Re-adjusting

Sorry, if the title isn't spelled right. Going to try and make this as short as possible. I've been back now, for a little over a week and its been a very interesting week so far (today is the conclusion). In a week, I've managed to jam pack a whole day in the studio, 3 bball workouts along with playing ball 3 times, then seeing some of my good friends, my aunt and uncle, my grandparents, had therapy, saw a movie, and talked to my sisters a few times already via text. I've also been networking my ass off. Trying to get work done without being employeed. Crazy how that works.

So hopefully for the next four projects I put out (Early Arrival, Jonathan Andrew EP, Flight Delay, TBA) you'll enjoy numerous different type of records along with a few people you've never heard of BUT who are nice and have been on my dream website (2dopeboyz). And initially that's the goal. I have real big expectations of myself and I'm real nervous cause the next few months and even more importantly, the next two-three years can be a refreshening, humbling, awfully amazing experience. I hope I have the friends I have now when alllll that happends (Johnny F, Danny, Jeremy, Julian, Carrie, Chris, Matt, John, DV and David....just to name off the top of my head). First impressions are important but they aren't everything, a lot of time, your first impression you overlook a lot and hopefully people will recognize my talent/skill sooner than later.

Anyway, based on my last semi-depressing entry, I do still miss my sisters and my family dearly. I realize how important they are and why I need to be closer and a BIGGER influence in their lives. So hopefully, that CAN be done.

This is another HUGE week me (finding a job, workouts, possible performance, studio sessions, etc) and my last full week before school. I gotta take advantage of it. So there you have it. And if you guys pray, keep me in your prayers. Especially today, I want today to go well.

Love yall who read this.
All of you. Even if you don't like me...because you take time out of your life to acknowledge me SO you should be acknowledged too.

Jam on it

And It's Over... For Now...

Sad shit really. Extremely sad shit. Yesterday was my last full day and last night in Florida and i tried to spend it as good as possible. Went to the pool again, went to get NY pizza in Florida, and just watched my last episode of Dexter (season 2) and true blood's latest one. Worked out a little. It was actual a beautiful ending...in a sense. My sisters and i swam in the pool and reminisced. We laughed mostly and tried to reconcile things about our past...things that they didn't know/remember. I told them a few things but its funny how much i forgot at the moment...it seemed like the 20 years of my life went by so fast. I was choked up. It feels like it was just the other day, we were living up stairs in our 2 family house, with my mom and it was us 3. Me, Victoria, and Ashley. It was like a movie honestly. And i don't think they realize the intensity of the situation. My youth...is ending. Sure the 20's are going to be, possibly the best years of my life BUT i'll be grown up. Looking for a real job, contemplating kids, marriage and all that other shit you think about when your a kid but honestly i think every grown up would like to be a kid again...at least until maybe they have one. A kid. that is a part of you. looks like you. acts like you. My sisters won't be teens for long and by the time you know it, things may be so different... and just on an (insert/cliff note) i'll miss my mom a lot too. It's always a pleasure having her around but i'm use to her not being around...but my sisters...not really. They've always been there and just their presence sometimes has kept me going. Now i'm going back to college point with an empty bedroom and mixed feelings. That place use to feel like home and maybe it still will be but it won't be the same. At all. I just can't take this right now.

I just really wish i could be there again...how did everything happen so fast. The divorce. The moving. The remarriage. The moving. The running away. The me-leaving. The closer i get to 21...the more and more i realize that growing up kinda sucks...especially when your doing it alone. All i wanna do is cry. shit all i'm doing is crying but i have to get ready and move. The best people in life learn to adjust and i guess even when their heart is dismembered, they strive. That's what i'm best at. Falling off the horse and trying again...no matter how many or how bad my insecurities are. I've wrote mainly painful entries in this blog and this is no different. BUt only the future and god knows what its hold and then again, maybe not even them. All i know is that...i have to make a change and call. Visit more. This once a year crap has to be done. Its gunna be hard tho, when its just me going down there and they may be coming up...means i may not see my mom.

I'd write more but i have to make this place a lot less personal. AND i have to get ready. itsallgoodevenwhenitaint... well we'll see.

"The More i Suffer, I Suffocate"

YUPPPPPP! (trey songz voice) you should already KNOW what it is! If you ain't see it yet, you'll see it hear first. Dope ass video too bad it was overlooked because Kanye dropped a video but fuck it. Eminem is six weeks in from his album and is still top #2 albums. 5 weeks at number one, hopefully he reclaims the spot and goes double platiunum in 7 weeks (unheard of now a days). This guy is a genius. I give the video an 8/10, could've been a bit more creative and i kinda wish it was em doing the seens himself...he did win an academy award lol. oh well. Sorry that i'm resorting to posting up videos now but sometimes a song creates a thousand thoughts...

take that, take that (diddy voice)
JAM ON IT!

Floridian New Yorker

Hey y'all,
for once I'm actually blogging from a computer, so for once, I'm going to try and keep this short. I'm still in Florida for those who don't know but only for another 2days and a half, which for me, is extremely saddening. Depressing actually. But life must move on, whether I'm ready or not. If you haven't been reading the reason WHY i will be extremely dysfunctional when i get back home is because my two little sisters are moving/moved to Florida indefinitely. It makes me want to cry inside writing it but there's not much i can do. Anyway, my time spent here has been semi-productive and fun but also very strange and fattening. I haven't exercised really. Just been watching movies and relaxing and joking with/on my sisters. Who are beautiful monsters as ne-yo would put it. lol. But let me list some of the few things i've done...
1. Networked on twitter, A LOT
2. Shot a video, that i am currently trying to edit as we speak
3. Watched a bunch of rap videos while being tormented because i cannot place new music on to my ipod
4. Trying to budget/find beats for this project that Pretty Boy Acey and I have been working on...scheduled released August 24....
5. My new found obsession: Dexter (dope showtime show)
6. I have seen Fight Club, 500days of summer, the spy next door, 2012, Daybreakers, Tooth Fairy, and i'm pretty sure i'm missing one.
7. I cooked my first meal...eggs with ham :)
8. Been working out in the house....10pd dumbells and chairs put together make for good dips lol
9. Been reprehended by my mother for being a "smart ass" and a "wise guy" yea i love her but my respect is always up and down
10. Went to the best/biggest mall i've seen so far
11. Pool Count: 1 Beach Count: 1 time to upgrade...
12. Bought an American Eagle shirt Money Spent so far: 29 bucks (29bucks over what i planned/wanted to)

That's about it so far. I also realized that i wish i had more money in my life...being money strapped aka poor is NOT fun.

Love you readers tho...
Changes are gon come lol

Jam on it!

I Think I Just Got The (ch)ILLZ

The ILLZ - Persistence (Official Video) from Delgis Mustafa on Vimeo.

The ILLZ - M.P.A.(My Public Apology) (Official Video) from Delgis Mustafa on Vimeo.

Now after viewing both videos and songs...i think the 2nd is shot better but the first is way better BUT both videos and songs are dope as hell. The rapper's name is the ILLZ. PLEASE CHECK HIM OUT. Now i'm not saying i'm a huge fan because i've only heard a few tracks/things from him but i think he's a bit of an inspiration to me. He's dominican. Resides (at this moment) in New Jersey, i believe. He has the type of look/feel that i feel my music/image has/can have. Real cool. I would love to do a track with this guy too.

I really hope you guys take the 7 minutes (if that) out of your life to listen/watch because you might get the illz/chillz too. You never know.

Jam on it :)

the start of the beginning

Hey yall,
This will be a quick entry because I'm tired and at dinner in florida. Just arrived not too long ago. I was kind of depreseed or should I say I am a bit depressed because the time has come...living in new york with no immediate/full siblings. The cute little misreable sisters I've known most of my life. I remember when I use to make up stories to my sister ashley and she would believe it. And then when I started to like ashley we tagged team on victoria who annoyed us. One time we tied her to the chair, well taped her to the chair. Good times (laughs to self). Well those are kind of over or should I say limited. Now they're going to live a different life then I ever did...and I may never understand. But I still know what's it's like to be a teen and how hard it is to be a brother but I guess as they move on...I have to too. But I will miss them dearly. Also, just for the record my mom's new bf, not that attractive (no homo)but pretty cool. Less uncomfortable then the last one BUT I still am cautious cause she's my mom...which makes me protective. I'm the only man that has been consistant in her life...kinda.

Anyway, will keep u updated. Gotta run and go back on a diet...tomorrow :)

Jam on it

Inspirational Rap

Room For Improvement

What's good yall? I'ma just do a quick entry, cbecause I really got a lot to say BUT I'm just extrememly tired and about to eat and watch some tv then its off to bed. (Side note: I miss my baby lol) yall don't know here and won't. maybe because she doesn't exist or maybe she does...I guess that's for me to know. :) anywho, my life is improving. I am no longer as depressed as I have been about a job. ONCE I come back from florida, I'm getting one AT SCHOOL. I've been getting G'd because they hired like 7 new people when I filled out 2 applications. Best believe I'm TIGHT. Lmao. I am but sooo much positivity that I don't care for the negative.

FYI I've surrounded myself with good people, great people I should really say. Things are coming along. Weights down, self-esteem up, I just gotta work even harderrrrrrr than I am. OH and there will be a mixtape but not what you expected. It's gunna be a duo-mixtape out before august...jam young is back yall and it feels fucking exuberant (or however u spell it). No title, no offical group name, but songs are being made and THATS most improtant. Feel me?
And since I'm talking about good people shouts to (in no particular order) julian, farah, carrie, danny, jeremy, johnny f, killa, steve, rob, matt, chris, eddie, vic, and anybody else I forgot I'm sorry BUT know I see u.

Ugh, my stomach hurts.oh well. Grind on. Speaking of grind, shouts to audrey, julian, andddddd alexis. Good job with the blogging and everything else you guys do. Now, I'm gunna post an asher roth song called "grind" the song is beyond dope. Like it's very kanye esque and he killllssssss it. Also, back to the music tip I got a few more possible collaborations in the works so just pray it happends and gets done. I got music for days man. For real. I'll post a track reallllll soon. That's a promise. Another thing I'm working on is being better with everything, from timeliness to just progressing as a human being.

Anyway, I'm about to bounce. Just keep looking for me yall cause on the real, I'm tired of wanting things. Its time to start to being.

Jam on it!

Highschool Throwbacks

Ray J - One Wish
Uploaded by R33f. - See the latest featured music videos.

The Adventures of My Life...The Overview

Hey wassup yall, I do realize this is late but I just felt the need to really just discuss what has happend in recent weeks. Pretty amazing and productive stuff. I haven't heard anything from jobs, just lies and no interviews. It's hard out here but then again I haven't really been trying much.
These are some other things that have gone on:
I went to virgina
My heart has been torn (not necessarily in a negative way but between 3 things, experience, the woman I love, and the woman who maybe, slowly stealing my heart without knowing it..wild stuff)
A friend of mine just turned 21
Another friend went to the poorest country on this side of the world
I have spent countless days not excersing, hanging out, doing the regular push-up/crunch routine, staying in (a little), spending my time with two girls, and I forget what else.
I tried a cookie monster
Went to the pool...twice (gasp)
Been to the studio :) (recorded 5 new records)
Went to a club
Went to a house party or two
Went to a couple bbq
I also been trying to write, re-focus, play ball andddd save money (finally).

Today, my ipod just got wiped out (fuck life) and I'm going to create a simple t-shirt to along with the music I'll be creating. I'm trying to read at least 3 books this summer, I'm almost done with the first one.

I'm sorry for the randomness/not making sense of this entry...it was to get something off my chest but that won't be happening because instead I'm going to get ready for a productive day tomorrow (and re-doing my resume (hopefully) again). I just wanna say I wish, I could experience (kinda) and have the girl of my dreams but life doesn't work that way. I also wish I could stop being a pussy...grrrr. Muscially/ball wise and socially. I'm a fun person...I think?? Its alright. Just loving life or trying to focus on a life that I will ABSOLUTELY love.

Jam on it!