looking man at 72 (73 this saturday). I might look something similar. Just picture, a loui vatton belt, ralph lauren polo, the smell of prada, and some ridiculously tight pants created by Kanye West. lol.

Let's recap monday. Monday was an alright day. A lot of anticipation on my part for monday. I don't know every week gets more excited because i know some good stuff will come. 09 BABY!
So i got my classes and i'm taking Math again and shit. I'm pretty excited though. Like i've said countless times. It doesn't matter what classes im taking because everything will be a B plus or higher, i fucking guarantee the shit. I'm not fucking up like last time. Oh since we're on last time, i did manage to pull of one A (minus) in my Mass Media class. It's the only grade i got so far but here's a look at my schedule starting January 26th. Okay nevermind it won't copy and paste. But it's:
Philosophy class
Math Class
Television & Radio Class
Film Class
& English 2 (hopefully)

I'm pretty sure i can handle it. I'm a man and sometimes a man has to dare take on what he's not ready for. I don't know where that whole philosophical line came out of but i think if someone is mentally prepared for something there more ready then someone whose physically prepared. It's all up here.

(points to brain) lol.

So besides getting classes and cracking a couple of jokes with some of my classmates, i had a basketball game. Idk, maybe i'm a little more cocky, confident, or whatever but i FEEL like a college player for once. Like i feel and KNOW i'm a college player. SO what if i ride the bench sometimes shit happends but it won't stop me. And i know my teammates tease me out of love but it's war out there on the court. Practice or game. If i make a mistake, i'm forcing you to make a mistake too. Hamarrabi's Code status. (History one if anybody remembers. Shouts to Byheny. lol) I'm a grown man. This ain't High School. I'm on the team to get better. Point Blank. Period.

Anyway, tangent! We had a game and we should have seriously won by 30. I should have been playing at the end but these assholes played like absolute shit for basically 35 minutes of the game. It was pretty sick to watch knowing you could do a better job AND you're wearing the same uniform. There were missing shots, i knew i could hit. I'm not hyped off of averaging 5points, in 2 1/2 minutes against a terrible team or shooting 1000 percent. I'm hyped because i know i can do it. Anyway, we won by one. We went on a 19-2 run and won the game. I really felt bad for the other team. They only have 2 wins. They came up all the way from fucking Maryland and lost a game they DESERVED to win. We're just talented and kind of cocky ass New Yorkers or Brooklyn Boys.

(thought to self, Brooklyn Boys...hmmm new song title?)
(another thought, i'm such in a creative space right now any idea could be worth a million dollars. Notes.... back to blog)

Yea, so i feel a little slighted.

Yesterday i just went up to my old highschool Robert F. Kennedy and just chilled out with my P.I.C Julian. It was pretty fun. We made jokes like old times. Tapped up some things or rather people LIKE old times. I also met my sister who was pretty excited to see me. I was happy to see her. I know she just likes being around me so unlike when i was little, i let her tag along. Sometimes siblings or younger people need that (shouts to Trevor).

I also met her Boyfriend. (had to put it on a line by itself)

He's a freshmen. Kind of big. He's actually spanish usually she likes black guys. (no comment and no offense to black guys). I don't think my sister should be dating much at all but you can't really CONTROL someone's life. As long as i don't SEE what they're doing i'm fine. I was 15 once. God the stupid shit i did. Anyway, anybody in R.F.K just keep on the lookout. Lol. THANKS!!!!

So back to Julian, dude gave me his coach wallet???????????
I don't even know what to say or how to respond to that. It was extremely nice of him and i guess putting it in my blog is ONE way i can repay him. I got to buy him a bacon egg and cheese on friday.

Lol. Word.

Then practice. Where i busted ass again. Coach complimented me. It's nice but i never take it to heart. I just got to "do my thing" (hate that phrase).
Oh and the Love & Basketball shit is almost done, i just don't like the way it's coming out. I'll drop something by the end of the day, for my own sanity.

I WANT AN IPHONE OR THE BLACKBERRY STORM!!!!!!!!!!

Later - Jam Young Out!





P.S. Just want to throw these pics in their for those who haven't seen it.

And i have to add this THROOOOWWWWBACCCCKKK SONG.

SHouts to my Man Cory for this one.


FOR REAL CHECK THIS SONG OUT. MAYBE YOU MIGHT REMEMBER IT. FEATURES ONE TWELVE.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Question Mark (?)

Hey guys, sorry i didn't write anything yesterday. I was at work most of the day. Then i went to eat some banging sushi!! Crab meat roll... Damn i miss having that often. Just thinking about it makes me want to go get some later on today. Anyway, my grandparents were booking a flight or something so by the time i went home, i was assed out. My computer still has a virus so this is all i can rely on. Today i have another game. This is what the schedule is looking like:

1/5/2009 Villa Julie College Roosevelt Gymnasium 7:00 pm
1/7/2009 * New York City College of Technology Roosevelt Gymnasium 7:30 PM
1/9/2009 * Medgar Evers College Brooklyn, NY 8:00 PM
1/14/2009 * John Jay College New York, NY 7:00 PM
1/16/2009 * Hunter College New York, NY 7:00 PM a

I guess i just posted it so everyone knows. I'm going to RFK friday and i might stay for the game a little. Maybe until 5 and then go to school. Yesterday wasn't anything crazy though. I actually got fucking sleep. A legit 9 plus hours. OMG. My body is exhasted but it's nice! I'm about to eat captain crunch. Head off to school to create my schedule, maybe workout and see what's good with the studio at BC. Yea boy! Is all i can say.

The following three songs described my mood pretty much yesterday, so check them out. 2 you probably haven't heard and the Will Smith one you SHOULD HAVE HEARD a llllooonnngggg time ago but if you haven't...SMH (shaking my head).

Last, the only question that i'll put up today is does anybody have like a safe spot? I mean safe spot like if they are sad, need to think, need to be alone, they go to this place. By my old house (dad's house) in fresh Meadows i use to sit in this like small park just to feel the breeze, clear my head, and look up at the sky. Made me feel better at least for the moment. Now, i don't really have that anymore. SOOOOO yesterday i just walked around where i currently live with my headphones o =n and just rocked out. I sang my ass off, rapped my ass off, all to feel better. I don't deny. If you saw me in the street, i'd probably be bopping my head and rhyming. I don't give a fuck. Music is what i love. On the train i do the same shit, you might even see me in action writing a rhyme. One time this dude next to me was reading my shit and was like yo that's fucking nice. I feel like i was born to do this. The way Julian loves art is how i love music. One day i'll be considered a genuis to at least some people. Fuck got to shower. But does anybody ever do that? Just walk in the street and sing to feel better or because you're in such a good mood? Does anybody have that one place where nature, mind, and body just connect together for one infinite moment? Just let me know. Holla.

Later =)








Oh and this is definitely me. Lol.



P.S. I read C Star's first entry and i definitely feel that. I'll Text you. Most likely i'll be there tuesday but i'll let you know. Knicks game tuesday anyone? Any takers?

P.P.S. New rhyme will be up. It's called Love & Basketball. Shit is touuuggghhhhh.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Title-less

Hey yall, i appreciate the comments you guys have been leaving in the comment boxes. I must say they really do make my day that people care. Sometimes at the end of the day you just wish that someone cared. Soooo on that note i will begin my "melo-dramatic" part of the blog and then i will add the really really good stuff. The reason for this is maybe i'll cheer myself up again by telling myself and you guys how good i'm having it.

Well actually i just changed my mind. I just wrote a rap to the lost one instrumental which i will paste on this and i'll show you what i wrote. Music and writing is very theraputic and it basically freed me a bit. I'm still angry, sad, confused, and really lost about several decisions in my life but i can't do much about it, until it's finally resolved. I don't know what the outcome will be or if i'll even know in the next couple of years but whatever. WHATEVER. I'm just blue. I like that, that was poetic. That should of been the title of this. But you could figure why i'm and this one is title-less because i really can't place "name to the nameless."



"I wish it was that simple, like popping a pimple
just a little squeeze, and the pain is over
but it’s not, so I understand why niggaz ain’t sober
why niggaz envy hova,
why I’m trapped in, whatever I feel trapped in
why I can’t imagine, why I can’t manage
to overcome this feeling
that got my heart spilling on the ceiling
I just can’t comprehend it and I never will
I wish I could just live life and chill, but I can’t
cause this will forever hold me back
in my mind and in my raps
conscious or not, I’m falling like the stock
stuck in the state of shock,
hope that like gas prices I could drop
or I could stop, dwelling on the topic
of love and in adequate objects
I just know I only got one object-ive
which I don’t got to find like a detective
cause music is what I’m interested in
still my head continues to spin
and I follow the wind, wherever it takes me
hopefully I see the road before life breaks me
they say obstacles make me, or make the
trouble of life less, but I feel lifeless
I want to see life less, cause life is a bitch yes
and I just want a mistress to relieve me from this stress
and be dismissed from distress, oh my goodness,
I would if, I could get, whatever I’m looking for
I guess that’s what I’m going to Brooklyn for,
to find girls,
find me,
find music,
and the discover the world
I don’t know what I need,
alcohol or weed, or some pussy
cause either way it’s just a temporary fix
and I want pain to just quit, and get out of the mix
see I’m mono like a half eaten TwixI
can’t build my house full of bricks
if I can’t get past this, god, I’m just asking
give me the strength, to make the right move
so I can get in the right mood, and stop eating food
cause I’m depressed, still things ain’t such a mess
when I keep showing progress, in this on going process
yes, I’m honest and tarnished, from all this carnage
but when there’s a will, there’s a way
That’s what my daddy would say
And I figure I’ll follow that one day
yup, one day soon, but until then I’ll write like Judy Blume
until events start to bloom, just feel me and bop to the tune…"

SELF-EXPLANATORY

HOME TEAM: Brooklyn College 7-3
Player Name FG-FGA FG-FGA FT-FTA OF DE TOT PF TP A TO BLK S MIN
01 John, Amil...... * 2-4 0-1 0-0 0 0 0 3 4 2 0 0 3 13
02 Hemingway, Ahmad.... * 6-7 0-0 7-7 0 1 1 0 19 1 2 0 3 29
03 Nisbett, Daniell.... * 6-14 4-9 0-1 0 2 2 1 16 2 0 1 0 21
20 Guerin, Thomas...... * 2-4 0-1 4-4 1 1 2 1 8 7 1 0 2 25
21 Jean-Baptiste, Rich. * 8-11 2-2 1-2 1 4 5 2 19 2 2 2 2 26
04 Martinez, Jonathan.. 2-2 1-1 0-0 1 0 1 0 5 0 0 0 0 3
05 Velasquez, Daniel... 0-1 0-0 0-0 0 1 1 0 0 0 1 0 1 4
12 Shea, Brian......... 0-1 0-1 0-0 0 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 4
22Canovic, Adalet..... 2-4 1-2 0-0 0 1 1 3 5 1 0 1 0 8
23 Posey, Reginald..... 1-4 0-1 0-0 0 5 5 3 2 0 0 0 0 12
32 Purisic, Enes....... 0-2 0-0 2-2 1 1 2 3 2 2 2 0 0 13
34 Russell, Tyshawn.... 1-4 0-1 0-0 1 1 2 0 2 1 2 0 1 16
44 Thornton, Marlon.... 3-6 0-1 1-1 1 1 2 1 7 0 2 0 2 17

I know you guys can't really read or understand that but if you want to check it out for yourself here's the link:http://www.brooklyncollegeathletics.com/custompages/mbball/2008-2009/HTML/mbb0103k.htm

Basically, i got to play my first minutes today. 3 minutes in total.
And the result = 5 points & 1 rebound
Fuck it, i'm a freshmen. Still learning. Still getting bigger. But it felt good to score my first college points man and shout out to Tommy & DV who congradulated me more than anyone else. It felt hellamazing. That's a new word i just made it. Try and coin it. LOL. I got to shout out the Jean-Baptiste brothers two for driving me home! lol. For real though, i didn't want to ride the train.

F.Y.I in a quick brief summary. Pennsylvania trip was pretty fucking cool. Got away. Got beat up. Watch my man Tyshawn make a beat. I'm a get one from him once i tell him i rap. Made some new friends for real. It was nice. Bonding. We're a team through thick and thin.... hopefully.
Oh and my grandparent's always refer my life with this zits coming strip, so ill be adding these to my blog posts. For some laughs. this one is just funny though.


Write more tomorrow before i go to work. Tired and lost track of my thoughts.

LATER =)

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Year, New Day (Literally)

WELCOME TO THE NEW YEAR YALL. It's official. Possibly the best year of my life is about to begin but of course my feelings are all over the place even though i am really excited. I'm still anxious about grades and shit. Still anxious about becoming this new person that i'm transforming into. I'm just weird. I don't have just one feeling. Like i'm mad, sad, happy, excited, confused, and scared all at once. WOW, i know. I will just rant because that's what the blog is for. Before i do i must shout out to again for the 5 people who comment = Carrie, Lori, Angelica, Julian, & Sam. OH Farah Khan, I am waiting for you to subscribe. I know your bored and angry at home so stop taking so long. Juelz or C Star gets a big compliment for being the first boy to comment and subscribe. Good looks baby. P.I.C for life baby. No doubt. OH and i still thank the people who read it and don't comment just step your game up =). LoL. Anyway, back to the feelings.
I just don't know. I'm really conflicted. From feeling like i'm losing friends to people who are more than friends. I really am lost in terms of somethings. Like how do i react to what people are doing. How am i suppose to watch someone i care about go date someone else because she wants to "explore" and discover "new personalities" and figured out who "she is." Etc.... Etc.... Etc.... I think about shit like this everyday and frankly it's killing me and shit. I just don't know what to do but try to continue on. I don't want to move on but do i have a choice?? Like what the fuck am i suppose to do? There's no right answer. I can wait and be miserable. I can wait and watch everything fall apart. I can wait and do whatever i please with whoever i please. I can not wait. I can just do whatever. Those are really MY choices but people have THEIR own. And depending on what they do i'm going to react in a certain way. OH and a part of me, just wants to constantly see that somebody/they care and i kind of what them to feel the same way i feel. I want them to know what they are doing to me isn't fucking right. It's bullshit quite frankly. It's wrong to seek revenge, totally wrong, so the only way i can have the real revenge is to continue life and do what i have no choice in doing.
My friend Marc and I agree it's so much better to have one person to do everything with than to have several girls providing different things at different times. Experiences, Experiences. Fuck it. Life is an experience whether it's with the same fucking person or if it's with several. It's just how you handle it. I'm just getting extremely tired. Emotionally and physically. I'm deprived of a lot. A LOT. And i have to find what i already want and like in shit, somewhere else. And truthfully because my morals, everything, right and wrong, what to do, what not to do, what i like and what i don't have been fucked up BAD. I don't even know what i'm complaining about now. I don't want this relationship anymore. I don't. And it makes it even clear when someone doesn't even what the same thing. I just keep saying fuck em. It's like that whole thing "can't live with them and can't live without them" well if that's the case then what in god's name do you do????

WWJD? Lol. That made me laugh. Anywhere sorry i'm bringing this negativity up when it's a new year and should be nothing but positive. On a good note, i got a little tipsy (when i say little i mean little) off some pina colodas i convinced my grandmother to make for new years and first off it was banging and second, i recorded a ghetto ass video of me rapping. You'll see, i think it's pretty funny. Once my computer gets rid of the viruses on it, i'll post it along with 09 pics. Yes, i know i am a fiend, or however the fuck you spell it.

Now this is my apology. I'm going to be in Pennsylvania until tomorrow night so i will be depriving my readers and myself of blogging but i will try my best to find a way on- phone, computer, whatever. I just got to write. And as an F.Y.I I'm going to Pennsylvania for a basketball tournament. I hope we win. Let's go BC BABY!

Next, i want to post a possible track listing for another mixtape idea and the Untouchable Superhero mixtape that i mentioned a couple days ago. Check it:
Jam Young : Lucky 9 aka The Mixtape of the Year
1)March 22/23, 1990
2)Nineteen
3)April Fool's Day
4)Mama & Ex's B-Day Song
5)Independence Music
6)Labor Day
7)Halloween
8)Election Time
9)Thanks for giving
10) Black Friday
11)Christmas
12) New Year's Eve
13) 2010

There each going to be themed off a holiday. For example Independence Music would be music you would hear on independence day, so it will be some celebration about being free and shit. Election Time will be obviously a Vote or Die statement. The first track is the day i was born. Well you should get the point and next:
The Untouchable Superhero
1) Superhero Music
2) My Mary Jane
3)Superhuman
4)Have to save the day
5)Darkest Hour
6)Intermission
7)Skitzo
8)If i should fall
9)Identity Crisis
10)Nothing 2 Lose?
11)Quit or Suicide
12)Something More than Heroic
13)Never Over

Tell me what you think of the titles and the song names. Obviously the songs haven't been written yet but i decided the titles will help form the songs.

NEXT; I had a very cool day today. I went to brunch with Trevor and his family, which i'm tempted to say is partially my family too. They are really awesome, THE STARKS. It's crazy. I have to pay them back some how, 4 real. Rocsi or Trevor's mom bought me a new fitted to match with my school colors. She bought me brunch and hot chocolate and although the buying was cool, it was really the motherly feel. Trevor's lucky. I know a lot of people will agree. I wish i was that lucky but i'm not jealous or anything i had my turn at being spoiled and having moments like that with my family. I love my family, well cause their my family. BUT if i had a runner up it would be his. I trust them and feel this overwhelming comfort. One day i will feel completely comfortable but that will come with time. AGAIN, i want to repay them. They really like me and treat me like no other. I also realized i'm like Trevor's big brother. Someone he looks up to but someone he can learn from. He really deserves that. I wish i had an older brother, who was a good influence too. I'm glad i can be that for him. If he needs a shoulder for tears or to sleep on, i'll be there for him, no doubt. I really care for him. AND please no one put this on blast because this is coming from my heart. Seriously.

So today was pretty cool. I'm exhausted though. I hope everyone had a happy new years and again hit up the blog. I'll tell you guys more again as usual ASAP.

Love,
Jam

P.S. I had to end it like that. Positive.

P.P.S. I need a hug right now. A real kiss. And sleep. Night.