Friday, July 31, 2009

Revisitation Reights/Writes Part II: Regurgitation Session

Okay well I wanna do a few entries before the month ends and the last month of summer ends and the school year begins. But basically this entry is to just spit everything out, like I do at my therapy session. Some will have details, some may not but I'm just laying everything flat out there for the world to see me stripped naked down to nothing. Just my balls and my word like a speedo (XV line). It's crazy.

First, I'm at my dad's house, the house I lived in for 2 years and change before I basically packed a suitcase and left last summer into another situation I shouldn't have gotten into. Last summer is in my mind like everyday. On rewind. It was like the summer of deception, confusion, growing, and lonerness. Half the summer I was literally by myself. Before getting into arguments with friends and a girl I use to mess with. It is amazing. I don't see the girl anymore. We talk occasionally but that's all. It still amazes me how even with so much feeling for someone and being there for them you can just go to not even being friends, not knowing eachother, not kissing, not anything. In a matter of months. Anyway, point is last summer wasn't great. Didn't know what to expect. Just left home. Grandma started crying telling me how worried she was about me and etc. It was real heavy on me.

I mean I tried to tell this one girl I use to mess with about it and I don't think she understood the impact on me, for everything. Sure people experience similar, even worse stuff but it's different for everyone. It wasn't the typical rejoice, yay! Last summer before I go to college shit you see on television, no. More like a fucking soap opera.

My sister ran away. My mom was in ny. Left the day after I graduated. Worked on graduation day. Had a bad july 4th because of arguments. Was by myself for a month. Girl I was messing with went to visit her family. She was worried I'd cheat on her (lol) didn't hang out with anybody really. No graduation parties. Just mad negativity. Plus I was nervous about basketball. Trying to find an apartment. No family support. Nothing. Then girl and I separated. School was different/difficult. Traveling hours a day.

I know it sounds like complaining but please bare with me. I need to rant.

Long story short, I was misreable. Terribly. Starbucks was getting hectic. People got mad at me there. Talked to this girl, fucked that up. It was just wild. Anyway, Idk how long it's been but about 2 or.3 months ago I started the re-birth plan. Which was working fine. Up until now. Now of course everyone has a relapse or a slip-up so I have argued, been upset, jelous, about situations but for the most part I'm happy. ESPECIALLY in florida.

Deadass it was like I was 14 again. My mom, my sisters. It was good. Eventhough my mom worked everyday (morning and night), I don't have a car or know how to drive, I was suppose to chill with these kids, woke up late every morning, it was still awesome.
I am a go-getter and that's what I do. I go out there and paint the fucking city red. Now that I'm gone my sisters hit me up on aim and text me how much they miss me. How its not as much fun. Etc. Etc. It's just sad. And my mom use to be depressed once upon a time ago. Right after she broke up with my dad and was in love with this 20 something year old who wouldn't be with her because she had three kids. She lost her job. DARK depression. I remember it like it was yesterday. Remember her telling me how much she loved me but couldn't go on. Trying to make her death look like a suicide blah blah blah. Then she traveled the world and would be gone for a while.

Well now she's getting divorced a second time so I worry. I'm going to call her more often. I am already. Cause my mom is still a good mom eventhough she has negatives about her. At least now she's more positive.

Anyway, sooo I come back to new york.I touch down, hour later I'm at a party drinking red bull and vodka with people who appreciate me. Mike casas, marc, bunch of people from my childhood. Wild. For real. People say how I was this amazing ball player, how I'm gunna be famous one day. Really good stuff. Makes me feel good. So plan re-birth is working BUT I feel a void. Something's not right. I feel it even know, with my eyes closing slowly. That there's something not right, something different about me and my city.

Two days later, aunt walks in tells me my dad got cheated on, I should support him, he's getting a divorce, again. I'm like wtf!?!?!?!

What more can I do? I don't really depend on him for much or my mom or anyone for that matter. I'm focused. Positive. Etc. Etc. But my family is still a bunch of lost people who I can't help or fix. Soo I start just crying. Bursting in tears. Don't know what else to do and I still don't.

Then tuesday, talk to my therapist about it. Almost start crying again.

Now let's back track saturday I was suppose to perform didn't happen but I'm not mad just wish I could've.

So basically I don't feel right. Not right at all. Being back here. Starting school soon. None of that. It's just way too none-furfilling. And I have other emotional issues I can't get rid of. (Think usher "you got it bad" song) lol.

Positive: I'm alive, I've written numerous songs over the last week. Studio soon. Bbq soon. Drinking. Moves 2 make. More money hopefully. I'm here with my dad n little brothers. Concert monday hopefully. Julian, my p.I.c is the man. Photoshoot. Shopping. Hopefully see mike and trevor soon. Audrey amazingly decided to interview me!!! How incrediable right? I'm so excited. I feel like a girl. Thank you audrey again for this opportunity although I am actually quite nervous.

Gunna see angelica soon. Got plans. And dreams. Just need to make them reality.

By the way, we are one talented class. Audrey, julian, gisel, alexis, angelica, jenny lee peng. Serious we can change the world. So let's do this...and shouts to chazz and johnny f and DV, he da man.


Okay I got to go to bed but just to finish...I'm going to update florida tomorrow with new mood ring song too.

I'm here in the house where the broken family is. And it's wierd too many good/bad memories here. But to be honest I miss my room a lot. Probably tied with the best room I ever had. It was my safehaven. I did everything there and now it's like an office/stock room...smh. I know.

Sorry I been slacking. There's just soo much. So much more even. And I know once I start it'll be sooo hard to express and continue. So this is the jist. I'm going to sleep awkwardly with my dad. Night yall. Eyes are blurry.

Let's stay positive. And work out!

Re-birth continues...

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Reemergence of a Poet: I wanna

I wanna be...
Able to give you the world
Be able to call the one I want my girl
I wanna be...
Happy about life, even if I'm dissappointed by the ones around me
I wanna be...
(Cliche)the best that I can be
Your favorite rapper
The voice of myself rather than have others speak for me
I wanna be...
Able to have my parents in the same room before they die
And not a court a room
And no fighting
I wanna be...
Able to express whatever stresses I have in my chest with precision and finess
I wanna be...
A role model
I wanna be...
Able to effect people's lives through my music, my efforts, with my money
I wanna be...
Played on radio and be distrubuted online
I wanna be...
Able to call you my best friend
I wanna...
I wanna...
I wanna...

Mood Ring Part 3: Recalling (Nostalgia)

I was going to post the lyrics BUT hey, the lyrics are on the video. Tough song. This should have been the third single after "butterflies" :)

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Reaggrevation Stage

So two days I got a ticket from a cop, who I saw by the way, thinking she wouldn't care and thinking that you could cross through the doors when a train is not moving. I've seen it done plenty of times and have done it plenty of times no problems. Soo I cross and this bitch treats me like I'm sort of fucking criminal. Just writing this make me infuriated with a rage I cannot explain so I wrote a song on my blackberry on some o.d. Shit. It's kind of funny, on some eminem shit. Since I won't be recording n the flow is a little iffy. I'm going to post it here due to Julian C. Fantastic ideas. Here we go: (more entries to come)

Fuck the MTA and all the cops with them
I'm hire hitmen and get they ass killed then
Cementary ain't got room, well we gon fuckin fit them
Cause I don't give a shit man,
slit they fucking wrist man
Take they fucking nostirals and use it as a piss can
Then write them tickets for being dirty ass snitches
Then I'm a burn all they pictures and fuck they bitches
But even worse, throw a middle finger at yall hoes
Dressed in blue nyc provided clothes
Your giving me a ticket for endangering my safety
Well I'm a rape your ass and see who needs the safety
Rob all your jewlery and put in a safe be
Hasty, hate me, Crazy, maybe, but I'm a spit more hatred then slim shady
I won't take the kids but I'm a burn down the house
Tell the news it was an acciendent, willis? what you talking bout
My parents getting divocred a second time
And you got the nerve 2 give me tickets and I didn't do a crime
Never been a jail, never failed a class
Still all yall motherfuckers be up on my ass
So I'm a bout to spazz, put a pole in your ass
Stick it up north, that's your present, merry christmas
Permanently on my shitlist
Work the beat like fitness
You can take a fist, hit
well I'm leave ya like a single bitch, your husband missin,
Better fuckin listen,
Before your face get jizzed on,
Only in america can u get this type of shit done
Violent, pariana, silence, ya momma
If life is a bitch then I hope karma, is worse

Mood Ring Part 2: J.Cole Lights Please

This song is real deep so i'm going to post the lyrics and the song. It's tough. This guy is like 24, St.John's graduate that finished with like a 3.7 gpa. Moved from North Carolina to New York to get his rap career poppin. Obviously it worked because somehow he got a song into Jay-Z's hand and it's been a rap since then. So check it..."Lights please, Lights please"

OKay can't find the lyrics but just listen...

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Mood Ring: Relapse Part 1

So i'm in new york. i will update soon enough. but i'm starting something new on my blog called "mood ring" and i'm putting songs that describe the mood i'm in or want to be in. I don't know if you've heard the new jay-z song featuring Rhianna and Kanye West. I'm going to post the song and link. :) positive notions are the only things allowed. (FYI the instrumental is bananas!)


Friday, July 24, 2009

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Revisitation Rights

Today I only have about 2 and a quarter days worth of time on floridian soil. This makes me melancoly. I think I want 2 be here more than I want to go back to new york. Which is extrememly wierd to be honest. Never thought I would feel this way. Miss my mom a lot. Love being here with her and my sisters. It feels right. Like real right. It's how it is suppose to be, ya know. Mom siblings, beautiful weather. Pool. Beaches. Yea allll that good stuff lol.

I've really had an incrediable time here so my analysis before I leave will help make how I feel more understandable. I feel free here. If I were to learn how to drive n adopt a bit more, florida wouldn't be such a bad place to live. Ya know? So I guess we'll see what my future has in store. :)

Anyway, when I get back I have a full month of summer grinding. Tons of money to spend/make, tons of music to record/perform, and basketball to play. :) my bball team in Brooklyn actually made it to the championship and the coach has been holding if so I can play. That's a big honor right there. I miss being THAT appreciated by anybody. I did get a couple text messages that made me feel good today. Hopefully all the plans become reality. :) ya dig?

Tomorrow I wanna go hang out with my mom, this kid chris, say goodbye to the CVS people and schedule my next two days out. Once I wake up, gotta plan and fit everything in. Including the packing lol. I'm excited to see what a real (florida) studio is like. Cross your fingers people.

Let's keep the positive going. Anybody who reads this please leave a comment. Doesn't have to be about the entry but I want to hear what positive things have happen to you this week :) let me know! :) I love yall.

P.S. Beat Resident Evil 5 in 6 days. Whoooooo!!

Monday, July 20, 2009


Sorry. I can't go to bed. I have this stupid, sloppy ass habit of sleeping this late. And I have to force myself to stop but looks like today won't be the day soo. I have to say a few things. Mainly one though. Sorry I haven't been updating you guys on my trip but I will. Just give me time to sort it out in my head so I can type it/write it out for you wonderful readers :).

I put the title as recognition because I wanna shout out all the moms out there. Every single one of them good and bad. BUT mainly the ones who at least try. AND I can say although my mom has had setbacks n has acted like a crazy person I love her. I love her with all her faults. Yea she abondoned my sisters and I physically but never really emotionally n financially.

Being in Florida really makes me appreciate her more. The crazy thing is I basically see her ONCE a year for however long I stay or she stays in new york. And that is shitty and sucks a lot. My mom isn't the best mom but I'm glad she's my mom. :)

She's actually being really positive and fun. Dressing up. Looking nice. Cooking for us and etc. So I'm helping small ways. Entertaining my sister. Play video games with her. Making her life. Paying for movies, food, and other little things here and there. I know she has very little money and can't pay for this house by herself BUT what I love about my mom is that she is resourceful. She finds a way to do things. She makes things happen. Especially financially. Sure she's in debt but she never let's money weigh over her head to an extreme extent. My dad does and it really pains me. Cause even when he had money it was the same story. I love my dad but money is one thing I will never ask him for. EVER. Anyway, my mom pushes. She works hard. Makes results. And I'm glad I adopted that quality from her.

I love her. And if your reading this entry I want you to tell your mom that you love her too. Even if she miles away or in a better place (heaven) she can still hear you and know that you mean it. So on that note.

I love you mom. With all my heart. And I miss you a lot. I wish you were still here with me everyday... Even if I don't say it or show it. I do. I really, really, honestly do.

Night yall...

Restoration n Ressurection: Long Time Coming Part II

Hey yall, was about to go to bed before I was inspired to write a verse. I only wrote one cause the second verse is going to someone else. So on my blog I will write a second verse n let you read. You'll hear the song eventually. Deep.

I'm revisiting my pain. Old stain.

Jay has B
You were my C
My all, my everything I would need
You were my blood when I would bleed
And I use to want you to carry my seed
Now I don't want you to even carry a picture of me
A picture of a broken promise, of a time we were suppose to be
At night when I sleep, sometimes I feel you close to me but I got fight it
Take every memory and ignite it
Cause what else can I do
When the girl that loves you, can't be with you?
Not true, I think it's closest to the truth
Look at the last year, there's your proof
I keep picturing your vagina loose
With some other man's juice,
Well not all the time, but I do get disgusted
When I think about us touching,
How it could never happen again
How we succumb to less than friends
So I gotta let you fly, far away from my mind
in order to climb, out of this muck
It's not fair if I'm unhappy
To let myself endure this
To force this, a dream...

So I got to start running
Cause this right here, has been a long time coming...

Saturday, July 18, 2009

The REALization: What's The Controversy Over 30 and 40

Now a lot of my peers and older people may look at what I'm about to write as ignorant or whatever but it's my blog, my point of view. My QUESTION.

Now let the great debate begin

what is the controversy that comes at age 30 and 40. What is this, all of a sudden, urgency to find some sort of complancacy. Like at 30/40 someone can't live out their dreams. SURE there are certain things that hack away at a body but life isn't surely over. The average age of living is what now a days? 70, 80. Basically means at 40 you've only lived half your life. But it seems like the first half of the life is the only important part.

Now in hip-hop for example there are a bunch of old rappers that help pioneer the game that kind of get no respect. A lot has to do with age, their past their prime, blah blah blah. Jay-Z for example is not even 40 YET but people critize him for being so old. They call him 42 like its an insult."You're an old ass nigga" that's really all you can come up with? Age? Seriously?

Maybe it's because in his late 30's he's still relevant. He's still pumping out music, giving back to the community, people still want to hear HIM. He's accomplishing feats that someone in their 20's and early 30's cannot accomplish. He can still have kids technically with Beyonce. He still has so much life to live. He still has drive and compassion. Soo then why is age such a problem. With age comes a more calm approach to life. I bet he's not partying on a boat, drinking tons of liquor, and fucking girls in the video shoot BUT I bet he's still drinkin, partying, and living life up.

Soo what's with 40?

Barry Bonds was 42 when he broke the record for home runs all time. He was still bringing people in the stands.

Michael Jordan made his third comeback. Sure he wasn't the same energetic michael who could do crazy dunks. But he was smoother, more mature, his jumpshot was more developed. He still average about or close to 20points a game. He was still Michael.

Michael Jackson age 42, released another album in another decade n compared to his PAST standards he flopped. Since when is selling 10million records worldwide, flopping? Lol. He still danced n toured like before. Still got the same love and did what he loved at 42.

People have children in their late thirties n early fourties n raise beautiful children.

Sooo what's the emphasis and life crisis at 30? Maybe when I'm thirty I'll understand. I'll feel this urgency but if I don't I guess I'll be the only one.

So if I haven't proved my point yet I guess I will never. There are average people all the time accomplishing new feats from 30 and beyond. Stop worrying about age and do what you can do and be happy with it. Period. There's still time.

:) laterrr

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Redefining Moments

C-Star Rendition of probably my favorite MJ song

My 2nd favorite rapper of all time comes in and remixes with the GOAT (greatest of all time)


Please watch the video BELOW! PLEASE!

Now, today I talked to an old, very old friend dates back to Middle School old. Her name is Vanessa. Very cool girl. She just randomly hit me up and we just started talking, you know, regular stuff. School, major (school, lol), outside life, boyfriend. Turns out she does have a boyfriend and he's produced some of the biggest up and coming names in the underground. AND he has recorded in the same place with me, with people I've known for years.

CRAZY! She digged some of my music. I mean she listens to like REAL HIP-HOP so you know. It's a nice compliment when she says I have potential, flow, and likes a couple tracks. Haha. Not like she's an A and R but it's always good compliments with feedback. I really hope when I get back I can work with her boyfriend. Can't jump to conclusions but music wise, shit is going pretty good.

She did say ONE, REALLY important thing which is always on my mind. TOPICS. Spreading my ideas. Reaching out to a whole bunch of people. That was key because basically she reiterated what I already thought in my mind. SO I gotta step it up and I will. WHEN the TIME IS RIGHT. For now, I'm just gunna kill every track I go on. And show people I can spit and rock with the best at 19! Ya dig!

I reall hope this guy B/A ( gets on my track. He's probably the coolest if not one of the coolest in MGM/Demevolist aka Charles Hamilton's friend. If I could have him a track would be awesome. Then to actually do a fresh, new track would be crack.

Should I go to a studio in FL, priced at 40bucks an hour? Hmmm?

Got some shit though!!! I promise. Woody I'm a send u some shit and I hope you enjoy 4real.

My ode part one going to get re-done n be online for free. It'll be like the street single cause I'm making a part 2 (genius I know). Sorry. I'm just re-shaping my mind and my blog. Better, bigger topics. You'll see.

ALL IN DUE TIME! Vanessa dumb cool though. I'll probably see her very soon. Me and Johnny F gotta get some shit done too.

Being in west palm is kinda like being in jail. I just think, think, write, download music.

Jennifer Anniston is my girlllllll! Sorry had to say that.

Anyway, I'll keep you updated on my "sex life" lmao and this Florida adventure haha.


Tuesday, July 14, 2009

One Of The reALEST Things I've Ever Heard

"Fame is the strongest drug known to man, it's stronger than, her-oin" -Jay-Z

That describes this video. I beg of all my followers to really watch this video. Probably top 3 in importance of all the videos i've ever put up. It's real talk in the purest form. EVERYONE watch this PLEASE. Understand the struggle, my struggle....

Sunday, July 12, 2009

bill o'REilly

Do You reAlly Wanna Know What I'm Thinking?

Money. Not getting fat. Music. Music. Music. Watch what I eat. Basketball. Music. Basketball. Killing myself cause I'm at home all day. Learning how to drive. Masterbating. Fucking. Music. Fucking. Basketball. Not getting fat. Worries.

That's basically ALL my thoughts. Then repeat the cycle until I fall asleep.

I'll refresh this tomorrow.

And I got to post up the Bill O'Reilly non-sense.

I should try to read and get a mixtape full of music done. Actually I'm calling up some studios tomorrow and going to try and get this other kid "william" 's number from my mom's job n see if he wants to hang out.

I'll be back in NY the night of the 24th I believe. Just in time to see my grandparents one last time before they go to DR. Tear drop. I'm a call them tommorow I miss them.

So how does this title sound:
"The Wackness" based on the movie title. Hmmm.

How does all this sound:
"A.D.D M.E"
"Most Likely II Succeed"
"Dying II Live" (aka my street album then back to the mixtape: Jay-Z project, Reason 2 Believe 2.O, and one other shit).

Everything is coming in triples and I got o.d. Things going on in my head.

About to go on twitter, push ups, sleep, waking up at like 11:30 :)


Thursday, July 9, 2009

Okay, The Devil Needs Reminding

Wow, I'm tired as fuck. I been home all day and it's some crazyyyyy summer storms going on right now in west palm so far. These are the highlights of my vacation:

Sunday:arrived. Saw my mom. Spent time with her. Chilled with my sisters. Met this kid chris my mom works with who reminds me of my cp friends with a southern accent.

Monday: walk with my sisters 30mins, 1.68miles to a broken down movie theater just to miss dinner and watch the proposal. Then after I went to this kid chris's house to like his house party but the party was near the end. So I drank rum and a beer. Made a grill cheese, ate a hot pocket, and just chilled with some cool people. The girls were alright. Not to be rude but it seems a lot of the women I've met so far, down here, don't have much of a butt, but fuck it. That doesn't mean much.

Okay so tuesday, my mom drops us off at the movie theater that's not broken down but everything is closed except for this candy place and the movie theater. The candy place had this amazing bathroom that was see through but after u locked the door it fogged up. It was mad cool. Lol. So I bought a big brownie with 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream and one scoop of chocolate chip and wip cream one top. Mmmm. And of course water on the side. Sooo after that we went up stairs to the movie theater and awaited to see if our mom would join us. She would I decided I would take them to see another movie, the quickest one, and the earliest one. So we saw...guess...year one lol. My friend told me it was kinda bad but I said "fuck it" one of my favorite phrases. We were the only ones in the theater it was alright.

Then yesterday: we went to the pool for like an hour. It was fun. Swimming takes a lot out of you lol. Then stayed in all day.

Today: basically home all day. And now I just fucked up by calling a johnny rockets in orlando which is 3 hours away. Damn. Lol. Mad retarded I am. that's yoda talk. Anyway, I'm just glad to be out the house now.

I'm going to post a video of bill o reilly who kinda has some valid points but is such an ignorant, snob, asshole, dickface that he can't articulate his point enough and doesn't let the guy he argues with get his chance to speak. Anyway, I'll keep you updated with some more shit.

Later about to eat dinner and watch a movie

The reInvention

Haven't even brushed my teeth yet but fuck it...

Best blogger of all time
But sometimes blogging is just a waste of time
Cause some of these bloggers just blow my mind
Hiding behind a computer screen, shitting on your grind

See, blogging can be positive and expressive
But other times fuckers just kill the message
With their negativity, because they have no friends
Looking for other bloggers in order to pretend
Hateful responses, and dirty websites
Comes from the fact they got their college degree from a website
Seeing all these uneducated teens, gets me deadtight
To the point I just wanna give them some insight when I'm on the mic

I understand disliking an artist
but we need an anti-virus from some of these bloggers talking garbage
Logging on, everyminute of everyday
Just to curse up a storm, like they were raised that way

See, there's a difference between retarded comments
Blogging about non-sense
Verses being a true critic, giving your point of view
And that's the point that I choose to abuse

Freedom of speech should be something good bloggers should teach
So bad bloggers have something to reach, for
Homie, don't shit where you eat
Cause talking smack in a comment box is just plain weak
Wanna diss this poem, than hit me up anyday of the week

Gimmie your number, and let's see you act tough then
See if you got as big of a heart as you do with the pen

And With the keyboard in front of you
I keep it a hundred, I ain't gonna try front on you
But truthfully, I'm done with you, and anybody else who disagrees
So go log back on, and continue doing what I consider my petpeave,
and I'll let yall be,
Cause I know god, got bigger plans for me...

Realistic Idea

Just going to keep this one short and sweet. Basically I just want to get back on my grind once I step back on New York soil. I'm gunna aim to record 20 songs. Play basketball 4 days a week n work out four days and seriously think about going back to mcds for 3/4 days a week. I just need to be on my Aplus game. Ya know? And anytime I feel myself slippin or slackin, I have to find a way to re-motivate myself.

So yea. I'm gunna try to write some songs over here, which I have already, but some other shit. I really like my friend Johnny F who just started rapping. Our styles are similar which is really nice to feel comfortable with someone on the music tip. His lyrics are pretty good, flow needs an abudance of work but so does mine and that's why I love it. Once he catches up it'll be nice but it's nice having someone wanting to learn from me. I never let it get to my head, I try to be even more humble. It just boosts my self-esteem which is always needed.

Anyway, I want to get a small tatto. Nothing too major. Just a word or a small animal or something. Idk how does "not afraid to be vulnerable" for a tattoo maybe around my wrist or some. Or a music note or something. Gunna think about it. And I'm trying to "upgrade the mj tribute" in a small way. I'm probably gunna keep it for the most part how it is but we'll see. I WAS pretty content with it before besides the sound quality but otherwise. I like it. I guess that's the most important thing.

I got to get some sleep. Keep up the good work bloggers and readers alike.

:) Jam The Fuck out

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

202: Re-Do

Ayo! I am dumb excited about everything... the trip is moving kinda slow but I kind of still want to/gunna extend my trip regardless. I just need to be in the studio on some real shit. I deadass have at least another 20 songs to record and then I have to re-record some shit but fuck it. I'm getting two mixtapes done which is fanstasmically awesomillion. Yea I just made up my own word. Mixed fantastic with orgasmic and awesome with a million but it's hot. I think I got some fire stuff going.

If I can record two songs for either mixtape n then have one for the other than it's gunna be hot fire. I deadass have like 23 songs recorded(about 16/17) most people haven't heard and I keep working on more freestyles. Technically if I wanted to get the freestyles mixtape done it would be in probably 3 or 4 more sessions but I'm a chill. No timeline. No pressure just mad fun.

But I think the title will probably be called "ADD, the Free-styles" no song above 2 in a half minutes. So far I got some bllllooooddd fire stuff. I'm a record like 30 and cut it down to like 15. The other mixtape is a little more serious cause I only want twelve. I may change my mind though.

As we speak I'm working on the video for the audio below and I got to re-do like 2 videos on youtube and then do another video. I'm getting some ideas from people. I'm a be putting some freestyles up though. You'll see I'm dumb excited yo. Lol.

Anyway, florida is treating me alright though. Went to a house party, met some girls and some cool ass dudes. Drank a little. Guess there goes those 2 weeks of soberness haha. Thank god I couldn't smoke the pipe I didn't wanna get high anyway.the dude's name is chris that I first met. His house, his party. He works with my mom which he told me was wierd. But he's a really cool guy.

I would try to get a job but fuck it. Next year.

Anyway, I hope yall saw the michael jackson memorial. Hella crazy. Mad sad. The mariah carey performance was crazy. I'll dedicate another entry tomorrow to it. I mean I have to blog about it so I'm sorry if it annoys you.

Just thought of some crazy shit that happend over a year ago...that's crazy yo. Haven't messed with anybody in a min. And wild crazy months been passing by. In 3 months it'll be a year since I basically was (almost) with somebody. Wild!! On some serious shit. But it's all good. Eventually it'll come. Not her per say but somebody. Somebody to mess with, hang out with, act like we're bf/gf but not be unless shawty could change my mind. But I'm tryna be single until at least 22. well hopefully but if I get famous who knows. With the way groupies are and the way the male body works I ain't trying to fuck up anything "real."

Wow. Sorry for that rant. Shouts again to deville, berry, julian, audrey, and everyone else who reads my blog :) but aren't bloggers. Hehe.

Anyway. I'm chilling with my sisters so gotta go. Wish you luck ma. Be calm and positive and tryyyy please. Later.

201: The King Lives Forever

Okay i just lost my WHOLE long ass entry that i just did with one click of the button so i'm sorry. I'm a little frustrated but i hope everyone who had a chance to see the Mj's memorial. I'll try to re-write the entry. Love you Michael.
I edited the picture below. If you don't like it, i understand. i will create a better one. i just took a picture off google and made it my own art. So here is the premiere of my tribute song. I'm working on a video and the quality is kind of iffy but i'll try to get it fixed for yall and for Mike :) (blows a kiss to the sky)


P.S. I will leave you guys with this:

Monday, July 6, 2009

reAL HIP-HOP Mind-State

Watch this video please (this is exactly how i feel)

Another hot rap song:

Sunday, July 5, 2009

199: Do You reMember The Time...

Hey yall

I haven't been fully blogging but I have done enough justice representing my mood through youtube videos and songs. Right now it's dumb early, I haven't seen 7 o clock since school ended. DAMN

Well happy belated July 4th by the way. This year was interesting considering my "o so" interesting last year BUT whatever, life moves on in a positive way and let's keep it that way.

Soo I got a little typsy yesterday, started freestyle, world priemered (terrible spelling) me and johnny's song, and just chilled out. Actually met an egineer who makes beats from chicago. Chill ass dude. Has a studio in times square so when I save some money WATCH the magic that happends... :)

F.Y.I I'm not even mad anymore about petty things like being invited and seeing certain people. Can't even say fuck it. Cause it's not worth that.

"In 5 years you said we'll meet up for a cup of coffee, well it's been longer than that, I can buy you a drink, yup time flies like that" -Jam Young "How You Doing"

Sooo I been living in college point the past few weeks up to today, the day I depart new york city for about 2 weeks and live the west palm floridian life. Interesting right?Nah! Lol.

I don't know I feel invigorated to write, I'm kind of excited about life, new adventure, new people. I'm still bitter, distraught, dissappointed, and broken hearted but I'm mending the pieces and slowly but surely am progressing.

I'm also an alcholic and a pot head lol. Nah. I believe in moderation, I could never get to that point. (My stomach hurts right now waiting on the longest line in history).

Can I tell you it's one of my fantasy (and probably one of yours) to either sit next to or meet someone hot on the same flight. Awww man. I pray one day it happends. I mean I don't know about any sexual escapades but at least "bagging" some chick would be nice. And just to add I have no girlfriend, nothing close, I'm not talking to anyone and the thought kinda sucks but whatever. I'm not dwelling or over thinking too much. I'm comfortable content. For now.

Soooo as of the last few weeks that's why the minimal blogging and the beginning of plan "re-birth" has been executed pretty well. I'm having a minor setback with certain people/person but it's all good. I get to see my mom today!

I haven't seen her since her birthday last year I think...god damn. It's been a long ass time. Makes me wanna cry but whatever, her little boy is growing up.

Now you wanna hear two crazy turn of events: I just saw my mom's husand/exhusband on line a few ppl ahead of mr. And the second ironic thing is that...I actually don't remember. I'm just really hungry.

Sooo I'm gunna miss therapy for 3 weeks and that has been going really well actually. We talked about michael jackson who I wrote/recorded a tribute song for. I'm working on a video so any pictures, photos, videos of anyone u know or of you please send them to me so I can incorporate them in the video. I wanna get it done by the month anniversary of his death. AND I'm trying really hard to rent a lounge in order to perform on his b-day so I can perform and "rock with you" lol.

ohh I remember what was the second crazy thing the guy checking in my bag thought I was 17! 17! Wtf?!?!

I know I barely have facial hair, and have a babyface but 17!

I know more hair makes a person seem older and I just got a haircut (shorter than usual I must add) but 17! I'm like 8months away from 20. Lol.

To paraphrase he was like "oh he's not 18, 17 years old have to go inside to check their bags" and I was like WHAT?!?!

I must also confess I have not focused on basketball much at all and just been on my hanging out, drinking, smoking, partying bullshit. But I have recorded 4 tracks this week and 8 the last two/three weeks. Proud? Yea a bit.
My old rap friend (who gets on my nerve from time to time)

Omg, another turn of events (sorry for the sporadic talk) he's on my flight. He better not be in my row lol. That would be tooooooo ironic. I'm not nervous or anything. It's just wierd.

I love yall. Yall means people. Everybody. Especially the bloggers who I follow and who follow me. We run our society and hopefully the non-judgemental intelligent society too.

Alright well, I guess my time of getting drunk will be over for the next two weeks or we'll see :).

I'm on four hours of sleep on the flight so I want to go to bed. Night. Until later.

Jam :)

Friday, July 3, 2009

just to REstate a thought

"I really wish I could tell you how beautiful you are. Actually how beyond beautiful you looked. I don't know if you "tried" to look pretty but you were past efficient. If only we weren't so far away from exsistence. From a memory or a life that seems it will never come"

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

ReLIVE Great Moments Of Life on YOUTUBE

Song of the day:

Song of the WEEK:

There's still going to be physical entires don't worry :) until then enjoy!