The Necessity of Writing

*In the background is Lupe Fiasco's "Beaming" playing*

(In no way is this an attack or abuse or an intentional negative display of anyone)

Sometimes I speak by words, other times by silence
Sometimes it's poetry,
lyrical violence,
In my dome are sirens, going off non-stop, clocking the timing,
of what my mission is
But simply bitch, I'm trying to get it in,
Before the devil calls me up, next in line,
Before that happens, I gotta go colombine
Cause I'm out my mind, cause I'm out of mind
Simply out for mine, soon, be out of time, doomed, for enternity
I ain't 6'5, no professional jersey
Not remotely close to grammy worthy
But I serve thee, in uncertainty,
this is my dream, certaintly,
idol time, is my worst enemy,
Next to the angels who were sent for me
Thought she was heavenly,
Caring tendancies
But the fire in her eyes were from germany,
Holacaust relations, gassed my head up, so I could fall down
When I rise up, you fall now
Cause even in failure, I fall on the clouds, of comfort
So hopefully you are no longer my concern
In life's concert, I play john williams,
Critical acclaim times a couple million
But truly carrie, bradshaw, live your city life
While I close my eyes under some city lights
Off my silly wrongs, and witty rights
For all those long nights, intensions to just fight,
I too, tonight, will keep it under tabs
So gon grab a cab, call another man, put it on his tab
Tell him I hope he bags,
And that the happily ever life really ain't that sad
Somehow I know I won't be that bad
But if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't know the definition of swag...
Without me you wouldn't know the definition of swag

This may not be exactly the picture I wanted to paint but I have a lot of emotions floating and I feel like an old lady...face drooping. Stressed out. Years lost in my face. I'll explain a lot more in the next entry, I just needed to write exactly how I felt at the moment. I'm kind of really depressed because I'm in a state of confusion. Do I go with my gut and my therapist or do I go with my heart...?

Most of the time i know when I'm being manipulated...sometimes I can't see it because we're all blind to things at certain cases. And truthfully I'm tired of the name calling, so I'm going to take all the abuse or ignore it. Indifferent. I'm just drained, emotionally. By me continue going off about what I'm bothered for to you, is unneeded. I have my outlets to express my emotions. So thank you blog and blogger and twitter for an outlet.

Talk soon...

P.S. May have to write after my game. Yes I have a bball game on a sunday in brooklyn on valentines day.

And regardless of my sadness I hope everyone has a fantastic valentines day. Everyone deserves somebody to share this day with. Lots of love...as my dad would say.