"Girls Use To Call Me Sensitive But They Ain't Say That When I Came To The Crib" - Never Change, Jam Young

Hey yall, 

I shouldn't even be up right now but i really felt the need to blog. O.D. So tired though. Work at what? 10:45. Shit i'm wylin. That's how i spell it. I have no authority with grammer, i let the words flow freely, fuck it. I'm an artist in my own right. Every mistake. Everything. OH, so let's begin with the title. Everytime i visit my Aunts house (tech my house, then my grandmother's, now my aunt's) I'm always on some crazy sentimental shit. I think it's the atmosphere of home. Now it feels even more like home since i'm 40 percent done with the secret room/studio i am creating. It's my serenity. My shit. Music is my bitch. That's where we are going to live. Anyway, even more than usual i'm on some extra soft stuff because ALL my stuff is officially here now. Game systems, notes, memories from when i was like idk, 8 to graduating high school. I found myself in the RFK Record that my sister brought home (shouts to everyone else on the cover:Rubino, Juelz, Farah, Stephen, Eric, Asia) (hope i'm not forgetting anyone) and i don't know. Everything is just straight WILD.

Do you kow how much the brain just stores away in some secret comparment. SHIT. I found rhymes i wrote when i was like what 11? Talking about disfunctional family and shit. It's crazy. To see my mindset such a long time ago is just crazy. I'll post it one day, fuck the haters. You can totallllllllyyyyy see the difference. it's a good laugh. cute. but dead serious. Every emotion is there just not dipicted as it is now. I'm no Van Gogh but i'm a good street artist and compared to eleven, my pictures are way crazier. Back then they were like doodles. Stick figures and shit. Damn, i wish i could still draw. 

Quick Question: Anyone had talent when they were little that they never really used and it kind of just faded away. Like i believe a talent is never FULLY gone but unless you try day and night it won't be anything more than potiential and "what could have been."

I don't know i just found mad old shit. Mad crazy shit. Irionically Valentines Day Shit. A card from my MOM & MY DAD. WOA! Now for me that's crazy and it was like what in 2005. Everytime i say it's 2009 i can't believe the shit. I don't know what i want. Do i want to be 19. Do i want to be doing this or that. I truley don't know. I just write. I also found out what i got for last Valentine's Day. It was a valentines day/birthday present. It was nice. I totally forgot about it. I've been wondering like WTF did i do last Valentines DAY. My memory is officially toast. It's just cause i'm still not me. I KNEW WHO I WAS. NOW i'm just a writer. That's it. JUST a little old/young writer. CRAZY.

Anyway, i don't know how i feel about anything, really. I believe i'm a socially awkward person and that really screws me up but whatever. I wanted things to go back to the way they were but people say they weren't that good anyway. So what do i want, if what i wanted wasn't great. There were "SO" many issues. And truthfully, shit will never be the same. THUS again The "NEVER CHANGE" song, quote, etc. That will forever be my favorite song. IT was deep man. Chorus especially. It was just a real song. I remember when i wrote it too. In florida. My uncle was like shocked that he actually liked a song that was mine. Something he could work with. if you want to check out the song just go to the myspace 

www.myspace.com/jamyoungmusic

 It's up there. 

Whatever. Got to def. Go to bed before i Spazzz out on myself and officially cry. Don't want that. I hate not sleeping if i haven't made that clear. I don't really know what this blog entry was about, except that it was scattered and free. Like some Jackson Pollack painting. Google the dude if you don't know em. 

~Jam Out~

P.S. I don't want to be the reason you "can't" do something. My place in your life is... well frankly i don't know. But it's what you want to do. What i want to do is music. How it works out? well truthfully i don't know. Possibilities seem to get slimmer and slimmer. But i won't think about it much. Appreciate what we had and recall all the things (crazy, especially) that we did. It's wild how far removed we are since the beginning. Life after high school really made us into different people. I wish i knew where the high school me is. And where "we are" in that sense. Sure it was stupid, sponatious, and outrageous but it's apart of wherever high school me is. Nonetheless. I still care, a lot too. I was going to email you and tell you about the shit i found in those dusty boxes my dad placed in my basement after high school. ALL the shit i found, everything. Things were just so different then. The givingness. Willingness. I don't know. I will email you, just not right now. i'm too tired. I have to stop being angry at everyone though. I know i said i'll try and maybe i am but i need to get rid of it. I don't think it's fully possible though because like i said it's a part of the past which means it's a part of my life. No matter what "me" i'm referring too. 

P.P.S. Working on a "One Chance" Part 2. IT'S GOING TO BE CRAZY HOT. WAY better then the original. In terms of flow, beat, chorus. But words and words. And they are both equally as important. 

P.P.P.S I bought a lava lamp. Anybody see Nora's Infinite Playlist? Bought it but don't know if i'll keep it. 

P.P.P.P.S Couldn't get all 3 videos. But watch em. "U Remind Me" "U Got It Bad" & "U Don't Have to call" In that order.

Damn, my sister's comp can't get the video!!! here's the links.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arE0UOtZfIw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15bWP1O-bK0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BDyqwwEdt4&feature=channel
And fuck it, Ray J's One Wish Video. O.D. Valentine's Day. Next saturday.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aNCjeNTT3E&feature=related
"Girl don't tell me what i'm feeling is make believe"