A Blogger's Digest

Let me just say my birthday is approaching fast. 8days to be exact. I haven't really been avoiding blogging but I just haven't really wanted to express much at least openly.

I've been dealing with a lot of emotions and I also feel snagged or slighted in a way. Sometimes I feel selfish about things. For example, music. Just some songs I wish I was the only one to hear and was the only one privaleged enough to share it. Anyway, life's been moving. I still have many of my bad habits that I'm really trying to break. I've done better with being late but obstacles really love fucking with my progress. My organization, timely matter in which i do things. I don't know. I've been doing a lot of half ass work and even when i feel i did a good job, i feel like it's not anywhere close to my best work. Everytime i get a new class and a previously unknown professor i would like to make an impression, a really good impression, especially when it comes to writing.

Writing is my life.
Cliche?
Sure.
BUT...
true.

Cliche's are cliche's because many people have abused the phrase but that doesn't make the phrase untrue. Understand? If not, it's alright. I'm complicated like a woman. lol. So many emotions it's crazy. My mom is coming in town saturday morning. I'm kind of excited about that but i don't know i feel immune to the world sometimes. I'm ready for (ready?) almost anything that comes my way. I'm going to find a way to make things happen. Good things. For you, for me, for my family, for my loves, for my friends (friends?). Shit gets crazy. Intense. I usually depend on my blog and my music for negative/positive (negative more) expression but recently i have just been able to do it on my own...

does that mean i'm doing better? i don't know. It might just mean i'm more guarded, prepared, confident. But a lot of things hold me back. Rejection mainly. Rejection is a funny thing tho. I know what it feels like and maybe i should be a little more sympathetic towards it. When someone tells you they'll be waiting for you, something hard to believe but definitely possible. I've done it... doesn't mean i don't love them. I realize lust and needs sometimes go in front of love. I learned that a LONG time ago. It's crazy. Anyway, i'll just end it now. Things have been wild.

I forgot to mention my Brooklyn College sophmore season is officially over but we repeated and went to the NCAA tournament again. Next year hopefully we can exceed expectations. Especially myself. I've been sick recently although i have been working out again. Guess we'll see what happens. An entry on this will be posted soon.

Later

Quick Post

What's good guys. My eyes are starting to hurt. Been up procrastinating on my work. So sad. I feel like a dissappointment even though in other areas i'm gaining a little confidence and what not. Tomorrow night i'm going to the studio after i go to RFK, for the fourth time this week. Crazy, I KNOW. I hope i'm not a loser. I just inspire people in the building and that inspires me. It's like a reminder of what i was and what i can be it's strange. Today i practiced with the boys and i thought it was a better practice and more productive then the one on monday. I got stronger (thanks Mulstay) and showed these young boys HOW it's done. :) yes i'm a big boy now lol.

I also ended up staying for the girls game. Didn't plan to stay for the whole thing but kinda glad i did. I saw an old friend of mine, who just so happens to be the coach. She did a terrific job and so did the girls. I think a couple of them took my advice AND hers and definitely did much better, which is a PLUS. Made me feel OLD and SMART... so this is what it feels like to get older lol. I don't want to be 20 yet, so let me just enjoy the rest of 2009, while i still can.

FYI i have off this week but have some MAJOR work to do. OH god please give me the strength to get it done. Today was my work day and i didn't do shit. FUCK. i'm getting fustrated again and after all the positive.

Just wanna say let's go trev and let's go me for the music session. I GOT to post up my article that was published on an online paper. I'll explain later. Hope people are still reading this and checking up on me. It's always well appreciated. TRUST ME.

Later

Mood Ring Part 13: Wale, J.Cole, & Melanie Fiona "Beautiful Bliss"

This song is my new anthem. Both Wale's verses are on point and well J.Cole is a beast. Already one of my favorite artists with only 4 official mixtapes, and 2 like real mixtapes. He's definitely the next upcoming thing and i hope he forever keeps it real and has longevity in this crappy hip-hop industry. If i had to do a song with someone right now (besides Eminem, Kanye, and Jay-Z of course) it would definitely be him. Just take 5 minutes out of your day, turn off the lights, turn this song up and enjoy. I want a song just like this to be my first ever single. DIG IT!

"It's a beautiful day, when you feel like this"

Need To Enrich Your Life? Listen to Will

Yo i swear i wish i knew jay-z, wish Will Smith was my father, and that i was dating jennifer anniston. But on some real shit, i've talked to you guys about the connection between my real father and Will Smith, so when i see Will Smith it's really wierd for me. Maybe that's why Pursuit of Happyness is like one of my favorite movies. That shit is emotional and i'm dysfunctional lol. I guess that makes sense. But for real take ten minutes out your day and watch this video. It's everything you're scared to hear and everything you don't want to do but should.

Mood Ring Part 12: Blackroc

As 2dopeboyz put it, Black keys (rock group) plus Dame Dash = Blackroc featuring 2dope artists, Mos Def and Jim Jones. Usually i don't like a lot of Jim Jones music but the vibe and his real point of view lyrics make this song real good. Check it out! It's about time i put yall on some NEW good Music.

Blakroc: Ain't Nothing Like You (Hoochie Coo) Ft. Mos Def and Jim Jones from Jonah Schwartz on Vimeo.

Holy Crap

I only say holy crap because I'm god's son and the shit, get it lol.

Nah what I'm really holy crapping is about is how the FUCK did time fly like it did. I have MAD work to do and coming up...the nails are biting. Woooaaa.

I just wanted to kind of wish my good pal lol, carrie huggins a birthday! I thought it would be a nice, extra step for me to do for her birthday.
Right now, I'm watching two and a half men but I'm tired as hell. I still can't believe 6days have passed since the last entry.

Just a few things to mention:
1)My 2nd cousion is staying @ my aunt's house for the next two months...that's gunna be wierd as hell but whatever. Apparently her boyfriend, lives in new york...confused? Yea me too
2)My mom came up from florida. All smiles about that but she's gone already BOOM.
3)Miss my boys but played ball and freestyled today...mmm good
4)Had my first scrimmage and did alright. 2/2 from the free throw line, 0/2 shooting, 2 rebounds, 3 steals, and a turnover plus 2 assists. HOLLA! Lol.
5)Have one more scrimmage than in 2 weeks, going away to massachusetts for the first game. And then in december I get the championship rings AND first home game.
6)Confidence is growing and I got my swagg back! Thank god. I kinda feel alive.
7) Got a mohawk...I'll try and post a picture haha.

Alright gotta try to do homework. Goodnight yall!

Happy B-day Carrie!

Embrace GOOOD Music

ESSO - View From The Top [Official Video] Directed by Puma from stupid GENIUS on Vimeo.

The title ALONE should be enough to LISTEN :)

Recommendation Part 8: Bored To Death

I just wanted to also recommend this show. I have yet to see Curb your enthusiam but most HBO are pretty hot. It's only 3/4 episodes in so everyone you have time to catch up. The main character's name is Jonathan and he's a writer... that should be enough to see it right? lol. He's also very short and an unlicesened dectitive. Just try it out...no harm in that. :)

right?

Reinact

Sorry i keep posting videos but the more i'm on an actual computer, the more shit i find that i label as AMAZING. This performance is pure hip-hop and one day i would like to do something like this for eminem or jay-Z.

Holy FUCKING SHIT...

Now i usually try to stay away from perverted shit on my blog unless it's subliminal but after seeing this TWICE...holy shit. This was posted on twitter by a couple people but i couldn't see it because i was on my phone. NOW that i viewed it...you will understand the title of the entry. That's all i can say. I'm turned on, amazed, and in total complete shock. I must say that from what i've heard, and experienced that white girls dominate the category of "giving head" and there's no doubt this is the reason why.

I'd also like to say she has that shit down her throat. You could see it moving. My shit (referring to...rhymes with Martinez lol)... let's say she would eat me alive, in 2 minutes.

Damn, i want to rant but i'm speechless at the same time. WTF...
life yo

Artist Exposure Section: Introducting Karlovy "Knowing You a Fan..."

Above me, is the first official video i believe that any Gwopp Gettaz/K.O.S member has ever done. The video features many of the members in Gwopp Gettaz/K.O.S. but the most important one at the moment if Karlovy (use to have Sanchez @ the end).

Karlovy is somebody I've personally known for almost 4 years now. He's actually the first person outside of the little crew i had that i did a song with. I respected that. He was part of the Hidden Hand movement at one time, which i use to associate with but now everybody is a new group, and Karlovy is trying to make real moves. The first by creating this video and second dropping his second solo mixtape, which I'm hoping should be dope. I personally like him, a lot of his music. He's definitely got better and in the scheme of things is my competition, it's a friendly competition though. So in honor of his moves and for the respect i have for him, i decided to be nice and put up his video WHICH I HOPE THAT EVERYONE VIEWS.

The song is one of the best ones i've heard from him. Dre, Karlovy's real name, has a unique sound to his voice and in my opinion a lot of potential which i hope he can transform into a career. I don't necessarily agree with everything he or anyone else is doing but i respect it and until i get my shit together, i cannot vocalize that opinion very often. We've been out of contact in recent but i hope i can get some records done with him and the crew. I wish him the best of luck and will be talking about him further as my music career is moving out of the station.

Tell me what you guys think....my opinon will be said LATER lol

:)

Love Life, Fuck circumstances haha

A Big Thank Youuuuuuu (In Soulja Boy Voice)

Hey yall, the title got published yesterday by accident and i couldn't take it off so today i'm going to write the entry. I basically felt yesterday, that i was appreciated and i needed to thank and appreciate the people that have done things for me. Taken me in. Ever done anything for me. OBVIOUSLY i won't remember everybody and certain people have A LOT more reasons than others but i'm a just start. SOO if you read this and your name isn't there or you feel SLIGHTED, than that's your punishment for even thinking that your not as important as anyone else on the list. SURE, some people have done more than others but in my mind it doesn't take away from the things that you've/they've done. So just KNOW i'm thank you. PERIOD.

My MOM (for always, or almost always putting my wants and needs first. Sometimes we forget and have our OWN problems, which i'm learning are important too. It's just that when your a mom, i think you have to be one of the most powerful and strong people on earth. Your the strength of the family because everybody NEEDS their MOM and their effect on a child's life i think is just slightly more important than a fathers. I love you mom and we're all humans and have faults but that doesn't stop me from wanting a hug from you...)

My Father (if i could only express everything to you and for you to just understand and get it. I don't know exactly who YOU are anymore and i don't think you understand who you are anymore but i Still LOVE YOU. I still have hope that you will fix your life and we'll eventually fix our relationship. Even if it doesn't happen, your still somebody i admire, for not being a coward in taking responsibility, i just wish you listened, asked for help, and that we could have been a lot closer. I miss you and i thank you for giving me your sensitivity. I'm learning that having the traits i have and being myself is what i have to accept)

My grandparents on my Mom's side (You guys might have been bad parents to my mom and my aunt but you guys really tried to be GREAT grandparent's to us. OF course, we're both misunderstood because of our LARGE generation GAP, but you tried to understand. You showed even if we never really talked. You tried to keep "spanish" alive and helped me with my hw and discipline when my parent's weren't there to. I miss you guys and i really, REALLY hope that you guys don't die in Ecuador without me giving you the biggest hug in the world. If you do though, i will come to Ecaudor just to lay on top of your grave with the flowers i promised to bring you).

My grandparents from my dad's side (At first i didn't have the biggest appreciation for you guys but now i do. Taking me in and really showing me a family environment makes me not want to leave. SURE, i live on a couchbed but what you guys provide, guidance and annoying nagging is what i truley need. A hug, a kiss, and values. THANK YOU GUYS sooo much. This is the reason i'm writing this...is because of you guys)

... I can't keep writing why, i'm crying in my school library and can't take it.
So here are my spontanious list off the top of my head.
Tita (Aunt, Anne-Marie)
Tia Hilda (Aunt, Hilda)
Ashley (sister)
Victoria (sister)
Carrie Huggins (amazing person & Friend)
Sam (step-mom)
Marc (ex-bf)
Cory & Ryan (you guys were a pair and we were like the three musketters once upon a time ago (neighbors, ex-bfs))
Hugo
Kayla Berenson (sorry if i spelled your name wrong)
Nelson & John
Ashley Valencia
Mike J. Gottie (my brother man, i miss you a lot and hope that our dreams come true)
David Reyes
Julian Cazares
Jody Popper (Motherly Guidance, i hope to see you soon)
Steve (i still love you even if you do some Asshole shit to the people you love)
Johnny F
Trevor Stark & His WHOLE Family
Farah Khan
Jeremy
Jennifer Lee Pang (:))
Danny
Jerome (i hope shit gets going)
Leo, Jason, Oscar, & Alex
Lisa Chen
Jennifer
Lydia
Justin & Mr. Snype
Evelyn (babysitter, got me my first cologne, my first bandanas, probably the best, loving babysitter)
Ava & Jp & Sofia
Mike Mulstay
Lisa Byheny
Dominic Henderson
Jed Herman
Ms. Bengals (wherever you are, THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for believing in my poetry)
First grade teacher who told me to ALWAYS ask questions (even if i was annoying)
Karlovy aka Dre
Stephanie Rubino
Stephanie Tolli
Catherine Medina
David & Jason
Daniel Velesquez (DV, my other older brother, for real. Bond is EXTRA deep)
Coach Podias
Mr. Kim
Ms. Ameras
Mr. Ertel
Jonathan Franke
Brian Franke
Mike Breen (Nassif) and his family
RFK Building
Marc's MOM
Mrs. Valencia
Mr. Pernick
Kiko
Limor
Angelica Berry
Audrey Allure
Alexis
Norris
Floyd
Sebastian (yall 3 damn son, the memoires and the drama)
Tiffany & Angela (3 way!!!!!!!!!!)
Lilya (forever be my prom date and i ain't mad at that)
Billy
Ashely Astarita
Stefon
Stephen Brooks
Stephanie Gonzalez
Brittany West
Frannie Monches
Sweetina Kakar
Tim (first put me on to basketball)
Dayna
ANBODY WHO READS THE BLOGS
Eminem, Jay-Z, Kanye West, Charles Hamilton
MUSIC
Life
(and if there is one) God

Mr.Feature (Repeat)

Here's a video i did for one of the songs since i didn't want to put it for download since i don't know what the fuck i'm doing musically except recording. I'm actually trying to find some beats now. But tell me what you think. I'm on the third verse so be patient. The song is hot without me but i think i had a little umph in it. Tell me what you guys think. i just needed to get something out. This entry will make me feel better. AND i apologize in advance if my video's suck haha. Let's gooo!!!

Special Recommendation!

To Hannibal King (that's his real name).

Below is his mixtape, well i should call it Album because i know he worked EXTRA HARD to make this happen. I never met him personally, at least i don't think because it's crazy how we're connected through several people. Here's the ironic story. When i started recording around the age of 15 i recorded at this kid Jay's studio (J Conway) to be exact. He started a group called 4DaGreen in College Point/Whitestone with a couple people that i knew. Formally this kid named Ism, who'se sister Jessica Cabellero went to school with me. Ism real name is John, we use to play ball all the time and on the low i kinda looked up to him. I thought we were kind of alike. Anyway, Hannibal use to be a part of the 4DaGreen group and knew the producer/egineer that would hold our sessions @ J Conway's studio. Wild. I actually bought the 4DaGreen mixtape they were selling but unfortunately due to a fall out Hannibal was not on the final product, rapping or producing. After this he just focused on producing. Now this is even crazier, he went to Towsend Harris. Where a friend of mine, Vanessa Ng, who also dated David Reyes in 8th grade went to. I talked to her about a month or two ago and found out she has been dating this guy for the past 2 years. Next thing i know i see this cover on 2dopeboyz and am like WTF. that's crazy (and good crazy). J Conway is actually on the project as well if you take a look at the track list.

Now i hit him up and facebook and long story short hopefully in the near future we will be linking up to create some dope, new, oldschool hip-hop. He seems like a real honest dude and his production is pretty hot. I personally havent YET heard the WHOLE project but so far i'm impressed. Makes me more eager. Anyway, so basically to show gratitude for him even talking to me and considering link up i'm going to promote his work. That's how i feel is the only way i can repay him and it is a nice gesture period. He doesn't know i'm doing this of course (at least not yet) which is okay because it's out of love. Just the way i did for the Weiners, who i hope are also doing better :).

So check it out, please. I will edit this entry once i write a small review on it. (why?) Because i can. Holla!

http://sharebee.com/756d5d83

PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS...THEN reLISTEN TO IT.

THis is 2009 hip-hop. It's not even hip-hop, it's NU Hop (shouts to CH) on some dead serious shit. I love this NEW generation. I think we can change it. I just need the right/write back up. Check it out.
It's REALLLLYYYY GOOODDDD!

KidduNot.com [B.o.B vs. Bobby Ray Listening Party] Atlanta from KidduNot.com on Vimeo.
AND from last time

(look at those eyes and those lips...)

Depressed Melody

Alone... Alone...

I ain't got nobody

Alone... Alone...

I ain't got nobody

I'm stoned... Stoned

I just want to feel somebody

Home... Where's home

When you ain't got nobody

The anxiety, depression creeping up behind me like a shadow

So where can I run? Where shall I go? My heart hollow and my words to shallow, pride already swallowed, and all I can do is wallow, in denial
And drink half of this bottle

With herbs already in my lungs
And thoughts of already being hung like a black man in 50's
But any attempt would be risky
Especially after some whisky
Well why is the devil wispering, tampering in my ear

telling me all the dark thoughts I would like to here

Where is my saint? My angel?
Where is my soulmate? Or my halo?

Impatient as fuck. My mind just needs to give up
Needs to leave me alone it's driving me nuts

Hearing too many voices, feel the flames burning my skin

But this is how it is being in my skin

Lost...

No button to pause...

Overeaction is just my reaction
Cause I feel no satisfaction
...

I am the new Michael Jackson

A fraction or any amount of subtraction from my imagination

Might heal this situation

Death

Alone... Alone...

I ain't got nobody

Alone... Alone...

I ain't got nobody

I'm Stoned... Stoned

I just want to feel somebody

Where's home... Home

When you ain't got nobody

I'm gone

Letter to my future girl...

Flowers, candy, everything you deserve
Shelter, water, even the L word

Once I mean it, feel it, everything I do will be our secret, just keep on the secret, until I take it off
So I can treat you like a kit kat and break it off

Never go soft when I'm with ya, never a real loss when I'm with ya, ying to my yang, yes baby I fit cha, even the seconds your gone, I miss ya

It's really ridiculous, especially when we fuss and cuss over nothing important
But arguments, can't avoid it
And your heart can't avoid this, there's a void, if you ain't my miss, anybody hurt you, they on my hit list
the world is my witness, to my testament of love
the test is when I can put nothing above, you

Not the clouds or the sky, cause they are your pillows when you sleep

And I will be your warmth, your sheets,
Our bond is deeper than an obis
Deeper than the blond when I slice my wrist

Cause it always heals back.

And what's true is what I feel for you
Because I know if another man touched you
I would kill for you,
I hope that's real for you

Just know...

I will always try my hardest, even if I'm not not the smartest, or can't provide you a real big house with a garden
But I can commit to a promise or promises, of continous lovely shit, that no other man can ever give

Even when I'm broke and down on my self
I will take care of your health and provide you anything else...

Mainly the little things that get overlooked
Not the fancy resturants that are overbooked

So let me steal your heart like a valentine's day crook

And cook you up, a life of perfection

Just tell me if this letter is going the right direction

...

Actions speak louder than words so let me show you