One WHOLE motherFUCKING YeaR!

Over 300 entries later.
30 songs recorded.
Championship season.
Later and so much more.

Here it is. A year ago on december 19th, I discovered how to create a blog. I don't want to take credit for other poeple starting a blog BUT many people took a liking to it and I tried with the help of Julian and others to influence other peers to create one. Many of them have not continued to write but at least i/they tried. I have to thank Mr.Hamilton, who doesn't have a blogspot anymore after 2 years and a bunch of torment later BUT if it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't have discovered as much as I have about networking and about BLOGGING.

Anyway, I'm am proud AS fuck to say that I have made it a year with this bad boy. It means a lot to me and as I write this late to work and in the freezing cold, I appreciate all my readeers, followers, and blpogspot who has become one of my closest friends and outlet to write in. I can't be in the studio everyday yet, can't go to therapy everyday but if I ever needed to vent, I had this blog. And so we continue...

I'm just finishing this blog entry because there was a fucking hurricane at work. Seriously, shit was type wild. Not as bad as black friday but pretty bad. My eyes hurt, which makes me squint. Anyway, I'm not going to do anything special maybe I'll release a freestyle or something when I get home. I got mad joints that are waiting in the wing that I probably won't use. I don't know. Just feel kind of depressed, sad, not really lonely but definitely a bit of just something. I guess in need of family and when you have one girl constantly on your mind, you want her to be there. And as a side note maybe that's why I get angry or just don't want her around when I see her. It's not like I intentionally go see her, it's complicated as everything in life is. I'm just saying it's been over a year and I wish I could get over it. A part of me really wants to when I get so sad about shit like that.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Right now it's snowing beautifully. I miss the snow. It always reminds me of being a kid. Snow is like god's gift to new york during the holiday season. It's wild and in a positive way. I know that in growing up christmas kind of detetorates. I'm definitely feeling that BUT it's also because I have no family togetherness. MY sister received a 400 dollar ipod for christmas and my aunt just gave it to her, like christmas doesn't exist. What happend to the excitement of waiting up until 12, begging your parents to open presents before hand and they told you to wait. What about the fact that all the grown ups surround you with cameras and smiles and wanted to see how light up your face got when you found out they had gotten you what you've been wanting for so long. What happend to christmas being Christmas? I wish I knew. Like I really wish I knew. I almost want to cry thinking about it. Christmas hasn't been the same since my mom left new york. That's all. Now she's in Florida, my dad is stuck in his own world, with his new children and his "wife," my grandparents on my mom's side are in ecuador, everybody's poor, my grandparents that I rarely live with don't even ask me what I want, and my two sisters and I are all in different locations. So I'm sorry for the complaining, I just remember when things were complicated, not dramatic, sad, and drawn out. Whatever. I have no right to complain because I have it better than others. I just remember a time when it was so much more, simple.

I also plan on buying some gifts, just don't know what. Might get my sister a cd, my other little sis some money. My grandfather a cd player, my grandma a book, my aunt, no clue, and a couple of my friends...if not just one or two special people. I don't even have anyone to exchange gifts with. Like I said whatever.

Right now it's one something and a family is going outside with their kids to observe and enjoy the snow. Reminds me of when I made my first snow man with my dad. We worked so hard on it and right in front of this exact building. We forgot the camera so we went to go get it and by the time we came back some fucking punk knocked it down. :/

God I really need my therapist. It's been about a month since I've seen her and I have so much to talk about. I guess I gotta organize and break it down BUT I gotta finish my essays first. Boy do I have a LONG day ahead of me tomorrow, some how I gotta figure it out. Some how. I haven't been strong anough lately to finish shit but hopefully I do. And don't lose like a bazillion points on my essay. Yea I'm fucked. I'm really fucked a matter fact but whatever, I guess.

So much to say. But I think I've said enough. So let's bring back the positive stuff I was first talking about it. I've made a lot of improvements in various areas that no one ever notices BUT as long as I noticed that's what matters. Although I'm confused and have all these feelings, I'm really not that bad off, seriously. This may be one of the best times in my life so far and yet so many things are out of place. It's okay though because I'm making strides and I HOPE all of you will. And maybe next year this time, this will be a little more different, and way better. Way better. Happy holidays for real. Thank you for reading. :)

1 whole year! I think I need some sangria. Haha.

Night yall