Happy Birthday Eminem

Happy Birthday Em. I know my blog is starting to look like the Eminem Show or the Stan show (no pun intended) :) but he really is the greatest. Above is a glimpse of his greatness in 1999 and i sort of remade this song in my own way on this guy hannibal's beat. I might add a fourth verse and someother shit to it, we'll see. Anywho... just wanted to update you guys. My grandfather's leaving tuesday to go back to Ecuador, kinda sad. 4weeks go by quick, i tell you that much. It's just hard because a lot of people, rather most people in my life just kind of up and leave. But i know he'll come back and i'll definitely try and call him at least 3 times more than i do now (which is zero). Sad, again, i know, trust me.

On some good news though, i finally hung out with my uncle mike and i think i impressed the founder and studio owner of skylab ent., Los. Cool guy. Hispanic. Just started rapping. He liked my songs and i always feel weird having these guys who don't know my music...listen to it, ya know. Anyway, when i go back there i'm going to start recording my project that ill release through SkyLab Ent. I also have to finish my dual mixtape which is with Cloud 9/Honor Roll. THEN i'm going to try to do 2 other projects one solely produced by Hannibal and DJ Puerto Roc. Maybe i'll mixed it. Idk if i can have just ONE producer but we'll see. I bought like 6 beats off of Roc and i have yet to really conquer them but i do want to record something with him in jersey within the next month so i gotta get a move on but i can't rush greatness or my talent.

On a side note, incompetant, idiotic people are annoying. LMAO. Will not go in depth about it but whatever. BY THE WAY, I'm still obsessed over the SOCIAL NETWORK and want to see it again...anyone who wants to go, well, just contact me. I want to read and see the movie "waiting for superman" as well looks type dope. OHHH and just to bring Eminem back for a second, i'm doing a paper on him for one of my classes... like how ill is that?!?!?!?! I know and once i finish it i'm going to try and get it published somewhere...the makings of a young writer, Jonathan Andrew (separate from Jam Young).

LAST THING, Basketball starts tomorrow. A little nervous BUT not dwelling... THIS IS MY TIME. I know it and so i gotta take advantage of it. I have people believing in me and wanting this for me and NOW it's time for me to believe in myself. Everything else will come together after that. So let's make it happen jay. Tomorrow is the beginning of finding success, AGAIN. OH, on a funny note i through up today during my race but ended up 5th for the first time for my team BUT i let a certain somebody smoke me again. COME championship THIS WILL NOT BE ACCEPTABLE. SO i will get him back.

Jam on it People...
everything is coming (like lebron's ring)

Critique

http://www.tjchapman.com/10-reasons-why-most-indie-recording-artists-f

Please check that out BEFORE reading this. I just have to put my two sense in. IDK who this guy is, honestly but he has a few good points. Professionalism, memorization, stage performance, marketing, etc but i feel like there's no umph and the part about "extraordinary talent" pisses me off BECAUSE not everybody is extraordinary talent, especially signed acts. There is a lot of trash out there. It could've been written better too...the music industry isn't just "Hard" it is hard to get into, cold, and you have to have everything pre-pared to sign to a MAJOR label. I feel like he gives the tools and idea for people but doesn't really inspire or help them. It's just kind of a statement and i feel like when you say "10 reasons why most indie recording artist fail" you have to give them hope...sure music isn't for everybody but still.

Also check this video out,

Show TuFli Ft. Vado - The Block (Official Video) from Bam Gates on Vimeo.

This is Vado (3rd verse), who is associated to Cam'ron and the Diplomats. He's a beast and i think represents NY and Harlem in a good light. He has my freshmen 2011 vote. Show TuFli, who's song this is...is MY AGE and doing big things. Works with a lot of great people, that i would love to work with, and i actually have a song i will be submitting to him that he hopefully gets on for one of my 4 projects. Check out his "Iamanartistandimsensitiveaboutmyshit" mixtape and Vado's upcoming mixtape/album: "Slime Flu"

Jonathan Andrew EP
Untitled Mixtape (not the title, lol)
Untouchable Superhero
and my duo mixtape: Honor Roll (group name)- Freshmen Orientation (this will come out first)

I've been writing and editing a lot. Super excited.
NEED to get this Freshmen Orientation mixtape done. 2 more sessions of NEW music. Then tracklist. I still say FBA will be the first song released, NOT the single though. I think the single will be Hellbound...

We'll see though. Got work to do. Just was really bothered with the article although it caught my attention and was interesting. 2 entries in 2 days WOOO! holla

NightMares

Good morning yall,

It's crazy how dreams feel so real huh? And how they effect you when you wake up. I was having a pretty good sleep but I guess my mind wasn't. I woke up almost in chills, in anger, and in need to clear the air in my mind. This is before I brush my teeth or do anything else...let's take it back to June 2008, day before graduation. Now I must just say that anytime I'm witnessing a goodbye, a moment of extreme sadness, I just kind of stay there stuck. Almost not realizing what's happening. That's what graduating felt like to me. 8 years in the same place, all these roller coaster emotions, good people, bad people, moments that helped define who I was were being left behind and I was in a daze. CrazY. Now that high school is further from my mind and I've grasped the concept of "never being able to go back" I'm much better than I was last year. Anyway, my story really begins the day BEFORE graduation...

When I find out I have a book owed to the school so I can't get my report card. My friend richie drove me to my house and I rang the doorbell several times with no answer.

Now before I continue I must say my mom was in town n had lived in NY for a couple months to cater to my sister who had moved to my old house in college point for "irreconcilable differences" lol or however the fuck you spell it. Given this, my dad/Sam CHANGED the locks to the house, giving NO ONE in the house keys EXCEPT themselves because my mom and my sister were SO crazy they could not be trusted...to possibly steal my key when I'm sleeping, go to my house,open the door, cause havoc, harm and steal the babies...now as you're reading this just shake your head and realize "manipulation" is the only word to describe what's happening. NOW back to the story...

So no one answered the door. I had took a key off my dad's computer desk, which was in my room, tested it out before, kept it in my wallet for emergencies like this. So I open the door, and guess who's at the stairs? Yup, my stepmother, who asks me "how did you get a key?" N I was stuck I wasn't gunna lie, fuck it, I had good reasoning. So I told her and all hell broke loose. She started screaming, throwing stuff, calling me names, all while she was reasonable enough to let me get my book at least. I grabbed my laptop n some other stuff while she continued to scream whatever she did. Scumbag, liar. Don't remember the words... I just remember her saying that, THAT house WAS "HER" house and being 18, knew I was graduating tomorrow, I finally talked back and said "FUCK YOU, this isn't your house, I live her. This is our house" and I walked out.

My dad was a diplomat. Still is. Trying to appease everyone BUT sometimes you simply can't. I had taken care of myself not too bad since my mom left, regardless of the roof I was under and to be honest...I don't need my dad taking care of me. He can't take care of himself or his wife, possibly the babies but that's all. So I told him I don't need you taking care of me. And from that moment on...I really have been taking care of a lot. (Now I'm going on several different tangents sorry). Same thing with my mom. And they don't really contact me, given I am in the wrong for not contacting either but in my opinion the parents are the ones who are suppose to make more effort. And I will try and always remember that when I become one.

Any who, later that night, my dad talked shit out...brought me up stairs, made me say sorry to Sam and Sam actually sad sorry back. But unlike movies there's no happy ending after that. Cause after that...it would flash to me being on stage, yup onstage performing a poem with my fellow friend Julian, a privilege RFK has never witnessed. A tribute to the teachers that helped form our lives,everyday for 4 years. Then you would see the after pictures and maybe my accomplishments would have been written before the credits. Lol. But life is nothing like that.

I went to bennihanas with my mom and went to work, on my graduation day. Probably should've called out for that. And crazy part is I went to zero graduation party's. Didn't have one at all. And I'm pretty sure did not get a graduation gift except for the camera my dad bought, that I used for a summer lol.

After that day though, most of that house's dramas were no longer mine. No longer a first hand experience. I had, what I thought was a wonderful girl and a couple good friends. Idk why I never went to my aunt's house like my sister. Instead I kind of hopped around places, lying about where I was staying. I ended up sleeping over this girls house n my friends house n both didn't work out. My friend let me stay for a bit and when he came back, he was a different person. He asked me to occupy his room for the 2 weeks he was gone cuz he didn't trust anyone else and we he got back it was kinda like "get the fuck out." Same thing with this girl, well kind of, she didn't want me sleeping next to her any more either. The last 2 people I trusted, to understand, just couldn't. So gradually and dramatically I left and went to my grandma's. To me this was a big deal.

I felt I couldn't trust anyone to understand me more than these 2 people and even they couldn't. It's not like I wasn't looking for a place in Brooklyn to move to. Wasn't like I tried to figure something out.But it is what it is. I understand people needing to put themselves first, cause of other changes but even till this day, I really wonder what hap pend. Who they are and why the change. Did 2 weeks REALLY change them so much, that everything else we did for each other didn't matter...

I felt alone and so much more. But I thank god my grandparents understood when they came back from D.R. N saw their grandson living there. They complain, make jokes, annoy me and it's all out of love. And it's crazy because everything in highschool that I accomplished came when I lived with my dad and my stepmom and that's where everything stays. The PSAL awards, the certificates, the college letters, all LOST in a house I truthfully don't ever wanna see again. It's not that I hate my stepmom for stuff she did and continues to do BUT it's the fact that place never really felt like home. It had it's moments but it was a failed experiment.

And I just wrote all that because looking back now, seeing how dramatic, unprepared, and immature I acted in situations I understand. I really thought I was going crazy but to me, it was traumatic, to the point of reaching an edge in depression...

Okay so the whole point of this entry is because I dreamed of being back in that house and my dad and my stepmom's brother, sitting back while she hit my little sister victoria. And once I heard it, in my dream I flipped. Calling both of them cowards. Saying I would fight both of them n my stepmother before they ever touched my sister again. As I was going to make my move...I woke up. Scared about what could be going on now.

I would never know the truth because I don't live there anymore. My dad is as shady as people like david reyes, david munoz, jason, people who I think lie to themselves sometimes. Cool people but just don't trust anyone. From my experiences that's how I feel. I should not shy away from breaking free of these words. N my little sister could easily be getting manipulated or staying shut for other reasons like wanting to protect my little brother n sister who I haven't seen in ever. Maybe I'll explain this to them when they're older so they can understand why I have so much disdain, I can't go see them.

It's hard because I wanna protect everybody. Give everyone a second chance. And I love people despite their major faults, flaws and actions. But how do you make the madness stop?

For me, I guess it is college and music plus hard work.

It's strange because this girl told me she was watching T.I.'S life story on television and asked me what mine would be. And I think I have, like everyone else does enough for people to understand. A story of just a regular teenager. I hope that is compelling enough for other people to relate and be inspired.

Alright this morning breathe is killing me.

You'll hear from me soon. Later.

One WHOLE motherFUCKING YeaR!

Over 300 entries later.
30 songs recorded.
Championship season.
Later and so much more.

Here it is. A year ago on december 19th, I discovered how to create a blog. I don't want to take credit for other poeple starting a blog BUT many people took a liking to it and I tried with the help of Julian and others to influence other peers to create one. Many of them have not continued to write but at least i/they tried. I have to thank Mr.Hamilton, who doesn't have a blogspot anymore after 2 years and a bunch of torment later BUT if it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't have discovered as much as I have about networking and about BLOGGING.

Anyway, I'm am proud AS fuck to say that I have made it a year with this bad boy. It means a lot to me and as I write this late to work and in the freezing cold, I appreciate all my readeers, followers, and blpogspot who has become one of my closest friends and outlet to write in. I can't be in the studio everyday yet, can't go to therapy everyday but if I ever needed to vent, I had this blog. And so we continue...

I'm just finishing this blog entry because there was a fucking hurricane at work. Seriously, shit was type wild. Not as bad as black friday but pretty bad. My eyes hurt, which makes me squint. Anyway, I'm not going to do anything special maybe I'll release a freestyle or something when I get home. I got mad joints that are waiting in the wing that I probably won't use. I don't know. Just feel kind of depressed, sad, not really lonely but definitely a bit of just something. I guess in need of family and when you have one girl constantly on your mind, you want her to be there. And as a side note maybe that's why I get angry or just don't want her around when I see her. It's not like I intentionally go see her, it's complicated as everything in life is. I'm just saying it's been over a year and I wish I could get over it. A part of me really wants to when I get so sad about shit like that.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Right now it's snowing beautifully. I miss the snow. It always reminds me of being a kid. Snow is like god's gift to new york during the holiday season. It's wild and in a positive way. I know that in growing up christmas kind of detetorates. I'm definitely feeling that BUT it's also because I have no family togetherness. MY sister received a 400 dollar ipod for christmas and my aunt just gave it to her, like christmas doesn't exist. What happend to the excitement of waiting up until 12, begging your parents to open presents before hand and they told you to wait. What about the fact that all the grown ups surround you with cameras and smiles and wanted to see how light up your face got when you found out they had gotten you what you've been wanting for so long. What happend to christmas being Christmas? I wish I knew. Like I really wish I knew. I almost want to cry thinking about it. Christmas hasn't been the same since my mom left new york. That's all. Now she's in Florida, my dad is stuck in his own world, with his new children and his "wife," my grandparents on my mom's side are in ecuador, everybody's poor, my grandparents that I rarely live with don't even ask me what I want, and my two sisters and I are all in different locations. So I'm sorry for the complaining, I just remember when things were complicated, not dramatic, sad, and drawn out. Whatever. I have no right to complain because I have it better than others. I just remember a time when it was so much more, simple.

I also plan on buying some gifts, just don't know what. Might get my sister a cd, my other little sis some money. My grandfather a cd player, my grandma a book, my aunt, no clue, and a couple of my friends...if not just one or two special people. I don't even have anyone to exchange gifts with. Like I said whatever.

Right now it's one something and a family is going outside with their kids to observe and enjoy the snow. Reminds me of when I made my first snow man with my dad. We worked so hard on it and right in front of this exact building. We forgot the camera so we went to go get it and by the time we came back some fucking punk knocked it down. :/

God I really need my therapist. It's been about a month since I've seen her and I have so much to talk about. I guess I gotta organize and break it down BUT I gotta finish my essays first. Boy do I have a LONG day ahead of me tomorrow, some how I gotta figure it out. Some how. I haven't been strong anough lately to finish shit but hopefully I do. And don't lose like a bazillion points on my essay. Yea I'm fucked. I'm really fucked a matter fact but whatever, I guess.

So much to say. But I think I've said enough. So let's bring back the positive stuff I was first talking about it. I've made a lot of improvements in various areas that no one ever notices BUT as long as I noticed that's what matters. Although I'm confused and have all these feelings, I'm really not that bad off, seriously. This may be one of the best times in my life so far and yet so many things are out of place. It's okay though because I'm making strides and I HOPE all of you will. And maybe next year this time, this will be a little more different, and way better. Way better. Happy holidays for real. Thank you for reading. :)

1 whole year! I think I need some sangria. Haha.

Night yall

Recommendation: Spoof Edition

The last one is my favorite. He ripped it. It wasn't like crazy funny or nasty like the other ones but this man is creative and funny as fuck. He use to be on Nick Cannon's wylin out show. His name is Affion Crockett. If you don't know the originals of the spoofs check em out on youtube but don't say i ain't never did anything for you!

Mood Ring: Part 8 "Empire State of Mind"

Hey yall, told yall i'm on my grind. lol. Anyway, this mood ring goes out to a new favorite song from Jay-Z's BP3. The song is, well amazing! It's so different from what he usually does/has done and Alicia Keys sounds magnificent. Many reviews i've read says that she sounds "pop-py." I must say i beg to differ. Live or in person i know she sounds amazing and is just as beautiful as her voice. As for Jay-Z "What More Can I Say" "He's an idol in my eyes" (Kanye West) and i just hope i get to work with him somebody seriously. I know H-O-V probably has his ego trips but i think and hope that deep down he's as good as he portrays himself to be. Everyone can be a dick so i don't knock him for that. It would just hurt never to be able to do a song with him...
Anyway, enjoy this one and i apologize if i'm jockin carrie, jockin carrie lol. Someone will get it.

"The city never sleeps, better slip you an ambien"
"I do it for the culture"



Go buy that Blueprint 3!!!

Review COMING SOON!

Hope He reCeives My Love

Hey, i just want to shout out my uncle/brother Michael J. Rivera aka Em Jay (changed his name from Mike J. Gottie). Today's his birthday and he's spent the last five days in Vegas, which i'm certainly a little jelous of but hopefully my time will come. Actually, i know it will. I'm a wild boy and CAN'T HELP IT! ("I can't help it, if i wanted to, i can't help, even if i could" (RIP Michael Jackson)).

And Happy Birthday to my Man Marcus too. I just met him in the summer but he's a really cool dude. I found out he rapped and me and my man (partner) Johnny F took him to the studio and he recorded two songs with us. His first two songs EVER and hopefully they aren't the LAST too. Actually on friday i was suppose to go visit him in R.I., because he dorms there and plays football for a low D1 school (how cool is that) but i had work friday and i'm not that upset although it would've been nice chilling with him.

That reminds me i had a pretty good therapy session on Saturday. I actually made it on time, well of course i paid for a cab because technically i was late, lol. But i have to make a better effort to be more on time with things and i SWEAR i'm trying. I still have a few months left to try and earn my permit for driving. That was one of my goals for the year and can't forget about that.

Those who are wondering i'm still doing the Rebirth, or going through the Rebirth process. I just haven't mentioned it or really have been following it. I've been a mess, lack of sleep, school, i'm still not very adjusted and cordinated. Anyway, since school is starting i'll be back on my grind. I'm almost at entry 250 and the year anniversary is in a few months (december) so hopefully i can reach 400 by then. But i'm not going to rush or force anything.

I think i should go running, i don't well see. I just wanted to write about the events this week before i leave:

Sept 8.- Jay-Z "Blueprint 3" drops (A MUST BUY FOR EVERYONE!)
Raekwon "Only Built For Cuban Linx 2" (Debating about buying it but i heard it was going to be an awesome album)
50 Cent "50 Laws of (?)" mixtape drops which i will definitely download.
(p.s. i need to buy a new usb)
My school work out facility opens up! holla! i can't wait to be fit.
Then running cross country (if i can get someone to switch with me :/)
I need to buy my books and get a fucking loannnnnnnnnnnn!
I still owe the MTA MAD MONEY! So i have to get that done ASAP. (i'm gunna cry)

Sept 9. -First day of basketball workouts (nails bitting)
Possible drop off class and pick up of another

Sept 10. - Regular day of school :(
Probably going to RFK before i go to school

Sept 11. - 8 year anniversary of 9/11 (RIP to all the people that died)
8 year anniversary of the first Jay-Z "Blueprint"
Happy Birthday Fabolous
And Jay-Z concert, HOPEFULLLYYYYYYYYYYY (It's going to be telecated though @ 9 o clock)

Sept 12.- Therapy/possible work

Sept 13. - True Blood finale
Fist Cross Country Meet

stress....blah...stay positive...

JAM the fuck OUT!

Mr.Feature (Repeat)

Here's a video i did for one of the songs since i didn't want to put it for download since i don't know what the fuck i'm doing musically except recording. I'm actually trying to find some beats now. But tell me what you think. I'm on the third verse so be patient. The song is hot without me but i think i had a little umph in it. Tell me what you guys think. i just needed to get something out. This entry will make me feel better. AND i apologize in advance if my video's suck haha. Let's gooo!!!

Mood Ring Part 5: All My Life

Jay Rock "All My Life" feat. Lil Wayne and will.i.am

THis is one of my favorite songs in recent memory, over the last year or so. the soulfulness to it is what grabs me. The beat thrives on story-telling so i dig it a lot. Wayne and Jay Rock murder this song, still wish i could get the instrumental but whatever. Right now this song is keeping my feelings just good along with the beautiful day outside!

in a jae millz voice "LLLEEEEGGGGOOOO!"

Recommondation Part 2: Mixtapes (XV & Quest)

http://usershare.net/darxkvk2zwz1
Sample: Mirror's Edge (produced by 7)-XV


http://www.zshare.net/download/63592726ce54ce21/
Losing My Mind (it was on his previous mixtape too)-Quest


Both albums are fire. This is talent. Unique Shit. I admire them and there only a few years older than me. Never will i try to be like them but i like the sound and the hunger. I would like replicate their initial struggle but through my mind and my pen. Dig it!

Restating: Time does Fly

Time definitely does fly. It's fucking up my consistancy with blogging and twittering. Shit's crazy. Soo saturday the 1st was DV's bday. Was pretty fun. I could've went to a concert with drake, lil wayne, etc, but do to my indecisive ways and nature I failed 2 go. Didn't go to the bball game. Or my friend's video shoot but it's all good. I cleaned up mentally and physically.

Dv's bbq was pretty chill. Hung out with old brooklyn college chicks and dudes. Even people I just met by playing ball with. So it was cool. I slept over and recorded a new record for beers: 7 beers n a shot of (disgusting)hennessy. UGH. But then the next day me n dv just lounged at his house n did nothing. Ironically, it felt overdue. Just laying down, napping, relaxing. I found this unknown, unique pleasure in it BUT it makes me go crazy doing that.

Next day, monday my boy johnny f and I wrote two songs and chilled. It was cool. Then went to a house party for an old friend's birthday. Got a bit typsy. (Side note: I never ever feel drunk, maybe it's because I drink more beer than hard liquor...just a hypothesis haha). This day was cool too cause I met up with another old friend, Dayna. Mad cool. She use to watch my games back in 7th and 8th grade. Sick! The golden age of my bball skills. But I feel pretty good now just going against the grain again.

Yesterday and the day before went to L.I. Hung out with my uncle. Finished a couple tracks. Hung out with him, ricky, and felicia. But it's too sticky over there. No AC in the studio or at mike's house. I was frying. That's why I probably felt like shit yesterday. Went to the studio again finished a couple more tracks and going back 2day. This week is actually kind of slow.

Still miss west palm florida with my mom, but I can't really do much about that, right. Stomach kind of out of wack. Head feels like it's falling off. Haha.

Anyone going to post two more entries.

Also follow my new rap buddy @
www.thejohnnyflife.blogspot.com

Welcome johnny! Holla

Re:

Today is august 1st mad birthdays going on. Mad shit going on. And today was suppose to be mad exciting but I feel like I lost all feelings for everything. Like it's wild. It's like I'm mad at myself and mad at a lot of things. Feel like blaming people for so much shit. Ironically I had a goodnight last night.

Just rapping and chilling. Drinking. Freestyling and listening to music. That's how shit's suppose to be. Although I like writing by myself NOW because I'm so use to it BUT still love writing with other people. It's wild crazy fun. So I feel like I achieved something without achieving shit lol.

Anyway, yesterday my friend told me to come through. I don't really talk to him anymore like that. Like he was homie, best friend, and we had been through soo much shit over the last 3 years minus this year, that it's crazy. Well in my opinion we had a big fall out, arguments, and I just have this bitterness toward him. Which isn't right. But if I was over it, I just wouldn't talk to him. Sometimes I think that's what I need to do.

Anyway, my goal is to not chill with him until his birthday unless he doesn't want me there. Which is like 3 months or so. Yea.

This shit just pushes me back mentally. I was doing so good though. Soo good.

And subconciously I'm bothered, seriously, about the shit I wrote about yesterday. Whatever. Back to the re-birth...

Think positive. Think positive. I think I can... I think I can

Restoration n Ressurection: Long Time Coming Part II

Hey yall, was about to go to bed before I was inspired to write a verse. I only wrote one cause the second verse is going to someone else. So on my blog I will write a second verse n let you read. You'll hear the song eventually. Deep.

I'm revisiting my pain. Old stain.

Jay has B
You were my C
My all, my everything I would need
You were my blood when I would bleed
And I use to want you to carry my seed
Now I don't want you to even carry a picture of me
A picture of a broken promise, of a time we were suppose to be
At night when I sleep, sometimes I feel you close to me but I got fight it
Take every memory and ignite it
Cause what else can I do
When the girl that loves you, can't be with you?
Not true, I think it's closest to the truth
Look at the last year, there's your proof
I keep picturing your vagina loose
With some other man's juice,
Well not all the time, but I do get disgusted
When I think about us touching,
How it could never happen again
How we succumb to less than friends
So I gotta let you fly, far away from my mind
in order to climb, out of this muck
It's not fair if I'm unhappy
To let myself endure this
To force this, a dream...

So I got to start running
Cause this right here, has been a long time coming...