Seriously...

What the fuck is wrong with me. Seriously...

Like I don't understand. I just don't at all and maybe that's why I've been exhausted and mentally strained. Like basketball and music my gift and my curse. Or maybe it's my confidence and insecurity. I don't know what the fuck it is. Cause even when I feel good before practice, during and after I feel so upset n dissappointed. What the hell do I do?

It's like a math problem, that's simple but I can't figure it out. It's something. When I step on to that court, with those players I'm like a zombie, I'm powerless, I'm just sucky. My potential and my skill and whatever talent I have goes out the window. My intelligence is gone. And now that everyone else is better it's like I continue to being the worst, like absolutely the worst. I mean I like being put into these situations where I struggle but what else can I do?

In music, it's this flow, this aggression, my bars. I'm fucking good in basketball and music. Music more but I feel both I suck at to people. People have seen my potiential only sometimes and it hurts a lot. But I'm like watching myself fuck up and can't do shit. Even when I'm getting better OUTSIDE of the brooklyn college gym when I step on, it just sucks. Today Ty gave me some encouragement which I really appreciated. Seriously I need, like need stuff like that. I don't get many things like that or enough but I still should be able to do better and show I am better. That I'm good. One day GREAT.

Anyway, I just need to pray or something. Figure this stupid ass shit out. Fuck...

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