Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
I Just Want To State...
that linkin park is dope. I will confess that after hybrid theory i stop like really listening to them but i am back. I bought their new album "Thousand Sons" something like that. It's pretty good i must say off the first listen. I like showing my non-hip-hop side off. I would love to see them in concert, would be reallllyyy dope. So as a bonus...
Jason Mraz ft. Cobe Calliat "Lucky"
This song is dedicated to my best friend. I know she went to bed upset because i was a dick and really there was no reason for us to argue over a stupid phone call. Well, i'm sorry for not calling and next time i will call even if just for a second.
Love you.
Also, just so yall know. Last 2 days, i've done really well and well. Let's hope tomorrow i'll progress :)
Dreams are meant to be realized...
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Room For Improvement
What's good yall? I'ma just do a quick entry, cbecause I really got a lot to say BUT I'm just extrememly tired and about to eat and watch some tv then its off to bed. (Side note: I miss my baby lol) yall don't know here and won't. maybe because she doesn't exist or maybe she does...I guess that's for me to know. :) anywho, my life is improving. I am no longer as depressed as I have been about a job. ONCE I come back from florida, I'm getting one AT SCHOOL. I've been getting G'd because they hired like 7 new people when I filled out 2 applications. Best believe I'm TIGHT. Lmao. I am but sooo much positivity that I don't care for the negative.
FYI I've surrounded myself with good people, great people I should really say. Things are coming along. Weights down, self-esteem up, I just gotta work even harderrrrrrr than I am. OH and there will be a mixtape but not what you expected. It's gunna be a duo-mixtape out before august...jam young is back yall and it feels fucking exuberant (or however u spell it). No title, no offical group name, but songs are being made and THATS most improtant. Feel me?
And since I'm talking about good people shouts to (in no particular order) julian, farah, carrie, danny, jeremy, johnny f, killa, steve, rob, matt, chris, eddie, vic, and anybody else I forgot I'm sorry BUT know I see u.
Ugh, my stomach hurts.oh well. Grind on. Speaking of grind, shouts to audrey, julian, andddddd alexis. Good job with the blogging and everything else you guys do. Now, I'm gunna post an asher roth song called "grind" the song is beyond dope. Like it's very kanye esque and he killllssssss it. Also, back to the music tip I got a few more possible collaborations in the works so just pray it happends and gets done. I got music for days man. For real. I'll post a track reallllll soon. That's a promise. Another thing I'm working on is being better with everything, from timeliness to just progressing as a human being.
Anyway, I'm about to bounce. Just keep looking for me yall cause on the real, I'm tired of wanting things. Its time to start to being.
Jam on it!
FYI I've surrounded myself with good people, great people I should really say. Things are coming along. Weights down, self-esteem up, I just gotta work even harderrrrrrr than I am. OH and there will be a mixtape but not what you expected. It's gunna be a duo-mixtape out before august...jam young is back yall and it feels fucking exuberant (or however u spell it). No title, no offical group name, but songs are being made and THATS most improtant. Feel me?
And since I'm talking about good people shouts to (in no particular order) julian, farah, carrie, danny, jeremy, johnny f, killa, steve, rob, matt, chris, eddie, vic, and anybody else I forgot I'm sorry BUT know I see u.
Ugh, my stomach hurts.oh well. Grind on. Speaking of grind, shouts to audrey, julian, andddddd alexis. Good job with the blogging and everything else you guys do. Now, I'm gunna post an asher roth song called "grind" the song is beyond dope. Like it's very kanye esque and he killllssssss it. Also, back to the music tip I got a few more possible collaborations in the works so just pray it happends and gets done. I got music for days man. For real. I'll post a track reallllll soon. That's a promise. Another thing I'm working on is being better with everything, from timeliness to just progressing as a human being.
Anyway, I'm about to bounce. Just keep looking for me yall cause on the real, I'm tired of wanting things. Its time to start to being.
Jam on it!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Sometimes I Wonder...
Hey yall,
Just finished my bball game. We lost 75-70. I kinda choked. 8 pts. When I was avg. 15. Missed 3 floaters, 5 layups and 3 three pointers. So I was 3/11, 2/2 for the free throwline. It was an epic game tho. Nothing I can be mad about. Played my heart out and brought the best out of my team...the way I use to.
I also got all my grades back, I wanna figure out the whole avg for the semester. I got an Aplus,Aminus, Bplus, B, and a C. Or in highschool terms...103, 93, 88, 85, and a 75. Definitely my best semester but still a little dissappointed. I really tried hard this semester. On time to class a lot (still late a lot tho), handing in work early, (a few stuff late still) but definitely worked hard. I thought I deserved an A- in classical cultures but I guess not...
Anyway, this entry is mainly about destiny or god or well a combination of a bunch of things. Have you ever heard the saying "god only gives you things you can handle" or stuff around that. Well I've been seeing that a lot lately and it reminds me of this movie, evan almhighty where morgan freeman or somebody said, would god give you strength or a situation where you could display you're strength. And I feel like this is somewhat true or maybe really true and if it is, indeed true, how do I overcome what's in front of me.
How do I go from being the 13/14 man on a team to being a good college player, someone who can play, cause I can play ball. I've done it, proved it, shown it. I'm not the greatest by any means but I'm a good player... And somewhere deep down I know this and so do other people, I know they do cause they've seen it too. But how do I accomplish that? How do I accomplish the impossible. This is my year. It's a year where things get proven. Can we win without rich... Can we win without 3 1,000scorers. With 3 new starters. Who's the bench gunna be. Etc. So many questions and truthfully my goal...is to be that 8th man. Who gets about 5-15mins a game. Who does what needs to be done. Brings energy. Brings fire. Defense. Spark. I can do that but how... With things in life...I have this mental block. This thing that stops me from being well great, and sometimes just good. And it's not just with music and writing, which I've heard I'm way better at...and will discuss in a minute about...but just this basketball shit. I feel like the time is NOW. THE MOTHERFUCKING TIME IS NOW. TIME to get a job and play ball. Maybe the reason I don't have a job is to focus on music and ball. Maybe god wants me to realize this. Maybe he wants me to work harder than I ever have in my life to let me know that my dreams can be achieved. That dreams can be reality....
Is this his grand plan to see me succeed? Has he shown me enough of my mistakes that this is...maybe my last opportunity to prove something to the world...musically. Family wise. Girlfriend wise (no I don't have one...yet), and basketball wise.
I've always prided myself on being different. On being self motivated. I've proved it. I've never reached the top. I've scratched the surface. And history has a funny way of repeating itself...in good ways... Not just bad. So am I feeling this way because it truly is time to do what no one I know, parent, grown up, friend, kids, everyone has everydone...succeed beyond what the mind can fathom...
I don't know where I get this deep feeling from but I just know great things can come but I have to grab it. Failing has taught me that. When I lost the division my senior year and basically threw away my seniorgame by having a 3minute lapse after killing I've learned. Life is a bitch but you gotta grab that bitch from behind and turn it around and kiss it. From kissing u can get head and fuck that bitch. Fuck her till you succeed.
When I lost that game my senior year...Þhat I remember like yesterday...everyone said it would be alright, I had bigger things coming for me. Never knew those big things could be at brooklyn college. Brooklyn college aka the new RFK for me. I had my first scout. Me, my first scout. No one told me I could do it. NO one said jonathan you know you could play college ball and be a good player and if u work hard a great fucking player. No one told me I could average 12 assists per game and win a psal award (that I thought I'd lost). Matter fact, not anybody believed me. And I have this fake cokiness or I did which made a dent but never a big difference. But I need confidence...confidence within. I need to make this happen. I hate talking. I love action. And this is something I need...
Do yall believe...
Regardless of my bitterness
Regardless of my lateness
My lies, my failures, my insecurities...do yall feel and see what I do?
Probably not and that's okay. Pressure makes a man. Well how you handle pressure makes you a man.
I know I've wrote a lot but there's a few more things to touch on that relate to this topic...
Father:
My father is anakin skywalker in my life. He did many of the same things but fucked up...he coulda been so much more and still can be. He may never be that famous dj but he can learn how to be...well a good father, a good husband, a hard worker and come to terms with my mom. I judge my mom a lot too. It's equally split in fault but something about my dad...for me...was always missing. Not going to games. Not doing enough with me. Not teaching me how to be a man. Manage money. Giving me taxes on time. just being a father.
When I was living with him for those last two years in highschool, my dad cried a few times...before that I had only seen him cry maybe once or twice. I vividly remember one time. And I knew that meant something. The fact that he had his son and his other children and he had a family. A fucked up one but still a family. And as a footnote, I accomplished evertything in hs while living under that roof...amazingly.
but anyway, my dad only has two children left. Two children I hope he doesn't fuck up as much as he did with me and my sisters. I hope JP is fucking amazing when he gets older... And I'm a help that motherfucker as much as I can. I know that, he probably doesn't even know that he has an older brother now but soon, he will. I promise that.and ava will have an older brother too.
Anyway, I've been realizing that it's time to be more of a man...to call my dad, my mom, talk to sam, and show my father what it means to be a man (and a father, one day). I gotta do what I've been afraid to do and fix MY family. And this all goes back to me feeling that I'm going to make it. In whatever I do but hopefully in music...again, it starts now.
Last thing:
Yesterday I saw my uncle, mike, for the first time. I just love that man. I don't look up to him like I use to, but that's my nigga. My uncle. My competition and my brother, who always seem to look out for me. It felt good to he there. And I talked to DV for a little while I was with him and I told him I smoked...well smoked for the occassion. Fuck it. I'm my own man, I should be able to decide when I can do certain things...and he said smh, enjoy. Made me kinda tight. I'm sure he just said it, like why me, why his little brother he usually does the right thing but truthfully, if he knows that or thought that, no need for the smh. It's just something that's been apart of me since 14. Anyway, I'm gunna see mike again tomorrow, and finish recording a song...which I was really self-concious about. Idk what it is but when I do music with mike, I get uncomfortable...well almost anybody I do but with him especially. I'm the little nigga and I'm not exactly "little" anymore so I feel like I gotta step up but again no confidence. So tomorrow, I gotta prove something...again and everyday.
Phew.
Sorry about all that. Just needed to get that off.
Hope everyone is good. Got an early workout in the A.M.
#letsmakeourdreamscometrue
Jam on it
Just finished my bball game. We lost 75-70. I kinda choked. 8 pts. When I was avg. 15. Missed 3 floaters, 5 layups and 3 three pointers. So I was 3/11, 2/2 for the free throwline. It was an epic game tho. Nothing I can be mad about. Played my heart out and brought the best out of my team...the way I use to.
I also got all my grades back, I wanna figure out the whole avg for the semester. I got an Aplus,Aminus, Bplus, B, and a C. Or in highschool terms...103, 93, 88, 85, and a 75. Definitely my best semester but still a little dissappointed. I really tried hard this semester. On time to class a lot (still late a lot tho), handing in work early, (a few stuff late still) but definitely worked hard. I thought I deserved an A- in classical cultures but I guess not...
Anyway, this entry is mainly about destiny or god or well a combination of a bunch of things. Have you ever heard the saying "god only gives you things you can handle" or stuff around that. Well I've been seeing that a lot lately and it reminds me of this movie, evan almhighty where morgan freeman or somebody said, would god give you strength or a situation where you could display you're strength. And I feel like this is somewhat true or maybe really true and if it is, indeed true, how do I overcome what's in front of me.
How do I go from being the 13/14 man on a team to being a good college player, someone who can play, cause I can play ball. I've done it, proved it, shown it. I'm not the greatest by any means but I'm a good player... And somewhere deep down I know this and so do other people, I know they do cause they've seen it too. But how do I accomplish that? How do I accomplish the impossible. This is my year. It's a year where things get proven. Can we win without rich... Can we win without 3 1,000scorers. With 3 new starters. Who's the bench gunna be. Etc. So many questions and truthfully my goal...is to be that 8th man. Who gets about 5-15mins a game. Who does what needs to be done. Brings energy. Brings fire. Defense. Spark. I can do that but how... With things in life...I have this mental block. This thing that stops me from being well great, and sometimes just good. And it's not just with music and writing, which I've heard I'm way better at...and will discuss in a minute about...but just this basketball shit. I feel like the time is NOW. THE MOTHERFUCKING TIME IS NOW. TIME to get a job and play ball. Maybe the reason I don't have a job is to focus on music and ball. Maybe god wants me to realize this. Maybe he wants me to work harder than I ever have in my life to let me know that my dreams can be achieved. That dreams can be reality....
Is this his grand plan to see me succeed? Has he shown me enough of my mistakes that this is...maybe my last opportunity to prove something to the world...musically. Family wise. Girlfriend wise (no I don't have one...yet), and basketball wise.
I've always prided myself on being different. On being self motivated. I've proved it. I've never reached the top. I've scratched the surface. And history has a funny way of repeating itself...in good ways... Not just bad. So am I feeling this way because it truly is time to do what no one I know, parent, grown up, friend, kids, everyone has everydone...succeed beyond what the mind can fathom...
I don't know where I get this deep feeling from but I just know great things can come but I have to grab it. Failing has taught me that. When I lost the division my senior year and basically threw away my seniorgame by having a 3minute lapse after killing I've learned. Life is a bitch but you gotta grab that bitch from behind and turn it around and kiss it. From kissing u can get head and fuck that bitch. Fuck her till you succeed.
When I lost that game my senior year...Þhat I remember like yesterday...everyone said it would be alright, I had bigger things coming for me. Never knew those big things could be at brooklyn college. Brooklyn college aka the new RFK for me. I had my first scout. Me, my first scout. No one told me I could do it. NO one said jonathan you know you could play college ball and be a good player and if u work hard a great fucking player. No one told me I could average 12 assists per game and win a psal award (that I thought I'd lost). Matter fact, not anybody believed me. And I have this fake cokiness or I did which made a dent but never a big difference. But I need confidence...confidence within. I need to make this happen. I hate talking. I love action. And this is something I need...
Do yall believe...
Regardless of my bitterness
Regardless of my lateness
My lies, my failures, my insecurities...do yall feel and see what I do?
Probably not and that's okay. Pressure makes a man. Well how you handle pressure makes you a man.
I know I've wrote a lot but there's a few more things to touch on that relate to this topic...
Father:
My father is anakin skywalker in my life. He did many of the same things but fucked up...he coulda been so much more and still can be. He may never be that famous dj but he can learn how to be...well a good father, a good husband, a hard worker and come to terms with my mom. I judge my mom a lot too. It's equally split in fault but something about my dad...for me...was always missing. Not going to games. Not doing enough with me. Not teaching me how to be a man. Manage money. Giving me taxes on time. just being a father.
When I was living with him for those last two years in highschool, my dad cried a few times...before that I had only seen him cry maybe once or twice. I vividly remember one time. And I knew that meant something. The fact that he had his son and his other children and he had a family. A fucked up one but still a family. And as a footnote, I accomplished evertything in hs while living under that roof...amazingly.
but anyway, my dad only has two children left. Two children I hope he doesn't fuck up as much as he did with me and my sisters. I hope JP is fucking amazing when he gets older... And I'm a help that motherfucker as much as I can. I know that, he probably doesn't even know that he has an older brother now but soon, he will. I promise that.and ava will have an older brother too.
Anyway, I've been realizing that it's time to be more of a man...to call my dad, my mom, talk to sam, and show my father what it means to be a man (and a father, one day). I gotta do what I've been afraid to do and fix MY family. And this all goes back to me feeling that I'm going to make it. In whatever I do but hopefully in music...again, it starts now.
Last thing:
Yesterday I saw my uncle, mike, for the first time. I just love that man. I don't look up to him like I use to, but that's my nigga. My uncle. My competition and my brother, who always seem to look out for me. It felt good to he there. And I talked to DV for a little while I was with him and I told him I smoked...well smoked for the occassion. Fuck it. I'm my own man, I should be able to decide when I can do certain things...and he said smh, enjoy. Made me kinda tight. I'm sure he just said it, like why me, why his little brother he usually does the right thing but truthfully, if he knows that or thought that, no need for the smh. It's just something that's been apart of me since 14. Anyway, I'm gunna see mike again tomorrow, and finish recording a song...which I was really self-concious about. Idk what it is but when I do music with mike, I get uncomfortable...well almost anybody I do but with him especially. I'm the little nigga and I'm not exactly "little" anymore so I feel like I gotta step up but again no confidence. So tomorrow, I gotta prove something...again and everyday.
Phew.
Sorry about all that. Just needed to get that off.
Hope everyone is good. Got an early workout in the A.M.
#letsmakeourdreamscometrue
Jam on it
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Villian or Victim
Hey yall,
This entry is going to be as brief as possible. I just need to get shit off my chest. When I feel misreably alone or I have time or if I have discovered something that's when I turn to this...this blog. This blank page that is waiting to be filled with my thoughts, good or bad. Well today just makes me think of a whole lot of things...so many things I won't be able to describe right now. But I just need to say that I'm sad about a lot of things and with sadness comes anger so I'm very angry about a lot things. I'm mad at soooo much and some of my anger is also aimed toward myself. I am human, I am on this earth therefore I am flawed. Those flaws include my stomach, my temper, my overdramatic sadness, my nomadic ways, and the fact that while I try to find myself and heal my pain I hurt others on the way. I hurt friends, ex-girflfriends, people I date, family, and who knows who or what else. I don't mean to hurt you guys. I don't. Hurting another human being in order for them to feel my pain is not what I try to do. I don't want to inflict more pain then life already has to give especially the pain I've felt. Now, I typically don't like putting names up but I kinda have to. Here's just a few names:
Farah
David
Julian
Sabrina
Brittany
Rosa
Ashley
Justin
Jasmine
And there are other names but those stick out right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for mistreating u and being in my own world and not paying attention to you. You all have e/affected my life in many ways that have helped me become the man I am today. Whether it was for survival, support, or pure love. I have to thank you and give my sincere apologies cause I have done wrong to all of you, when for the most part you were there for me.
Now, back to my original point. I have my sadness and anger issues that I always try to back track and figure out where they stem from. A lot of it is just pure life situations. Situations where I was never good enough for people and still aren't and you know what, that's okay because I've lived with it and lived through it. Not being good enough for my parents, family, for ex-girlfriends and crushes, for school and education, shit for the three things I loved the most...basketball, music and (insert name). whether it was my own self-esteem that was being tarnished by myself or it was a coach or a fellow rapper/hater/student. It all had an effect on me. Maybe that's why I'm so defensive cuz I have every reason in the book to be. Oh and credit, I hated depending on people and still do, that's why I gotta do things on my own even when I don't want to. .
See the reason I dream and have so much determination is because I've seen people fall short, shit, I've seen myself fall short but I have to dream because really that's all I have. I don't have a dollar. Just a dream and when that dream comes true, then maybe the rest of my life will too. That's what I'm hoping at least. I got to prove to myself and the rest of the world, eventhough it still won't be enough, that I've made something of myself and made what I still think inprobable come true.
Talk to yall soon.
Back to reality.
:(
Jam on it
This entry is going to be as brief as possible. I just need to get shit off my chest. When I feel misreably alone or I have time or if I have discovered something that's when I turn to this...this blog. This blank page that is waiting to be filled with my thoughts, good or bad. Well today just makes me think of a whole lot of things...so many things I won't be able to describe right now. But I just need to say that I'm sad about a lot of things and with sadness comes anger so I'm very angry about a lot things. I'm mad at soooo much and some of my anger is also aimed toward myself. I am human, I am on this earth therefore I am flawed. Those flaws include my stomach, my temper, my overdramatic sadness, my nomadic ways, and the fact that while I try to find myself and heal my pain I hurt others on the way. I hurt friends, ex-girflfriends, people I date, family, and who knows who or what else. I don't mean to hurt you guys. I don't. Hurting another human being in order for them to feel my pain is not what I try to do. I don't want to inflict more pain then life already has to give especially the pain I've felt. Now, I typically don't like putting names up but I kinda have to. Here's just a few names:
Farah
David
Julian
Sabrina
Brittany
Rosa
Ashley
Justin
Jasmine
And there are other names but those stick out right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for mistreating u and being in my own world and not paying attention to you. You all have e/affected my life in many ways that have helped me become the man I am today. Whether it was for survival, support, or pure love. I have to thank you and give my sincere apologies cause I have done wrong to all of you, when for the most part you were there for me.
Now, back to my original point. I have my sadness and anger issues that I always try to back track and figure out where they stem from. A lot of it is just pure life situations. Situations where I was never good enough for people and still aren't and you know what, that's okay because I've lived with it and lived through it. Not being good enough for my parents, family, for ex-girlfriends and crushes, for school and education, shit for the three things I loved the most...basketball, music and (insert name). whether it was my own self-esteem that was being tarnished by myself or it was a coach or a fellow rapper/hater/student. It all had an effect on me. Maybe that's why I'm so defensive cuz I have every reason in the book to be. Oh and credit, I hated depending on people and still do, that's why I gotta do things on my own even when I don't want to. .
See the reason I dream and have so much determination is because I've seen people fall short, shit, I've seen myself fall short but I have to dream because really that's all I have. I don't have a dollar. Just a dream and when that dream comes true, then maybe the rest of my life will too. That's what I'm hoping at least. I got to prove to myself and the rest of the world, eventhough it still won't be enough, that I've made something of myself and made what I still think inprobable come true.
Talk to yall soon.
Back to reality.
:(
Jam on it
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Winding Down...
Wassup yall,
told you guys I would try and be more dedicated. I just been really drained lately especially since last monday for some reason. Anyway, the title "winding down" is because the semester is over. Another bittersweet event in life. Bittersweet year and when it ends I won't be around DV and a bunch of other people, mainly the cool people in basketball and anthony. But I just like when school's in session. I got A LOT of decisions to make especially with a job. I've never been unemployeed for like 3 months which is killing my pocket. I got fafsa, a schedule to figure out. Basketball games and leagues for the first time and I wanna work out with DV and by myself to practice my game.
I've always done a lot of stuff alone and basketball is not one of them but I wanna play next year. I NEED to play next year so I gotta do the impossible and hope and pray and have confidence that things will workout.I gotta concentrate on studying and making sure I get 3 A's, a B and a D. Got a lot of work today. Gotta do some extra credit and papers this weekend so it is time to really focus.
I hope everyone is doing well and finishes strong. I'm exhausted and on the train. So I will talk to you guys soon. New music and info coming soon. :)
told you guys I would try and be more dedicated. I just been really drained lately especially since last monday for some reason. Anyway, the title "winding down" is because the semester is over. Another bittersweet event in life. Bittersweet year and when it ends I won't be around DV and a bunch of other people, mainly the cool people in basketball and anthony. But I just like when school's in session. I got A LOT of decisions to make especially with a job. I've never been unemployeed for like 3 months which is killing my pocket. I got fafsa, a schedule to figure out. Basketball games and leagues for the first time and I wanna work out with DV and by myself to practice my game.
I've always done a lot of stuff alone and basketball is not one of them but I wanna play next year. I NEED to play next year so I gotta do the impossible and hope and pray and have confidence that things will workout.I gotta concentrate on studying and making sure I get 3 A's, a B and a D. Got a lot of work today. Gotta do some extra credit and papers this weekend so it is time to really focus.
I hope everyone is doing well and finishes strong. I'm exhausted and on the train. So I will talk to you guys soon. New music and info coming soon. :)
Monday, May 3, 2010
Part 2: The Conclusion
Before I go to sleep, back in reality, back in my couch bed, back to my grandparents, to FAFSA, to registering for classes, to exams, studying, homework, workouts, to both of my sisters, sick...one with the flu and the other who is sick, to more arguing, bullshit, girl drama, and new york air, I just wanted to conclude my trip...
It was fun. 7/10 fun. Last time I went away it was about the same amount. A lot of shit was cool, different, interesting. The place my boy lived in was a awful, dirty and not maintained well, the people were extremely nice though, we blasted music out the ass, it was extremely hot (mind you, I had no shorts with me and I borrowed my boys long, black ones), sleeping habits were outrageous, drank a wholllllleeeeeeee lot. From the moment I stepped on campus to the end of the philly's game at 11 tonight. I'm about to fucking relapse man. My stomach feels bloated and is probably partially fucked up. I got class at 11 which means up by 8:30. I had some decent sleep in the car and on a chair/table which I set up myself. The 2nd night I slept soooo much better.NO, I did not hook up with anyone if you're wondering. Just going out from dorm to dorm, relaxing, chillen, cracking jokes, causing mayhem, and meeting a bunch of people. I played basketball too, not with the D1 bball team unfortunately. My allergies killed me saturday after I finished playing ball. I didn't get to see third eye blind which I thought was gunna be a cool experience...I guess not for us (lol). I learned a new game called baseball and KINGS and thunder and never have I ever. Friday was actually better than saturday for some reason :/.
Next, was the phillies game. Which was pretty cool. I got a philly cheesesteak, of course, and we drank beer before the game. The stadium was nice. We we're acting like ignorant new yorkers, of course and everyone was laughing but it was friendly and not violent. Mets had the lead and we were bragging until the phillies broke open in the 4th inning (Johan Santana let 5 home runs...smh). I got the METS up and coming first baseman to sign my ticket which was cool. Had some delicious icies. Then passed out like I'm going to do in a few minutes.
It was a nice, eventful trip. Made me kind of upset, missing out on that kind of experience but hey, I'm cool where I am at and there is a reason I'm there. Not sure anymore what that reason is but I like brooklyn college. It's different.
The last thing I'm gunna say is that...I'm just kind of sad. Sad for a lot of reasons BUT mainly because of my current situation with this girl. It's just been this up and down rollercoaster and it takes a toll on my physical and especially my mental. Arguing about the same old shit and hearing about the same old shit. If you're gunna do ur thing, okay, just don't say it allll the time because I don't want you to do your thing. I know you have to if I'm doing it...I guess. I'm just in a very confused and verrrryyy painful state. Everything just went from great to worse in a matter of a week or two (it was all good just a week ago- Jay-Z) and I just feel like I'm dying a little inside. Everytime I have hopes and am just letting things flow, it gets worse, awful and it strangles all the belief I have left in me that has deterioted over the last 2 years. I just picture my life with her and I feel a lot and can kind of imagine the rest and I picture a life without her and I see the difficulties and the struggle I will have to go through to get over this girl or to shove all my feelings underneath so that I don't even know they exist. Either way I'll find a way to survive and either way they'll both be bumpy. There's just sooooooooooo many obstalces that are in the way. I'm not gunna continue on because I don't want to say certain shit.
So...
Jam on it and have a goodnight rest and a great morning all readers.
It was fun. 7/10 fun. Last time I went away it was about the same amount. A lot of shit was cool, different, interesting. The place my boy lived in was a awful, dirty and not maintained well, the people were extremely nice though, we blasted music out the ass, it was extremely hot (mind you, I had no shorts with me and I borrowed my boys long, black ones), sleeping habits were outrageous, drank a wholllllleeeeeeee lot. From the moment I stepped on campus to the end of the philly's game at 11 tonight. I'm about to fucking relapse man. My stomach feels bloated and is probably partially fucked up. I got class at 11 which means up by 8:30. I had some decent sleep in the car and on a chair/table which I set up myself. The 2nd night I slept soooo much better.NO, I did not hook up with anyone if you're wondering. Just going out from dorm to dorm, relaxing, chillen, cracking jokes, causing mayhem, and meeting a bunch of people. I played basketball too, not with the D1 bball team unfortunately. My allergies killed me saturday after I finished playing ball. I didn't get to see third eye blind which I thought was gunna be a cool experience...I guess not for us (lol). I learned a new game called baseball and KINGS and thunder and never have I ever. Friday was actually better than saturday for some reason :/.
Next, was the phillies game. Which was pretty cool. I got a philly cheesesteak, of course, and we drank beer before the game. The stadium was nice. We we're acting like ignorant new yorkers, of course and everyone was laughing but it was friendly and not violent. Mets had the lead and we were bragging until the phillies broke open in the 4th inning (Johan Santana let 5 home runs...smh). I got the METS up and coming first baseman to sign my ticket which was cool. Had some delicious icies. Then passed out like I'm going to do in a few minutes.
It was a nice, eventful trip. Made me kind of upset, missing out on that kind of experience but hey, I'm cool where I am at and there is a reason I'm there. Not sure anymore what that reason is but I like brooklyn college. It's different.
The last thing I'm gunna say is that...I'm just kind of sad. Sad for a lot of reasons BUT mainly because of my current situation with this girl. It's just been this up and down rollercoaster and it takes a toll on my physical and especially my mental. Arguing about the same old shit and hearing about the same old shit. If you're gunna do ur thing, okay, just don't say it allll the time because I don't want you to do your thing. I know you have to if I'm doing it...I guess. I'm just in a very confused and verrrryyy painful state. Everything just went from great to worse in a matter of a week or two (it was all good just a week ago- Jay-Z) and I just feel like I'm dying a little inside. Everytime I have hopes and am just letting things flow, it gets worse, awful and it strangles all the belief I have left in me that has deterioted over the last 2 years. I just picture my life with her and I feel a lot and can kind of imagine the rest and I picture a life without her and I see the difficulties and the struggle I will have to go through to get over this girl or to shove all my feelings underneath so that I don't even know they exist. Either way I'll find a way to survive and either way they'll both be bumpy. There's just sooooooooooo many obstalces that are in the way. I'm not gunna continue on because I don't want to say certain shit.
So...
Jam on it and have a goodnight rest and a great morning all readers.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Old School
This will probably be my last post of the month. This month like i said has been very hectic so next month expect me to be back on my A game. I just wanted to post this video for all my original fans who bought "A Reason 2 Believe" and those who missed out. This is my first love song and i wanted to share it with you guys. Put it on YouTube on some bullshit but whatever. Hope you enjoy it (and the video is a result of listening to my old self and being bored :)...enjoy)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Manana...Escuela
Hell yall... The eve before school starts...what to do...what to do. I'm sitting on the stairs in my apartment building, writing music or at least I was until my ipod died. The battery is fucked up. SUCKS. Anywho I wanna do something BUT there's nothing to do. Grrrrr. Sucks. Hopefully this weekend is poppin tho. I gotta post up some NEW music for you to check out, that is HELLA dope. And for once it's not hip-hop but I may post at least one lol.
(A voice in my head asks me how my day was)
Well my day was pretty good. My jumpshot was broke! I missed 4 free throws in a row. And then shot 2/3. Two days ago I was 10/10 and I airballed a three pointer. Rough day shooting yet I played Defense n still hit a couple shots. Idk my wrist/follow through felt wierd and I felt wierd. Like I was thinking about it but it was in my head. Idk. I got a game tomorrow and it's not gunna be like that :) tomorrow is the best chance I'll play and play a lot more than a minute and thirty seconds so in the words of jae millz...leggggooooo
Also I saw the "Book of Eli" I missed the beginning of the movie. I didn't really understand the concept,point, or any of the underlining messages in the film but it was pretty cool. I just been dying to see a movie. Like literally dying but money is getting loooowwwww (uh-oh) so I might have to chill with the chillen.I gotta focus on school, making music, and playing ball n working. My next job destination is WHOLE FOODS or a sneaker store. Time to switch things up...seriously.
Anyway, speaking of music, I got this free beat tape (unfortunately nothing exclusive lol but still no complaining from me) from the.homie Hannibal. Had some good convos with him last couple nights. Pretty cool to actually talk to a guy I don't really know but feel like I know him and talk music and what not. Also I been talking to my uncle a lot more and a few other people and that's been pretty cool. I miss Mike (my uncle although he's more like my older brother along with DV). I look up to him for some wierd reason and I think I understand him more than ever although I do disagree with some stuff he says, I know it's in everybody's best interest.
Well I'm a go until I feel like blogging again. Sorry for the short entries and lack there of...just I don't know. Things go by fast on vacation. Hope everybody's doing well. Just to add one last thought: "I wonder if my family reads this or what they would think if they did" supposedly my aunt knows my blog like html and reads it from time to time but I guess it doesn't really matter because most of the time, actually 98 percent of the time what I say is fact. Literally FACT plus my interpreations of situations I personally go through so what they can say? Maybe my truths will help them and other people find theirs. Cause we all need to see a little more light in our lives, including myself. It's a very self-relieving thing, when your eyes are opened to things you never thought about.
Anywho, you all get Jam's love...and nothing less.
(A voice in my head asks me how my day was)
Well my day was pretty good. My jumpshot was broke! I missed 4 free throws in a row. And then shot 2/3. Two days ago I was 10/10 and I airballed a three pointer. Rough day shooting yet I played Defense n still hit a couple shots. Idk my wrist/follow through felt wierd and I felt wierd. Like I was thinking about it but it was in my head. Idk. I got a game tomorrow and it's not gunna be like that :) tomorrow is the best chance I'll play and play a lot more than a minute and thirty seconds so in the words of jae millz...leggggooooo
Also I saw the "Book of Eli" I missed the beginning of the movie. I didn't really understand the concept,point, or any of the underlining messages in the film but it was pretty cool. I just been dying to see a movie. Like literally dying but money is getting loooowwwww (uh-oh) so I might have to chill with the chillen.I gotta focus on school, making music, and playing ball n working. My next job destination is WHOLE FOODS or a sneaker store. Time to switch things up...seriously.
Anyway, speaking of music, I got this free beat tape (unfortunately nothing exclusive lol but still no complaining from me) from the.homie Hannibal. Had some good convos with him last couple nights. Pretty cool to actually talk to a guy I don't really know but feel like I know him and talk music and what not. Also I been talking to my uncle a lot more and a few other people and that's been pretty cool. I miss Mike (my uncle although he's more like my older brother along with DV). I look up to him for some wierd reason and I think I understand him more than ever although I do disagree with some stuff he says, I know it's in everybody's best interest.
Well I'm a go until I feel like blogging again. Sorry for the short entries and lack there of...just I don't know. Things go by fast on vacation. Hope everybody's doing well. Just to add one last thought: "I wonder if my family reads this or what they would think if they did" supposedly my aunt knows my blog like html and reads it from time to time but I guess it doesn't really matter because most of the time, actually 98 percent of the time what I say is fact. Literally FACT plus my interpreations of situations I personally go through so what they can say? Maybe my truths will help them and other people find theirs. Cause we all need to see a little more light in our lives, including myself. It's a very self-relieving thing, when your eyes are opened to things you never thought about.
Anywho, you all get Jam's love...and nothing less.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Need To Enrich Your Life? Listen to Will
Yo i swear i wish i knew jay-z, wish Will Smith was my father, and that i was dating jennifer anniston. But on some real shit, i've talked to you guys about the connection between my real father and Will Smith, so when i see Will Smith it's really wierd for me. Maybe that's why Pursuit of Happyness is like one of my favorite movies. That shit is emotional and i'm dysfunctional lol. I guess that makes sense. But for real take ten minutes out your day and watch this video. It's everything you're scared to hear and everything you don't want to do but should.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
"On To The Next One" Blueprint 3 Review FINALLY!
I want to start by saying... i'm probably the LAST MAN on EARTH to do this review but i don't know sometimes i'm BIG on being a BIG procrastinator lol. Fuck it. (I won't be cursing in the review) Last i'm going to say that i'm going to try to be objective since i NOW put Jay-Z and Eminem as my number one favorite artist(s) of all time. Now let's get it moving already...
"What We Talking About" is the intro to Jay-Z's epic, new sounding album, The Blueprint 3. Now before we break down the song, ask this question outloud to yourself? What are we talking about. What is Jay, himself talking about? What are we expecting him to talk about? AND does he have anything LEFT to say. After reading over 15 reviews on the album, many pose this question what more can he say? The reason they ask this is because Jay-Z himself, prior to his comeback album Kingdom Come asked us the question firs. "What More Can I Say" Jay-Z proclaimed on the album and many people believe that he doesn't have much MORE to say, cause he has said it all. Now it's just the same old talk but in a new way. There's nothing WRONG with that but i indeed asked myself the question, how does Jay-Z, 11 solo albums in, millions and millions of dollars in, and countless other venues, shows, and parties in, have something to still SAY and something to GIVE listeners and MAINLY hip-hop. Jay's answer is quite simply this:
"
What we talkin' bout real shit? Or we talkin' bout ryhmes
You talkin' bout millions Or you talking' bout mine
What we talkin' bout Cuz I ain't got time
For what people be talkin' bout all the time
What we talkin' bout fiction Or we talkin bout fact
You talkin' bout fiction? Hold up pardon my back
I'm talkin' bout life And all I hear is Oh yeah he keeps talkin' bout crack
I ain't talkin' bout profit I'm talkin' bout pain
I'm talkin' bout despair I'm talkin' bout shame
I ain't talkin' bout gossip I ain't talkin' bout Game
I ain't talkin bout Jimmy I ain't talkin' bout Dame
I'm talkin' bout real shit Dem people playin'
What is you talkin' bout I don't know what y'all sayin'
People keep talkin' bout Hov take it back
I'm doin' better than before Why would I do that?
Ain't nothing cool bout carryin' a strap
Bout worryin' your moms And buryin' your best cat
Talkin' bout revenge While carryin' his casket
All teary-eyed Bout to take it to a matress
I'm talkin' bout music I ain't talkin' bout rap
You talkin' bout who's hot I ain't talkin' bout that
The conversation is changed Lets yap about that
I don't run rap no more I run the map"
Now what i highlighted is Jay-Z telling rap fans to STOP! expectating something of the same variety of what he use to do. He can't do it! without coming off as a gimmick. He got lucky with American Gangster because it was a "concept" album, that i personally loved but ladies and gents Hov's moved on and you should too. But let's get back to the question, of what he's trying to do here. Hov's trying to make a statement, in english terms a thesis statement but the problem is, that his statement is unclear to the audience and to himself. With an unclear thesis statement there are going to be holes and things that seem a bit, confusing. That's what the rest of the album is like. For example , DOA (Death of the Autone) is an amazing concept with an even better excution, especially production wise. Produce No I.D. straight ripped this. With the horns and screeching violens, as an artist i always want to just jump on and rap on it, and as a listener it's just a BANGER. It knocks so hard in my headphones and although people are probably sick of this song by now, anytime i listen to it, i just love it. The vibe is dope and Hov's flow is wondeful and NEW. The problem is that the lyrics although great are relatively simple for Jay-Z's taste. Lyrically it's kind of subpar compared to the rest of the album but subpar Jay-Z is like asking your mom to cook you a full course meal and all she forgot was the salad. I think we can live with that.
I believe this is the same with the other single, Run This Town featuring star guest appearances from Kanye West and Rhianna. The production on Kanye's behalf is phenemonal. The drums and claps are captivating. Rhianna's voice and chorus grew on me A LOT and makes the song an Anthem, probably the only one on the cd. Before i run i listen to this song, cause "i can feel it in the air, the screams from everywhere." The chorus is pure poetry if you can't dig it, lyrically all i can do is shake my head. Lyrically, Jay-Z wise again, it's a bit average, just above average and we don't expect him to make AVERAGE music, let alone average verses. But as everyone knows KANYE WEST, yes MR. WEST, the LouiVattaonDon steals the show with this one. His drop, verse, vibe, everything was what not only put the wipcream and cherry on top but the sprinkles too.
Other standout songs include Empire State of Mind featuring Alicia Keys, Already Home featuring Kid Cudi, Venus Vs. Mars, Star is Born featuring J.Cole, and i want to put Thank You and Reminder on it as well but i'll explain why their honorable mentions.
Thank You is another Kanye produced track. It's different. Fresh of breath air. New. But i'm not really feeling Hov's accent although i like that he tried something different. It's a little too much i think, the bragging and boasting YET your suppose to be thanking YOUR FANS, that helped him almost go gold the first week AND kept him at Number one on billboard TWO WEEKS IN A ROW, which now a days is unheard of. Lyrically the track is nasty but it just doesn't do MUCH for me. If i could just skip to the third verse "I was gon' do it with the flow/But they did it with their sales/I was gon' 9/11 'em,/but they didn't need the help..." " Niggas thought they was ill found out they was...ILL/ And it's like you knew exactly how I wanted you to feel" Oh My God the flow was ILL!! or EWWW!!! lmao.
Reminder i think it's a good track. Lyrically one of the best in the album. Chorus is okay, i can deal with it as well as the uninspired beat that Timberland made. Mastered it sound SO much better than the first version i heard online but of course it's suppose to sound better. It's just that i don't know maybe a different beat, more gangster chorus this song could have been the best song on the cd.
Real as it Gets is a cool song as well but it doesn't do much for me. Hov lyrically sounds awesome. Young Jeezy actually surprised me, again, with some concious lyrics as well as an infectious chorus but i feel, again and again, that there's just something missing, that UMPH. THe thing that separates good albums to great albums and great albums to...dare i say "CLASSIC." The song is good though. Listenable. I just think if this was on a Jeezy album it would of been BETTER.
Hater is a short, catchy, new-age, futuristic, display of dope lyriscism from Mr. West and his big brother but this track too i felt had more potiential. Making this a little longer with a chorus, a real chorus but keep the back and forth, this could of easily been a third or fourth single. I like the beat. People compare it to the A-Milli beat or a leftover track from 808 n Heartbreaks but i don't know if i agree. Song grew on me, definitely one of the better tracks.
The problem is that it's hard to formulate YOUR OWN opinion with so many others influencing you and etc.
On to the Next One featuring Swizz Beats, just plain sick, as sickest as can be for Jay-Z. All three verses are MURDER!!! The beat, maybe a different production would have made this the LONE BEST track on the CD. But i dig it. FREEZE!
(god damn my hand is hurting)
Off That, Young Forever, and So Ambitious... Young Forever, i love the concept, the excution was good but the track just doesn't do much for me. I wanted something REAL EPIC for the last track. I felt like this was a track or two before the finish. Mr. Hudson's voice is nice but the production too Kanye was slacking a bit using the same sound he used for Supernova (Mr. Hudson, Kanye West assisted single) and Stronger (Graduation). Off that featuring Drake, the potiential was HUGE, bigger than HUGE but i think it dissappointed. Lyrically Jay-Z goes off, one of the best lyrical tracks, "Got blueprints on my white ipod," but Drake maybe deserved a verse or something. JUST SOMETHING WAS MISSING. Drake didn't seem uppity. He was kind of just whatever to the track. He didn't add his normal spunk. Timberland too. The knock of the beat could have been way better. WAY BETTER. Go download Bubba Spark's Ugly song and see the difference in Timberland production. The way Venus and Mars beat was is how Off That should hit your ears when you put your headphones on. So Ambitious, really good concept, outstanding lyrics but the overproduct, another short coming. DAMN YOU, Pharrell. Lyrically i like the chorus and shit. Dope. Hov came extra correct, teaching a lesson. Stepping outside his normal self to produce something grand. Potiential was high, track not so much with the delivery.
The problem for this album with me is that it is just above average. Lyrically and flow wise, NO ONE is better than Hov. Nobody not at 39 and certainly not at 26. I don't want Hov to ever stop making albums and music even if it means every album sounds like this one. I just don't want him to go and i know many of you feel the same way. I just wish something really, really stood out about the album JUST one track that everyone could agree was phenemonal. The closest two are Already Home and Empire State of Mind (two best songs on the album, Alicia Keys (in non-poppy) chorus (which was so heartfelt) and Kid Cudi's amazing chorus plus Hov's painting skills made the tracks amazing) but i felt like the bump wasn't right. When i say bump i mean the way it sounds when you play it in your car, top down, windows down. There was UMPH but not enough. The large amount of features bothered me too although it didn't really effect Hov except on Run This Town and Real As It Gets. Star is born should be right up there too because Sean Carter is also stepping out of his box and i'm glad he brought J. Cole along for the ride with him.
I just have to say this is an EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD ALBUM. Rolling Stone gave it 3 stars because even if Jay-Z is talking about the same things he's doing it really well and hip/new lol. I give it a 3.75. It was almost good enough to be a four if it just would've had that one track. I do believe though that Jay does have ONE Classic ALBUM left in him, I just hope it gets to see the daylight.
P.S. If you haven't bought the album already PLEASE DO!
GOD DAMN, that took me an hour...smh
"What We Talking About" is the intro to Jay-Z's epic, new sounding album, The Blueprint 3. Now before we break down the song, ask this question outloud to yourself? What are we talking about. What is Jay, himself talking about? What are we expecting him to talk about? AND does he have anything LEFT to say. After reading over 15 reviews on the album, many pose this question what more can he say? The reason they ask this is because Jay-Z himself, prior to his comeback album Kingdom Come asked us the question firs. "What More Can I Say" Jay-Z proclaimed on the album and many people believe that he doesn't have much MORE to say, cause he has said it all. Now it's just the same old talk but in a new way. There's nothing WRONG with that but i indeed asked myself the question, how does Jay-Z, 11 solo albums in, millions and millions of dollars in, and countless other venues, shows, and parties in, have something to still SAY and something to GIVE listeners and MAINLY hip-hop. Jay's answer is quite simply this:
"
What we talkin' bout real shit? Or we talkin' bout ryhmes
You talkin' bout millions Or you talking' bout mine
What we talkin' bout Cuz I ain't got time
For what people be talkin' bout all the time
What we talkin' bout fiction Or we talkin bout fact
You talkin' bout fiction? Hold up pardon my back
I'm talkin' bout life And all I hear is Oh yeah he keeps talkin' bout crack
I ain't talkin' bout profit I'm talkin' bout pain
I'm talkin' bout despair I'm talkin' bout shame
I ain't talkin' bout gossip I ain't talkin' bout Game
I ain't talkin bout Jimmy I ain't talkin' bout Dame
I'm talkin' bout real shit Dem people playin'
What is you talkin' bout I don't know what y'all sayin'
People keep talkin' bout Hov take it back
I'm doin' better than before Why would I do that?
Ain't nothing cool bout carryin' a strap
Bout worryin' your moms And buryin' your best cat
Talkin' bout revenge While carryin' his casket
All teary-eyed Bout to take it to a matress
I'm talkin' bout music I ain't talkin' bout rap
You talkin' bout who's hot I ain't talkin' bout that
The conversation is changed Lets yap about that
I don't run rap no more I run the map"
Now what i highlighted is Jay-Z telling rap fans to STOP! expectating something of the same variety of what he use to do. He can't do it! without coming off as a gimmick. He got lucky with American Gangster because it was a "concept" album, that i personally loved but ladies and gents Hov's moved on and you should too. But let's get back to the question, of what he's trying to do here. Hov's trying to make a statement, in english terms a thesis statement but the problem is, that his statement is unclear to the audience and to himself. With an unclear thesis statement there are going to be holes and things that seem a bit, confusing. That's what the rest of the album is like. For example , DOA (Death of the Autone) is an amazing concept with an even better excution, especially production wise. Produce No I.D. straight ripped this. With the horns and screeching violens, as an artist i always want to just jump on and rap on it, and as a listener it's just a BANGER. It knocks so hard in my headphones and although people are probably sick of this song by now, anytime i listen to it, i just love it. The vibe is dope and Hov's flow is wondeful and NEW. The problem is that the lyrics although great are relatively simple for Jay-Z's taste. Lyrically it's kind of subpar compared to the rest of the album but subpar Jay-Z is like asking your mom to cook you a full course meal and all she forgot was the salad. I think we can live with that.
I believe this is the same with the other single, Run This Town featuring star guest appearances from Kanye West and Rhianna. The production on Kanye's behalf is phenemonal. The drums and claps are captivating. Rhianna's voice and chorus grew on me A LOT and makes the song an Anthem, probably the only one on the cd. Before i run i listen to this song, cause "i can feel it in the air, the screams from everywhere." The chorus is pure poetry if you can't dig it, lyrically all i can do is shake my head. Lyrically, Jay-Z wise again, it's a bit average, just above average and we don't expect him to make AVERAGE music, let alone average verses. But as everyone knows KANYE WEST, yes MR. WEST, the LouiVattaonDon steals the show with this one. His drop, verse, vibe, everything was what not only put the wipcream and cherry on top but the sprinkles too.
Other standout songs include Empire State of Mind featuring Alicia Keys, Already Home featuring Kid Cudi, Venus Vs. Mars, Star is Born featuring J.Cole, and i want to put Thank You and Reminder on it as well but i'll explain why their honorable mentions.
Thank You is another Kanye produced track. It's different. Fresh of breath air. New. But i'm not really feeling Hov's accent although i like that he tried something different. It's a little too much i think, the bragging and boasting YET your suppose to be thanking YOUR FANS, that helped him almost go gold the first week AND kept him at Number one on billboard TWO WEEKS IN A ROW, which now a days is unheard of. Lyrically the track is nasty but it just doesn't do MUCH for me. If i could just skip to the third verse "I was gon' do it with the flow/But they did it with their sales/I was gon' 9/11 'em,/but they didn't need the help..." " Niggas thought they was ill found out they was...ILL/ And it's like you knew exactly how I wanted you to feel" Oh My God the flow was ILL!! or EWWW!!! lmao.
Reminder i think it's a good track. Lyrically one of the best in the album. Chorus is okay, i can deal with it as well as the uninspired beat that Timberland made. Mastered it sound SO much better than the first version i heard online but of course it's suppose to sound better. It's just that i don't know maybe a different beat, more gangster chorus this song could have been the best song on the cd.
Real as it Gets is a cool song as well but it doesn't do much for me. Hov lyrically sounds awesome. Young Jeezy actually surprised me, again, with some concious lyrics as well as an infectious chorus but i feel, again and again, that there's just something missing, that UMPH. THe thing that separates good albums to great albums and great albums to...dare i say "CLASSIC." The song is good though. Listenable. I just think if this was on a Jeezy album it would of been BETTER.
Hater is a short, catchy, new-age, futuristic, display of dope lyriscism from Mr. West and his big brother but this track too i felt had more potiential. Making this a little longer with a chorus, a real chorus but keep the back and forth, this could of easily been a third or fourth single. I like the beat. People compare it to the A-Milli beat or a leftover track from 808 n Heartbreaks but i don't know if i agree. Song grew on me, definitely one of the better tracks.
The problem is that it's hard to formulate YOUR OWN opinion with so many others influencing you and etc.
On to the Next One featuring Swizz Beats, just plain sick, as sickest as can be for Jay-Z. All three verses are MURDER!!! The beat, maybe a different production would have made this the LONE BEST track on the CD. But i dig it. FREEZE!
(god damn my hand is hurting)
Off That, Young Forever, and So Ambitious... Young Forever, i love the concept, the excution was good but the track just doesn't do much for me. I wanted something REAL EPIC for the last track. I felt like this was a track or two before the finish. Mr. Hudson's voice is nice but the production too Kanye was slacking a bit using the same sound he used for Supernova (Mr. Hudson, Kanye West assisted single) and Stronger (Graduation). Off that featuring Drake, the potiential was HUGE, bigger than HUGE but i think it dissappointed. Lyrically Jay-Z goes off, one of the best lyrical tracks, "Got blueprints on my white ipod," but Drake maybe deserved a verse or something. JUST SOMETHING WAS MISSING. Drake didn't seem uppity. He was kind of just whatever to the track. He didn't add his normal spunk. Timberland too. The knock of the beat could have been way better. WAY BETTER. Go download Bubba Spark's Ugly song and see the difference in Timberland production. The way Venus and Mars beat was is how Off That should hit your ears when you put your headphones on. So Ambitious, really good concept, outstanding lyrics but the overproduct, another short coming. DAMN YOU, Pharrell. Lyrically i like the chorus and shit. Dope. Hov came extra correct, teaching a lesson. Stepping outside his normal self to produce something grand. Potiential was high, track not so much with the delivery.
The problem for this album with me is that it is just above average. Lyrically and flow wise, NO ONE is better than Hov. Nobody not at 39 and certainly not at 26. I don't want Hov to ever stop making albums and music even if it means every album sounds like this one. I just don't want him to go and i know many of you feel the same way. I just wish something really, really stood out about the album JUST one track that everyone could agree was phenemonal. The closest two are Already Home and Empire State of Mind (two best songs on the album, Alicia Keys (in non-poppy) chorus (which was so heartfelt) and Kid Cudi's amazing chorus plus Hov's painting skills made the tracks amazing) but i felt like the bump wasn't right. When i say bump i mean the way it sounds when you play it in your car, top down, windows down. There was UMPH but not enough. The large amount of features bothered me too although it didn't really effect Hov except on Run This Town and Real As It Gets. Star is born should be right up there too because Sean Carter is also stepping out of his box and i'm glad he brought J. Cole along for the ride with him.
I just have to say this is an EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD ALBUM. Rolling Stone gave it 3 stars because even if Jay-Z is talking about the same things he's doing it really well and hip/new lol. I give it a 3.75. It was almost good enough to be a four if it just would've had that one track. I do believe though that Jay does have ONE Classic ALBUM left in him, I just hope it gets to see the daylight.
P.S. If you haven't bought the album already PLEASE DO!
GOD DAMN, that took me an hour...smh
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Succeed Or Die Trying
The following title is how I live my life. Period.
Soo let's run through some current events lol. I forgot to mention my mom came to new york friday morning, randomly for a job interview. Crazy right? And I'm not gunna lie I was happy she was here but furious she didn't tell me. Like she assumed I was going to my house in cp and left it at that. Like what? How the hell we should she feel if I just went to west palm to her house suddenly but she went to her friends house that day and never knew I was there. Sometimes I wonder where people's thought processes are. Like I haven't seen her since July and it took me a year to see her before. Anyway, whatever. I ended up seeing her obviously. It was nice.
Extrememly nice.
I love my mom to death and wish I had one relevant parent. You know? On saturday I told my therapist like I felt like since I turned 16 I been my own father and basically mother too. Sure they did certain and somethings for me but not as much as they have. Ironically it's like now that I'm older I get the less attention, no phone calls, no anything really.
What am I bird? What I mean by that is that birds just let their children go, learn how to fly and let me do their own thing. I don't think humans are SUPPOSE to be that way.
Whatever. I'm just glad I got to see her. Like all I wanted was a hug from my mom :(. That's all I wanted. To know that I still have one and can get a hug from her. Just thinking about It makes me wanna cry.
Anyway, me and my friend drank and wrote songs. It feels good to have a partner and people who believe in us. well maybe him a little more because they were his friends first, although that's a fucked up way to view things. But I'm sure either way it's sincere. One of the good things about going back is the positive friendships I have developed. :)
Anyway, after my long night, it was hard to sleep and I didn't want to get up but randomly that night my grandfather got 3 tickets to the Mets game and took me and my sister ashley.
My mom's flight was at 11 45 so we had leave before 10 30. I was exhausted BUT I still got up because I wanted to squeeze out any minute with her. Also because I was fucked up 4 years ago when she was moving to florida. The day she was leaving, I just hugged her and left the house. I don't know why did that instead of going to the airport. I went to go play ball and hang out with my then girlfriend. I think I was in denial and didn't want to face her leaving my life. And when I say someone's leaving my life I mean they lose their everyday relevance in it.
Just thinking about it we had a very deep conversation about everything.
...
I can't continue talking about it but I hope you get the point. Anyway, saturday morning/afternoon went to the mets game, dumb tired. I left before the 7th inning started and the score was 1-0. Then I went to therapy ten minutes late but had a good session except that it went quicker than any other session I've had. And I've had sessions for like ten mins where I got everything off my chest lol. Sooo wierd.
Okay than the rest of night kind of just went smoothly didn't do too much of anything. But just to add (I don't know why I get mad at this but) when my co-workers go out I don't ever get an invite anymore. I was actually praised the last couple days because I impressed the managers at my store and other stores with how good I did the walls in my store. They wanted to give me more hours n everything but of course if I did take more on, I would die lol. But I don't even get an invite to a dinner for one of our friends/ex-employees promotion and then (not that I would've gone) they go to a club last night. They talk about it in front of me but don't say a god damn thing to me about going?
Just the day before I was being complimented on my positive attitude through hard times and I'm always talk about music with my manager yet we never get anything done. No beats no anything. Whatever. I'm not bitter and I'm not going to be you know why...
Cause I know I have a plan and god has a big plan for me that I'm going to work hard for and I'm going to furfill.
Anyway, I just want to go to the movies. Just relax with a bag of popcorn and water and watch a good movie, chick flick or not :)
Last, I woke up again @ 6:50 and got to school on time but couldn't take a nap on the bus still it didn't matter. I was determined to finish the course and in good time.
My coach placed faith in me and so did my older brother DV. It also helped that I ran the curse friday that gave me major inspiration. And guess what!?!?
My team finished first. I finished 7 of 8. And I finished in 42 mins flat! And I'm not that tired, physically. Could use a nap but I'm gunna play ball. First take a shower.
Gunna post like 2 more entries (I got you angelica!). Holla at me yall...
I know people have always hated and disliked my "one-up you" I'm gunna do bette mentality but u don't understand how hard I've worked to get here and for the most part I did it by myself but with the help of a couple people too.
Just know I'm gunna succeed or die trying.
Light...
Jam the fuck out yall...
Soo let's run through some current events lol. I forgot to mention my mom came to new york friday morning, randomly for a job interview. Crazy right? And I'm not gunna lie I was happy she was here but furious she didn't tell me. Like she assumed I was going to my house in cp and left it at that. Like what? How the hell we should she feel if I just went to west palm to her house suddenly but she went to her friends house that day and never knew I was there. Sometimes I wonder where people's thought processes are. Like I haven't seen her since July and it took me a year to see her before. Anyway, whatever. I ended up seeing her obviously. It was nice.
Extrememly nice.
I love my mom to death and wish I had one relevant parent. You know? On saturday I told my therapist like I felt like since I turned 16 I been my own father and basically mother too. Sure they did certain and somethings for me but not as much as they have. Ironically it's like now that I'm older I get the less attention, no phone calls, no anything really.
What am I bird? What I mean by that is that birds just let their children go, learn how to fly and let me do their own thing. I don't think humans are SUPPOSE to be that way.
Whatever. I'm just glad I got to see her. Like all I wanted was a hug from my mom :(. That's all I wanted. To know that I still have one and can get a hug from her. Just thinking about It makes me wanna cry.
Anyway, me and my friend drank and wrote songs. It feels good to have a partner and people who believe in us. well maybe him a little more because they were his friends first, although that's a fucked up way to view things. But I'm sure either way it's sincere. One of the good things about going back is the positive friendships I have developed. :)
Anyway, after my long night, it was hard to sleep and I didn't want to get up but randomly that night my grandfather got 3 tickets to the Mets game and took me and my sister ashley.
My mom's flight was at 11 45 so we had leave before 10 30. I was exhausted BUT I still got up because I wanted to squeeze out any minute with her. Also because I was fucked up 4 years ago when she was moving to florida. The day she was leaving, I just hugged her and left the house. I don't know why did that instead of going to the airport. I went to go play ball and hang out with my then girlfriend. I think I was in denial and didn't want to face her leaving my life. And when I say someone's leaving my life I mean they lose their everyday relevance in it.
Just thinking about it we had a very deep conversation about everything.
...
I can't continue talking about it but I hope you get the point. Anyway, saturday morning/afternoon went to the mets game, dumb tired. I left before the 7th inning started and the score was 1-0. Then I went to therapy ten minutes late but had a good session except that it went quicker than any other session I've had. And I've had sessions for like ten mins where I got everything off my chest lol. Sooo wierd.
Okay than the rest of night kind of just went smoothly didn't do too much of anything. But just to add (I don't know why I get mad at this but) when my co-workers go out I don't ever get an invite anymore. I was actually praised the last couple days because I impressed the managers at my store and other stores with how good I did the walls in my store. They wanted to give me more hours n everything but of course if I did take more on, I would die lol. But I don't even get an invite to a dinner for one of our friends/ex-employees promotion and then (not that I would've gone) they go to a club last night. They talk about it in front of me but don't say a god damn thing to me about going?
Just the day before I was being complimented on my positive attitude through hard times and I'm always talk about music with my manager yet we never get anything done. No beats no anything. Whatever. I'm not bitter and I'm not going to be you know why...
Cause I know I have a plan and god has a big plan for me that I'm going to work hard for and I'm going to furfill.
Anyway, I just want to go to the movies. Just relax with a bag of popcorn and water and watch a good movie, chick flick or not :)
Last, I woke up again @ 6:50 and got to school on time but couldn't take a nap on the bus still it didn't matter. I was determined to finish the course and in good time.
My coach placed faith in me and so did my older brother DV. It also helped that I ran the curse friday that gave me major inspiration. And guess what!?!?
My team finished first. I finished 7 of 8. And I finished in 42 mins flat! And I'm not that tired, physically. Could use a nap but I'm gunna play ball. First take a shower.
Gunna post like 2 more entries (I got you angelica!). Holla at me yall...
I know people have always hated and disliked my "one-up you" I'm gunna do bette mentality but u don't understand how hard I've worked to get here and for the most part I did it by myself but with the help of a couple people too.
Just know I'm gunna succeed or die trying.
Light...
Jam the fuck out yall...
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Am I Dying? And When the Good Turns Bad
"When a girl girl goes bad, she's gone forever"-Jay-Z
Thought that would be a good quote to start entry of stressful proportions. Been a long ass week and emotionally more than physical I'm drained, torn, hurt, stressed, (insert word that describes everything I just said).
Yea. Well know you know why I say fuck life lol. And yesterday my phone almost officially died. The blackberry my only physical birthday present.
(Was suppose to get a microphone and a pair of sneakers but we won't get into that. BLOAW!)
I'm not even mad about that shit. My last two birthdays were alright but I'm a make it great. (Listening to Empire State of Mind feeling better especially with the sun shining). Anyway, this week I've been exhausted but of course just because your running on e doesn't mean the drama stops coming. It's ironic because the last 3 years I've tried my absolute hardest to stay away from it all (on some HOV shit!) But people and woman always go after you.
I must say shit gets depressing, last year I definitely was depressed, maybe not severly but I think you could read it off of my face. Not much went right and I contributed some of that on to myself but ugh. Anyway, here I am soo much better but things are confusing as ever. I know who I am and what I want to be but that's about it. Mind has been boggled like the board game. Right now I actually have some people that care about me, ugly, broke or not, they do. I have people that actually go look for me and that's something I haven't had in a while.
I went back to college point this summer for my sanity, for my identity, to remember who I am. I know it's not the greatest place in the world but neither is Marcy or 8mile. Which I'm sure Jay-Z and Eminem went back to even if just for once time to rememver who they are. Hell 50cent bought his old house, made a studio, and recorded a whole album where he use to live with his grandma. Something about where you were brought up brings up nostalgic thoughts that make you whole. Regardless of how FUCKED UP it was for you at one time, there's some inspiration, some rememberence, some homage being paid when you go to where you use to live and College Point is that place for me.
I always went back I just never told anybody. I would just see my family and bounce and people would be like where you been Jam? And I'd ignore it. I looked down at these people like I was sooo much better than them because I've made something of myself and continue to. But who am I to think I'm better than an individual who just didn't have my determination, who didn't want to overcome the troubles they went to.
Who was I? To do that. I was and am nobody in that sense. To place judgement. So instead I just know who I am and yea, intellectually, yea school wise, ambition wise, and everything I could be better than everbody I give dap to but that doesn't mean I'm too good to hang out with them, to treat them like they're not human. To not offer a helping hand. If someone needs me I'm here, otherwise if they don't want my help fuck it, that's on them.
If I was in their position I would want someone to try to help me and at one point I was in that situation but I chose to take a different route. I chose to make myself better and it did help that I moved out of the place but spirtually did I ever leave?
I don't think so.
I think I needed to go back to remember who I was. Why I'm doing what I'm doing and that even though I left I got people who show love. People who I can share stories with. People who will remember me, period. That's what it did for me. I got to remember what it was like to have a family, with my sister there, with my aunt and uncle back together.
And in conclusion I don't judge anymore, I'm just here to be the helping hand the hope. What obama is to a little black kid in chicago is what I want to be for people in college point. I'm not the only one who'se moved on though, I have my friend Dayna who'se making something of herself and she knows how I feel. She has the same heart for the place although she's moved on in life. And that's why our personalities mesh and I understand her.
Anyway, that wasn't the point of this entry. I just needed to get that off my chest.
This week I've been exhausted like I said and on friday, yesterday I finally had school off and was trying to be fine doing nothing. Mission accomplished. I ran and didn't worry about doing something. If something happen it did if it didn't it didn't. It was sooo weird. Not rushing. Not caring but it's exactly what I needed PLUS about 9 hours of decent sleep.
Then I ran over 5miles and didn't leave DV behind who thought he wouldn't make it. But he did. That's my brother. And I know there days you wanna give up but you don't and I definitely put a smile on his face for that.
Anyway, I was SUPPOSE to go to a st.john's party which never happend instead me and my boy wrote music, drank by ourselves and chilled.
the rest of the night was terrible, horrible I might say. Won't say why but it was.
Now I'm tired again but will be doing nothing today. Just relaxing, maybe some hw, maybe a movie and then tomorrow I'm going to kill in cross country.
Although I'm all fucked up mentally be on the lookout for more music. It's coming. I promise. I feel it. I really do.
Jam the fuck out yall...
...
Thought that would be a good quote to start entry of stressful proportions. Been a long ass week and emotionally more than physical I'm drained, torn, hurt, stressed, (insert word that describes everything I just said).
Yea. Well know you know why I say fuck life lol. And yesterday my phone almost officially died. The blackberry my only physical birthday present.
(Was suppose to get a microphone and a pair of sneakers but we won't get into that. BLOAW!)
I'm not even mad about that shit. My last two birthdays were alright but I'm a make it great. (Listening to Empire State of Mind feeling better especially with the sun shining). Anyway, this week I've been exhausted but of course just because your running on e doesn't mean the drama stops coming. It's ironic because the last 3 years I've tried my absolute hardest to stay away from it all (on some HOV shit!) But people and woman always go after you.
I must say shit gets depressing, last year I definitely was depressed, maybe not severly but I think you could read it off of my face. Not much went right and I contributed some of that on to myself but ugh. Anyway, here I am soo much better but things are confusing as ever. I know who I am and what I want to be but that's about it. Mind has been boggled like the board game. Right now I actually have some people that care about me, ugly, broke or not, they do. I have people that actually go look for me and that's something I haven't had in a while.
I went back to college point this summer for my sanity, for my identity, to remember who I am. I know it's not the greatest place in the world but neither is Marcy or 8mile. Which I'm sure Jay-Z and Eminem went back to even if just for once time to rememver who they are. Hell 50cent bought his old house, made a studio, and recorded a whole album where he use to live with his grandma. Something about where you were brought up brings up nostalgic thoughts that make you whole. Regardless of how FUCKED UP it was for you at one time, there's some inspiration, some rememberence, some homage being paid when you go to where you use to live and College Point is that place for me.
I always went back I just never told anybody. I would just see my family and bounce and people would be like where you been Jam? And I'd ignore it. I looked down at these people like I was sooo much better than them because I've made something of myself and continue to. But who am I to think I'm better than an individual who just didn't have my determination, who didn't want to overcome the troubles they went to.
Who was I? To do that. I was and am nobody in that sense. To place judgement. So instead I just know who I am and yea, intellectually, yea school wise, ambition wise, and everything I could be better than everbody I give dap to but that doesn't mean I'm too good to hang out with them, to treat them like they're not human. To not offer a helping hand. If someone needs me I'm here, otherwise if they don't want my help fuck it, that's on them.
If I was in their position I would want someone to try to help me and at one point I was in that situation but I chose to take a different route. I chose to make myself better and it did help that I moved out of the place but spirtually did I ever leave?
I don't think so.
I think I needed to go back to remember who I was. Why I'm doing what I'm doing and that even though I left I got people who show love. People who I can share stories with. People who will remember me, period. That's what it did for me. I got to remember what it was like to have a family, with my sister there, with my aunt and uncle back together.
And in conclusion I don't judge anymore, I'm just here to be the helping hand the hope. What obama is to a little black kid in chicago is what I want to be for people in college point. I'm not the only one who'se moved on though, I have my friend Dayna who'se making something of herself and she knows how I feel. She has the same heart for the place although she's moved on in life. And that's why our personalities mesh and I understand her.
Anyway, that wasn't the point of this entry. I just needed to get that off my chest.
This week I've been exhausted like I said and on friday, yesterday I finally had school off and was trying to be fine doing nothing. Mission accomplished. I ran and didn't worry about doing something. If something happen it did if it didn't it didn't. It was sooo weird. Not rushing. Not caring but it's exactly what I needed PLUS about 9 hours of decent sleep.
Then I ran over 5miles and didn't leave DV behind who thought he wouldn't make it. But he did. That's my brother. And I know there days you wanna give up but you don't and I definitely put a smile on his face for that.
Anyway, I was SUPPOSE to go to a st.john's party which never happend instead me and my boy wrote music, drank by ourselves and chilled.
the rest of the night was terrible, horrible I might say. Won't say why but it was.
Now I'm tired again but will be doing nothing today. Just relaxing, maybe some hw, maybe a movie and then tomorrow I'm going to kill in cross country.
Although I'm all fucked up mentally be on the lookout for more music. It's coming. I promise. I feel it. I really do.
Jam the fuck out yall...
...
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Let's Have A (Re)Discussion
What's good readers, listeners, and observers aka people I appreciate very much. I'm tired as fuck and wish I fell asleep a little but ago but I can't sleep. Some stressful, angry situations I been going through. Been stressed about school and just need like good/quality sleep. I don't get that very much or often. Lol. Sleeping with my grandparents (alone, on the couch bed, NOT WITH THEM) can be a bit stressful since they get up o.d. Early, make. Noise, and wake me up. I learned how to avoid that shit. Also my knee is kinda bothering me still. I actually hurt it during cross country. I didn't know I had knee problems cause apparently my knee is too high. Which means I have to stretch a lot, A LOT, and I will probably have knee surgery kinda early in my life (like late 30's/40's). Yea. Not a good look.
Right now I'm watching the 5th element with my sister ashley and this shit is dumb weird. And on a random note, I think my sister is extremely pretty and I have to watch out for her because of that. Actually I think all my siblings are really pretty. I was actually hanging out with them today. It was really nice. I actually made therapy on time too. I really needed it, like really needed to talk. I also have to make therapy on time or someone's gunna take my slot and I lose my amazing therapist.
Anyway, I just want to reiterate how life is sooo weird. My uncle blames life, I blame the people in life. Yea life may be a bitch but it's the people she births that make it crazy.
I'm about to pass out again. Goodnight. Will write an entry or two more, later. Sweet dreams.
Right now I'm watching the 5th element with my sister ashley and this shit is dumb weird. And on a random note, I think my sister is extremely pretty and I have to watch out for her because of that. Actually I think all my siblings are really pretty. I was actually hanging out with them today. It was really nice. I actually made therapy on time too. I really needed it, like really needed to talk. I also have to make therapy on time or someone's gunna take my slot and I lose my amazing therapist.
Anyway, I just want to reiterate how life is sooo weird. My uncle blames life, I blame the people in life. Yea life may be a bitch but it's the people she births that make it crazy.
I'm about to pass out again. Goodnight. Will write an entry or two more, later. Sweet dreams.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
The REALization: What's The Controversy Over 30 and 40
Now a lot of my peers and older people may look at what I'm about to write as ignorant or whatever but it's my blog, my point of view. My QUESTION.
Now let the great debate begin
what is the controversy that comes at age 30 and 40. What is this, all of a sudden, urgency to find some sort of complancacy. Like at 30/40 someone can't live out their dreams. SURE there are certain things that hack away at a body but life isn't surely over. The average age of living is what now a days? 70, 80. Basically means at 40 you've only lived half your life. But it seems like the first half of the life is the only important part.
Now in hip-hop for example there are a bunch of old rappers that help pioneer the game that kind of get no respect. A lot has to do with age, their past their prime, blah blah blah. Jay-Z for example is not even 40 YET but people critize him for being so old. They call him 42 like its an insult."You're an old ass nigga" that's really all you can come up with? Age? Seriously?
Maybe it's because in his late 30's he's still relevant. He's still pumping out music, giving back to the community, people still want to hear HIM. He's accomplishing feats that someone in their 20's and early 30's cannot accomplish. He can still have kids technically with Beyonce. He still has so much life to live. He still has drive and compassion. Soo then why is age such a problem. With age comes a more calm approach to life. I bet he's not partying on a boat, drinking tons of liquor, and fucking girls in the video shoot BUT I bet he's still drinkin, partying, and living life up.
Soo what's with 40?
Barry Bonds was 42 when he broke the record for home runs all time. He was still bringing people in the stands.
Michael Jordan made his third comeback. Sure he wasn't the same energetic michael who could do crazy dunks. But he was smoother, more mature, his jumpshot was more developed. He still average about or close to 20points a game. He was still Michael.
Michael Jackson age 42, released another album in another decade n compared to his PAST standards he flopped. Since when is selling 10million records worldwide, flopping? Lol. He still danced n toured like before. Still got the same love and did what he loved at 42.
People have children in their late thirties n early fourties n raise beautiful children.
Sooo what's the emphasis and life crisis at 30? Maybe when I'm thirty I'll understand. I'll feel this urgency but if I don't I guess I'll be the only one.
So if I haven't proved my point yet I guess I will never. There are average people all the time accomplishing new feats from 30 and beyond. Stop worrying about age and do what you can do and be happy with it. Period. There's still time.
:) laterrr
Now let the great debate begin
what is the controversy that comes at age 30 and 40. What is this, all of a sudden, urgency to find some sort of complancacy. Like at 30/40 someone can't live out their dreams. SURE there are certain things that hack away at a body but life isn't surely over. The average age of living is what now a days? 70, 80. Basically means at 40 you've only lived half your life. But it seems like the first half of the life is the only important part.
Now in hip-hop for example there are a bunch of old rappers that help pioneer the game that kind of get no respect. A lot has to do with age, their past their prime, blah blah blah. Jay-Z for example is not even 40 YET but people critize him for being so old. They call him 42 like its an insult."You're an old ass nigga" that's really all you can come up with? Age? Seriously?
Maybe it's because in his late 30's he's still relevant. He's still pumping out music, giving back to the community, people still want to hear HIM. He's accomplishing feats that someone in their 20's and early 30's cannot accomplish. He can still have kids technically with Beyonce. He still has so much life to live. He still has drive and compassion. Soo then why is age such a problem. With age comes a more calm approach to life. I bet he's not partying on a boat, drinking tons of liquor, and fucking girls in the video shoot BUT I bet he's still drinkin, partying, and living life up.
Soo what's with 40?
Barry Bonds was 42 when he broke the record for home runs all time. He was still bringing people in the stands.
Michael Jordan made his third comeback. Sure he wasn't the same energetic michael who could do crazy dunks. But he was smoother, more mature, his jumpshot was more developed. He still average about or close to 20points a game. He was still Michael.
Michael Jackson age 42, released another album in another decade n compared to his PAST standards he flopped. Since when is selling 10million records worldwide, flopping? Lol. He still danced n toured like before. Still got the same love and did what he loved at 42.
People have children in their late thirties n early fourties n raise beautiful children.
Sooo what's the emphasis and life crisis at 30? Maybe when I'm thirty I'll understand. I'll feel this urgency but if I don't I guess I'll be the only one.
So if I haven't proved my point yet I guess I will never. There are average people all the time accomplishing new feats from 30 and beyond. Stop worrying about age and do what you can do and be happy with it. Period. There's still time.
:) laterrr
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
202: Re-Do
Ayo! I am dumb excited about everything... the trip is moving kinda slow but I kind of still want to/gunna extend my trip regardless. I just need to be in the studio on some real shit. I deadass have at least another 20 songs to record and then I have to re-record some shit but fuck it. I'm getting two mixtapes done which is fanstasmically awesomillion. Yea I just made up my own word. Mixed fantastic with orgasmic and awesome with a million but it's hot. I think I got some fire stuff going.
If I can record two songs for either mixtape n then have one for the other than it's gunna be hot fire. I deadass have like 23 songs recorded(about 16/17) most people haven't heard and I keep working on more freestyles. Technically if I wanted to get the freestyles mixtape done it would be in probably 3 or 4 more sessions but I'm a chill. No timeline. No pressure just mad fun.
But I think the title will probably be called "ADD, the Free-styles" no song above 2 in a half minutes. So far I got some bllllooooddd fire stuff. I'm a record like 30 and cut it down to like 15. The other mixtape is a little more serious cause I only want twelve. I may change my mind though.
As we speak I'm working on the video for the audio below and I got to re-do like 2 videos on youtube and then do another video. I'm getting some ideas from people. I'm a be putting some freestyles up though. You'll see I'm dumb excited yo. Lol.
Anyway, florida is treating me alright though. Went to a house party, met some girls and some cool ass dudes. Drank a little. Guess there goes those 2 weeks of soberness haha. Thank god I couldn't smoke the pipe I didn't wanna get high anyway.the dude's name is chris that I first met. His house, his party. He works with my mom which he told me was wierd. But he's a really cool guy.
I would try to get a job but fuck it. Next year.
Anyway, I hope yall saw the michael jackson memorial. Hella crazy. Mad sad. The mariah carey performance was crazy. I'll dedicate another entry tomorrow to it. I mean I have to blog about it so I'm sorry if it annoys you.
Just thought of some crazy shit that happend over a year ago...that's crazy yo. Haven't messed with anybody in a min. And wild crazy months been passing by. In 3 months it'll be a year since I basically was (almost) with somebody. Wild!! On some serious shit. But it's all good. Eventually it'll come. Not her per say but somebody. Somebody to mess with, hang out with, act like we're bf/gf but not be unless shawty could change my mind. But I'm tryna be single until at least 22. well hopefully but if I get famous who knows. With the way groupies are and the way the male body works I ain't trying to fuck up anything "real."
Wow. Sorry for that rant. Shouts again to deville, berry, julian, audrey, and everyone else who reads my blog :) but aren't bloggers. Hehe.
Anyway. I'm chilling with my sisters so gotta go. Wish you luck ma. Be calm and positive and tryyyy please. Later.
If I can record two songs for either mixtape n then have one for the other than it's gunna be hot fire. I deadass have like 23 songs recorded(about 16/17) most people haven't heard and I keep working on more freestyles. Technically if I wanted to get the freestyles mixtape done it would be in probably 3 or 4 more sessions but I'm a chill. No timeline. No pressure just mad fun.
But I think the title will probably be called "ADD, the Free-styles" no song above 2 in a half minutes. So far I got some bllllooooddd fire stuff. I'm a record like 30 and cut it down to like 15. The other mixtape is a little more serious cause I only want twelve. I may change my mind though.
As we speak I'm working on the video for the audio below and I got to re-do like 2 videos on youtube and then do another video. I'm getting some ideas from people. I'm a be putting some freestyles up though. You'll see I'm dumb excited yo. Lol.
Anyway, florida is treating me alright though. Went to a house party, met some girls and some cool ass dudes. Drank a little. Guess there goes those 2 weeks of soberness haha. Thank god I couldn't smoke the pipe I didn't wanna get high anyway.the dude's name is chris that I first met. His house, his party. He works with my mom which he told me was wierd. But he's a really cool guy.
I would try to get a job but fuck it. Next year.
Anyway, I hope yall saw the michael jackson memorial. Hella crazy. Mad sad. The mariah carey performance was crazy. I'll dedicate another entry tomorrow to it. I mean I have to blog about it so I'm sorry if it annoys you.
Just thought of some crazy shit that happend over a year ago...that's crazy yo. Haven't messed with anybody in a min. And wild crazy months been passing by. In 3 months it'll be a year since I basically was (almost) with somebody. Wild!! On some serious shit. But it's all good. Eventually it'll come. Not her per say but somebody. Somebody to mess with, hang out with, act like we're bf/gf but not be unless shawty could change my mind. But I'm tryna be single until at least 22. well hopefully but if I get famous who knows. With the way groupies are and the way the male body works I ain't trying to fuck up anything "real."
Wow. Sorry for that rant. Shouts again to deville, berry, julian, audrey, and everyone else who reads my blog :) but aren't bloggers. Hehe.
Anyway. I'm chilling with my sisters so gotta go. Wish you luck ma. Be calm and positive and tryyyy please. Later.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Letter to my future girl...
Flowers, candy, everything you deserve
Shelter, water, even the L word
Once I mean it, feel it, everything I do will be our secret, just keep on the secret, until I take it off
So I can treat you like a kit kat and break it off
Never go soft when I'm with ya, never a real loss when I'm with ya, ying to my yang, yes baby I fit cha, even the seconds your gone, I miss ya
It's really ridiculous, especially when we fuss and cuss over nothing important
But arguments, can't avoid it
And your heart can't avoid this, there's a void, if you ain't my miss, anybody hurt you, they on my hit list
the world is my witness, to my testament of love
the test is when I can put nothing above, you
Not the clouds or the sky, cause they are your pillows when you sleep
And I will be your warmth, your sheets,
Our bond is deeper than an obis
Deeper than the blond when I slice my wrist
Cause it always heals back.
And what's true is what I feel for you
Because I know if another man touched you
I would kill for you,
I hope that's real for you
Just know...
I will always try my hardest, even if I'm not not the smartest, or can't provide you a real big house with a garden
But I can commit to a promise or promises, of continous lovely shit, that no other man can ever give
Even when I'm broke and down on my self
I will take care of your health and provide you anything else...
Mainly the little things that get overlooked
Not the fancy resturants that are overbooked
So let me steal your heart like a valentine's day crook
And cook you up, a life of perfection
Just tell me if this letter is going the right direction
...
Actions speak louder than words so let me show you
Shelter, water, even the L word
Once I mean it, feel it, everything I do will be our secret, just keep on the secret, until I take it off
So I can treat you like a kit kat and break it off
Never go soft when I'm with ya, never a real loss when I'm with ya, ying to my yang, yes baby I fit cha, even the seconds your gone, I miss ya
It's really ridiculous, especially when we fuss and cuss over nothing important
But arguments, can't avoid it
And your heart can't avoid this, there's a void, if you ain't my miss, anybody hurt you, they on my hit list
the world is my witness, to my testament of love
the test is when I can put nothing above, you
Not the clouds or the sky, cause they are your pillows when you sleep
And I will be your warmth, your sheets,
Our bond is deeper than an obis
Deeper than the blond when I slice my wrist
Cause it always heals back.
And what's true is what I feel for you
Because I know if another man touched you
I would kill for you,
I hope that's real for you
Just know...
I will always try my hardest, even if I'm not not the smartest, or can't provide you a real big house with a garden
But I can commit to a promise or promises, of continous lovely shit, that no other man can ever give
Even when I'm broke and down on my self
I will take care of your health and provide you anything else...
Mainly the little things that get overlooked
Not the fancy resturants that are overbooked
So let me steal your heart like a valentine's day crook
And cook you up, a life of perfection
Just tell me if this letter is going the right direction
...
Actions speak louder than words so let me show you
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Part 2: Forces of Nature
Right now I have a cold and have just woken up from my long sleep.
Quick Note: I was fucking furious this morning because at 9:11 in the morning my grandmother wakes me up to move me into my aunt's room because I am an accomodation. They allow me to sleep in their home so when they need the living room, sleepy or sick, I have to be awaken from my sleep and start over. MORE bullshit.
Also I'm living in a 20th century house but living the 21st century life. Everday I get lectured and told I should be asleep around 11:30 all the way to I eventually go to sleep. My grandparent's and aunt alll wake up during the middle of the night and complain or shake their heads when I'm up. Making me feel guilty as fuck. It's bulllshit!
Back to what I was saying in the last entry:
Sooo I just have to add this first. In high school there's soo much going on that as a person you feel triumphant in life especially since everyone is pushing for you to graduate and etc.
In college it's different, not really a god damn soul carrying, caring, pushing, watching you do anything. If your having a hard time there's no life, no perseverence ain't shit but your self. I guess that's a part of growing up. Everything is on you and there's no one to give a fuck about you. Give a fuck about your grades or anything really. It's all (jonathan) you, or nothing...
Back to the inevitable. Basically you can't trust anyone, can't believe anyone, can't invest so much time, care, and emotion into people. Because you never know. How everything will play out...
One minute they're telling you how honest they can be with you and how they want to tell you the WHOLE TRUTH, the next minute they're not. Aka they're a different person.
To be honest I don't know what I'm really angry for, let's break down all the possible scenarios why...
It could be because I STUPIDLY tHought, something good/amazing was going on. I maybe thought that we were a team, a team means everything is equal and we help out eachother, but that wasn't true.
It could be that I trusted you like I probably never trusted anybody before and lost that trust. Which kind of steps into helping me instead of pushing me away.
I think all the above can be all put in the "pushing me away category." Frankly I don't know who you are, who you want to be, what you want, who you want to be with. Basically everything. And by pushing me away, I'm kind of trying to stay away. Cause maybe all those ppl who TOLD ME THINGS were on the verge to the truth.
And being pushed away is probably the most damaging thing for a person. For example-
My mother left to florida because she hated new york, hated my father, hated the problems, and wanted an escape. She married a younger man (ten years to be exact) who liked her since I met him. My mother had an idea which would be in the children's best interest. Take my little sister, give my father the middle one, and let me live with my grandparents (who now live in ecuador). This was when my father took my mom to court for custody because she was trying to split us up. Trying to split up the children which already tilts in my father's favor. With my mom so posed on leaving her old life to start a new one, she literally just gave up in court, gave up infront of everyone, gave us up for her new life. My mom was tired of throwing a fist and a jab to defend herself and defend her children. And that means...she gave up on us. The little people she brought into this world, she gave up on. YUP. Then she got mad at us, at my dad and my stepmom.
Now bringing 5 children into a small household with two, not even married yet, parents with so many problems of their own, wasn't the best situation. I don't think.
Truthfully, I'm forgetting the point of bringing it up so I'm going to re-read what I wrote but by the way the three of us are split up anyway, and sort of misreable in our own sense.
Okay, it's the pushing away. My mom pushed us away and then ended up going psycho for it. And it hurt all of us being seperated and seeing my mom just be somebody totally different then who we (I) thought she was.
Anyway, it's been like 8months shouldn't I be over it? Actually it's been 9 months shouldn't I be over it?
And with my dad I don't even know if I can blame him for the lack of communication, lack of attention, help, and whatever else you can think of with me. He's always extrememly busy and then when i started getting older I picked my "friends" over him because I was growing up and getting into girls.
I use to call my dad, my friend. I told him that one year and then the next year I just told him that he was my dad and I think he was a little hurt by it. And you know when you're little and your best friend is a family memeber than later you drift a part because you get older and go through stages well...the parent must feel sad, anger, fustration, and confusion and that's the best way I can describe my feelings.
Sure in the bigger picture or in the skeme of things, at least their here and I can cherish them when I can. BUT itks human nature to want more. To fix things, to realize things, to make a good situation improve. Because there's always something you can improve on, right?
Or is that just another WRONG cliche?
I think I'm just hurt cause I push people away because they leave. And this is what I deal with. This confusion everyday. And constantly thinking about someone who isn't a family member just makes it worse. I don't put all the blame on that sitaution, I just think that THAT was my last positive thing that went sour.
This is my point of view.
Fin
Quick Note: I was fucking furious this morning because at 9:11 in the morning my grandmother wakes me up to move me into my aunt's room because I am an accomodation. They allow me to sleep in their home so when they need the living room, sleepy or sick, I have to be awaken from my sleep and start over. MORE bullshit.
Also I'm living in a 20th century house but living the 21st century life. Everday I get lectured and told I should be asleep around 11:30 all the way to I eventually go to sleep. My grandparent's and aunt alll wake up during the middle of the night and complain or shake their heads when I'm up. Making me feel guilty as fuck. It's bulllshit!
Back to what I was saying in the last entry:
Sooo I just have to add this first. In high school there's soo much going on that as a person you feel triumphant in life especially since everyone is pushing for you to graduate and etc.
In college it's different, not really a god damn soul carrying, caring, pushing, watching you do anything. If your having a hard time there's no life, no perseverence ain't shit but your self. I guess that's a part of growing up. Everything is on you and there's no one to give a fuck about you. Give a fuck about your grades or anything really. It's all (jonathan) you, or nothing...
Back to the inevitable. Basically you can't trust anyone, can't believe anyone, can't invest so much time, care, and emotion into people. Because you never know. How everything will play out...
One minute they're telling you how honest they can be with you and how they want to tell you the WHOLE TRUTH, the next minute they're not. Aka they're a different person.
To be honest I don't know what I'm really angry for, let's break down all the possible scenarios why...
It could be because I STUPIDLY tHought, something good/amazing was going on. I maybe thought that we were a team, a team means everything is equal and we help out eachother, but that wasn't true.
It could be that I trusted you like I probably never trusted anybody before and lost that trust. Which kind of steps into helping me instead of pushing me away.
I think all the above can be all put in the "pushing me away category." Frankly I don't know who you are, who you want to be, what you want, who you want to be with. Basically everything. And by pushing me away, I'm kind of trying to stay away. Cause maybe all those ppl who TOLD ME THINGS were on the verge to the truth.
And being pushed away is probably the most damaging thing for a person. For example-
My mother left to florida because she hated new york, hated my father, hated the problems, and wanted an escape. She married a younger man (ten years to be exact) who liked her since I met him. My mother had an idea which would be in the children's best interest. Take my little sister, give my father the middle one, and let me live with my grandparents (who now live in ecuador). This was when my father took my mom to court for custody because she was trying to split us up. Trying to split up the children which already tilts in my father's favor. With my mom so posed on leaving her old life to start a new one, she literally just gave up in court, gave up infront of everyone, gave us up for her new life. My mom was tired of throwing a fist and a jab to defend herself and defend her children. And that means...she gave up on us. The little people she brought into this world, she gave up on. YUP. Then she got mad at us, at my dad and my stepmom.
Now bringing 5 children into a small household with two, not even married yet, parents with so many problems of their own, wasn't the best situation. I don't think.
Truthfully, I'm forgetting the point of bringing it up so I'm going to re-read what I wrote but by the way the three of us are split up anyway, and sort of misreable in our own sense.
Okay, it's the pushing away. My mom pushed us away and then ended up going psycho for it. And it hurt all of us being seperated and seeing my mom just be somebody totally different then who we (I) thought she was.
Anyway, it's been like 8months shouldn't I be over it? Actually it's been 9 months shouldn't I be over it?
And with my dad I don't even know if I can blame him for the lack of communication, lack of attention, help, and whatever else you can think of with me. He's always extrememly busy and then when i started getting older I picked my "friends" over him because I was growing up and getting into girls.
I use to call my dad, my friend. I told him that one year and then the next year I just told him that he was my dad and I think he was a little hurt by it. And you know when you're little and your best friend is a family memeber than later you drift a part because you get older and go through stages well...the parent must feel sad, anger, fustration, and confusion and that's the best way I can describe my feelings.
Sure in the bigger picture or in the skeme of things, at least their here and I can cherish them when I can. BUT itks human nature to want more. To fix things, to realize things, to make a good situation improve. Because there's always something you can improve on, right?
Or is that just another WRONG cliche?
I think I'm just hurt cause I push people away because they leave. And this is what I deal with. This confusion everyday. And constantly thinking about someone who isn't a family member just makes it worse. I don't put all the blame on that sitaution, I just think that THAT was my last positive thing that went sour.
This is my point of view.
Fin
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