Sad shit really. Extremely sad shit. Yesterday was my last full day and last night in Florida and i tried to spend it as good as possible. Went to the pool again, went to get NY pizza in Florida, and just watched my last episode of Dexter (season 2) and true blood's latest one. Worked out a little. It was actual a beautiful ending...in a sense. My sisters and i swam in the pool and reminisced. We laughed mostly and tried to reconcile things about our past...things that they didn't know/remember. I told them a few things but its funny how much i forgot at the moment...it seemed like the 20 years of my life went by so fast. I was choked up. It feels like it was just the other day, we were living up stairs in our 2 family house, with my mom and it was us 3. Me, Victoria, and Ashley. It was like a movie honestly. And i don't think they realize the intensity of the situation. My youth...is ending. Sure the 20's are going to be, possibly the best years of my life BUT i'll be grown up. Looking for a real job, contemplating kids, marriage and all that other shit you think about when your a kid but honestly i think every grown up would like to be a kid again...at least until maybe they have one. A kid. that is a part of you. looks like you. acts like you. My sisters won't be teens for long and by the time you know it, things may be so different... and just on an (insert/cliff note) i'll miss my mom a lot too. It's always a pleasure having her around but i'm use to her not being around...but my sisters...not really. They've always been there and just their presence sometimes has kept me going. Now i'm going back to college point with an empty bedroom and mixed feelings. That place use to feel like home and maybe it still will be but it won't be the same. At all. I just can't take this right now.
I just really wish i could be there again...how did everything happen so fast. The divorce. The moving. The remarriage. The moving. The running away. The me-leaving. The closer i get to 21...the more and more i realize that growing up kinda sucks...especially when your doing it alone. All i wanna do is cry. shit all i'm doing is crying but i have to get ready and move. The best people in life learn to adjust and i guess even when their heart is dismembered, they strive. That's what i'm best at. Falling off the horse and trying again...no matter how many or how bad my insecurities are. I've wrote mainly painful entries in this blog and this is no different. BUt only the future and god knows what its hold and then again, maybe not even them. All i know is that...i have to make a change and call. Visit more. This once a year crap has to be done. Its gunna be hard tho, when its just me going down there and they may be coming up...means i may not see my mom.
I'd write more but i have to make this place a lot less personal. AND i have to get ready. itsallgoodevenwhenitaint... well we'll see.
Showing posts with label Floridian Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Floridian Life. Show all posts
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Restating: Time does Fly
Time definitely does fly. It's fucking up my consistancy with blogging and twittering. Shit's crazy. Soo saturday the 1st was DV's bday. Was pretty fun. I could've went to a concert with drake, lil wayne, etc, but do to my indecisive ways and nature I failed 2 go. Didn't go to the bball game. Or my friend's video shoot but it's all good. I cleaned up mentally and physically.
Dv's bbq was pretty chill. Hung out with old brooklyn college chicks and dudes. Even people I just met by playing ball with. So it was cool. I slept over and recorded a new record for beers: 7 beers n a shot of (disgusting)hennessy. UGH. But then the next day me n dv just lounged at his house n did nothing. Ironically, it felt overdue. Just laying down, napping, relaxing. I found this unknown, unique pleasure in it BUT it makes me go crazy doing that.
Next day, monday my boy johnny f and I wrote two songs and chilled. It was cool. Then went to a house party for an old friend's birthday. Got a bit typsy. (Side note: I never ever feel drunk, maybe it's because I drink more beer than hard liquor...just a hypothesis haha). This day was cool too cause I met up with another old friend, Dayna. Mad cool. She use to watch my games back in 7th and 8th grade. Sick! The golden age of my bball skills. But I feel pretty good now just going against the grain again.
Yesterday and the day before went to L.I. Hung out with my uncle. Finished a couple tracks. Hung out with him, ricky, and felicia. But it's too sticky over there. No AC in the studio or at mike's house. I was frying. That's why I probably felt like shit yesterday. Went to the studio again finished a couple more tracks and going back 2day. This week is actually kind of slow.
Still miss west palm florida with my mom, but I can't really do much about that, right. Stomach kind of out of wack. Head feels like it's falling off. Haha.
Anyone going to post two more entries.
Also follow my new rap buddy @
www.thejohnnyflife.blogspot.com
Welcome johnny! Holla
Dv's bbq was pretty chill. Hung out with old brooklyn college chicks and dudes. Even people I just met by playing ball with. So it was cool. I slept over and recorded a new record for beers: 7 beers n a shot of (disgusting)hennessy. UGH. But then the next day me n dv just lounged at his house n did nothing. Ironically, it felt overdue. Just laying down, napping, relaxing. I found this unknown, unique pleasure in it BUT it makes me go crazy doing that.
Next day, monday my boy johnny f and I wrote two songs and chilled. It was cool. Then went to a house party for an old friend's birthday. Got a bit typsy. (Side note: I never ever feel drunk, maybe it's because I drink more beer than hard liquor...just a hypothesis haha). This day was cool too cause I met up with another old friend, Dayna. Mad cool. She use to watch my games back in 7th and 8th grade. Sick! The golden age of my bball skills. But I feel pretty good now just going against the grain again.
Yesterday and the day before went to L.I. Hung out with my uncle. Finished a couple tracks. Hung out with him, ricky, and felicia. But it's too sticky over there. No AC in the studio or at mike's house. I was frying. That's why I probably felt like shit yesterday. Went to the studio again finished a couple more tracks and going back 2day. This week is actually kind of slow.
Still miss west palm florida with my mom, but I can't really do much about that, right. Stomach kind of out of wack. Head feels like it's falling off. Haha.
Anyone going to post two more entries.
Also follow my new rap buddy @
www.thejohnnyflife.blogspot.com
Welcome johnny! Holla
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Revisitation Rights
Today I only have about 2 and a quarter days worth of time on floridian soil. This makes me melancoly. I think I want 2 be here more than I want to go back to new york. Which is extrememly wierd to be honest. Never thought I would feel this way. Miss my mom a lot. Love being here with her and my sisters. It feels right. Like real right. It's how it is suppose to be, ya know. Mom siblings, beautiful weather. Pool. Beaches. Yea allll that good stuff lol.
I've really had an incrediable time here so my analysis before I leave will help make how I feel more understandable. I feel free here. If I were to learn how to drive n adopt a bit more, florida wouldn't be such a bad place to live. Ya know? So I guess we'll see what my future has in store. :)
Anyway, when I get back I have a full month of summer grinding. Tons of money to spend/make, tons of music to record/perform, and basketball to play. :) my bball team in Brooklyn actually made it to the championship and the coach has been holding if so I can play. That's a big honor right there. I miss being THAT appreciated by anybody. I did get a couple text messages that made me feel good today. Hopefully all the plans become reality. :) ya dig?
Tomorrow I wanna go hang out with my mom, this kid chris, say goodbye to the CVS people and schedule my next two days out. Once I wake up, gotta plan and fit everything in. Including the packing lol. Hmmm...so I'm excited to see what a real (florida) studio is like. Cross your fingers people.
Let's keep the positive going. Anybody who reads this please leave a comment. Doesn't have to be about the entry but I want to hear what positive things have happen to you this week :) let me know! :) I love yall.
P.S. Beat Resident Evil 5 in 6 days. Whoooooo!!
I've really had an incrediable time here so my analysis before I leave will help make how I feel more understandable. I feel free here. If I were to learn how to drive n adopt a bit more, florida wouldn't be such a bad place to live. Ya know? So I guess we'll see what my future has in store. :)
Anyway, when I get back I have a full month of summer grinding. Tons of money to spend/make, tons of music to record/perform, and basketball to play. :) my bball team in Brooklyn actually made it to the championship and the coach has been holding if so I can play. That's a big honor right there. I miss being THAT appreciated by anybody. I did get a couple text messages that made me feel good today. Hopefully all the plans become reality. :) ya dig?
Tomorrow I wanna go hang out with my mom, this kid chris, say goodbye to the CVS people and schedule my next two days out. Once I wake up, gotta plan and fit everything in. Including the packing lol. Hmmm...so I'm excited to see what a real (florida) studio is like. Cross your fingers people.
Let's keep the positive going. Anybody who reads this please leave a comment. Doesn't have to be about the entry but I want to hear what positive things have happen to you this week :) let me know! :) I love yall.
P.S. Beat Resident Evil 5 in 6 days. Whoooooo!!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
The REALization: What's The Controversy Over 30 and 40
Now a lot of my peers and older people may look at what I'm about to write as ignorant or whatever but it's my blog, my point of view. My QUESTION.
Now let the great debate begin
what is the controversy that comes at age 30 and 40. What is this, all of a sudden, urgency to find some sort of complancacy. Like at 30/40 someone can't live out their dreams. SURE there are certain things that hack away at a body but life isn't surely over. The average age of living is what now a days? 70, 80. Basically means at 40 you've only lived half your life. But it seems like the first half of the life is the only important part.
Now in hip-hop for example there are a bunch of old rappers that help pioneer the game that kind of get no respect. A lot has to do with age, their past their prime, blah blah blah. Jay-Z for example is not even 40 YET but people critize him for being so old. They call him 42 like its an insult."You're an old ass nigga" that's really all you can come up with? Age? Seriously?
Maybe it's because in his late 30's he's still relevant. He's still pumping out music, giving back to the community, people still want to hear HIM. He's accomplishing feats that someone in their 20's and early 30's cannot accomplish. He can still have kids technically with Beyonce. He still has so much life to live. He still has drive and compassion. Soo then why is age such a problem. With age comes a more calm approach to life. I bet he's not partying on a boat, drinking tons of liquor, and fucking girls in the video shoot BUT I bet he's still drinkin, partying, and living life up.
Soo what's with 40?
Barry Bonds was 42 when he broke the record for home runs all time. He was still bringing people in the stands.
Michael Jordan made his third comeback. Sure he wasn't the same energetic michael who could do crazy dunks. But he was smoother, more mature, his jumpshot was more developed. He still average about or close to 20points a game. He was still Michael.
Michael Jackson age 42, released another album in another decade n compared to his PAST standards he flopped. Since when is selling 10million records worldwide, flopping? Lol. He still danced n toured like before. Still got the same love and did what he loved at 42.
People have children in their late thirties n early fourties n raise beautiful children.
Sooo what's the emphasis and life crisis at 30? Maybe when I'm thirty I'll understand. I'll feel this urgency but if I don't I guess I'll be the only one.
So if I haven't proved my point yet I guess I will never. There are average people all the time accomplishing new feats from 30 and beyond. Stop worrying about age and do what you can do and be happy with it. Period. There's still time.
:) laterrr
Now let the great debate begin
what is the controversy that comes at age 30 and 40. What is this, all of a sudden, urgency to find some sort of complancacy. Like at 30/40 someone can't live out their dreams. SURE there are certain things that hack away at a body but life isn't surely over. The average age of living is what now a days? 70, 80. Basically means at 40 you've only lived half your life. But it seems like the first half of the life is the only important part.
Now in hip-hop for example there are a bunch of old rappers that help pioneer the game that kind of get no respect. A lot has to do with age, their past their prime, blah blah blah. Jay-Z for example is not even 40 YET but people critize him for being so old. They call him 42 like its an insult."You're an old ass nigga" that's really all you can come up with? Age? Seriously?
Maybe it's because in his late 30's he's still relevant. He's still pumping out music, giving back to the community, people still want to hear HIM. He's accomplishing feats that someone in their 20's and early 30's cannot accomplish. He can still have kids technically with Beyonce. He still has so much life to live. He still has drive and compassion. Soo then why is age such a problem. With age comes a more calm approach to life. I bet he's not partying on a boat, drinking tons of liquor, and fucking girls in the video shoot BUT I bet he's still drinkin, partying, and living life up.
Soo what's with 40?
Barry Bonds was 42 when he broke the record for home runs all time. He was still bringing people in the stands.
Michael Jordan made his third comeback. Sure he wasn't the same energetic michael who could do crazy dunks. But he was smoother, more mature, his jumpshot was more developed. He still average about or close to 20points a game. He was still Michael.
Michael Jackson age 42, released another album in another decade n compared to his PAST standards he flopped. Since when is selling 10million records worldwide, flopping? Lol. He still danced n toured like before. Still got the same love and did what he loved at 42.
People have children in their late thirties n early fourties n raise beautiful children.
Sooo what's the emphasis and life crisis at 30? Maybe when I'm thirty I'll understand. I'll feel this urgency but if I don't I guess I'll be the only one.
So if I haven't proved my point yet I guess I will never. There are average people all the time accomplishing new feats from 30 and beyond. Stop worrying about age and do what you can do and be happy with it. Period. There's still time.
:) laterrr
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
ReVisiting
Please watch the video BELOW! PLEASE!
Now, today I talked to an old, very old friend dates back to Middle School old. Her name is Vanessa. Very cool girl. She just randomly hit me up and we just started talking, you know, regular stuff. School, major (school, lol), outside life, boyfriend. Turns out she does have a boyfriend and he's produced some of the biggest up and coming names in the underground. AND he has recorded in the same place with me, with people I've known for years.
CRAZY! She digged some of my music. I mean she listens to like REAL HIP-HOP so you know. It's a nice compliment when she says I have potential, flow, and likes a couple tracks. Haha. Not like she's an A and R but it's always good compliments with feedback. I really hope when I get back I can work with her boyfriend. Can't jump to conclusions but music wise, shit is going pretty good.
She did say ONE, REALLY important thing which is always on my mind. TOPICS. Spreading my ideas. Reaching out to a whole bunch of people. That was key because basically she reiterated what I already thought in my mind. SO I gotta step it up and I will. WHEN the TIME IS RIGHT. For now, I'm just gunna kill every track I go on. And show people I can spit and rock with the best at 19! Ya dig!
I reall hope this guy B/A (twitter.com/hansommanson) gets on my track. He's probably the coolest if not one of the coolest in MGM/Demevolist aka Charles Hamilton's friend. If I could have him a track would be awesome. Then to actually do a fresh, new track would be crack.
Should I go to a studio in FL, priced at 40bucks an hour? Hmmm?
Got some shit though!!! I promise. Woody I'm a send u some shit and I hope you enjoy 4real.
My ode part one going to get re-done n be online for free. It'll be like the street single cause I'm making a part 2 (genius I know). Sorry. I'm just re-shaping my mind and my blog. Better, bigger topics. You'll see.
ALL IN DUE TIME! Vanessa dumb cool though. I'll probably see her very soon. Me and Johnny F gotta get some shit done too.
Being in west palm is kinda like being in jail. I just think, think, write, download music.
Jennifer Anniston is my girlllllll! Sorry had to say that.
Anyway, I'll keep you updated on my "sex life" lmao and this Florida adventure haha.
NIGHT
Now, today I talked to an old, very old friend dates back to Middle School old. Her name is Vanessa. Very cool girl. She just randomly hit me up and we just started talking, you know, regular stuff. School, major (school, lol), outside life, boyfriend. Turns out she does have a boyfriend and he's produced some of the biggest up and coming names in the underground. AND he has recorded in the same place with me, with people I've known for years.
CRAZY! She digged some of my music. I mean she listens to like REAL HIP-HOP so you know. It's a nice compliment when she says I have potential, flow, and likes a couple tracks. Haha. Not like she's an A and R but it's always good compliments with feedback. I really hope when I get back I can work with her boyfriend. Can't jump to conclusions but music wise, shit is going pretty good.
She did say ONE, REALLY important thing which is always on my mind. TOPICS. Spreading my ideas. Reaching out to a whole bunch of people. That was key because basically she reiterated what I already thought in my mind. SO I gotta step it up and I will. WHEN the TIME IS RIGHT. For now, I'm just gunna kill every track I go on. And show people I can spit and rock with the best at 19! Ya dig!
I reall hope this guy B/A (twitter.com/hansommanson) gets on my track. He's probably the coolest if not one of the coolest in MGM/Demevolist aka Charles Hamilton's friend. If I could have him a track would be awesome. Then to actually do a fresh, new track would be crack.
Should I go to a studio in FL, priced at 40bucks an hour? Hmmm?
Got some shit though!!! I promise. Woody I'm a send u some shit and I hope you enjoy 4real.
My ode part one going to get re-done n be online for free. It'll be like the street single cause I'm making a part 2 (genius I know). Sorry. I'm just re-shaping my mind and my blog. Better, bigger topics. You'll see.
ALL IN DUE TIME! Vanessa dumb cool though. I'll probably see her very soon. Me and Johnny F gotta get some shit done too.
Being in west palm is kinda like being in jail. I just think, think, write, download music.
Jennifer Anniston is my girlllllll! Sorry had to say that.
Anyway, I'll keep you updated on my "sex life" lmao and this Florida adventure haha.
NIGHT
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Do You reAlly Wanna Know What I'm Thinking?
Money. Not getting fat. Music. Music. Music. Watch what I eat. Basketball. Music. Basketball. Killing myself cause I'm at home all day. Learning how to drive. Masterbating. Fucking. Music. Fucking. Basketball. Not getting fat. Worries.
That's basically ALL my thoughts. Then repeat the cycle until I fall asleep.
I'll refresh this tomorrow.
And I got to post up the Bill O'Reilly non-sense.
I should try to read and get a mixtape full of music done. Actually I'm calling up some studios tomorrow and going to try and get this other kid "william" 's number from my mom's job n see if he wants to hang out.
I'll be back in NY the night of the 24th I believe. Just in time to see my grandparents one last time before they go to DR. Tear drop. I'm a call them tommorow I miss them.
So how does this title sound:
"The Wackness" based on the movie title. Hmmm.
How does all this sound:
"A.D.D M.E"
"Most Likely II Succeed"
"TBA"
"Dying II Live" (aka my street album then back to the mixtape: Jay-Z project, Reason 2 Believe 2.O, and one other shit).
Everything is coming in triples and I got o.d. Things going on in my head.
About to go on twitter, push ups, sleep, waking up at like 11:30 :)
Nighty
That's basically ALL my thoughts. Then repeat the cycle until I fall asleep.
I'll refresh this tomorrow.
And I got to post up the Bill O'Reilly non-sense.
I should try to read and get a mixtape full of music done. Actually I'm calling up some studios tomorrow and going to try and get this other kid "william" 's number from my mom's job n see if he wants to hang out.
I'll be back in NY the night of the 24th I believe. Just in time to see my grandparents one last time before they go to DR. Tear drop. I'm a call them tommorow I miss them.
So how does this title sound:
"The Wackness" based on the movie title. Hmmm.
How does all this sound:
"A.D.D M.E"
"Most Likely II Succeed"
"TBA"
"Dying II Live" (aka my street album then back to the mixtape: Jay-Z project, Reason 2 Believe 2.O, and one other shit).
Everything is coming in triples and I got o.d. Things going on in my head.
About to go on twitter, push ups, sleep, waking up at like 11:30 :)
Nighty
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Okay, The Devil Needs Reminding
Wow, I'm tired as fuck. I been home all day and it's some crazyyyyy summer storms going on right now in west palm so far. These are the highlights of my vacation:
Sunday:arrived. Saw my mom. Spent time with her. Chilled with my sisters. Met this kid chris my mom works with who reminds me of my cp friends with a southern accent.
Monday: walk with my sisters 30mins, 1.68miles to a broken down movie theater just to miss dinner and watch the proposal. Then after I went to this kid chris's house to like his house party but the party was near the end. So I drank rum and a beer. Made a grill cheese, ate a hot pocket, and just chilled with some cool people. The girls were alright. Not to be rude but it seems a lot of the women I've met so far, down here, don't have much of a butt, but fuck it. That doesn't mean much.
Okay so tuesday, my mom drops us off at the movie theater that's not broken down but everything is closed except for this candy place and the movie theater. The candy place had this amazing bathroom that was see through but after u locked the door it fogged up. It was mad cool. Lol. So I bought a big brownie with 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream and one scoop of chocolate chip and wip cream one top. Mmmm. And of course water on the side. Sooo after that we went up stairs to the movie theater and awaited to see if our mom would join us. She would not...so I decided I would take them to see another movie, the quickest one, and the earliest one. So we saw...guess...year one lol. My friend told me it was kinda bad but I said "fuck it" one of my favorite phrases. We were the only ones in the theater it was alright.
Then yesterday: we went to the pool for like an hour. It was fun. Swimming takes a lot out of you lol. Then stayed in all day.
Today: basically home all day. And now I just fucked up by calling a johnny rockets in orlando which is 3 hours away. Damn. Lol. Mad retarded I am. that's yoda talk. Anyway, I'm just glad to be out the house now.
I'm going to post a video of bill o reilly who kinda has some valid points but is such an ignorant, snob, asshole, dickface that he can't articulate his point enough and doesn't let the guy he argues with get his chance to speak. Anyway, I'll keep you updated with some more shit.
Later about to eat dinner and watch a movie
Sunday:arrived. Saw my mom. Spent time with her. Chilled with my sisters. Met this kid chris my mom works with who reminds me of my cp friends with a southern accent.
Monday: walk with my sisters 30mins, 1.68miles to a broken down movie theater just to miss dinner and watch the proposal. Then after I went to this kid chris's house to like his house party but the party was near the end. So I drank rum and a beer. Made a grill cheese, ate a hot pocket, and just chilled with some cool people. The girls were alright. Not to be rude but it seems a lot of the women I've met so far, down here, don't have much of a butt, but fuck it. That doesn't mean much.
Okay so tuesday, my mom drops us off at the movie theater that's not broken down but everything is closed except for this candy place and the movie theater. The candy place had this amazing bathroom that was see through but after u locked the door it fogged up. It was mad cool. Lol. So I bought a big brownie with 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream and one scoop of chocolate chip and wip cream one top. Mmmm. And of course water on the side. Sooo after that we went up stairs to the movie theater and awaited to see if our mom would join us. She would not...so I decided I would take them to see another movie, the quickest one, and the earliest one. So we saw...guess...year one lol. My friend told me it was kinda bad but I said "fuck it" one of my favorite phrases. We were the only ones in the theater it was alright.
Then yesterday: we went to the pool for like an hour. It was fun. Swimming takes a lot out of you lol. Then stayed in all day.
Today: basically home all day. And now I just fucked up by calling a johnny rockets in orlando which is 3 hours away. Damn. Lol. Mad retarded I am. that's yoda talk. Anyway, I'm just glad to be out the house now.
I'm going to post a video of bill o reilly who kinda has some valid points but is such an ignorant, snob, asshole, dickface that he can't articulate his point enough and doesn't let the guy he argues with get his chance to speak. Anyway, I'll keep you updated with some more shit.
Later about to eat dinner and watch a movie
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