Happy (Black) Thanksgiving (Friday) Day lol.

Hey yall,
I decided to put the last two days together in one entry so happy thanksgiving and black friday to you all. I really hope that everyone got to spend time with families and friends and stuffed their faces with turkey. I had a good time. It was really nice. I'm actually in florida visiting my mom and sisters and my grandmother's here. We had a lot of good homemade food. My sister's are pretty good cooks. Also had some wine. Actually in the last 2 hours, I've had lots of wine but it was delicious. Moscato for life baby.

Anyway, black friday was alright. Only went to target and the mall but there weren't any crazy sales. I still really want NBA 2K11 and Jay-Z's decoded book but I'll have to wait. I did get two copies of kanye's album, the nicki minaj album, curren$y album, and the itunes Lloyd Banks album. I'm tight tho because I haven't found a physical copy of Lloyd Banks' album...smh but whatever. I got a new pair of sneakers and some new clothing but nothing too crazy or too much. Btw, on a random note, I HATE NOT excerising. Wish I could play ball but instead I'll try and relax myself and get some work done. I have a LOT of work to do. An insurmountable amount of work. Shit sucks but still trying to enjoy my time. I also got my new phone, which I'm trying to set up so this entry will probably be the last from my blackberry curve.

Anyway, I'm getting back to my family time. Go buy music albums today, for real all the music is fantastic. Enjoy yourselves and know that I appreciate anytime you take out to read into my life.

Jam on it! The chronicles begin...

Is It Destiny?

What's up yall?
Do yall ever ask yourself that question...is it destiny, or rather is this destiny? Is this what my destiny is?
Sitting on a bench, on a team where I suppose to have promise and be able to possibly play when I first got there. The last two years I can TOTALLY understand why I haven't played. I wasn't ready one year and the other not prepared at all. This year though... I really thought I had a legit chance at something. Even an ounce of playtime would be nice. I think a few other people thought I would play too but it doesn't seem likely and frankly it is kind of depressing...if not really depressing.

But because I'm me...I guess I will have to make the best of the situation, honestly. I will suck it up and keep working my ass off...in practice and in games and outside. I know I'm good. Good enough to play and if I have to prove it or reprove it best believe for once I'm up for the challenge.

My only fret is that I don't know if this is what was suppose to happen. I don't want to just sit and wait until its too late before I truley know BUT the first step is to question and that's what I'm doing, questioning. Also, I have been trying to figure why dumb people try to bring me down or bully me. It's been a problem here and there but when it comes up it is reallllll annoying. I try to not let it effect me and usually it doesn't, but I would just like to know the intentions behind it all. I don't fuck with u so get out my face. That's really how I feel.

Just so you guys know this has all come up since the last 3 games I haven't played, we've lost 2 of those 3, I've been "bullied" over the course of the last week, and I just need to write about it to get it over with. I will not goo into detail but it was the first incident and events as such in my life. So it was a bit of a shock and an embarrassment but I now realize it's just more adversity, that I will beat at the end. So to the haters "FUCK YALL NIGGAZ" lol. Word up.

Now I can move "on to the next one." Just so yall know Kanye, Currensy, Lloyd Banks, and Nicki Minaj all dropped their albums and I will be copping all of them. I advise you at least get Ye and Banks. They will be dope. I promise. Speaking of that I will try and write a double, if not triple review on 3 of those albums for the next paper. I wrote my first article and got it published in this weeks paper. DOPE. I will post it up. It was a review on Kid Cudi's new album. I'd give it 7.5/8 stars. It was above solid but not great.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm off to buy jay-z's book too and go to florida. I'm suppose to be seeing my dad in the morning, which I hope doesn't fall through. I miss the old guy. Lol. I'm done for this entry though. You'll hear from me soon.

Let the jam young chronicles begin...
Jam on it.

Push On

This is an anthem for our everyday, people. We got to push on no matter, what. I really would like to do a collaboration with this guy. This is good hip-hop.

(New entry coming...featuring J.Cole & (my brother/uncle) Em Jay new mixtapes)

5 Stars 4 The Douche Bag

Yo i love Kanye and he is a genius and will be crowned one of the greatest of all time. If i can be 1/18 as good as he is, i will be extremely successful. Just to let you guys know i'm doing really well and basketball but i don't want to jinx myself so next topic :)

So kanye west posted the review rolling stone wrote about his album and... yup, you guessed it by the title. 5 stars. The perfect album. You guys can read it here:
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/reviews/album/45342/232350

On related Kanye news, his protege and fellow G.O.O.D Music member/artist released his 2nd album today and although rolling stone only liked this half as much as Kanye's work (2 1/2 stars for Cudi) the people are loving it. It was sold out in the target by my school, which is BULLSHIT so i couldn't cop it today but i will ASAP. This week it is 10 dollars in stores, you can't go wrong.

Last, rolling stone has pictures from the greatest concert ever and the pictures are amazing. Phenemonal. Check em out here:
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/photos/28431/203449/18

Enjoy this for real. Love yall.
JAM ON IT!

Little Paul and a Happy Birthday

Hey yall,

just wanted to write a quick entry and say Happy Birthday to a good friend of mine, carrie. I want to personally wish you a Happy Birthday on my blog. That's the best thing i can do, for you, so enjoy it. :) lol.

I also wanted to tell you guys a quick story...
Ever since i moved into my grandmother's house/home/apartment a lot of people who know my father or grew up with him, call him paul, and call me paul jr. or little paul. Now i'm not exactly little but my dad is a bit taller than i am as well as a bit bigger than i am. Anyway, yesterday i was leaving the building and was stopped by two of my dad's old friends, who still live in the building, and they actually asked me questions, besides how's your dad doing. They wanted to know what i was doing with life and i told them and they joked around with me. I told them about my creative writing major and how i play basketball in college and they had this like proud look, like "look what paul's son is doing: great things." It was pretty cool then they told me stories about my dad and how my grandmother dressed him in highwater jeans and how they use to play handball and peg my dad in his huge butt. lol. It was cool but the thing that stood out to me was that one of the guys said to his friend, "this is paul's son, he's going to be a writer." It felt good. It felt nice to actually be associated with my father for once. I am, my own man, always have been but it was... cool. It brought a smile to my face. I was also very happy about the "he's going to be a writer." I think that's one of the few times i've ever heard that, made me feel like a little kid eventhough i know i'm taking every step toward being a "writer."

Anyway, that's really it. Got a scrimmage today and i have people rootin for me BUT more importantly, i have my focus and i have ME rootin for ME and that's what i've been searching and missing all along. So go jay! do your thing today and earn what you know you deserve.

Jam on It!

All I Have 2 Say

:)
Keep it up jay

It's Hard To Be Positive When You're a Pessimist

Hey yall,

The picture has no relevance to what i'm about to write...actually it's suppose to put a positive spin on all of his fuckery going on in my life. I would say 75 percent of my problems are created by me, 88 percent would include problems i create plus things i have no control over. The rest are other people and things like school...etc. That's just some brief insight and also since i will not have therapy this week, more than likely, i have to talk to myself and whoever else will listen through this blog. Also, in all honestly, fuck a lot of yall. I write because this is what i do, i'm a writer, so don't criticize me for doing what my title tells me to do and what i love, LOVE to do.

Happy Birthday Lisa! Eventhough, i know for a fact you have never been on here lol. I still shout out people because it's necessary. Just as a heads up, i may-be detatching myself more off of social networks and on my phone in general. I am caused too much extra stress by these things. Okay, now that all of the aforementioned has been stated i will quickly note that i finally earned my first "A" of the semester and in my shakespeare class, which i am doing the worst in, ironically. Still i am proud and look to use these grades as momumentum to propell nothing lower than a B, for my first semester ever, EVER? yes, ever. Now on to the negative...

I'm still struggling and turning the ball over in practice and even worse, my confidence and aggression is still shot by mental loops i can't seem to jump through. Everyone else can but me. I really don't know if i can be on a team/bench for 3 years with no progression. Granted it is my fault but once things are made up i will be lost forever in it- the black hole of basketball. I have very few time left to show my coach i have done a 360 or at worst, 180 but again the window of opportunity is closing, fast. This makes me think... maybe i should redshirt or possibly quit. What is my purpose, really? If to rot on a bench with my self pride, confidence, and aggression is dwindling on a sideline cheering people on, when i should be cheering and playing on the court with them. again, i use should...placing full blame and responsibility on myself. I'm sick. I'm in terrible condition. I'm overwhelmingly exhausted by trying to climb these mental roadblocks. it's bullshit, on my part because i'm standing in the way of myself. Do you know how that feels? When you, yourself, is the ONLY one to blame. Let me tell you, it's worse than self depricating...it feels as close to death as i may get until i reach actual death. I'm tired of excsues, tired of needing inspiration from music and people...i need to figure this shit out and fast.

Strangely, the only thing i can think of is... did god put this in my path for a reason? or am i meant to fail. I'm not sure of the answer yet but i have to figure that out, soon, as well.

And just as an FYI: I am an extremist. A purist extremist. It is in my blood, personality, and maybe worse, soul.

Lastly...i don't even know where to start with this one. It's just the same old stuff, same old painful, escalating arguments that consume my day, my nights, my mind, my sleep, my everything. It's worse than adding sprinkles on top, it's like adding a bigger cone with sprinkles on top of the bad cone i have already. Basically, when this i am fighting with her everything is even worse. Like why can't things be terrible and i can know that she's there, waiting and yearning for my kiss. Things like that don't exist, not even in an ideal world. It is something to abstract, to outside for the imagination even to grapple it.

Let me explain something. I am in love. I have been in love for a while now but i am not in a relationship, mainly because of my own choice. Mentally the title, the responsibility, the obligations, the commitment and much worse stuff scare me. Honestly, i haven't been in a "relationship" since i was 15 years old. Shouldn't love be bigger than a relationship, or a title, or marriage to say the least. At least, for now. But it's not. My hard truth, my fear is painful. For that i am sincerely apologetic.

Now let me ask the audience something. You ever have an arguement, a pointless one at that, but with all the time wasted and words spatted, the arguement just grows into something more terrible. You say things and so do they. Well it's like that a lot for me. I have probably said "the worst things i've ever heard" a few times.

I can't even finish that train of thought, main thing is... i will be in love and don't know if i will fall out of it but this constant "let's separate" bit on both our behalves is (insert word) devastating and annoying. Well i may have solved that problem because i don't know if we'll be talking or seeing each other much. A lot of other factors come in play: age, needs, wants, goals, pms, holidays, change, events, stress, and they all effected this arguement and possible separation.

I'm in pain but i'm also in denial but that's how the ball rolls, as the saying goes. I could go on forever on this subject but i can't really. It's time to just give my mind a rest, focus on school work, and making music AND more importantly succeeding in my dreams.

BTW: Growing up is not bad, it is just strange and rather interesting and it effects me everyday.

Whatever yall, just jam on it. Whatever it is.
And i will pray, hope, and yearn for positive outcomes in ALL my situations and in ALL of YOURS too.

Another day, another obstacle trying to strap you down into the electric chair.
Will i succumb? Will you? I hope not. Maybe i should stop hoping and do. Make this right. Either way, i'm still going to spend a lot of money coming up, even if the person and i are not...anything.

ZZZZZZ goodnight (cold) world, i'll see you in the morning...