December Has Arrived

What's good yall?

This is my first entry of december and my first entry from my new blackberry, which has been acting up already...a little bit but it's a pretty good phone besides that. A couple things have been going on as of late, the typical basketball woes and life shit. So I'm going to just finish up where I left off. Florida and thanksgiving weekend was pretty good. Had our traditional sonic meal. Did a lot of black friday shopping:
1. Jay-Z Decoded
2. Lloyd Banks- HF2
3. Curren$y- Pilot Talk
4. Nicki Minaj- Pink Friday
5. Entourage season 1 and 2
6. Sneakers (All Grey Ken Griffey's)
7. Clothes

So I would say that was a win as well. The best part of thanksgiving though was that I got to spend time with my sisters, mom, and grandmother. I also met my sister's boyfriend which was interesting. He's cool, I guess. My grandmother behaved well and was very loving. She's coming to New York this saturday. After I came home on sunday, I watched football of course and met a cute a little dog, who I fell In love with. Kudo still has a place in my heart though (my mom's dog). Since then the week has been hectic.

Homework and more homework. Basketball and more basketball. Monday's practice was my first time picking up a ball in almost a week so I was a little rusty. Tuesday we lost to a team we hadn't lost two in almost half a decade. Crazy! But it's better to have loses now rather than later. We have a lot of tweaks and things to chance and improve both on the coaching side but more on the basketball players (think the bench). Anyway, yesterday I played and scored 6 pts in 7 minutes. Career high. I'm happy about it but I still feel some type of way about the season and my teammates. Still I have to enjoy the moment and not dwell on the negative like missing two free throws. So that's what I'll try to do. I have practice in a little so I'll add more later.

I Just Want To State...

that linkin park is dope. I will confess that after hybrid theory i stop like really listening to them but i am back. I bought their new album "Thousand Sons" something like that. It's pretty good i must say off the first listen. I like showing my non-hip-hop side off. I would love to see them in concert, would be reallllyyy dope. So as a bonus...
Jason Mraz ft. Cobe Calliat "Lucky"

This song is dedicated to my best friend. I know she went to bed upset because i was a dick and really there was no reason for us to argue over a stupid phone call. Well, i'm sorry for not calling and next time i will call even if just for a second.
Love you.

Also, just so yall know. Last 2 days, i've done really well and well. Let's hope tomorrow i'll progress :)

Dreams are meant to be realized...

Don't Judge Me...

WELL EXXXXXXXCCCCCCUUUUSSSSSEEEEE THE SHIT OUT OF ME


3 Quick Things:
Don't let this hurt my integrity but the two photos above...OMG!
The things i would learn to do for these women. The things i would do to these women. AND the things i will DO to these pictures. I don't like to get into details BUT i never really feel this way about pictures but holy shit. Something about them... idk. I'm mainly speaking about the one with the apple but i posted both because they both do the same thing.

That was basically the first two things...so don't judge me for being a guy. A young extravegent guy at that lol.

3rd is, the fact i took time out to do this entry when i'm not done with my essays. And i think it's finally happend. After 19 years i finally realized that i can't do things last minute anymore and i realized that certain people, you just can't count on. I guess that's life....

That's all folks (stutter, porky the pig voice)

Mood Ring Part 13: Wale, J.Cole, & Melanie Fiona "Beautiful Bliss"

This song is my new anthem. Both Wale's verses are on point and well J.Cole is a beast. Already one of my favorite artists with only 4 official mixtapes, and 2 like real mixtapes. He's definitely the next upcoming thing and i hope he forever keeps it real and has longevity in this crappy hip-hop industry. If i had to do a song with someone right now (besides Eminem, Kanye, and Jay-Z of course) it would definitely be him. Just take 5 minutes out of your day, turn off the lights, turn this song up and enjoy. I want a song just like this to be my first ever single. DIG IT!

"It's a beautiful day, when you feel like this"

Need To Enrich Your Life? Listen to Will

Yo i swear i wish i knew jay-z, wish Will Smith was my father, and that i was dating jennifer anniston. But on some real shit, i've talked to you guys about the connection between my real father and Will Smith, so when i see Will Smith it's really wierd for me. Maybe that's why Pursuit of Happyness is like one of my favorite movies. That shit is emotional and i'm dysfunctional lol. I guess that makes sense. But for real take ten minutes out your day and watch this video. It's everything you're scared to hear and everything you don't want to do but should.

Mood Ring Part 12: Blackroc

As 2dopeboyz put it, Black keys (rock group) plus Dame Dash = Blackroc featuring 2dope artists, Mos Def and Jim Jones. Usually i don't like a lot of Jim Jones music but the vibe and his real point of view lyrics make this song real good. Check it out! It's about time i put yall on some NEW good Music.

Blakroc: Ain't Nothing Like You (Hoochie Coo) Ft. Mos Def and Jim Jones from Jonah Schwartz on Vimeo.

"On To The Next One" Blueprint 3 Review FINALLY!

I want to start by saying... i'm probably the LAST MAN on EARTH to do this review but i don't know sometimes i'm BIG on being a BIG procrastinator lol. Fuck it. (I won't be cursing in the review) Last i'm going to say that i'm going to try to be objective since i NOW put Jay-Z and Eminem as my number one favorite artist(s) of all time. Now let's get it moving already...

"What We Talking About" is the intro to Jay-Z's epic, new sounding album, The Blueprint 3. Now before we break down the song, ask this question outloud to yourself? What are we talking about. What is Jay, himself talking about? What are we expecting him to talk about? AND does he have anything LEFT to say. After reading over 15 reviews on the album, many pose this question what more can he say? The reason they ask this is because Jay-Z himself, prior to his comeback album Kingdom Come asked us the question firs. "What More Can I Say" Jay-Z proclaimed on the album and many people believe that he doesn't have much MORE to say, cause he has said it all. Now it's just the same old talk but in a new way. There's nothing WRONG with that but i indeed asked myself the question, how does Jay-Z, 11 solo albums in, millions and millions of dollars in, and countless other venues, shows, and parties in, have something to still SAY and something to GIVE listeners and MAINLY hip-hop. Jay's answer is quite simply this:
"
What we talkin' bout real shit? Or we talkin' bout ryhmes
You talkin' bout millions Or you talking' bout mine
What we talkin' bout Cuz I ain't got time
For what people be talkin' bout all the time
What we talkin' bout fiction Or we talkin bout fact
You talkin' bout fiction? Hold up pardon my back
I'm talkin' bout life And all I hear is Oh yeah he keeps talkin' bout crack
I ain't talkin' bout profit I'm talkin' bout pain
I'm talkin' bout despair I'm talkin' bout shame
I ain't talkin' bout gossip I ain't talkin' bout Game
I ain't talkin bout Jimmy I ain't talkin' bout Dame
I'm talkin' bout real shit Dem people playin'
What is you talkin' bout I don't know what y'all sayin'
People keep talkin' bout Hov take it back
I'm doin' better than before Why would I do that?
Ain't nothing cool bout carryin' a strap
Bout worryin' your moms And buryin' your best cat
Talkin' bout revenge While carryin' his casket
All teary-eyed Bout to take it to a matress
I'm talkin' bout music I ain't talkin' bout rap
You talkin' bout who's hot I ain't talkin' bout that
The conversation is changed Lets yap about that
I don't run rap no more I run the map"

Now what i highlighted is Jay-Z telling rap fans to STOP! expectating something of the same variety of what he use to do. He can't do it! without coming off as a gimmick. He got lucky with American Gangster because it was a "concept" album, that i personally loved but ladies and gents Hov's moved on and you should too. But let's get back to the question, of what he's trying to do here. Hov's trying to make a statement, in english terms a thesis statement but the problem is, that his statement is unclear to the audience and to himself. With an unclear thesis statement there are going to be holes and things that seem a bit, confusing. That's what the rest of the album is like. For example , DOA (Death of the Autone) is an amazing concept with an even better excution, especially production wise. Produce No I.D. straight ripped this. With the horns and screeching violens, as an artist i always want to just jump on and rap on it, and as a listener it's just a BANGER. It knocks so hard in my headphones and although people are probably sick of this song by now, anytime i listen to it, i just love it. The vibe is dope and Hov's flow is wondeful and NEW. The problem is that the lyrics although great are relatively simple for Jay-Z's taste. Lyrically it's kind of subpar compared to the rest of the album but subpar Jay-Z is like asking your mom to cook you a full course meal and all she forgot was the salad. I think we can live with that.

I believe this is the same with the other single, Run This Town featuring star guest appearances from Kanye West and Rhianna. The production on Kanye's behalf is phenemonal. The drums and claps are captivating. Rhianna's voice and chorus grew on me A LOT and makes the song an Anthem, probably the only one on the cd. Before i run i listen to this song, cause "i can feel it in the air, the screams from everywhere." The chorus is pure poetry if you can't dig it, lyrically all i can do is shake my head. Lyrically, Jay-Z wise again, it's a bit average, just above average and we don't expect him to make AVERAGE music, let alone average verses. But as everyone knows KANYE WEST, yes MR. WEST, the LouiVattaonDon steals the show with this one. His drop, verse, vibe, everything was what not only put the wipcream and cherry on top but the sprinkles too.

Other standout songs include Empire State of Mind featuring Alicia Keys, Already Home featuring Kid Cudi, Venus Vs. Mars, Star is Born featuring J.Cole, and i want to put Thank You and Reminder on it as well but i'll explain why their honorable mentions.

Thank You is another Kanye produced track. It's different. Fresh of breath air. New. But i'm not really feeling Hov's accent although i like that he tried something different. It's a little too much i think, the bragging and boasting YET your suppose to be thanking YOUR FANS, that helped him almost go gold the first week AND kept him at Number one on billboard TWO WEEKS IN A ROW, which now a days is unheard of. Lyrically the track is nasty but it just doesn't do MUCH for me. If i could just skip to the third verse "I was gon' do it with the flow/But they did it with their sales/I was gon' 9/11 'em,/but they didn't need the help..." " Niggas thought they was ill found out they was...ILL/ And it's like you knew exactly how I wanted you to feel" Oh My God the flow was ILL!! or EWWW!!! lmao.

Reminder i think it's a good track. Lyrically one of the best in the album. Chorus is okay, i can deal with it as well as the uninspired beat that Timberland made. Mastered it sound SO much better than the first version i heard online but of course it's suppose to sound better. It's just that i don't know maybe a different beat, more gangster chorus this song could have been the best song on the cd.

Real as it Gets is a cool song as well but it doesn't do much for me. Hov lyrically sounds awesome. Young Jeezy actually surprised me, again, with some concious lyrics as well as an infectious chorus but i feel, again and again, that there's just something missing, that UMPH. THe thing that separates good albums to great albums and great albums to...dare i say "CLASSIC." The song is good though. Listenable. I just think if this was on a Jeezy album it would of been BETTER.

Hater is a short, catchy, new-age, futuristic, display of dope lyriscism from Mr. West and his big brother but this track too i felt had more potiential. Making this a little longer with a chorus, a real chorus but keep the back and forth, this could of easily been a third or fourth single. I like the beat. People compare it to the A-Milli beat or a leftover track from 808 n Heartbreaks but i don't know if i agree. Song grew on me, definitely one of the better tracks.

The problem is that it's hard to formulate YOUR OWN opinion with so many others influencing you and etc.

On to the Next One featuring Swizz Beats, just plain sick, as sickest as can be for Jay-Z. All three verses are MURDER!!! The beat, maybe a different production would have made this the LONE BEST track on the CD. But i dig it. FREEZE!
(god damn my hand is hurting)

Off That, Young Forever, and So Ambitious... Young Forever, i love the concept, the excution was good but the track just doesn't do much for me. I wanted something REAL EPIC for the last track. I felt like this was a track or two before the finish. Mr. Hudson's voice is nice but the production too Kanye was slacking a bit using the same sound he used for Supernova (Mr. Hudson, Kanye West assisted single) and Stronger (Graduation). Off that featuring Drake, the potiential was HUGE, bigger than HUGE but i think it dissappointed. Lyrically Jay-Z goes off, one of the best lyrical tracks, "Got blueprints on my white ipod," but Drake maybe deserved a verse or something. JUST SOMETHING WAS MISSING. Drake didn't seem uppity. He was kind of just whatever to the track. He didn't add his normal spunk. Timberland too. The knock of the beat could have been way better. WAY BETTER. Go download Bubba Spark's Ugly song and see the difference in Timberland production. The way Venus and Mars beat was is how Off That should hit your ears when you put your headphones on. So Ambitious, really good concept, outstanding lyrics but the overproduct, another short coming. DAMN YOU, Pharrell. Lyrically i like the chorus and shit. Dope. Hov came extra correct, teaching a lesson. Stepping outside his normal self to produce something grand. Potiential was high, track not so much with the delivery.

The problem for this album with me is that it is just above average. Lyrically and flow wise, NO ONE is better than Hov. Nobody not at 39 and certainly not at 26. I don't want Hov to ever stop making albums and music even if it means every album sounds like this one. I just don't want him to go and i know many of you feel the same way. I just wish something really, really stood out about the album JUST one track that everyone could agree was phenemonal. The closest two are Already Home and Empire State of Mind (two best songs on the album, Alicia Keys (in non-poppy) chorus (which was so heartfelt) and Kid Cudi's amazing chorus plus Hov's painting skills made the tracks amazing) but i felt like the bump wasn't right. When i say bump i mean the way it sounds when you play it in your car, top down, windows down. There was UMPH but not enough. The large amount of features bothered me too although it didn't really effect Hov except on Run This Town and Real As It Gets. Star is born should be right up there too because Sean Carter is also stepping out of his box and i'm glad he brought J. Cole along for the ride with him.

I just have to say this is an EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD ALBUM. Rolling Stone gave it 3 stars because even if Jay-Z is talking about the same things he's doing it really well and hip/new lol. I give it a 3.75. It was almost good enough to be a four if it just would've had that one track. I do believe though that Jay does have ONE Classic ALBUM left in him, I just hope it gets to see the daylight.

P.S. If you haven't bought the album already PLEASE DO!


GOD DAMN, that took me an hour...smh

Recap...

Hey yall, this is my second attempt to blog. The other entry is unfinished, unprepared, with the same title as this entry. I must admit these last two weeks have been extremely hectic and insane. Emotions scattered all over the place. Esepcaiily last week's friday. OMG. Is all I can really say. What I need I'm not sure. What I'd like is a relaxing weekend which hopeful I get. Full of drinking, fun situations, and stress-freeeeeeeeee.

I may be in a fantasy land for wishing that and thinking it could be reality. Who knows. Anyway, let's start the recap (and by the way this will be a hell of a LONG entry).

Friday: first day of school. You know the anxiety you get when you know you have a big day ahead of you. Well that's how I felt and on top of that I found a journal that I use to write in and remembered some pretty disturbing thoughts of the last year. Crazy last year. All my distraught feelings. Compared to how I feel NOW, I was definitely borderline depressed this time ago last year. Well I'm a year older, fatter, and hopefully wiser. That night and day I just had thoughts that made me so sick, mentally sick to physically sick, to the point I was gagging and in need of throwing up. That is not a good feeling my friends, at all. It's actually a really disgusting one. I actually was talking to a friend(?) About a past relationship I had. How this girl pretty much left me for the better of our relationship. Saying that we're partners and that we'd be together one day when she's older and blah blah. You could imagine after 2 years how I must of have felt toward this event. And when I think about it, I'm not gunna lie it stills bothers me. Not that I don't understand the intention of that but rather the risk and straight reluctance it took to accomplish that feat. Well regardless it happend. And the problem is every once in a while the situation is in my face and I kinda just want it to go away. How could somone just do that to me. I don't care about age differences or discrepensy's or whatever. So on top of that, school on friday, bad dreams, my thoughts were all over the place. DV, my brother, was having trouble too. It was just all crazy. So he did make me feel better. We bought a budlight lime each, watched hangover, ate yummy taco and tried to forget about the nearly finished day. I would've slept over it's just I had to do something saturday but thinking about it now, I can't remember what. Lol.

Saturday: definitely not even close as bad. When I woke up I was iffy. The thing that infurated me was that I missed therapy...ON MY OWN. Like I was sooo looking foward to it and I fucking missed it. I must be retarded or something seriously. Anyway, after I just went to work chilled with some my co-workers than I went to the movies and just relaxed.

Sunday: I woke up relatively early to see Final Destination. Technically the fourth installment of the series. Uhhh, it was pretty awful and FYI just cause something is in a bigger dimension (3-D) doesn't mean it doesn't need a good story line or even good actors. More gore also doesn't make up for lack of budget or lack of skill how to make the best of a budget. A movie doesn't necessarily NEED promotion. A lot of independent films get NOOOO promotion and are really good. example: Juno :) Anyway, that day I went to boulder creek for the first time since I was like what, 14 maybe. My boy John works there, so it was cool but the food wasn't really that good. And it was pretty expensive and we didn't even order that much. Crazy. Then I watched True Blood, which is the shit. I actually missed Hung :/ but I went to this kid who lived in a gated community with a crazy apartment on the 15th floor. Beautiful. Big ass television. Lol. His mom was mad nice. We saw Entourage which was pretty good. Just to say Sloan is fiiiiinnnnnnnneeeeeee.

Monday: I had my favorite class with my favorite professor in college already. His name is Brian Dunphy, he's really the man in my opinion. The way he makes students push themselves, makes us think and stimulate our minds. I mean I'm not the smartest person in the world and sometimes can't articulate myself properly but when I do, he will be one of the reasons I will. He helped me survive first semester. True story.

Tuesday: Could've made up my therapy session but nope :/ instead I started cross country which was pretty cool. It's pushing me beyond my limits. I don't know how I'm going to survive it to be extremely honest with you guys. It makes me feel good I can run 4miles (flat-footed ground) but I don't know. If I run for fun and play ball I should be good. I don't want to over work myself. I'm nervous already about my classes. But this day was really good. I actually felt good to be back in school, campus, with everyone. The sun was bright. BEAUTIFUL.

Wenesday: Another good weather day but not necessarily a good day. Class was pretty good. I did get an overtally finally BUT I still got rejected from creative writing and still have this class that I don't like. :/ anyway, I got into another FUCKING argument with someone that nearly ruined my fucking day. Like wtf. Anyway, I was suppose to run (not including 5 warm-ups, the cool down, or working on our core body) 27 laps in 33 minutes that was the goal. I did like 21 in like 37mins lol.yea. And like in the second lap my knee started hurting. It still does. It's weird. Real weird talking about this shit but whatever. Cuz I have to start stretching LIKE everyday and night. Shit is bugged. And she told me my knee is too high up and I will need knee surgery earlier than other people. Not good. But whatever. Let's not think about that.

Thursday: the aftermath of the argument that continuely progressed throughout the fucking day. I'm still very distraught about it. Shit is just bullshit. Extra bullshit. Meaning like a pile of bullshit that could fill up the empire state building. Anyway, besides that decent day. Work was good not bad, not great. Lol.

Today: well damn, I felt like that was quick but I just have to make a few sidenotes. I know this is a long entry but at least it's organized lmao. Anyway, I'm about to go to work now but at least u feel my good and bads.

P.S. I run this shhhiiiiiiittttt.

Harsh Reality/Mood Ring Part 6

"Booty and Breasts are something that you can't own"
"Fuck what you heard like a dick in your ear(hole)" lmao. Trey songz is a beast. That is fact. I'd do an album with him true story but that's not what I wanted to touch on. Basically this one is about being faithful.

(Why did I mention trey songz than) for two simple reasons: his song sparked this entry and because of my arrogance that says this is my fucking blog and I can do what I want lol.

Okay soooo Trey remixed Mariah Carey's "obsessed" song and pretty much ripped the shit. Talking about how a girl fucked him and then her baby daddy calls him arguing and shit. But trey says she didn't even mention that she had a man. Which happends in a lot of situations. I understand or rather grasp the concept of cheating especially when your not married but I only kind of believe in that if people are young. Still people should tryyyyyyy to be faithful.

See this is the difference, woman expect men to cheat and are insecure BUT what woman don't understand is that men are JUST if NOT MORE sensitive than women are. Example a guy who fucks countless woman usually because he got hurt by one first.and doesn't take the chance in loving a woman. Also when a girl cheats men barely have forgiveness because it hurts soooooo much more. Well I can't say that for all situations of course. But it drives us insane, to the point that we can cry and feel helpless.

I just needed to vent for that. I thought about what if the woman I love ever cheated on me, which can/would/will be a possibility when it happends but I'm just saying.

Anyway, I'm in the theaters about to watch district 9. I'll talk to you guys soon. Still have a few more entries I need to post.

P.S. Parenthesis was an edit (the one above) and so i decided to put the song as well now that i'm on a computer :) holla!

Special Recommendation!

To Hannibal King (that's his real name).

Below is his mixtape, well i should call it Album because i know he worked EXTRA HARD to make this happen. I never met him personally, at least i don't think because it's crazy how we're connected through several people. Here's the ironic story. When i started recording around the age of 15 i recorded at this kid Jay's studio (J Conway) to be exact. He started a group called 4DaGreen in College Point/Whitestone with a couple people that i knew. Formally this kid named Ism, who'se sister Jessica Cabellero went to school with me. Ism real name is John, we use to play ball all the time and on the low i kinda looked up to him. I thought we were kind of alike. Anyway, Hannibal use to be a part of the 4DaGreen group and knew the producer/egineer that would hold our sessions @ J Conway's studio. Wild. I actually bought the 4DaGreen mixtape they were selling but unfortunately due to a fall out Hannibal was not on the final product, rapping or producing. After this he just focused on producing. Now this is even crazier, he went to Towsend Harris. Where a friend of mine, Vanessa Ng, who also dated David Reyes in 8th grade went to. I talked to her about a month or two ago and found out she has been dating this guy for the past 2 years. Next thing i know i see this cover on 2dopeboyz and am like WTF. that's crazy (and good crazy). J Conway is actually on the project as well if you take a look at the track list.

Now i hit him up and facebook and long story short hopefully in the near future we will be linking up to create some dope, new, oldschool hip-hop. He seems like a real honest dude and his production is pretty hot. I personally havent YET heard the WHOLE project but so far i'm impressed. Makes me more eager. Anyway, so basically to show gratitude for him even talking to me and considering link up i'm going to promote his work. That's how i feel is the only way i can repay him and it is a nice gesture period. He doesn't know i'm doing this of course (at least not yet) which is okay because it's out of love. Just the way i did for the Weiners, who i hope are also doing better :).

So check it out, please. I will edit this entry once i write a small review on it. (why?) Because i can. Holla!

http://sharebee.com/756d5d83

The REALization: What's The Controversy Over 30 and 40

Now a lot of my peers and older people may look at what I'm about to write as ignorant or whatever but it's my blog, my point of view. My QUESTION.

Now let the great debate begin

what is the controversy that comes at age 30 and 40. What is this, all of a sudden, urgency to find some sort of complancacy. Like at 30/40 someone can't live out their dreams. SURE there are certain things that hack away at a body but life isn't surely over. The average age of living is what now a days? 70, 80. Basically means at 40 you've only lived half your life. But it seems like the first half of the life is the only important part.

Now in hip-hop for example there are a bunch of old rappers that help pioneer the game that kind of get no respect. A lot has to do with age, their past their prime, blah blah blah. Jay-Z for example is not even 40 YET but people critize him for being so old. They call him 42 like its an insult."You're an old ass nigga" that's really all you can come up with? Age? Seriously?

Maybe it's because in his late 30's he's still relevant. He's still pumping out music, giving back to the community, people still want to hear HIM. He's accomplishing feats that someone in their 20's and early 30's cannot accomplish. He can still have kids technically with Beyonce. He still has so much life to live. He still has drive and compassion. Soo then why is age such a problem. With age comes a more calm approach to life. I bet he's not partying on a boat, drinking tons of liquor, and fucking girls in the video shoot BUT I bet he's still drinkin, partying, and living life up.

Soo what's with 40?

Barry Bonds was 42 when he broke the record for home runs all time. He was still bringing people in the stands.

Michael Jordan made his third comeback. Sure he wasn't the same energetic michael who could do crazy dunks. But he was smoother, more mature, his jumpshot was more developed. He still average about or close to 20points a game. He was still Michael.

Michael Jackson age 42, released another album in another decade n compared to his PAST standards he flopped. Since when is selling 10million records worldwide, flopping? Lol. He still danced n toured like before. Still got the same love and did what he loved at 42.

People have children in their late thirties n early fourties n raise beautiful children.

Sooo what's the emphasis and life crisis at 30? Maybe when I'm thirty I'll understand. I'll feel this urgency but if I don't I guess I'll be the only one.

So if I haven't proved my point yet I guess I will never. There are average people all the time accomplishing new feats from 30 and beyond. Stop worrying about age and do what you can do and be happy with it. Period. There's still time.

:) laterrr

202: Re-Do

Ayo! I am dumb excited about everything... the trip is moving kinda slow but I kind of still want to/gunna extend my trip regardless. I just need to be in the studio on some real shit. I deadass have at least another 20 songs to record and then I have to re-record some shit but fuck it. I'm getting two mixtapes done which is fanstasmically awesomillion. Yea I just made up my own word. Mixed fantastic with orgasmic and awesome with a million but it's hot. I think I got some fire stuff going.

If I can record two songs for either mixtape n then have one for the other than it's gunna be hot fire. I deadass have like 23 songs recorded(about 16/17) most people haven't heard and I keep working on more freestyles. Technically if I wanted to get the freestyles mixtape done it would be in probably 3 or 4 more sessions but I'm a chill. No timeline. No pressure just mad fun.

But I think the title will probably be called "ADD, the Free-styles" no song above 2 in a half minutes. So far I got some bllllooooddd fire stuff. I'm a record like 30 and cut it down to like 15. The other mixtape is a little more serious cause I only want twelve. I may change my mind though.

As we speak I'm working on the video for the audio below and I got to re-do like 2 videos on youtube and then do another video. I'm getting some ideas from people. I'm a be putting some freestyles up though. You'll see I'm dumb excited yo. Lol.

Anyway, florida is treating me alright though. Went to a house party, met some girls and some cool ass dudes. Drank a little. Guess there goes those 2 weeks of soberness haha. Thank god I couldn't smoke the pipe I didn't wanna get high anyway.the dude's name is chris that I first met. His house, his party. He works with my mom which he told me was wierd. But he's a really cool guy.

I would try to get a job but fuck it. Next year.

Anyway, I hope yall saw the michael jackson memorial. Hella crazy. Mad sad. The mariah carey performance was crazy. I'll dedicate another entry tomorrow to it. I mean I have to blog about it so I'm sorry if it annoys you.

Just thought of some crazy shit that happend over a year ago...that's crazy yo. Haven't messed with anybody in a min. And wild crazy months been passing by. In 3 months it'll be a year since I basically was (almost) with somebody. Wild!! On some serious shit. But it's all good. Eventually it'll come. Not her per say but somebody. Somebody to mess with, hang out with, act like we're bf/gf but not be unless shawty could change my mind. But I'm tryna be single until at least 22. well hopefully but if I get famous who knows. With the way groupies are and the way the male body works I ain't trying to fuck up anything "real."

Wow. Sorry for that rant. Shouts again to deville, berry, julian, audrey, and everyone else who reads my blog :) but aren't bloggers. Hehe.

Anyway. I'm chilling with my sisters so gotta go. Wish you luck ma. Be calm and positive and tryyyy please. Later.

PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS...THEN reLISTEN TO IT.

THis is 2009 hip-hop. It's not even hip-hop, it's NU Hop (shouts to CH) on some dead serious shit. I love this NEW generation. I think we can change it. I just need the right/write back up. Check it out.
It's REALLLLYYYY GOOODDDD!

KidduNot.com [B.o.B vs. Bobby Ray Listening Party] Atlanta from KidduNot.com on Vimeo.
AND from last time

(look at those eyes and those lips...)

Letter to my future girl...

Flowers, candy, everything you deserve
Shelter, water, even the L word

Once I mean it, feel it, everything I do will be our secret, just keep on the secret, until I take it off
So I can treat you like a kit kat and break it off

Never go soft when I'm with ya, never a real loss when I'm with ya, ying to my yang, yes baby I fit cha, even the seconds your gone, I miss ya

It's really ridiculous, especially when we fuss and cuss over nothing important
But arguments, can't avoid it
And your heart can't avoid this, there's a void, if you ain't my miss, anybody hurt you, they on my hit list
the world is my witness, to my testament of love
the test is when I can put nothing above, you

Not the clouds or the sky, cause they are your pillows when you sleep

And I will be your warmth, your sheets,
Our bond is deeper than an obis
Deeper than the blond when I slice my wrist

Cause it always heals back.

And what's true is what I feel for you
Because I know if another man touched you
I would kill for you,
I hope that's real for you

Just know...

I will always try my hardest, even if I'm not not the smartest, or can't provide you a real big house with a garden
But I can commit to a promise or promises, of continous lovely shit, that no other man can ever give

Even when I'm broke and down on my self
I will take care of your health and provide you anything else...

Mainly the little things that get overlooked
Not the fancy resturants that are overbooked

So let me steal your heart like a valentine's day crook

And cook you up, a life of perfection

Just tell me if this letter is going the right direction

...

Actions speak louder than words so let me show you

Still Growing

Idk if I'm grown up enough to...wish you love

Apology

Sorry for the rant. I'm not suppose to be up right now and after this entry I swear I'm going to bed. I just idk I needed to blog. Sorry about the big mess and guck I just put out there the last two entries prior to the kanye video.

I need/ed a release. It's crazy. Maybe once basketball and music pop off I'll be sooooo much better. My cold is alright just got to get rest again tonight. Another ten hours and I should be alright. Wooo. This week or two is going to be long. Mad recording and fixing up shit.

This is the plan:
Copyright lyrics
2 interviews;one before and after the release of the mixtape
Find a host
Make business cards
take off 2 videos on youtube;replace one with Uptown edited.
Photoshoot.
Create two videos.
Dat piff.com.
New blog.
Internet flyers.
Figure out the single.
Send the mixtape to Rhymestyle aka Hip-Hop State of Mind*
Send it to two other small blog sites.
Send it to everyone on facebook and myspace and then some.
Goal:1,000downloads by the month anniversary
Success:600downloads by month's end
Honest reviews; via the blog site.
Find 2-5 location spots.
Throw a end of the summer party.
Get an interview at brooklyn college radio.

God damn, right? Now is that promoting or what? I think/hope so. I'll problem drop a couple more freestyles on the net.

I'm thinking...

August 18 or the 25th to be safe.

The single I'm going to try and go to some internet radios as well as college radio. So let's gooooooooo

Got to take this alka seltzer cold plus, lmao.

Today I went to work and got gwopp!!! Yay!

Going to bed wish me betterness.

Most Likely II Succeed...

Part 2: Forces of Nature

Right now I have a cold and have just woken up from my long sleep.

Quick Note: I was fucking furious this morning because at 9:11 in the morning my grandmother wakes me up to move me into my aunt's room because I am an accomodation. They allow me to sleep in their home so when they need the living room, sleepy or sick, I have to be awaken from my sleep and start over. MORE bullshit.

Also I'm living in a 20th century house but living the 21st century life. Everday I get lectured and told I should be asleep around 11:30 all the way to I eventually go to sleep. My grandparent's and aunt alll wake up during the middle of the night and complain or shake their heads when I'm up. Making me feel guilty as fuck. It's bulllshit!

Back to what I was saying in the last entry:

Sooo I just have to add this first. In high school there's soo much going on that as a person you feel triumphant in life especially since everyone is pushing for you to graduate and etc.

In college it's different, not really a god damn soul carrying, caring, pushing, watching you do anything. If your having a hard time there's no life, no perseverence ain't shit but your self. I guess that's a part of growing up. Everything is on you and there's no one to give a fuck about you. Give a fuck about your grades or anything really. It's all (jonathan) you, or nothing...

Back to the inevitable. Basically you can't trust anyone, can't believe anyone, can't invest so much time, care, and emotion into people. Because you never know. How everything will play out...

One minute they're telling you how honest they can be with you and how they want to tell you the WHOLE TRUTH, the next minute they're not. Aka they're a different person.

To be honest I don't know what I'm really angry for, let's break down all the possible scenarios why...

It could be because I STUPIDLY tHought, something good/amazing was going on. I maybe thought that we were a team, a team means everything is equal and we help out eachother, but that wasn't true.

It could be that I trusted you like I probably never trusted anybody before and lost that trust. Which kind of steps into helping me instead of pushing me away.

I think all the above can be all put in the "pushing me away category." Frankly I don't know who you are, who you want to be, what you want, who you want to be with. Basically everything. And by pushing me away, I'm kind of trying to stay away. Cause maybe all those ppl who TOLD ME THINGS were on the verge to the truth.

And being pushed away is probably the most damaging thing for a person. For example-

My mother left to florida because she hated new york, hated my father, hated the problems, and wanted an escape. She married a younger man (ten years to be exact) who liked her since I met him. My mother had an idea which would be in the children's best interest. Take my little sister, give my father the middle one, and let me live with my grandparents (who now live in ecuador). This was when my father took my mom to court for custody because she was trying to split us up. Trying to split up the children which already tilts in my father's favor. With my mom so posed on leaving her old life to start a new one, she literally just gave up in court, gave up infront of everyone, gave us up for her new life. My mom was tired of throwing a fist and a jab to defend herself and defend her children. And that means...she gave up on us. The little people she brought into this world, she gave up on. YUP. Then she got mad at us, at my dad and my stepmom.

Now bringing 5 children into a small household with two, not even married yet, parents with so many problems of their own, wasn't the best situation. I don't think.

Truthfully, I'm forgetting the point of bringing it up so I'm going to re-read what I wrote but by the way the three of us are split up anyway, and sort of misreable in our own sense.

Okay, it's the pushing away. My mom pushed us away and then ended up going psycho for it. And it hurt all of us being seperated and seeing my mom just be somebody totally different then who we (I) thought she was.

Anyway, it's been like 8months shouldn't I be over it? Actually it's been 9 months shouldn't I be over it?

And with my dad I don't even know if I can blame him for the lack of communication, lack of attention, help, and whatever else you can think of with me. He's always extrememly busy and then when i started getting older I picked my "friends" over him because I was growing up and getting into girls.

I use to call my dad, my friend. I told him that one year and then the next year I just told him that he was my dad and I think he was a little hurt by it. And you know when you're little and your best friend is a family memeber than later you drift a part because you get older and go through stages well...the parent must feel sad, anger, fustration, and confusion and that's the best way I can describe my feelings.

Sure in the bigger picture or in the skeme of things, at least their here and I can cherish them when I can. BUT itks human nature to want more. To fix things, to realize things, to make a good situation improve. Because there's always something you can improve on, right?

Or is that just another WRONG cliche?

I think I'm just hurt cause I push people away because they leave. And this is what I deal with. This confusion everyday. And constantly thinking about someone who isn't a family member just makes it worse. I don't put all the blame on that sitaution, I just think that THAT was my last positive thing that went sour.

This is my point of view.

Fin

HUBBLE!(From sex and the city) I kind of want to see that movie, with Barbra Streisand.

This song (mostly the lyrics, NOT ALL of the lyrics just some of it) {sorry for aggrevating you the other day/night}

(I would put the lyrics up but I'm on my blackberry)

Okay sooo I'm watching sex and the city again and it really makes me think about love and whatever other gay, mushy stuff you can think of. I forgot what I was going to bring up about the show but it was something ooooooooHHHH, I remember.

Okay, so in the beginning Maranda ran away from one of her ex-bfs (ex-love) which maybe really immature BUT totally understandable. I get it, running was wrong ESPECIALLY when he saw her and he was really hurt...I guess in that situation I would've been too but I've had that happen to me AND I've done it, I'm guilty. I totally understand why but it is wrong. I get it... So I guess this is my apology.

Last thing, I'm watching the second episode and the new guy Carrie is dating just met her friends and their having an uncomfortably good time. It's cool, I KINDA know what that feels like. It's like an interview (I'm laughing while I write this, I remember like it was yesterday). I passed well kinda. The second time(with someone else of course) no so much. But I shouldn't even be thinking about that...dark place.

Someone once told me that once you find someone else you'll forget about the other person BUT what if it's not true. What if you meet a bunch of guys/girls and don't change their attention or like. Or maybe is it LOVE. Maybe love keeps you preoccupied with what you love/want.

Next, WHY DO WOMEN nitpick about men? Is it really because they care? Is it? Lol.
And when we get older will we roleplay? That's a rhetorical question. But I'm assuming so... It might be fun, I might try it while I'm young and single rather than older and with someone. Whatever.

Too much girly, sex and the city talk.

Night- Jam the Fuck Out