March 23, 2010

So on March 23, 1990 i was born around 3am and on march 23, 2010...i offically began the twenties. Interesting thoughts swirled around in my head. Just another level of manhood and maturity i have to grow in-to and absorb. It's a little exciting and a little dull but crazy and an accomplishment none the less. This day represented A LOT of things for me, mainly a fresh start at my goals. A new decade. And the ending of a cycle that i was destined to break. I have to thank god, luck, my intelligence and EVERY SINGLE person, good or bad, who had an influence on me. This year marks the beginning of something special.

Also want to shout out Angelica Berry, whose birthday was 2 days before mine.
And Jasmine Campbell who's birthday was the day after mine.

Below, is a backstage look at the show i missed on my birthday. A show i really, really, wanted to go to. I'm a nerd when it comes to hip-hop, i must admit, and this would've been a nice start to my twenties but i'm sure they will be other opportunities and one day i'll be the one performing and some aspiring artist will want to see me and be upset they didn't get to go.

NEAKO ft. Shawn Chrystopher & Stalley (Live at SOBs 3.23.10) from Good*Fella Radio on Vimeo.This is Shawn Chrystopher's new mixtape which dropped on my birthday as well. Production by Woody on the 2nd track, who i hope to work with one day.
(Link from Shawn's site)http://honourrolestudent.com/The_Audition_EP.zip
(The Reason, last track on the mixtape)http://www.mediafire.com/?moz0omjzoy5
Also the video for "The Reason" can be found on youtube.
"Cause eventhrough my flaws, my love was always perfect"

2 Poems I Created In September During Some of My Classes

Drawing Board:

No chargein my phone
while my blackberry is on the IV
6 hours of sleep, so i feel like dying
tear drops held back, but can be seen on my sleeves
mute in the silence, somebody help please...
Fuck life

WANT.Act.COME To Me.

Touch.
Feeling. Spark.
Heat, Frozen Time.
Still.
Painting, Wonderful
Bloss, of bright colors in a dark room.
Connection...
Connection...
I need you, I really need you and love you so much/ for this moment.
Rush. Speed.
heat, Frozen Time,
Still, continous.
Life it up, pick you up
sweet but rough, scream for me.
Tell me what you want, how can i please you, how can i peel you back, dig deep
with my hands or with my pistol, my secret weapon
I Just Need
One Shot
Maybe two or three, but i want to thrust and make you sweat.
Make you clinch, bring out your desire, make you soak.
Extra wet.
The degrees of fire, reign, wind, Earth, temperature, rise, but
We
Are
One.
Again, jsut for the night, i grab you, squeeze you
Sylvia spewed, drops of it on your mountains, on your small fruit
but way more on my gun from god, that helps create
Forth and back, swolen, but keep it going
CLoser... than ever... before
Sweet, texture, but rough, ruff, lose your voice for me.
Make me work, sweatshop, drops, position, light.
on and off
Heat, Frozen Time,
Still, Continous, until

Poetic Practice

Everytime I try to do, something for you
It's like I'm doing wrong to you, ain't nothing right that I can do, I'm like a sickness, swine flu, with no medicine
There you go, getting into my head-again, there you go, telling me you won't give me head-again, if I don't head out and make some friends, make some ends, so I take my pen,

And do just that, make friends with my fans, make ends from the raps, but you still complain,
Nothing good that I can do, too young, too immature, too hood for you, well if that's true
I can totally understand why where at, where we're at,
Trying climb up the hill cause there ain't no flat, lands, just a bad, man, but no one can do what I can, I swear

Yet no one believes me...
Yet no one wanna tell me how they miss me, wanna see me, NOPE,
A year passes, burning like some acid, ashes, rashes, nasty, ugh, need some asses, in handy, instead of my hand be, which I don't even use,
Cause the paper I abuse, with the gears in my mind, my troubles are my tools,
Wreckless fools, leave me with no food

But I hunt, and make the best of it, trying not to mess with it, whatever suboncious thoughts are under my fitted

It is what it is, either I got the golden ticket, or I survive through my endeavors and learn to live with it...you feel it...

Poetic Practice, got me exposed like a cactus, no shades, everydays, like this,, survive through my endeavors and learn to live with it, ya dig it?

Few Words Some (Sum) It All UP

I'm tired as fuck right now but i'm still up. Just too much thinking and not functioning and things just aren't right. MY body isn't right, my bball game isn't right, music isn't right, and my head is definitely NOT functioning properly. I don't really know what else to say or do right now... And on top of that my blackberry, that fell into water about a week ago, is finished. Broken completely. I have to wait to get a new one so anybody who has texted, bbm me, or called me on that number i completely apologize. I kind of look it as a minor blessing though, being free from the media. Free from my typical habits. I don't know. About to watch "Bored to Death" on HBO and go to sleep. Long weekend of headaches, work, and hopefully some enjoyment. I feel like screaming. I feel like cursing, especially at YOU, yes YOU, you know who the FUCK YOU ARE. God...

"What happends when the same thing you love is the same thing you hate?" -quoting myself.

Goodnight yall and wish me luck. As the city stays awake, my eyes begin to drift off into a state of hopefulness, hopefully, in my dreams and eventually in reality...

Recap...

Hey yall, this is my second attempt to blog. The other entry is unfinished, unprepared, with the same title as this entry. I must admit these last two weeks have been extremely hectic and insane. Emotions scattered all over the place. Esepcaiily last week's friday. OMG. Is all I can really say. What I need I'm not sure. What I'd like is a relaxing weekend which hopeful I get. Full of drinking, fun situations, and stress-freeeeeeeeee.

I may be in a fantasy land for wishing that and thinking it could be reality. Who knows. Anyway, let's start the recap (and by the way this will be a hell of a LONG entry).

Friday: first day of school. You know the anxiety you get when you know you have a big day ahead of you. Well that's how I felt and on top of that I found a journal that I use to write in and remembered some pretty disturbing thoughts of the last year. Crazy last year. All my distraught feelings. Compared to how I feel NOW, I was definitely borderline depressed this time ago last year. Well I'm a year older, fatter, and hopefully wiser. That night and day I just had thoughts that made me so sick, mentally sick to physically sick, to the point I was gagging and in need of throwing up. That is not a good feeling my friends, at all. It's actually a really disgusting one. I actually was talking to a friend(?) About a past relationship I had. How this girl pretty much left me for the better of our relationship. Saying that we're partners and that we'd be together one day when she's older and blah blah. You could imagine after 2 years how I must of have felt toward this event. And when I think about it, I'm not gunna lie it stills bothers me. Not that I don't understand the intention of that but rather the risk and straight reluctance it took to accomplish that feat. Well regardless it happend. And the problem is every once in a while the situation is in my face and I kinda just want it to go away. How could somone just do that to me. I don't care about age differences or discrepensy's or whatever. So on top of that, school on friday, bad dreams, my thoughts were all over the place. DV, my brother, was having trouble too. It was just all crazy. So he did make me feel better. We bought a budlight lime each, watched hangover, ate yummy taco and tried to forget about the nearly finished day. I would've slept over it's just I had to do something saturday but thinking about it now, I can't remember what. Lol.

Saturday: definitely not even close as bad. When I woke up I was iffy. The thing that infurated me was that I missed therapy...ON MY OWN. Like I was sooo looking foward to it and I fucking missed it. I must be retarded or something seriously. Anyway, after I just went to work chilled with some my co-workers than I went to the movies and just relaxed.

Sunday: I woke up relatively early to see Final Destination. Technically the fourth installment of the series. Uhhh, it was pretty awful and FYI just cause something is in a bigger dimension (3-D) doesn't mean it doesn't need a good story line or even good actors. More gore also doesn't make up for lack of budget or lack of skill how to make the best of a budget. A movie doesn't necessarily NEED promotion. A lot of independent films get NOOOO promotion and are really good. example: Juno :) Anyway, that day I went to boulder creek for the first time since I was like what, 14 maybe. My boy John works there, so it was cool but the food wasn't really that good. And it was pretty expensive and we didn't even order that much. Crazy. Then I watched True Blood, which is the shit. I actually missed Hung :/ but I went to this kid who lived in a gated community with a crazy apartment on the 15th floor. Beautiful. Big ass television. Lol. His mom was mad nice. We saw Entourage which was pretty good. Just to say Sloan is fiiiiinnnnnnnneeeeeee.

Monday: I had my favorite class with my favorite professor in college already. His name is Brian Dunphy, he's really the man in my opinion. The way he makes students push themselves, makes us think and stimulate our minds. I mean I'm not the smartest person in the world and sometimes can't articulate myself properly but when I do, he will be one of the reasons I will. He helped me survive first semester. True story.

Tuesday: Could've made up my therapy session but nope :/ instead I started cross country which was pretty cool. It's pushing me beyond my limits. I don't know how I'm going to survive it to be extremely honest with you guys. It makes me feel good I can run 4miles (flat-footed ground) but I don't know. If I run for fun and play ball I should be good. I don't want to over work myself. I'm nervous already about my classes. But this day was really good. I actually felt good to be back in school, campus, with everyone. The sun was bright. BEAUTIFUL.

Wenesday: Another good weather day but not necessarily a good day. Class was pretty good. I did get an overtally finally BUT I still got rejected from creative writing and still have this class that I don't like. :/ anyway, I got into another FUCKING argument with someone that nearly ruined my fucking day. Like wtf. Anyway, I was suppose to run (not including 5 warm-ups, the cool down, or working on our core body) 27 laps in 33 minutes that was the goal. I did like 21 in like 37mins lol.yea. And like in the second lap my knee started hurting. It still does. It's weird. Real weird talking about this shit but whatever. Cuz I have to start stretching LIKE everyday and night. Shit is bugged. And she told me my knee is too high up and I will need knee surgery earlier than other people. Not good. But whatever. Let's not think about that.

Thursday: the aftermath of the argument that continuely progressed throughout the fucking day. I'm still very distraught about it. Shit is just bullshit. Extra bullshit. Meaning like a pile of bullshit that could fill up the empire state building. Anyway, besides that decent day. Work was good not bad, not great. Lol.

Today: well damn, I felt like that was quick but I just have to make a few sidenotes. I know this is a long entry but at least it's organized lmao. Anyway, I'm about to go to work now but at least u feel my good and bads.

P.S. I run this shhhiiiiiiittttt.