5th Element

Hey yall,

I know I have not written much on this blog and i hope you can forgive me. As usual i have tons going on and since blogger doesn't work well on my blackberry it's hard to write any entries. BUT since i have you guys now, just wanted to inform you guys on a few things. First, "A Writer's Dream" is still on the way but since there's been a GRAND delay, i will try and release a bunch of solo tracks for you. I haven't been able to get into the studio much and when i do it's been for an hour and that is a rather depressing fact...trust, the show will go on though.

So as some of you know (or don't know), i joined a group from College Point- my hometown, called "The Council." They/we make a lot of dope music, i put them on to my engineer's studio, so it was only right for me to be down with their movement. Regardless, of several indiscretions, things are going well now. We performed this Thursday and teared the place down and we also have a mix-tape on the way titled "The 5th Element." There will be skits from the movie as well as a couple surprise joints. There will be about 14/15 songs on the mix-tape and i should be on about 9 or 10 of them. So even though, my solo debut is on hold for the moment at least you guys can enjoy our group music. Think of me the way you think of Wale. He's a group and a solo artist now. So, new music will be released and thank for reading...who ever still does.

New Jam Young Music

www.Dreamchaserjam.com
"Rock The Crowd" Shot March 24, 2011 after my first performance in 2 years.

"Man of God" My Submission for a magnum contest that ends in a week

And check out my first video ever on a blog (first one to ever post me)
http://newschoolfire.blogspot.com/2011/03/jam-young-presentation-music-video.html

Some new things:
I made money off of my website
I signed up to Reverbnation without knowing. I will vamp it up also when i get my facebook page going.
I will be performing at Yippes Open Mic on Thursday for the next 3 weeks.
3 songs will be released in the next 3 weeks, if not more.
I had an excellent birthday party at Mcfaddens in the city.
I didn't get a lot for my birthdaybut i did get somegood stuff.
Look out for more entries.

Happy (Black) Thanksgiving (Friday) Day lol.

Hey yall,
I decided to put the last two days together in one entry so happy thanksgiving and black friday to you all. I really hope that everyone got to spend time with families and friends and stuffed their faces with turkey. I had a good time. It was really nice. I'm actually in florida visiting my mom and sisters and my grandmother's here. We had a lot of good homemade food. My sister's are pretty good cooks. Also had some wine. Actually in the last 2 hours, I've had lots of wine but it was delicious. Moscato for life baby.

Anyway, black friday was alright. Only went to target and the mall but there weren't any crazy sales. I still really want NBA 2K11 and Jay-Z's decoded book but I'll have to wait. I did get two copies of kanye's album, the nicki minaj album, curren$y album, and the itunes Lloyd Banks album. I'm tight tho because I haven't found a physical copy of Lloyd Banks' album...smh but whatever. I got a new pair of sneakers and some new clothing but nothing too crazy or too much. Btw, on a random note, I HATE NOT excerising. Wish I could play ball but instead I'll try and relax myself and get some work done. I have a LOT of work to do. An insurmountable amount of work. Shit sucks but still trying to enjoy my time. I also got my new phone, which I'm trying to set up so this entry will probably be the last from my blackberry curve.

Anyway, I'm getting back to my family time. Go buy music albums today, for real all the music is fantastic. Enjoy yourselves and know that I appreciate anytime you take out to read into my life.

Jam on it! The chronicles begin...

Critique

http://www.tjchapman.com/10-reasons-why-most-indie-recording-artists-f

Please check that out BEFORE reading this. I just have to put my two sense in. IDK who this guy is, honestly but he has a few good points. Professionalism, memorization, stage performance, marketing, etc but i feel like there's no umph and the part about "extraordinary talent" pisses me off BECAUSE not everybody is extraordinary talent, especially signed acts. There is a lot of trash out there. It could've been written better too...the music industry isn't just "Hard" it is hard to get into, cold, and you have to have everything pre-pared to sign to a MAJOR label. I feel like he gives the tools and idea for people but doesn't really inspire or help them. It's just kind of a statement and i feel like when you say "10 reasons why most indie recording artist fail" you have to give them hope...sure music isn't for everybody but still.

Also check this video out,

Show TuFli Ft. Vado - The Block (Official Video) from Bam Gates on Vimeo.

This is Vado (3rd verse), who is associated to Cam'ron and the Diplomats. He's a beast and i think represents NY and Harlem in a good light. He has my freshmen 2011 vote. Show TuFli, who's song this is...is MY AGE and doing big things. Works with a lot of great people, that i would love to work with, and i actually have a song i will be submitting to him that he hopefully gets on for one of my 4 projects. Check out his "Iamanartistandimsensitiveaboutmyshit" mixtape and Vado's upcoming mixtape/album: "Slime Flu"

Jonathan Andrew EP
Untitled Mixtape (not the title, lol)
Untouchable Superhero
and my duo mixtape: Honor Roll (group name)- Freshmen Orientation (this will come out first)

I've been writing and editing a lot. Super excited.
NEED to get this Freshmen Orientation mixtape done. 2 more sessions of NEW music. Then tracklist. I still say FBA will be the first song released, NOT the single though. I think the single will be Hellbound...

We'll see though. Got work to do. Just was really bothered with the article although it caught my attention and was interesting. 2 entries in 2 days WOOO! holla

Floridian New Yorker

Hey y'all,
for once I'm actually blogging from a computer, so for once, I'm going to try and keep this short. I'm still in Florida for those who don't know but only for another 2days and a half, which for me, is extremely saddening. Depressing actually. But life must move on, whether I'm ready or not. If you haven't been reading the reason WHY i will be extremely dysfunctional when i get back home is because my two little sisters are moving/moved to Florida indefinitely. It makes me want to cry inside writing it but there's not much i can do. Anyway, my time spent here has been semi-productive and fun but also very strange and fattening. I haven't exercised really. Just been watching movies and relaxing and joking with/on my sisters. Who are beautiful monsters as ne-yo would put it. lol. But let me list some of the few things i've done...
1. Networked on twitter, A LOT
2. Shot a video, that i am currently trying to edit as we speak
3. Watched a bunch of rap videos while being tormented because i cannot place new music on to my ipod
4. Trying to budget/find beats for this project that Pretty Boy Acey and I have been working on...scheduled released August 24....
5. My new found obsession: Dexter (dope showtime show)
6. I have seen Fight Club, 500days of summer, the spy next door, 2012, Daybreakers, Tooth Fairy, and i'm pretty sure i'm missing one.
7. I cooked my first meal...eggs with ham :)
8. Been working out in the house....10pd dumbells and chairs put together make for good dips lol
9. Been reprehended by my mother for being a "smart ass" and a "wise guy" yea i love her but my respect is always up and down
10. Went to the best/biggest mall i've seen so far
11. Pool Count: 1 Beach Count: 1 time to upgrade...
12. Bought an American Eagle shirt Money Spent so far: 29 bucks (29bucks over what i planned/wanted to)

That's about it so far. I also realized that i wish i had more money in my life...being money strapped aka poor is NOT fun.

Love you readers tho...
Changes are gon come lol

Jam on it!

Room For Improvement

What's good yall? I'ma just do a quick entry, cbecause I really got a lot to say BUT I'm just extrememly tired and about to eat and watch some tv then its off to bed. (Side note: I miss my baby lol) yall don't know here and won't. maybe because she doesn't exist or maybe she does...I guess that's for me to know. :) anywho, my life is improving. I am no longer as depressed as I have been about a job. ONCE I come back from florida, I'm getting one AT SCHOOL. I've been getting G'd because they hired like 7 new people when I filled out 2 applications. Best believe I'm TIGHT. Lmao. I am but sooo much positivity that I don't care for the negative.

FYI I've surrounded myself with good people, great people I should really say. Things are coming along. Weights down, self-esteem up, I just gotta work even harderrrrrrr than I am. OH and there will be a mixtape but not what you expected. It's gunna be a duo-mixtape out before august...jam young is back yall and it feels fucking exuberant (or however u spell it). No title, no offical group name, but songs are being made and THATS most improtant. Feel me?
And since I'm talking about good people shouts to (in no particular order) julian, farah, carrie, danny, jeremy, johnny f, killa, steve, rob, matt, chris, eddie, vic, and anybody else I forgot I'm sorry BUT know I see u.

Ugh, my stomach hurts.oh well. Grind on. Speaking of grind, shouts to audrey, julian, andddddd alexis. Good job with the blogging and everything else you guys do. Now, I'm gunna post an asher roth song called "grind" the song is beyond dope. Like it's very kanye esque and he killllssssss it. Also, back to the music tip I got a few more possible collaborations in the works so just pray it happends and gets done. I got music for days man. For real. I'll post a track reallllll soon. That's a promise. Another thing I'm working on is being better with everything, from timeliness to just progressing as a human being.

Anyway, I'm about to bounce. Just keep looking for me yall cause on the real, I'm tired of wanting things. Its time to start to being.

Jam on it!

Sometimes I Wonder...

Hey yall,

Just finished my bball game. We lost 75-70. I kinda choked. 8 pts. When I was avg. 15. Missed 3 floaters, 5 layups and 3 three pointers. So I was 3/11, 2/2 for the free throwline. It was an epic game tho. Nothing I can be mad about. Played my heart out and brought the best out of my team...the way I use to.

I also got all my grades back, I wanna figure out the whole avg for the semester. I got an Aplus,Aminus, Bplus, B, and a C. Or in highschool terms...103, 93, 88, 85, and a 75. Definitely my best semester but still a little dissappointed. I really tried hard this semester. On time to class a lot (still late a lot tho), handing in work early, (a few stuff late still) but definitely worked hard. I thought I deserved an A- in classical cultures but I guess not...

Anyway, this entry is mainly about destiny or god or well a combination of a bunch of things. Have you ever heard the saying "god only gives you things you can handle" or stuff around that. Well I've been seeing that a lot lately and it reminds me of this movie, evan almhighty where morgan freeman or somebody said, would god give you strength or a situation where you could display you're strength. And I feel like this is somewhat true or maybe really true and if it is, indeed true, how do I overcome what's in front of me.

How do I go from being the 13/14 man on a team to being a good college player, someone who can play, cause I can play ball. I've done it, proved it, shown it. I'm not the greatest by any means but I'm a good player... And somewhere deep down I know this and so do other people, I know they do cause they've seen it too. But how do I accomplish that? How do I accomplish the impossible. This is my year. It's a year where things get proven. Can we win without rich... Can we win without 3 1,000scorers. With 3 new starters. Who's the bench gunna be. Etc. So many questions and truthfully my goal...is to be that 8th man. Who gets about 5-15mins a game. Who does what needs to be done. Brings energy. Brings fire. Defense. Spark. I can do that but how... With things in life...I have this mental block. This thing that stops me from being well great, and sometimes just good. And it's not just with music and writing, which I've heard I'm way better at...and will discuss in a minute about...but just this basketball shit. I feel like the time is NOW. THE MOTHERFUCKING TIME IS NOW. TIME to get a job and play ball. Maybe the reason I don't have a job is to focus on music and ball. Maybe god wants me to realize this. Maybe he wants me to work harder than I ever have in my life to let me know that my dreams can be achieved. That dreams can be reality....

Is this his grand plan to see me succeed? Has he shown me enough of my mistakes that this is...maybe my last opportunity to prove something to the world...musically. Family wise. Girlfriend wise (no I don't have one...yet), and basketball wise.

I've always prided myself on being different. On being self motivated. I've proved it. I've never reached the top. I've scratched the surface. And history has a funny way of repeating itself...in good ways... Not just bad. So am I feeling this way because it truly is time to do what no one I know, parent, grown up, friend, kids, everyone has everydone...succeed beyond what the mind can fathom...

I don't know where I get this deep feeling from but I just know great things can come but I have to grab it. Failing has taught me that. When I lost the division my senior year and basically threw away my seniorgame by having a 3minute lapse after killing I've learned. Life is a bitch but you gotta grab that bitch from behind and turn it around and kiss it. From kissing u can get head and fuck that bitch. Fuck her till you succeed.

When I lost that game my senior year...Þhat I remember like yesterday...everyone said it would be alright, I had bigger things coming for me. Never knew those big things could be at brooklyn college. Brooklyn college aka the new RFK for me. I had my first scout. Me, my first scout. No one told me I could do it. NO one said jonathan you know you could play college ball and be a good player and if u work hard a great fucking player. No one told me I could average 12 assists per game and win a psal award (that I thought I'd lost). Matter fact, not anybody believed me. And I have this fake cokiness or I did which made a dent but never a big difference. But I need confidence...confidence within. I need to make this happen. I hate talking. I love action. And this is something I need...

Do yall believe...
Regardless of my bitterness
Regardless of my lateness
My lies, my failures, my insecurities...do yall feel and see what I do?

Probably not and that's okay. Pressure makes a man. Well how you handle pressure makes you a man.

I know I've wrote a lot but there's a few more things to touch on that relate to this topic...

Father:
My father is anakin skywalker in my life. He did many of the same things but fucked up...he coulda been so much more and still can be. He may never be that famous dj but he can learn how to be...well a good father, a good husband, a hard worker and come to terms with my mom. I judge my mom a lot too. It's equally split in fault but something about my dad...for me...was always missing. Not going to games. Not doing enough with me. Not teaching me how to be a man. Manage money. Giving me taxes on time. just being a father.

When I was living with him for those last two years in highschool, my dad cried a few times...before that I had only seen him cry maybe once or twice. I vividly remember one time. And I knew that meant something. The fact that he had his son and his other children and he had a family. A fucked up one but still a family. And as a footnote, I accomplished evertything in hs while living under that roof...amazingly.

but anyway, my dad only has two children left. Two children I hope he doesn't fuck up as much as he did with me and my sisters. I hope JP is fucking amazing when he gets older... And I'm a help that motherfucker as much as I can. I know that, he probably doesn't even know that he has an older brother now but soon, he will. I promise that.and ava will have an older brother too.

Anyway, I've been realizing that it's time to be more of a man...to call my dad, my mom, talk to sam, and show my father what it means to be a man (and a father, one day). I gotta do what I've been afraid to do and fix MY family. And this all goes back to me feeling that I'm going to make it. In whatever I do but hopefully in music...again, it starts now.

Last thing:
Yesterday I saw my uncle, mike, for the first time. I just love that man. I don't look up to him like I use to, but that's my nigga. My uncle. My competition and my brother, who always seem to look out for me. It felt good to he there. And I talked to DV for a little while I was with him and I told him I smoked...well smoked for the occassion. Fuck it. I'm my own man, I should be able to decide when I can do certain things...and he said smh, enjoy. Made me kinda tight. I'm sure he just said it, like why me, why his little brother he usually does the right thing but truthfully, if he knows that or thought that, no need for the smh. It's just something that's been apart of me since 14. Anyway, I'm gunna see mike again tomorrow, and finish recording a song...which I was really self-concious about. Idk what it is but when I do music with mike, I get uncomfortable...well almost anybody I do but with him especially. I'm the little nigga and I'm not exactly "little" anymore so I feel like I gotta step up but again no confidence. So tomorrow, I gotta prove something...again and everyday.

Phew.
Sorry about all that. Just needed to get that off.
Hope everyone is good. Got an early workout in the A.M.
#letsmakeourdreamscometrue

Jam on it

Winding Down...

Wassup yall,
told you guys I would try and be more dedicated. I just been really drained lately especially since last monday for some reason. Anyway, the title "winding down" is because the semester is over. Another bittersweet event in life. Bittersweet year and when it ends I won't be around DV and a bunch of other people, mainly the cool people in basketball and anthony. But I just like when school's in session. I got A LOT of decisions to make especially with a job. I've never been unemployeed for like 3 months which is killing my pocket. I got fafsa, a schedule to figure out. Basketball games and leagues for the first time and I wanna work out with DV and by myself to practice my game.

I've always done a lot of stuff alone and basketball is not one of them but I wanna play next year. I NEED to play next year so I gotta do the impossible and hope and pray and have confidence that things will workout.I gotta concentrate on studying and making sure I get 3 A's, a B and a D. Got a lot of work today. Gotta do some extra credit and papers this weekend so it is time to really focus.
I hope everyone is doing well and finishes strong. I'm exhausted and on the train. So I will talk to you guys soon. New music and info coming soon. :)

Part 2: The Conclusion

Before I go to sleep, back in reality, back in my couch bed, back to my grandparents, to FAFSA, to registering for classes, to exams, studying, homework, workouts, to both of my sisters, sick...one with the flu and the other who is sick, to more arguing, bullshit, girl drama, and new york air, I just wanted to conclude my trip...

It was fun. 7/10 fun. Last time I went away it was about the same amount. A lot of shit was cool, different, interesting. The place my boy lived in was a awful, dirty and not maintained well, the people were extremely nice though, we blasted music out the ass, it was extremely hot (mind you, I had no shorts with me and I borrowed my boys long, black ones), sleeping habits were outrageous, drank a wholllllleeeeeeee lot. From the moment I stepped on campus to the end of the philly's game at 11 tonight. I'm about to fucking relapse man. My stomach feels bloated and is probably partially fucked up. I got class at 11 which means up by 8:30. I had some decent sleep in the car and on a chair/table which I set up myself. The 2nd night I slept soooo much better.NO, I did not hook up with anyone if you're wondering. Just going out from dorm to dorm, relaxing, chillen, cracking jokes, causing mayhem, and meeting a bunch of people. I played basketball too, not with the D1 bball team unfortunately. My allergies killed me saturday after I finished playing ball. I didn't get to see third eye blind which I thought was gunna be a cool experience...I guess not for us (lol). I learned a new game called baseball and KINGS and thunder and never have I ever. Friday was actually better than saturday for some reason :/.

Next, was the phillies game. Which was pretty cool. I got a philly cheesesteak, of course, and we drank beer before the game. The stadium was nice. We we're acting like ignorant new yorkers, of course and everyone was laughing but it was friendly and not violent. Mets had the lead and we were bragging until the phillies broke open in the 4th inning (Johan Santana let 5 home runs...smh). I got the METS up and coming first baseman to sign my ticket which was cool. Had some delicious icies. Then passed out like I'm going to do in a few minutes.

It was a nice, eventful trip. Made me kind of upset, missing out on that kind of experience but hey, I'm cool where I am at and there is a reason I'm there. Not sure anymore what that reason is but I like brooklyn college. It's different.

The last thing I'm gunna say is that...I'm just kind of sad. Sad for a lot of reasons BUT mainly because of my current situation with this girl. It's just been this up and down rollercoaster and it takes a toll on my physical and especially my mental. Arguing about the same old shit and hearing about the same old shit. If you're gunna do ur thing, okay, just don't say it allll the time because I don't want you to do your thing. I know you have to if I'm doing it...I guess. I'm just in a very confused and verrrryyy painful state. Everything just went from great to worse in a matter of a week or two (it was all good just a week ago- Jay-Z) and I just feel like I'm dying a little inside. Everytime I have hopes and am just letting things flow, it gets worse, awful and it strangles all the belief I have left in me that has deterioted over the last 2 years. I just picture my life with her and I feel a lot and can kind of imagine the rest and I picture a life without her and I see the difficulties and the struggle I will have to go through to get over this girl or to shove all my feelings underneath so that I don't even know they exist. Either way I'll find a way to survive and either way they'll both be bumpy. There's just sooooooooooo many obstalces that are in the way. I'm not gunna continue on because I don't want to say certain shit.

So...

Jam on it and have a goodnight rest and a great morning all readers.

The Bryant Files Part 1: The Arrival

Me and my friends are on our way to Bryant University in Rhode Island, should be a pretty dope experience. It should be a very interesting weekend. It is the first I've ever went away with my friends so it's cool BUT I feel weird for some reason. It's strange. I'm excited and homesick. The car ride is about 3 hrs and we are 20mins away. I can't wait to see a "real" college but I'm tired and just being a punk. Blah. I'm happy and not at the same time. I just felt like this was a bad to go but I don't know. Hopefully I can clear my mind. I feel like I left everything in new york. It's strange but I'm glad I was invited and didn't act like my "old depressed" self and stay in New York. I guess it's time to take risk. I feel like something's missing though. I got into a few big arguements with poeple I love, care about, etc. So maybe that's it. Feel like this are wishy washy and over but whatever. Time to be a "real man." I gotta do hw and write some music and fucking sleep. I'll be updating the weekend, frequently.

Hope yall are enjoying rocking with me and like the new entries. Things are coming along and I'm happy about that. The sun's beaming. Time to let the sun dictate my mood and smile.

Jam on it...

Spring Break

Wake up...download music...brush teeth...pushups...crunches...more ab workouts...pushups...shower...eat.

That's what it's been last couple days. I been writing music. I got a performance on saturday in my neighborhood. It's just an open mic but it should be a dope gathering. Make sure I get fucked up after my performance. Anyway, I haven't done shit. The rain is kinda depressing but I love rain still. I wish I was spending those rainy nights with someone but I can't. So chilling with my sister and my family is gunna be good enough for now.

Right now I'm in the "Lefreak" studio, hopefully about to do some work. I need to. Like real bad before my head explodes. Also the fact I have no job and my money keeps declining is defnitely NOT good. So I'm gunna go to my school this week and hand in an application. I feel like because I work at school everything will be real flexiable, so fuck it if I have to take the train home late, ya know. I've done it TONS of time before. 7.50 is not bad although I should apply to century 21 and see what they say...right? Fuck it.

Ironically an ex-teammate of mine works there. Someone who didn't like me for his own selfish reasons but that was 2 years ago, ya know? Fuck a grudge. I have none. I'm 2 championship rings in, 2 years on the bench in so whatever.

I'm really proud of myself for getting focused with music, school, and basketball/working out. Should be an interesting rest of the year and I HOPE I have "YOUR" support. You know who you are, who I'm talking to...so it's cool.

Time to get to work. #2010

Love yall

P.S. Cop that new usher cd today along with the Meth, Rae, and Ghost cd!

Is It Impossible...

This is an old entry i had to end up finishing.
IS IT IMPOSSIBLE...
to achieve your dreams?

I'm reading all of these magazines, how guys barely older than me are blowing up and i'm really wondering can i achieve my dreams. It's a very difficult question and concept. Like i know accomplishing your dreams is possible, it's been done, but reading about people that have "made it" while sitting in a t-shirt, eating cereal, in college point, at 20years old...i can only imagine. People talk about realism. Realistic goals and for the most part i've always had that. I've always also stretched beyond that. Maybe what i accomplished though wasn't a lot, or enough, or BIG in the grand scheme of things. I mean i feel like i done something. I can make a list and go on. But do i compare myself? i can compare myself to the people i know but then i can compare myself to people who have achieved more at my age and a little older.

In lets say 2 years...can i be on stage rocking at XXL like some of the artists i'm going to see in a couple days, the same artists i'm reading about. The same people i've always admired. I mean i been doing music since i was like real young and now i'm in my 20's...like HOLY SHIT. A lot of people give up around these days. They have kids, accidently or not, they finish college, do a lot of shit. THe crazy part is that it's the MUSIC INDUSTRY.

I feel like i was born to do something special. I know i HAVE potiential. But a lot of people do and a lot of people are "rappers" and i KNOW a lot of people feel the same way i do. How am i going to make this happen...i'm more focused than ever to find out how but i don't know what else to do. I just gotta push and hopefully i'll find the connects, gain some people. I have to be optimistic and KNOW i'm going to make it.

For everytime i slept on a couch bed, for everytime i washed dishes after playoff basketball games until 12, to get 6hrs of sleep, to go school. For everytime i missed my mother and she was in Florida. When i was kicked out of my friend's house. For every single struggle i've seen people, my family, my friends, my loved ones been through... i do this for myself first but them next.

I just wanted to end it on some dope shit...individualism...check the video below.
P.S.

The Necessity of Writing

*In the background is Lupe Fiasco's "Beaming" playing*

(In no way is this an attack or abuse or an intentional negative display of anyone)

Sometimes I speak by words, other times by silence
Sometimes it's poetry,
lyrical violence,
In my dome are sirens, going off non-stop, clocking the timing,
of what my mission is
But simply bitch, I'm trying to get it in,
Before the devil calls me up, next in line,
Before that happens, I gotta go colombine
Cause I'm out my mind, cause I'm out of mind
Simply out for mine, soon, be out of time, doomed, for enternity
I ain't 6'5, no professional jersey
Not remotely close to grammy worthy
But I serve thee, in uncertainty,
this is my dream, certaintly,
idol time, is my worst enemy,
Next to the angels who were sent for me
Thought she was heavenly,
Caring tendancies
But the fire in her eyes were from germany,
Holacaust relations, gassed my head up, so I could fall down
When I rise up, you fall now
Cause even in failure, I fall on the clouds, of comfort
So hopefully you are no longer my concern
In life's concert, I play john williams,
Critical acclaim times a couple million
But truly carrie, bradshaw, live your city life
While I close my eyes under some city lights
Off my silly wrongs, and witty rights
For all those long nights, intensions to just fight,
I too, tonight, will keep it under tabs
So gon grab a cab, call another man, put it on his tab
Tell him I hope he bags,
And that the happily ever life really ain't that sad
Somehow I know I won't be that bad
But if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't know the definition of swag...
Without me you wouldn't know the definition of swag

This may not be exactly the picture I wanted to paint but I have a lot of emotions floating and I feel like an old lady...face drooping. Stressed out. Years lost in my face. I'll explain a lot more in the next entry, I just needed to write exactly how I felt at the moment. I'm kind of really depressed because I'm in a state of confusion. Do I go with my gut and my therapist or do I go with my heart...?

Most of the time i know when I'm being manipulated...sometimes I can't see it because we're all blind to things at certain cases. And truthfully I'm tired of the name calling, so I'm going to take all the abuse or ignore it. Indifferent. I'm just drained, emotionally. By me continue going off about what I'm bothered for to you, is unneeded. I have my outlets to express my emotions. So thank you blog and blogger and twitter for an outlet.

Talk soon...

P.S. May have to write after my game. Yes I have a bball game on a sunday in brooklyn on valentines day.

And regardless of my sadness I hope everyone has a fantastic valentines day. Everyone deserves somebody to share this day with. Lots of love...as my dad would say.

Manana...Escuela

Hell yall... The eve before school starts...what to do...what to do. I'm sitting on the stairs in my apartment building, writing music or at least I was until my ipod died. The battery is fucked up. SUCKS. Anywho I wanna do something BUT there's nothing to do. Grrrrr. Sucks. Hopefully this weekend is poppin tho. I gotta post up some NEW music for you to check out, that is HELLA dope. And for once it's not hip-hop but I may post at least one lol.

(A voice in my head asks me how my day was)
Well my day was pretty good. My jumpshot was broke! I missed 4 free throws in a row. And then shot 2/3. Two days ago I was 10/10 and I airballed a three pointer. Rough day shooting yet I played Defense n still hit a couple shots. Idk my wrist/follow through felt wierd and I felt wierd. Like I was thinking about it but it was in my head. Idk. I got a game tomorrow and it's not gunna be like that :) tomorrow is the best chance I'll play and play a lot more than a minute and thirty seconds so in the words of jae millz...leggggooooo

Also I saw the "Book of Eli" I missed the beginning of the movie. I didn't really understand the concept,point, or any of the underlining messages in the film but it was pretty cool. I just been dying to see a movie. Like literally dying but money is getting loooowwwww (uh-oh) so I might have to chill with the chillen.I gotta focus on school, making music, and playing ball n working. My next job destination is WHOLE FOODS or a sneaker store. Time to switch things up...seriously.

Anyway, speaking of music, I got this free beat tape (unfortunately nothing exclusive lol but still no complaining from me) from the.homie Hannibal. Had some good convos with him last couple nights. Pretty cool to actually talk to a guy I don't really know but feel like I know him and talk music and what not. Also I been talking to my uncle a lot more and a few other people and that's been pretty cool. I miss Mike (my uncle although he's more like my older brother along with DV). I look up to him for some wierd reason and I think I understand him more than ever although I do disagree with some stuff he says, I know it's in everybody's best interest.

Well I'm a go until I feel like blogging again. Sorry for the short entries and lack there of...just I don't know. Things go by fast on vacation. Hope everybody's doing well. Just to add one last thought: "I wonder if my family reads this or what they would think if they did" supposedly my aunt knows my blog like html and reads it from time to time but I guess it doesn't really matter because most of the time, actually 98 percent of the time what I say is fact. Literally FACT plus my interpreations of situations I personally go through so what they can say? Maybe my truths will help them and other people find theirs. Cause we all need to see a little more light in our lives, including myself. It's a very self-relieving thing, when your eyes are opened to things you never thought about.

Anywho, you all get Jam's love...and nothing less.

Recommendation Part 10: Get Your Dose of Normalcy and V5!

Here's the link:http://www.mediafire.com/?ntynj3rjjzm
*If the link doesn't work, visit datpiff.com or 2dopeboyz.com or whereischarleshamilton.com

This cd is Charles Hamilton at his finest, so i've read, not officially heard, but from the leaks it sounds like the old Charles mixed in with some new shit. I'm actually listening to it while i type but it takes me time to digest music. Anywho, my man (pause) is back, so please try and fuck with it. I've promoted Charles Hamilton o.d. on this site and i will continue regardless of any shananigans because he's dope. Wierd but being NORMAL is never in, ya dig. Plus Charles's music has helped influence my music and helped me get through tough situations that i dealt with last year.


Link:http://www.mediafire.com/?fy0nxig2nzr
New banks!!! Wooo man you already know. I love Lloyd Banks as a rapper but he's not very versatile. He's definitely improved and is showing his growth as an artist. Doing shit without 50 or any features really. Banks holds his own as the punchline king aka PLK. If you want dope music, i always recommend Banks. Although i can't listen to him to much, he's definitely influence my metaphors as well and from what i've heard this is dopest mixtape yet. So roll up a blunt and roll with it!

Special Bonus:

http://usershare.net/jhrfvrdz6qv8
As i special bonus, i added the homie B/A aka Bagdad aka Hansommanson. This dude right here is pretty talented and is a friend/associate of Charles Hamilton. I talk to him on twitter, he's a Harlem Representative, and hopefully i can do a couple tracks with him and put him on my mixtape. This was one of the surprise features i'm working on but i just need the DOPIUM MUSIC. So download the homie B/A too.

The 2 Minute Entry

Hey yall,

I'm writing this with two minutes so pardon the length and possible errors.

I'm on my way to school. About an hour late to practice because I was counting on this guy to give me a ride and he didn't sooo I was stuck taking the LIRR and and the Q train. I'm half sleep BUT ready to bust that ass. After today, things are going to change up a little in a positive way, trust me. I'm a start killing these niggaz lol. In everything.

And just to let yall know this is what I got for christmas...let me know what you guys got.

Two and a half men season 5 and 6

Pulp Fiction

Super Mario Bros. The movie

Double Dragon

20 best buy gift card

120 dollars in cok-coke cash

Fight Club

Air-Drift Nike Socks

2 pair of gloves to match my peacoats

And I treated myself to buying the young money cd :)

Talk to you guys sooooon

#TheCountDown

1 essay down, 2 more to go
2 days until Christmas
8days until the new decade/year
3months until I'm officially not a teen no more
2 months until a fake I.D. Hopefully
And that's all I can really think of as of right now.

I'm just happy to ALMOST be done. Just two more, TWO MORE. And I'm fucking HOME FREE and best believe I'm sprinting that motherfucker out.

On a random note #blackberry had a blackout of somesort where BBM and the internet wasn't working BUT I'm glad they fixed it.

On to the next one!

One WHOLE motherFUCKING YeaR!

Over 300 entries later.
30 songs recorded.
Championship season.
Later and so much more.

Here it is. A year ago on december 19th, I discovered how to create a blog. I don't want to take credit for other poeple starting a blog BUT many people took a liking to it and I tried with the help of Julian and others to influence other peers to create one. Many of them have not continued to write but at least i/they tried. I have to thank Mr.Hamilton, who doesn't have a blogspot anymore after 2 years and a bunch of torment later BUT if it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't have discovered as much as I have about networking and about BLOGGING.

Anyway, I'm am proud AS fuck to say that I have made it a year with this bad boy. It means a lot to me and as I write this late to work and in the freezing cold, I appreciate all my readeers, followers, and blpogspot who has become one of my closest friends and outlet to write in. I can't be in the studio everyday yet, can't go to therapy everyday but if I ever needed to vent, I had this blog. And so we continue...

I'm just finishing this blog entry because there was a fucking hurricane at work. Seriously, shit was type wild. Not as bad as black friday but pretty bad. My eyes hurt, which makes me squint. Anyway, I'm not going to do anything special maybe I'll release a freestyle or something when I get home. I got mad joints that are waiting in the wing that I probably won't use. I don't know. Just feel kind of depressed, sad, not really lonely but definitely a bit of just something. I guess in need of family and when you have one girl constantly on your mind, you want her to be there. And as a side note maybe that's why I get angry or just don't want her around when I see her. It's not like I intentionally go see her, it's complicated as everything in life is. I'm just saying it's been over a year and I wish I could get over it. A part of me really wants to when I get so sad about shit like that.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Right now it's snowing beautifully. I miss the snow. It always reminds me of being a kid. Snow is like god's gift to new york during the holiday season. It's wild and in a positive way. I know that in growing up christmas kind of detetorates. I'm definitely feeling that BUT it's also because I have no family togetherness. MY sister received a 400 dollar ipod for christmas and my aunt just gave it to her, like christmas doesn't exist. What happend to the excitement of waiting up until 12, begging your parents to open presents before hand and they told you to wait. What about the fact that all the grown ups surround you with cameras and smiles and wanted to see how light up your face got when you found out they had gotten you what you've been wanting for so long. What happend to christmas being Christmas? I wish I knew. Like I really wish I knew. I almost want to cry thinking about it. Christmas hasn't been the same since my mom left new york. That's all. Now she's in Florida, my dad is stuck in his own world, with his new children and his "wife," my grandparents on my mom's side are in ecuador, everybody's poor, my grandparents that I rarely live with don't even ask me what I want, and my two sisters and I are all in different locations. So I'm sorry for the complaining, I just remember when things were complicated, not dramatic, sad, and drawn out. Whatever. I have no right to complain because I have it better than others. I just remember a time when it was so much more, simple.

I also plan on buying some gifts, just don't know what. Might get my sister a cd, my other little sis some money. My grandfather a cd player, my grandma a book, my aunt, no clue, and a couple of my friends...if not just one or two special people. I don't even have anyone to exchange gifts with. Like I said whatever.

Right now it's one something and a family is going outside with their kids to observe and enjoy the snow. Reminds me of when I made my first snow man with my dad. We worked so hard on it and right in front of this exact building. We forgot the camera so we went to go get it and by the time we came back some fucking punk knocked it down. :/

God I really need my therapist. It's been about a month since I've seen her and I have so much to talk about. I guess I gotta organize and break it down BUT I gotta finish my essays first. Boy do I have a LONG day ahead of me tomorrow, some how I gotta figure it out. Some how. I haven't been strong anough lately to finish shit but hopefully I do. And don't lose like a bazillion points on my essay. Yea I'm fucked. I'm really fucked a matter fact but whatever, I guess.

So much to say. But I think I've said enough. So let's bring back the positive stuff I was first talking about it. I've made a lot of improvements in various areas that no one ever notices BUT as long as I noticed that's what matters. Although I'm confused and have all these feelings, I'm really not that bad off, seriously. This may be one of the best times in my life so far and yet so many things are out of place. It's okay though because I'm making strides and I HOPE all of you will. And maybe next year this time, this will be a little more different, and way better. Way better. Happy holidays for real. Thank you for reading. :)

1 whole year! I think I need some sangria. Haha.

Night yall

I Think It Is Time...

To make a christmas list. A list off the top of my head that I would want, so here it goes...

Ipod (with more than 16gb) & 2 big nice sony black headphones
Ps3 system
Notebook laptop 4 school
Laptop to replace my broken one
Big speakers (for my studio)
Mic stand (for my studio)
A Northface jacket (not the big ones, but the nice looking, zipper ones, that keep you warm).
Alicia Keyes & Eminem Refill Cd (and throw in that We are Young Money too)
3 different pair of earrings
Some Air-drift Nike Socks
Some Money (100)
Pair of forest green converse
Duck Umbrellas (that I use to have as a kid)
Spike Gel
And...
I think that's it. As of right now at least.
I know I probably won't even get one-fourth of what is on the list but fuck it.

Just makes me feel good to right it down and at least people know. :)

Oh and my cingular number back with the IPHONE would be a nice treat too lmao.

Later.

Holy Crap

I only say holy crap because I'm god's son and the shit, get it lol.

Nah what I'm really holy crapping is about is how the FUCK did time fly like it did. I have MAD work to do and coming up...the nails are biting. Woooaaa.

I just wanted to kind of wish my good pal lol, carrie huggins a birthday! I thought it would be a nice, extra step for me to do for her birthday.
Right now, I'm watching two and a half men but I'm tired as hell. I still can't believe 6days have passed since the last entry.

Just a few things to mention:
1)My 2nd cousion is staying @ my aunt's house for the next two months...that's gunna be wierd as hell but whatever. Apparently her boyfriend, lives in new york...confused? Yea me too
2)My mom came up from florida. All smiles about that but she's gone already BOOM.
3)Miss my boys but played ball and freestyled today...mmm good
4)Had my first scrimmage and did alright. 2/2 from the free throw line, 0/2 shooting, 2 rebounds, 3 steals, and a turnover plus 2 assists. HOLLA! Lol.
5)Have one more scrimmage than in 2 weeks, going away to massachusetts for the first game. And then in december I get the championship rings AND first home game.
6)Confidence is growing and I got my swagg back! Thank god. I kinda feel alive.
7) Got a mohawk...I'll try and post a picture haha.

Alright gotta try to do homework. Goodnight yall!

Happy B-day Carrie!