Thursday, December 31, 2009


Okay, sadly the entry I previously wrote got deleted by accident on my blackberry, soooo I'll do a bunch of writing next year (pun intended). I wish every a safe, very safe but intoxicated new year. Seriously! 2010 should be amazing if you guys let it be. For real. To everyone who has helped me this year and everything else, I love you guys and thank you very much. I've made soooo much progress and have been able to live a more complete, less sad and vengeful life. I wish everyone the best!

Bye to a productive, wonderful, yet slippery 2009 and welcome the new year, a new decade, and sooo much more.


Jam out!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Recommendation Part 10: Get Your Dose of Normalcy and V5!

Here's the link:
*If the link doesn't work, visit or or

This cd is Charles Hamilton at his finest, so i've read, not officially heard, but from the leaks it sounds like the old Charles mixed in with some new shit. I'm actually listening to it while i type but it takes me time to digest music. Anywho, my man (pause) is back, so please try and fuck with it. I've promoted Charles Hamilton o.d. on this site and i will continue regardless of any shananigans because he's dope. Wierd but being NORMAL is never in, ya dig. Plus Charles's music has helped influence my music and helped me get through tough situations that i dealt with last year.

New banks!!! Wooo man you already know. I love Lloyd Banks as a rapper but he's not very versatile. He's definitely improved and is showing his growth as an artist. Doing shit without 50 or any features really. Banks holds his own as the punchline king aka PLK. If you want dope music, i always recommend Banks. Although i can't listen to him to much, he's definitely influence my metaphors as well and from what i've heard this is dopest mixtape yet. So roll up a blunt and roll with it!

Special Bonus:
As i special bonus, i added the homie B/A aka Bagdad aka Hansommanson. This dude right here is pretty talented and is a friend/associate of Charles Hamilton. I talk to him on twitter, he's a Harlem Representative, and hopefully i can do a couple tracks with him and put him on my mixtape. This was one of the surprise features i'm working on but i just need the DOPIUM MUSIC. So download the homie B/A too.

Recommendation Part 9: Two and a Half Men

This show is hilarious. I know it is still on air BUT i'm not sure when it comes on. Another show that just came out that i WANT to see but HAVENT is "Men of a certain age" with Ray Romano -looks cool. Anyway, everynight at 11, when i can, i watch the show on channel 11. The chemistry between the three main protagonists works really well and i wish the show even more longevity than it has already displayed (All 6 seasons are on dvd, i own 3-6 :))

Anyway, if you aren't already on the show, change the channel and GET ON!

that's all. lol :)

P.S. I hope Charlie Sheen didn't choke his wife and that things get worked out.

Monday, December 28, 2009

The 2 Minute Entry

Hey yall,

I'm writing this with two minutes so pardon the length and possible errors.

I'm on my way to school. About an hour late to practice because I was counting on this guy to give me a ride and he didn't sooo I was stuck taking the LIRR and and the Q train. I'm half sleep BUT ready to bust that ass. After today, things are going to change up a little in a positive way, trust me. I'm a start killing these niggaz lol. In everything.

And just to let yall know this is what I got for christmas...let me know what you guys got.

Two and a half men season 5 and 6

Pulp Fiction

Super Mario Bros. The movie

Double Dragon

20 best buy gift card

120 dollars in cok-coke cash

Fight Club

Air-Drift Nike Socks

2 pair of gloves to match my peacoats

And I treated myself to buying the young money cd :)

Talk to you guys sooooon

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas Everyone

Hey yall,

I was going to write a merry christmas eve entry but just didn't. I really hope everyone got to cherish the time with their family and got at least ONE thing they wanted. I can't complain in that department. Definitely realized christmas presents go down as my age grows up but it's okay. I'm learning to come to grips with it.

Just a very wierd christmas. I got my aunt's house a little before 12 so I at least got to say and be there before 12 like old times. Like I use to spend christmas...and I was surprised my grandmother sent me a gift and of course my grandfather with infedility did not. It's cool though I just hope he's okay cause I love him and miss him as I do my grandmother.

All day though I was just thinking, listening to music, on the computer, half asleep, arguing, figuring out complicated situations, or just laying down. I'm keeping positive though. I also received 3 of my grades, an A, B-, and C. Not really good.

Yea so today was very strange. I almost cried because my grandfather had this wierd somber reaction to this present I bought him. He's getting surgery for a possibly cancerous tumor. I didn't see my father or little siblings. Also barely saw my little sister(s). I don't know just been a VERY wierd christmas.

Hopefully this won't be how it always will be. I gotta wake up and go to work at 8 so goodnight yall.

I will keep my smile and update tomorrow and let u guys KNOW what really happens.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


1 essay down, 2 more to go
2 days until Christmas
8days until the new decade/year
3months until I'm officially not a teen no more
2 months until a fake I.D. Hopefully
And that's all I can really think of as of right now.

I'm just happy to ALMOST be done. Just two more, TWO MORE. And I'm fucking HOME FREE and best believe I'm sprinting that motherfucker out.

On a random note #blackberry had a blackout of somesort where BBM and the internet wasn't working BUT I'm glad they fixed it.

On to the next one!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Forever (Jam) Young

I still personally like the name "Jam Young" but i was thinking...would just using my real name be better. I'm still debating but for now it stands.

I'm posting this video, probably because it just came out, i know a lot of you guys will like it, and because my ex-bf Marc, said this to me about it... (i'm paraphrasing of course).

"And by the way, Forever Young should have been your song"

So wait until i get my hands on the instrumental :) Thanks Marc

My Grandfather called me a Taxi

Hello everyone,

This morning, about ten minutes ago when I was eating breakfast, I was getting told/lectured about my bad habits, sleeping specificially and this is when my grandfather dubbed me a taxi. It was a great metaphor and I got it right away. I'm like a taxi because even when I stop I'm on the go. And he's totally write. I have SOME structure in my life BUT for the most part it's choas. I'm late to everything that's not that important to me. I don't have my priorities or head on straight. And I'm constantly told, nagged, and get into arguments because people don't want to see me in this sorry, sorry state that I'm in.

In hov's words, it was all good just a week ago.

7 essays. 4 done. Well at least I'm over 50 percent. But that doesn't say much. Especially since the last 3 are like my final. I much have rather taken a test n wrote essays on the spot then worry about structure, grammer and research. A test you can find a way to bullshit for, an essay, even if you slightly plagerize, is all you. Can't depend on ANYBODY to write your thoughts, your feelings.

So I have 9 more pages to go...for south park and at minimum another 4 combined between my anthro papers. And it just seems never ending because I got lazy, uninspired and retarded. It hurts me way more than it hurts you. And this is college. It really is. And I fucked up. I really did.
so hopefully once I get this essays done my life will be better. I'm more determined than ever to fix this shit, this thing I call my life. Music wise. Basketball wise. Girls wise. But more importantly school wise. I front like I totally hate school. I do because I'm lazy not because I actually hate it. So if history reigns true, next semester should be at least a 3.5. No if and or but's about it.

I just gotta do it

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Don't Judge Me...


3 Quick Things:
Don't let this hurt my integrity but the two photos above...OMG!
The things i would learn to do for these women. The things i would do to these women. AND the things i will DO to these pictures. I don't like to get into details BUT i never really feel this way about pictures but holy shit. Something about them... idk. I'm mainly speaking about the one with the apple but i posted both because they both do the same thing.

That was basically the first two don't judge me for being a guy. A young extravegent guy at that lol.

3rd is, the fact i took time out to do this entry when i'm not done with my essays. And i think it's finally happend. After 19 years i finally realized that i can't do things last minute anymore and i realized that certain people, you just can't count on. I guess that's life....

That's all folks (stutter, porky the pig voice)

Saturday, December 19, 2009


Over 300 entries later.
30 songs recorded.
Championship season.
Later and so much more.

Here it is. A year ago on december 19th, I discovered how to create a blog. I don't want to take credit for other poeple starting a blog BUT many people took a liking to it and I tried with the help of Julian and others to influence other peers to create one. Many of them have not continued to write but at least i/they tried. I have to thank Mr.Hamilton, who doesn't have a blogspot anymore after 2 years and a bunch of torment later BUT if it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't have discovered as much as I have about networking and about BLOGGING.

Anyway, I'm am proud AS fuck to say that I have made it a year with this bad boy. It means a lot to me and as I write this late to work and in the freezing cold, I appreciate all my readeers, followers, and blpogspot who has become one of my closest friends and outlet to write in. I can't be in the studio everyday yet, can't go to therapy everyday but if I ever needed to vent, I had this blog. And so we continue...

I'm just finishing this blog entry because there was a fucking hurricane at work. Seriously, shit was type wild. Not as bad as black friday but pretty bad. My eyes hurt, which makes me squint. Anyway, I'm not going to do anything special maybe I'll release a freestyle or something when I get home. I got mad joints that are waiting in the wing that I probably won't use. I don't know. Just feel kind of depressed, sad, not really lonely but definitely a bit of just something. I guess in need of family and when you have one girl constantly on your mind, you want her to be there. And as a side note maybe that's why I get angry or just don't want her around when I see her. It's not like I intentionally go see her, it's complicated as everything in life is. I'm just saying it's been over a year and I wish I could get over it. A part of me really wants to when I get so sad about shit like that.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Right now it's snowing beautifully. I miss the snow. It always reminds me of being a kid. Snow is like god's gift to new york during the holiday season. It's wild and in a positive way. I know that in growing up christmas kind of detetorates. I'm definitely feeling that BUT it's also because I have no family togetherness. MY sister received a 400 dollar ipod for christmas and my aunt just gave it to her, like christmas doesn't exist. What happend to the excitement of waiting up until 12, begging your parents to open presents before hand and they told you to wait. What about the fact that all the grown ups surround you with cameras and smiles and wanted to see how light up your face got when you found out they had gotten you what you've been wanting for so long. What happend to christmas being Christmas? I wish I knew. Like I really wish I knew. I almost want to cry thinking about it. Christmas hasn't been the same since my mom left new york. That's all. Now she's in Florida, my dad is stuck in his own world, with his new children and his "wife," my grandparents on my mom's side are in ecuador, everybody's poor, my grandparents that I rarely live with don't even ask me what I want, and my two sisters and I are all in different locations. So I'm sorry for the complaining, I just remember when things were complicated, not dramatic, sad, and drawn out. Whatever. I have no right to complain because I have it better than others. I just remember a time when it was so much more, simple.

I also plan on buying some gifts, just don't know what. Might get my sister a cd, my other little sis some money. My grandfather a cd player, my grandma a book, my aunt, no clue, and a couple of my friends...if not just one or two special people. I don't even have anyone to exchange gifts with. Like I said whatever.

Right now it's one something and a family is going outside with their kids to observe and enjoy the snow. Reminds me of when I made my first snow man with my dad. We worked so hard on it and right in front of this exact building. We forgot the camera so we went to go get it and by the time we came back some fucking punk knocked it down. :/

God I really need my therapist. It's been about a month since I've seen her and I have so much to talk about. I guess I gotta organize and break it down BUT I gotta finish my essays first. Boy do I have a LONG day ahead of me tomorrow, some how I gotta figure it out. Some how. I haven't been strong anough lately to finish shit but hopefully I do. And don't lose like a bazillion points on my essay. Yea I'm fucked. I'm really fucked a matter fact but whatever, I guess.

So much to say. But I think I've said enough. So let's bring back the positive stuff I was first talking about it. I've made a lot of improvements in various areas that no one ever notices BUT as long as I noticed that's what matters. Although I'm confused and have all these feelings, I'm really not that bad off, seriously. This may be one of the best times in my life so far and yet so many things are out of place. It's okay though because I'm making strides and I HOPE all of you will. And maybe next year this time, this will be a little more different, and way better. Way better. Happy holidays for real. Thank you for reading. :)

1 whole year! I think I need some sangria. Haha.

Night yall

Friday, December 18, 2009



This is my first ever interview and my first publication concerning my rap career besides in high school. I'm hoping for a lot more things to come. If you guys can check it out, it would be well appreciated. FOR REAL.

Thank you Audrey Allure :)
and Shout out to Julian for splitting the article with me.

P.S. it's on page 8
P.P.S. Add a computer hardrive to my christmas list lol
P.P.P.S for the lazy people, i got the article on my page. GANGSTA!
Now back to work...

2 Poems I Created In September During Some of My Classes

Drawing Board:

No chargein my phone
while my blackberry is on the IV
6 hours of sleep, so i feel like dying
tear drops held back, but can be seen on my sleeves
mute in the silence, somebody help please...
Fuck life


Feeling. Spark.
Heat, Frozen Time.
Painting, Wonderful
Bloss, of bright colors in a dark room.
I need you, I really need you and love you so much/ for this moment.
Rush. Speed.
heat, Frozen Time,
Still, continous.
Life it up, pick you up
sweet but rough, scream for me.
Tell me what you want, how can i please you, how can i peel you back, dig deep
with my hands or with my pistol, my secret weapon
I Just Need
One Shot
Maybe two or three, but i want to thrust and make you sweat.
Make you clinch, bring out your desire, make you soak.
Extra wet.
The degrees of fire, reign, wind, Earth, temperature, rise, but
Again, jsut for the night, i grab you, squeeze you
Sylvia spewed, drops of it on your mountains, on your small fruit
but way more on my gun from god, that helps create
Forth and back, swolen, but keep it going
CLoser... than ever... before
Sweet, texture, but rough, ruff, lose your voice for me.
Make me work, sweatshop, drops, position, light.
on and off
Heat, Frozen Time,
Still, Continous, until

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I Think It Is Time...

To make a christmas list. A list off the top of my head that I would want, so here it goes...

Ipod (with more than 16gb) & 2 big nice sony black headphones
Ps3 system
Notebook laptop 4 school
Laptop to replace my broken one
Big speakers (for my studio)
Mic stand (for my studio)
A Northface jacket (not the big ones, but the nice looking, zipper ones, that keep you warm).
Alicia Keyes & Eminem Refill Cd (and throw in that We are Young Money too)
3 different pair of earrings
Some Air-drift Nike Socks
Some Money (100)
Pair of forest green converse
Duck Umbrellas (that I use to have as a kid)
Spike Gel
I think that's it. As of right now at least.
I know I probably won't even get one-fourth of what is on the list but fuck it.

Just makes me feel good to right it down and at least people know. :)

Oh and my cingular number back with the IPHONE would be a nice treat too lmao.


Mood Ring Part 15: I'm Good...If You Think About Me

These two songs are dope as fuck. The 2nd video is better. I've wanted to do this mood ring for a WHILE now, so i thought i get it out of the way too before i go to sleep.

Night yall.

Quick Post

What's good guys. My eyes are starting to hurt. Been up procrastinating on my work. So sad. I feel like a dissappointment even though in other areas i'm gaining a little confidence and what not. Tomorrow night i'm going to the studio after i go to RFK, for the fourth time this week. Crazy, I KNOW. I hope i'm not a loser. I just inspire people in the building and that inspires me. It's like a reminder of what i was and what i can be it's strange. Today i practiced with the boys and i thought it was a better practice and more productive then the one on monday. I got stronger (thanks Mulstay) and showed these young boys HOW it's done. :) yes i'm a big boy now lol.

I also ended up staying for the girls game. Didn't plan to stay for the whole thing but kinda glad i did. I saw an old friend of mine, who just so happens to be the coach. She did a terrific job and so did the girls. I think a couple of them took my advice AND hers and definitely did much better, which is a PLUS. Made me feel OLD and SMART... so this is what it feels like to get older lol. I don't want to be 20 yet, so let me just enjoy the rest of 2009, while i still can.

FYI i have off this week but have some MAJOR work to do. OH god please give me the strength to get it done. Today was my work day and i didn't do shit. FUCK. i'm getting fustrated again and after all the positive.

Just wanna say let's go trev and let's go me for the music session. I GOT to post up my article that was published on an online paper. I'll explain later. Hope people are still reading this and checking up on me. It's always well appreciated. TRUST ME.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The story of my Life

Howdy yall,

Time management is not my strong point. I just missed the LIRR @ 3:05 to my school so I'll probably get there, if I'm lucky a few minutes before game time. Anywho, been crazy long good strange days that have passed. School is over. Just took my final and I'm praying for an 80, well in the 80's. Who knows luck has been on my side of late. Well as an overview of what has happend over the last couple weeks or so...

The List:
Bball team is 5-3. We have won 3 straight. 2 this week, and our first home game on saturday.

Pardon my language but I got wasted on friday night with a bunch of my friends. Got my boy john the chris brown cd, a card, and a bottle.

Thursday was a friends bday. This other girl I'm friends with bought her like over 20 balloons for her bday.

Me and DV chilled for a bit. Ate food, talked shit.

Yesterday I practiced with my highschool and hung out with old teachers. It was fun. Always good to know that I can do that. :) eventhough RFK has changed and I don't recognize many faces but that's life, right?

What else, what else? Ohhh. My therapy sessions on saturday have been cancelled and truthfully it's a big bummer for me. Now I'm going to have alternating tuesdays for therapy sessions. Wooo hooo. Not. But at least I still have her, right :)

I can't think very much right now. I'm about to take a 20 minute nap on the LIRR. But at least u know what's been going on somewhat. I'm praying I finish my essays and get some music done.

Pray for me and my essay. I need it :(

Hope everyone has been enjoying their december. Can't lie. It's been a pretty decent month. Let's make it even better.


DOWNLOAD ASAP!!! Lil Wayne ft. Eminem- Drop the world Collabo

It's crazy man. I heard the song twice, i don't have a computer so i can't add any new music onto my ipod (FML lol). Just as a side note: when i say fuck life or fuck my life, i don't actually mean it. It's more like fuck this situation. It's wack and retarded. That clear things up. i hope so.

Now before i end this entry i MUST say LIL WAYNE, i have a marketing scheme for you. Well it's not really a marketing ploy as it is just advice of what i think the album, REBIRTH, could sound like or potientially be in order to get people excited. so if you care to know what it is, just like comment on my blog. lol. I'm dead serious. If you somehow come across this though, just MAKE A VIDEO FOR THE SONG above AND you might see some hype starting. To quote Jae Millz


Monday, December 7, 2009

She kept going like ecetra...

Hey wassup yall, last couple days I been just exhausted. I'm nervous as fuck as this is the last week of classes and then finals. Feel like I'm going to do horrific. Makes me very edgy. Just got subway, hope that shit sis poppin meaning it hits the spot. I wrote or edited a dope song I've had waiting in the wing. It's my ode part 2 with a chorus same sample and was produced by charles hamilton's friend/producer for another artist. Just wanna make sure it's dope. Nah mean? Lol. Gunna have a feature on it too.

Anyway, I just needed to express the anxiety I feel just walking around. It's like not cool (white girl voice). I hope everypone had a good weekend. I did although I got no school work done. I hope I change next semester need that 3.0.

I'll write again.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Let's Talk Music

Alright, wassup yall.
I know the first decemeber entry is over due, for those who still read my blog (thank you :)) but let's start it right. The 19th will be the first OFFICAL year of this blog, which i'm proud to say. One hell of a year, lol. Crazy but yea. I actually have a game in a few but i decided to provide you guys with some new music i've blessed my ears with.

1)Jared Evans is a singer/rapper who is signed to interscope. People like him, i have a wierd opinion on him because i'm not sure what to think of him yet. BUT this song above is hot, like real hot. i would've liked a 3rd verse but enjoy it.

2)Miley Cyrus. I'm not gunna front, i'd probably pipe. lol. But on the real that song is crazy. It really boosts my mood. I deadass listened to it 3 times already today. Call me a loser but Miley's got a fucking hit.

3)50cent's new single that in my opinon, with a known singer, and a few little add-ons here and there could've been even crazier than what it is right now. Just my opinion on it. BUT the reason i'm posting it is because he actually talks about his baby mama and shows a sort of humility he hasn't shown in a while. I feel like that's when an artist is at their best therefore this is one of the better tracks on the album.


Just as a sidenote i am continously writing. I still haven't found the niche or correct time but whatever. Aslong as the process is coming along. If i have off this sunday from work (cross fingers) best believe i'm trying to get into that booth one way or another. I got some tricks up my sleeve. Once i get certain beats, producers, confirmations, and other artists that i hope to work with, my mixtape will certainly be a topic of discussion (at least in my circle) in hopefully places i thought it would never go. But if i am unsuccessful in my goals, that will not stop me because this is just the first step.

Last thing: Shouts to Hannibal King, appreciate the talk, the advice, and the future help on this project...

Title: TBA
Still a possibility:
"Most Likely II Succeed"
"A Reason 2 Believe: The Mixtape"
"90's Baby"
"INK: Industry's New Killer"