2010 Highlight

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HOME TEAM: Brooklyn College 4-5
TOT-FG 3-PT REBOUNDS
## Player Name FG-FGA FG-FGA FT-FTA OF DE TOT PF TP A TO BLK S MIN
01 John, Amil.......... * 6-11 1-1 3-3 1 1 2 2 16 3 2 0 7 32
02 Hemingway, Ahmad.... * 4-11 0-2 2-2 2 3 5 0 10 3 1 0 4 32
03 Russell, Tyshawn.... * 5-13 2-5 2-4 0 2 2 2 14 3 3 0 2 36
33 Grant, Steven....... * 1-4 0-0 0-0 1 2 3 3 2 0 0 0 0 20
52 Cudjoe, Darnell..... * 5-12 0-0 0-2 4 3 7 0 10 1 1 1 2 31
04 Martinez, Jonathan.. 2-4 0-0 0-0 0 0 0 0 4 0 0 0 1 5
05 Velasquez, Daniel... 1-3 1-2 0-0 0 0 0 1 3 3 1 0 1 9
12 Shea, Brian......... 0-5 0-5 0-0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 7
20 Halton, Keiran...... 4-5 0-0 2-2 3 2 5 2 10 0 0 2 1 28
TEAM................ 4 4 1
Totals.............. 28-68 4-15 9-13 15 13 28 10 69 13 9 3 19 200

TOTAL FG% 1st Half: 13-34 38.2% 2nd Half: 15-34 44.1% Game: 41.2% DEADB
3-Pt. FG% 1st Half: 2-7 28.6% 2nd Half: 2-8 25.0% Game: 26.7% REBS
F Throw % 1st Half: 1-4 25.0% 2nd Half: 8-9 88.9% Game: 69.2% 1


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Officials: Dan Frascella (R), Brian Leighton, Kevin Boylan
Technical fouls: Potsdam St.-None. Brooklyn College-None.
Attendance: 35
Score by Periods 1st 2nd Total
Potsdam St.................... 22 35 - 57
Brooklyn College.............. 29 40 - 69
Consolation Game of PNC/Ramada Inn Classic at King's College

This game was the highlight of my season in a nutshell. This is the moment i thought i would have a chance to play this year and this really helped my confidence and ever since i've never gone back. I haven't really played or scored in 2011 but if there's one thing that made this special besides some of my teammates, is this moment. Ever since then i've done really well on the court and as long as a few people respect me then i guess that's what i'll take and deal with. The season has gone to shit though but i hope we can get a third ring. As of right now we're 10-11 on a 3 game losing streak. Fun huh? Sometimes we don't get opportunities and i think basketball is a thing of the past now but i'll always love it even if coaches, players, and who ever else try to ruin it.

Side Note: I hadn't really practiced or played in the last week and when i got into the game i got really out of breath and called for a sub so i may have played longer but who knows. I regret taking myself out so much but nothing i can do about it now. Love you basketball, love jonathan

December Has Arrived

What's good yall?

This is my first entry of december and my first entry from my new blackberry, which has been acting up already...a little bit but it's a pretty good phone besides that. A couple things have been going on as of late, the typical basketball woes and life shit. So I'm going to just finish up where I left off. Florida and thanksgiving weekend was pretty good. Had our traditional sonic meal. Did a lot of black friday shopping:
1. Jay-Z Decoded
2. Lloyd Banks- HF2
3. Curren$y- Pilot Talk
4. Nicki Minaj- Pink Friday
5. Entourage season 1 and 2
6. Sneakers (All Grey Ken Griffey's)
7. Clothes

So I would say that was a win as well. The best part of thanksgiving though was that I got to spend time with my sisters, mom, and grandmother. I also met my sister's boyfriend which was interesting. He's cool, I guess. My grandmother behaved well and was very loving. She's coming to New York this saturday. After I came home on sunday, I watched football of course and met a cute a little dog, who I fell In love with. Kudo still has a place in my heart though (my mom's dog). Since then the week has been hectic.

Homework and more homework. Basketball and more basketball. Monday's practice was my first time picking up a ball in almost a week so I was a little rusty. Tuesday we lost to a team we hadn't lost two in almost half a decade. Crazy! But it's better to have loses now rather than later. We have a lot of tweaks and things to chance and improve both on the coaching side but more on the basketball players (think the bench). Anyway, yesterday I played and scored 6 pts in 7 minutes. Career high. I'm happy about it but I still feel some type of way about the season and my teammates. Still I have to enjoy the moment and not dwell on the negative like missing two free throws. So that's what I'll try to do. I have practice in a little so I'll add more later.

5 Stars 4 The Douche Bag

Yo i love Kanye and he is a genius and will be crowned one of the greatest of all time. If i can be 1/18 as good as he is, i will be extremely successful. Just to let you guys know i'm doing really well and basketball but i don't want to jinx myself so next topic :)

So kanye west posted the review rolling stone wrote about his album and... yup, you guessed it by the title. 5 stars. The perfect album. You guys can read it here:
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/reviews/album/45342/232350

On related Kanye news, his protege and fellow G.O.O.D Music member/artist released his 2nd album today and although rolling stone only liked this half as much as Kanye's work (2 1/2 stars for Cudi) the people are loving it. It was sold out in the target by my school, which is BULLSHIT so i couldn't cop it today but i will ASAP. This week it is 10 dollars in stores, you can't go wrong.

Last, rolling stone has pictures from the greatest concert ever and the pictures are amazing. Phenemonal. Check em out here:
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/photos/28431/203449/18

Enjoy this for real. Love yall.
JAM ON IT!

It's Hard To Be Positive When You're a Pessimist

Hey yall,

The picture has no relevance to what i'm about to write...actually it's suppose to put a positive spin on all of his fuckery going on in my life. I would say 75 percent of my problems are created by me, 88 percent would include problems i create plus things i have no control over. The rest are other people and things like school...etc. That's just some brief insight and also since i will not have therapy this week, more than likely, i have to talk to myself and whoever else will listen through this blog. Also, in all honestly, fuck a lot of yall. I write because this is what i do, i'm a writer, so don't criticize me for doing what my title tells me to do and what i love, LOVE to do.

Happy Birthday Lisa! Eventhough, i know for a fact you have never been on here lol. I still shout out people because it's necessary. Just as a heads up, i may-be detatching myself more off of social networks and on my phone in general. I am caused too much extra stress by these things. Okay, now that all of the aforementioned has been stated i will quickly note that i finally earned my first "A" of the semester and in my shakespeare class, which i am doing the worst in, ironically. Still i am proud and look to use these grades as momumentum to propell nothing lower than a B, for my first semester ever, EVER? yes, ever. Now on to the negative...

I'm still struggling and turning the ball over in practice and even worse, my confidence and aggression is still shot by mental loops i can't seem to jump through. Everyone else can but me. I really don't know if i can be on a team/bench for 3 years with no progression. Granted it is my fault but once things are made up i will be lost forever in it- the black hole of basketball. I have very few time left to show my coach i have done a 360 or at worst, 180 but again the window of opportunity is closing, fast. This makes me think... maybe i should redshirt or possibly quit. What is my purpose, really? If to rot on a bench with my self pride, confidence, and aggression is dwindling on a sideline cheering people on, when i should be cheering and playing on the court with them. again, i use should...placing full blame and responsibility on myself. I'm sick. I'm in terrible condition. I'm overwhelmingly exhausted by trying to climb these mental roadblocks. it's bullshit, on my part because i'm standing in the way of myself. Do you know how that feels? When you, yourself, is the ONLY one to blame. Let me tell you, it's worse than self depricating...it feels as close to death as i may get until i reach actual death. I'm tired of excsues, tired of needing inspiration from music and people...i need to figure this shit out and fast.

Strangely, the only thing i can think of is... did god put this in my path for a reason? or am i meant to fail. I'm not sure of the answer yet but i have to figure that out, soon, as well.

And just as an FYI: I am an extremist. A purist extremist. It is in my blood, personality, and maybe worse, soul.

Lastly...i don't even know where to start with this one. It's just the same old stuff, same old painful, escalating arguments that consume my day, my nights, my mind, my sleep, my everything. It's worse than adding sprinkles on top, it's like adding a bigger cone with sprinkles on top of the bad cone i have already. Basically, when this i am fighting with her everything is even worse. Like why can't things be terrible and i can know that she's there, waiting and yearning for my kiss. Things like that don't exist, not even in an ideal world. It is something to abstract, to outside for the imagination even to grapple it.

Let me explain something. I am in love. I have been in love for a while now but i am not in a relationship, mainly because of my own choice. Mentally the title, the responsibility, the obligations, the commitment and much worse stuff scare me. Honestly, i haven't been in a "relationship" since i was 15 years old. Shouldn't love be bigger than a relationship, or a title, or marriage to say the least. At least, for now. But it's not. My hard truth, my fear is painful. For that i am sincerely apologetic.

Now let me ask the audience something. You ever have an arguement, a pointless one at that, but with all the time wasted and words spatted, the arguement just grows into something more terrible. You say things and so do they. Well it's like that a lot for me. I have probably said "the worst things i've ever heard" a few times.

I can't even finish that train of thought, main thing is... i will be in love and don't know if i will fall out of it but this constant "let's separate" bit on both our behalves is (insert word) devastating and annoying. Well i may have solved that problem because i don't know if we'll be talking or seeing each other much. A lot of other factors come in play: age, needs, wants, goals, pms, holidays, change, events, stress, and they all effected this arguement and possible separation.

I'm in pain but i'm also in denial but that's how the ball rolls, as the saying goes. I could go on forever on this subject but i can't really. It's time to just give my mind a rest, focus on school work, and making music AND more importantly succeeding in my dreams.

BTW: Growing up is not bad, it is just strange and rather interesting and it effects me everyday.

Whatever yall, just jam on it. Whatever it is.
And i will pray, hope, and yearn for positive outcomes in ALL my situations and in ALL of YOURS too.

Another day, another obstacle trying to strap you down into the electric chair.
Will i succumb? Will you? I hope not. Maybe i should stop hoping and do. Make this right. Either way, i'm still going to spend a lot of money coming up, even if the person and i are not...anything.

ZZZZZZ goodnight (cold) world, i'll see you in the morning...

Quick Fix

Hey y'all,

I'm typing from my iPod touch for the first time and it's kinda weird but itsallgoodevenwhenitaint, pun intended. Well I'm just really exhausted spent the whole day in D.C. yesterday. We left at 3 in the morning and I felt horrible most of the time but it was a good experience. The rally was pretty dope although I wish I could have enjoyed it more. It was the first school trip I ever went on, in college besides basketball. Speaking of basketball we are two weeks in and I need to step it up. As usual I've been feeling kind of down but I think this week will look up for sure. I just really need sleep.

By the way happy Halloween everyone and happy early birthday to my first little sister Ashley. I hope everything is well with you little sis, I miss u a lot and can't wait till we reunite on thanksgiving weekend.

Back to sports though, cross country just ended today. I ties my best running score of the year and I'm really proud of that regardless of what place I came in. I just wanted to be happy and be positive and let that transition into basketball which is probably one of the hardest mental humps I've ever encountered but I'm ready to overcome it, for real... I'm tired of looking for inspiration this year it has to come from within and it will. God has a plan for me but the same time I need to have a plan for myself... Last thing I'd like to mention is that I will be writing for my school newspaper and all articles, published or not, will be posted on the blog.

Love y'all. We only got one life and we need to live it right.
jam on it!

I Just Want To State...

that linkin park is dope. I will confess that after hybrid theory i stop like really listening to them but i am back. I bought their new album "Thousand Sons" something like that. It's pretty good i must say off the first listen. I like showing my non-hip-hop side off. I would love to see them in concert, would be reallllyyy dope. So as a bonus...
Jason Mraz ft. Cobe Calliat "Lucky"

This song is dedicated to my best friend. I know she went to bed upset because i was a dick and really there was no reason for us to argue over a stupid phone call. Well, i'm sorry for not calling and next time i will call even if just for a second.
Love you.

Also, just so yall know. Last 2 days, i've done really well and well. Let's hope tomorrow i'll progress :)

Dreams are meant to be realized...

Happy Birthday Eminem

Happy Birthday Em. I know my blog is starting to look like the Eminem Show or the Stan show (no pun intended) :) but he really is the greatest. Above is a glimpse of his greatness in 1999 and i sort of remade this song in my own way on this guy hannibal's beat. I might add a fourth verse and someother shit to it, we'll see. Anywho... just wanted to update you guys. My grandfather's leaving tuesday to go back to Ecuador, kinda sad. 4weeks go by quick, i tell you that much. It's just hard because a lot of people, rather most people in my life just kind of up and leave. But i know he'll come back and i'll definitely try and call him at least 3 times more than i do now (which is zero). Sad, again, i know, trust me.

On some good news though, i finally hung out with my uncle mike and i think i impressed the founder and studio owner of skylab ent., Los. Cool guy. Hispanic. Just started rapping. He liked my songs and i always feel weird having these guys who don't know my music...listen to it, ya know. Anyway, when i go back there i'm going to start recording my project that ill release through SkyLab Ent. I also have to finish my dual mixtape which is with Cloud 9/Honor Roll. THEN i'm going to try to do 2 other projects one solely produced by Hannibal and DJ Puerto Roc. Maybe i'll mixed it. Idk if i can have just ONE producer but we'll see. I bought like 6 beats off of Roc and i have yet to really conquer them but i do want to record something with him in jersey within the next month so i gotta get a move on but i can't rush greatness or my talent.

On a side note, incompetant, idiotic people are annoying. LMAO. Will not go in depth about it but whatever. BY THE WAY, I'm still obsessed over the SOCIAL NETWORK and want to see it again...anyone who wants to go, well, just contact me. I want to read and see the movie "waiting for superman" as well looks type dope. OHHH and just to bring Eminem back for a second, i'm doing a paper on him for one of my classes... like how ill is that?!?!?!?! I know and once i finish it i'm going to try and get it published somewhere...the makings of a young writer, Jonathan Andrew (separate from Jam Young).

LAST THING, Basketball starts tomorrow. A little nervous BUT not dwelling... THIS IS MY TIME. I know it and so i gotta take advantage of it. I have people believing in me and wanting this for me and NOW it's time for me to believe in myself. Everything else will come together after that. So let's make it happen jay. Tomorrow is the beginning of finding success, AGAIN. OH, on a funny note i through up today during my race but ended up 5th for the first time for my team BUT i let a certain somebody smoke me again. COME championship THIS WILL NOT BE ACCEPTABLE. SO i will get him back.

Jam on it People...
everything is coming (like lebron's ring)

FALL of Love

I don't know why I wrote that title. I tried to be clever. Lol. But what's good yall? I hope you guys missed me. Cause I missed yall. I thought about blogging a lot. Felt guilty for not. But anyway, what is up with you guys? Is school and life going well? I would hope so. My life is not bad at all. Can't complain except for the 6 hours of sleep I'm on. Ugh.

This week was an interesting week but basketball wise, my confidence and skill kinda dipped but I'm NOT phased. I will get back on the grind this week. Have no choice. I never really felt so focused before. But it's not just basketball, my rhymes (at least I feel) are iffy too. It will all come back in place though.

Anyway, MONDAY was the greatest concert of my life lol. I saw my favorite rapper ever! Eminem. The greatest. I have been feeling detached from him but he'll always be THE REASON I started to love rap music. It was real cool. Chill. Had a few beers. Got a t-shirt. A bunch of people performed too. So glad kanye came and ripped the stage. Otherwise I might of fell asleep through jay-z's performance (what? Is he serious). I know that sounds crazy BUT I've seen Jay-Z 5 times in concert. So don't judge me. I love him BUT he did have to go AFTER eminem. Ya know?

Okay so before I continue with my festivies. I wanna talk about where I AM going CURRENTLY. A funeral home. A wake. Yikes. 2nd one ever in my life. This is while my grandfather is dealing with mortality issues and my aunt is sick. But let's not dwell on negativity. I am glad I can support shea, regardless of his dick headish ways at times. That's my boy. He helped make brooklyn college a good experience. So I wish him the best. So before I continue
R.I.P Mrs. Shea.

I can't really imagine losing my mother so I know it's probably beyond difficult for him but keep your head up boy.
Next order of business, last night. Went to a bar with a couple girls and danny. My boy. It was interesting, seeing a mesh of my worlds. Danny and the girls are from two different sides of spectrums in terms of my life and who they are BUT it turned out pretty well. NO COMPLAINTS. Played some flip cup, was 2-0 in Beer Pong, and took 2 shots. :) Solid!

Next, music! No new music yet. Haven't been to a studio in a while but I have some nice opportunities still lined up. It should be good. Freezy ent. Is lined up. Hopefully that'll be a good look. But I'm excited. Writing some good deep stuff. Got my uncle's dj trying to help me.

School has been alright too. Not really too fond of most of my classes but I'm kinda glad to be back. Trying to do real good. 2.0 baby. And I'm doing cross country again. First race did pretty good. I gotta step it up. I wanna get under 35mins for 5 miles and keep improving. Gotta do it. Well I gotta go but will keep you guys updated still. Love yall.

Jam on it!

J-eXclusIvE

If you ain't heard it, then you heard it here first. Period.Basically i'm saying that there is so much new music out that you might of missed some of it so i'm dropping links of some of my favorite stuff out of the bunch. Check it out:

Eminem: Not Afraid (Prod. by Boi1da)http://www.mediafire.com/?f2jlrmzwhio
Eminem: Despicable Freestyle http://www.mediafire.com/?ndt2ldyh2zy
Drake: Find Your Love (Prod by Kanye West)http://usershare.net/2DopeBoyz/0yeexgaff9li
Drake: Miss Me (Prod. by Boi1da)http://usershare.net/2DopeBoyz/hxq9vlubksk2
J.Cole: Who Dat (Prod. by J.Cole/Elite)http://usershare.net/2DopeBoyz/6qeuzaxg40rg
Game: The R.E.D. Room Mixtape http://www.mediafire.com/?wnnenw5zgke

Everybody has been raving about this video right here...and NOW after seeing it i understand why (lol)

Last BUT not least GO COP THAT B.O.B album!!!!!!!! (picture above)
Here's a crazy ass joint from it, that might get you interested
DL link: http://usershare.net/2DopeBoyz/t7b70ys9ry9h

P.S. THIS IS LAST!
Nobody reading this probably knows who Kendrick Lamar is but he's cool with Jay Rock (1 of 10 XXL Freshmen 2010) and he makes dope music. I'll post two songs that got me interested, check it.

Manana...Escuela

Hell yall... The eve before school starts...what to do...what to do. I'm sitting on the stairs in my apartment building, writing music or at least I was until my ipod died. The battery is fucked up. SUCKS. Anywho I wanna do something BUT there's nothing to do. Grrrrr. Sucks. Hopefully this weekend is poppin tho. I gotta post up some NEW music for you to check out, that is HELLA dope. And for once it's not hip-hop but I may post at least one lol.

(A voice in my head asks me how my day was)
Well my day was pretty good. My jumpshot was broke! I missed 4 free throws in a row. And then shot 2/3. Two days ago I was 10/10 and I airballed a three pointer. Rough day shooting yet I played Defense n still hit a couple shots. Idk my wrist/follow through felt wierd and I felt wierd. Like I was thinking about it but it was in my head. Idk. I got a game tomorrow and it's not gunna be like that :) tomorrow is the best chance I'll play and play a lot more than a minute and thirty seconds so in the words of jae millz...leggggooooo

Also I saw the "Book of Eli" I missed the beginning of the movie. I didn't really understand the concept,point, or any of the underlining messages in the film but it was pretty cool. I just been dying to see a movie. Like literally dying but money is getting loooowwwww (uh-oh) so I might have to chill with the chillen.I gotta focus on school, making music, and playing ball n working. My next job destination is WHOLE FOODS or a sneaker store. Time to switch things up...seriously.

Anyway, speaking of music, I got this free beat tape (unfortunately nothing exclusive lol but still no complaining from me) from the.homie Hannibal. Had some good convos with him last couple nights. Pretty cool to actually talk to a guy I don't really know but feel like I know him and talk music and what not. Also I been talking to my uncle a lot more and a few other people and that's been pretty cool. I miss Mike (my uncle although he's more like my older brother along with DV). I look up to him for some wierd reason and I think I understand him more than ever although I do disagree with some stuff he says, I know it's in everybody's best interest.

Well I'm a go until I feel like blogging again. Sorry for the short entries and lack there of...just I don't know. Things go by fast on vacation. Hope everybody's doing well. Just to add one last thought: "I wonder if my family reads this or what they would think if they did" supposedly my aunt knows my blog like html and reads it from time to time but I guess it doesn't really matter because most of the time, actually 98 percent of the time what I say is fact. Literally FACT plus my interpreations of situations I personally go through so what they can say? Maybe my truths will help them and other people find theirs. Cause we all need to see a little more light in our lives, including myself. It's a very self-relieving thing, when your eyes are opened to things you never thought about.

Anywho, you all get Jam's love...and nothing less.

Seriously...

What the fuck is wrong with me. Seriously...

Like I don't understand. I just don't at all and maybe that's why I've been exhausted and mentally strained. Like basketball and music my gift and my curse. Or maybe it's my confidence and insecurity. I don't know what the fuck it is. Cause even when I feel good before practice, during and after I feel so upset n dissappointed. What the hell do I do?

It's like a math problem, that's simple but I can't figure it out. It's something. When I step on to that court, with those players I'm like a zombie, I'm powerless, I'm just sucky. My potential and my skill and whatever talent I have goes out the window. My intelligence is gone. And now that everyone else is better it's like I continue to being the worst, like absolutely the worst. I mean I like being put into these situations where I struggle but what else can I do?

In music, it's this flow, this aggression, my bars. I'm fucking good in basketball and music. Music more but I feel both I suck at to people. People have seen my potiential only sometimes and it hurts a lot. But I'm like watching myself fuck up and can't do shit. Even when I'm getting better OUTSIDE of the brooklyn college gym when I step on, it just sucks. Today Ty gave me some encouragement which I really appreciated. Seriously I need, like need stuff like that. I don't get many things like that or enough but I still should be able to do better and show I am better. That I'm good. One day GREAT.

Anyway, I just need to pray or something. Figure this stupid ass shit out. Fuck...

...

Positive Assertion

Confidence. I just want to say with all the bullshit that has been around and going around I'm still positive as can be. It's crrraaazzzzyyyy. I'm excited.and worried. I'm like 80percent sure I'm a be on the team again but that 20percent is killing. Regardless I know I'm nice. Not nasty, yet. But I'm a solid player. No superstar but I get it in. And that's all I wanna prove.

Yesterday was a major confidence booster with scoring, dribbling and my overall game so now it's time to excute. I've been working almost as hard as I can. Lifting weights and playing and for once, I'm happy and confident.

Fuck that "I'm fat shit." Fuck it, I'm fat. I know it. I'm still trying to lose it BUT it won't fuck with my game. I'm a score, I'm a pass.

Love the game...
Jam