Jam Young- My Heart [Official Music Video]

What's good yall? I'm reporting live from Ecuador and wanted to drop in to let all my followers know i just dropped a new video a few days ago. All the visuals you see were shot in Astoria and L.I.C. Queens with a really professional camera. A friend of mine, Michelle, from Brooklyn College shot it, edited it, and helped me get a step closer to my dream so toast to that women. Shout out to POPPEN ENT., The Council, and Ed with the only real cameo. Hope yall enjoy.

Also, look at for more music, interviews, and videos PLUS of course my debut mixtape "A Writer's Dream" plus i will be posting some new music from fellow emcees.

Dad's Goatee by Jonathan Andrew

Fuzz buzz cut
perfect Sicilian
square slice
mounted from
under his nose
above his top lip
down the side
like a playground s
l
i
d
e

Swinging around
firm chin skin
identity confirmation
for me, the
ten year replica
except thinner
and less hairy

“daddy, don’t
you dare shave
again” puberty
deprived voice
box yells. Horror
of hot shaving
cream smothered
like kids using
color pastels,
on his prickly
jaw bone.

I needed
to feel
his garden
goatee
when he
kissed me
with warm
sweet
poppa-frita
love.

Hell on Earth (Reject Verse)

I'm just tryna spread my feelings like, butter for the bread,
working on my everything, tryna get ahead,
when life's good, god's testing you instead,
of helping you, to see if you'll over come it, or fall off the edge,
like being innocent, and getting pulled by the feds,
a nigga broke, so when I smoke, only get the regs,
still high enough to ask "is life better when ya dead",-trick question,
dear friends, I'm here to leave a message,
when you don't see me, life's progressing- I think...
but there's an ironic lesson, to be learned,
because I cried my whole life since my father was too busy earn-ing,
dollars, to spend time,
now, when yall wanna see me, I leave yall for the grind,
this applies, to my shawties too,
I'm out here, looking for ways to fill our plates with food,
all while chasing a dream, that seems too far to reach,
maybe at age 20, I'm at my peak, meaning-
life's all downhill from here,
so pass me a lime with a bud light beer,
gotta cherish the moment, before it disappears,
like when I look back, at all my past years, past peers, and it's different,
they don't even know my name,
barely remember my face,
it won't ever be the same, SMH,
fuck yall niggaz who just love to hate,
thinking about what I'm doing, when yall masturbate,
YOU just wait, I gotta date with fate,
and when I fuck her,
then you'll have a real reason for the envy, and jealousy,
If I'm on earth, then why does it feel like hell to me,
If I'm on earth, then why does it feel like hell to me?

It's Hard To Be Positive When You're a Pessimist

Hey yall,

The picture has no relevance to what i'm about to write...actually it's suppose to put a positive spin on all of his fuckery going on in my life. I would say 75 percent of my problems are created by me, 88 percent would include problems i create plus things i have no control over. The rest are other people and things like school...etc. That's just some brief insight and also since i will not have therapy this week, more than likely, i have to talk to myself and whoever else will listen through this blog. Also, in all honestly, fuck a lot of yall. I write because this is what i do, i'm a writer, so don't criticize me for doing what my title tells me to do and what i love, LOVE to do.

Happy Birthday Lisa! Eventhough, i know for a fact you have never been on here lol. I still shout out people because it's necessary. Just as a heads up, i may-be detatching myself more off of social networks and on my phone in general. I am caused too much extra stress by these things. Okay, now that all of the aforementioned has been stated i will quickly note that i finally earned my first "A" of the semester and in my shakespeare class, which i am doing the worst in, ironically. Still i am proud and look to use these grades as momumentum to propell nothing lower than a B, for my first semester ever, EVER? yes, ever. Now on to the negative...

I'm still struggling and turning the ball over in practice and even worse, my confidence and aggression is still shot by mental loops i can't seem to jump through. Everyone else can but me. I really don't know if i can be on a team/bench for 3 years with no progression. Granted it is my fault but once things are made up i will be lost forever in it- the black hole of basketball. I have very few time left to show my coach i have done a 360 or at worst, 180 but again the window of opportunity is closing, fast. This makes me think... maybe i should redshirt or possibly quit. What is my purpose, really? If to rot on a bench with my self pride, confidence, and aggression is dwindling on a sideline cheering people on, when i should be cheering and playing on the court with them. again, i use should...placing full blame and responsibility on myself. I'm sick. I'm in terrible condition. I'm overwhelmingly exhausted by trying to climb these mental roadblocks. it's bullshit, on my part because i'm standing in the way of myself. Do you know how that feels? When you, yourself, is the ONLY one to blame. Let me tell you, it's worse than self depricating...it feels as close to death as i may get until i reach actual death. I'm tired of excsues, tired of needing inspiration from music and people...i need to figure this shit out and fast.

Strangely, the only thing i can think of is... did god put this in my path for a reason? or am i meant to fail. I'm not sure of the answer yet but i have to figure that out, soon, as well.

And just as an FYI: I am an extremist. A purist extremist. It is in my blood, personality, and maybe worse, soul.

Lastly...i don't even know where to start with this one. It's just the same old stuff, same old painful, escalating arguments that consume my day, my nights, my mind, my sleep, my everything. It's worse than adding sprinkles on top, it's like adding a bigger cone with sprinkles on top of the bad cone i have already. Basically, when this i am fighting with her everything is even worse. Like why can't things be terrible and i can know that she's there, waiting and yearning for my kiss. Things like that don't exist, not even in an ideal world. It is something to abstract, to outside for the imagination even to grapple it.

Let me explain something. I am in love. I have been in love for a while now but i am not in a relationship, mainly because of my own choice. Mentally the title, the responsibility, the obligations, the commitment and much worse stuff scare me. Honestly, i haven't been in a "relationship" since i was 15 years old. Shouldn't love be bigger than a relationship, or a title, or marriage to say the least. At least, for now. But it's not. My hard truth, my fear is painful. For that i am sincerely apologetic.

Now let me ask the audience something. You ever have an arguement, a pointless one at that, but with all the time wasted and words spatted, the arguement just grows into something more terrible. You say things and so do they. Well it's like that a lot for me. I have probably said "the worst things i've ever heard" a few times.

I can't even finish that train of thought, main thing is... i will be in love and don't know if i will fall out of it but this constant "let's separate" bit on both our behalves is (insert word) devastating and annoying. Well i may have solved that problem because i don't know if we'll be talking or seeing each other much. A lot of other factors come in play: age, needs, wants, goals, pms, holidays, change, events, stress, and they all effected this arguement and possible separation.

I'm in pain but i'm also in denial but that's how the ball rolls, as the saying goes. I could go on forever on this subject but i can't really. It's time to just give my mind a rest, focus on school work, and making music AND more importantly succeeding in my dreams.

BTW: Growing up is not bad, it is just strange and rather interesting and it effects me everyday.

Whatever yall, just jam on it. Whatever it is.
And i will pray, hope, and yearn for positive outcomes in ALL my situations and in ALL of YOURS too.

Another day, another obstacle trying to strap you down into the electric chair.
Will i succumb? Will you? I hope not. Maybe i should stop hoping and do. Make this right. Either way, i'm still going to spend a lot of money coming up, even if the person and i are not...anything.

ZZZZZZ goodnight (cold) world, i'll see you in the morning...

TOO DOPE

The freestyle above inspired the crap i wrote yesterday...i need that beat!

dope song i discovered

and another none hip-hop song for your bitch asses!

Above...is the guy who's studio i was in saturday. We made a dope joint. If yall like it leave a comment here or on youtube. Let's get it! Cloud 9

Fresh Off The Mind...

I'm scared to go away
With you...
Again
It has been so long
That it feels like it happend in a past life
A life before the "new" me

I'm scared to go away
Because
I remember the joy of packing with high expectations
But the misery of the stay- unhappy sleep
Listening to the fall of tears
From missing an old boyfriend
And a sharp cyringe needle
Injected into the soul of my heart
From YOUR NEED to find another path
With new, stronger, older lovers
Who I,
With my little wit and knowledge of life
Are no match for, the fire evaporating
Intro the darkness of my future

I'm scared to go away
With you...
Honestly
Cause I am scored with humilation
A burnt body, withering away
Combined with paralysis
In a crowd full of models
Who can stand on two feet
Such lucky veterbres

Guess I'm not a real man
Not real enough for you
Yet you make it a strong point
To come crawling back
With such a shocking epiphany
When you've seen the land
Where physcality, business and big penis' rule society
Apologies because I don't belong
I'm distant from that world
Where you belong

I don't know if it is finished but I really love this poem.

2 Poems I Wrote For A Music Assignment

In Need of Change

I’m tired of writing negatives
Tired of wanting depression medicine
someone show me the light like Edision
but don’t con me
I feel a lack of oxygen
thanks to the world toxins
fear, fear, and more fear
getting shoved down my throat

I feel my happiness, diminishing
I’m stiff like a manikin
I want to walk the skies like Anakin
but damn it, I’m trapped
again
due to another set of unfortunate events
that fortunately has had me stressed
forcing me to vent
and try and make sense,
cents
of my surroundings
the polluted air has me drowning
gasp
Dumbing It Down
Do, You, Understand?

People will die.
They will never come back.
We can do nothing.
Just feel alone.

They want us dumb.
Stupid. Silly.
No school.
Just working.

You, Will, Understand…

When you grow up.
Life is a very, very sad place.

Mood Ring/Anthem of the Day: "Say Something Baby"

Say something...baby...

Sometimes my subliminals tell it all!

Notables:
"How could something so familiar, be so strange"
"Could of split the world of 50/50, now i'm at the 40/40 getting bitches typsy"
"i should go back to the one i started with, but this life is addicting and it's gon be hard to quit...yea"
Bonus: J.Cole Performance

One of My Personal Favorites

Hey yall, sorry that the blogging this month has been extremely slow. I'm going to start picking it up today soooo the first entry of the day to break the ice will be an unheard/unrecorded verse for one of my love records I had written about a year and change ago. Any thoughts and constructive critism is always welcome. (Key word: constructive)

Is it a front that you're putting up
Or have you dated a lot of jerks, and you just had enough
Just so fed up, but you ain't kevin, so don't give up
Don't let up, come with me and let's live it up
I can promise all the cliche's on-an-y typical day, on a regular ba-sis
If we tie the knot, sort of like laces
We can go any place, your little heart desires
I'll carry the matches anywhere we go, so the fire
Never dies out, I know life never plays out
The way you want it, but our love, you can flaunt it
On your sleeves, you just got to believe
Read a wrist, you got to believe, in me,
Believe me, I know you're scarred and very scared,
But baby, truth or dare?
How about you dare me to tell the truth and I'll swear
On everything I love, that you're everything I love
You're music, my heart, and my life
All the above, and it's all that I love
I do this all out of love and just because

:)

FRINGE INDIE MAGAZINE: First EVER Jam Young Interview INSIDE

FRINGE INDIE MAGAZINE


This is my first ever interview and my first publication concerning my rap career besides in high school. I'm hoping for a lot more things to come. If you guys can check it out, it would be well appreciated. FOR REAL.

Thank you Audrey Allure :)
and Shout out to Julian for splitting the article with me.

P.S. it's on page 8
P.P.S. Add a computer hardrive to my christmas list lol
P.P.P.S for the lazy people, i got the article on my page. GANGSTA!
Now back to work...

2 Poems I Created In September During Some of My Classes

Drawing Board:

No chargein my phone
while my blackberry is on the IV
6 hours of sleep, so i feel like dying
tear drops held back, but can be seen on my sleeves
mute in the silence, somebody help please...
Fuck life

WANT.Act.COME To Me.

Touch.
Feeling. Spark.
Heat, Frozen Time.
Still.
Painting, Wonderful
Bloss, of bright colors in a dark room.
Connection...
Connection...
I need you, I really need you and love you so much/ for this moment.
Rush. Speed.
heat, Frozen Time,
Still, continous.
Life it up, pick you up
sweet but rough, scream for me.
Tell me what you want, how can i please you, how can i peel you back, dig deep
with my hands or with my pistol, my secret weapon
I Just Need
One Shot
Maybe two or three, but i want to thrust and make you sweat.
Make you clinch, bring out your desire, make you soak.
Extra wet.
The degrees of fire, reign, wind, Earth, temperature, rise, but
We
Are
One.
Again, jsut for the night, i grab you, squeeze you
Sylvia spewed, drops of it on your mountains, on your small fruit
but way more on my gun from god, that helps create
Forth and back, swolen, but keep it going
CLoser... than ever... before
Sweet, texture, but rough, ruff, lose your voice for me.
Make me work, sweatshop, drops, position, light.
on and off
Heat, Frozen Time,
Still, Continous, until

299: Words from a broken heart...

"Is it better to have done and lost or not have it at all"

I know I didn't quote that correctly but I remember jay-z using that before in a freestyle and then later on a song and that is a crazy difficult question. Like wow, would u rather feel love and have a broken heart fro it or never know what it feels like to be "in love?"

Interesting huh? Or no? I think it is, personally. Otherwise I wouldn't be blogging about it, right? Duhh lol.

I just haven't been feeling right, every once in a while. i get these nostalgia feelings and thoughts that pop up relatively randomly. It all reminds me of a poem. A poem, which is incomplete, already written and yet not finished. When i originally started this entry i wanted to express those feelings. Those feeling that needed to be expressed not surpressed. To let you know, i feel for you, i feel for me, and i know you know that we both kinda know what being is love might, will, and does feel like.

Everything is in direct.

That is your key and clue. Accept it. Figure it out. Riddle. It's almost as this entry is poetic in a sense but doesn't make much sense to the reader. I just wanted to say the after relationship love... or the lack there of, is a complicated thing. especially when your ideas and ideals have, to a certain extent, been revealed and exposed, infaltrated.

It's the smell, the scent, the kiss, the softness of thy lips, the smoothness of thy tounge, and the concept that without a word spoken, the eyes tell a hundred sentences and well, your body, tells me what it yearns for. But the heart is a complicated thing, so complex it fucks with the mind.

It's the morning look, of hunger, desire, or the get away from me, you fucked up my sleep. The night turnings, the bathroom breaks, the paranoia of gaining well earned sleep. fucked up and placed blame onto another human being. love. it really is picnics in the park, walks by the dock, sushi outside, with your soft, glazed hair blowing in the wind as if a slow motion movie scene.

It is old, young, fire, pain, and the need for each other. The spark to argeeing and disagreeing. it is paint, splashed all over brand new tiles in the kitchen, as a roach dies by the spray which has been invented. it is vanity, confusion, complacency, but the fact that you and i know, there is nothing like this, better or worse. is this where you want to be? the path you would like to lead?

every sip of sin, in the bedroom when you scream or on the wine glass you hold so evidently tight. with lipstick or chapstick smeared on the tip. the edge of happiness. tilts like a scale. drama. melancholy. confusion.

would i ever like to love again? maybe. or do i wish to hold the one i have loved? maybe. it's this reluctancy to use logic over feelings that brings me to my knees and causes chaos in the body.

i have no answers. nor questions. just w0rds...

jus words

Mood Ring Part 13: Wale, J.Cole, & Melanie Fiona "Beautiful Bliss"

This song is my new anthem. Both Wale's verses are on point and well J.Cole is a beast. Already one of my favorite artists with only 4 official mixtapes, and 2 like real mixtapes. He's definitely the next upcoming thing and i hope he forever keeps it real and has longevity in this crappy hip-hop industry. If i had to do a song with someone right now (besides Eminem, Kanye, and Jay-Z of course) it would definitely be him. Just take 5 minutes out of your day, turn off the lights, turn this song up and enjoy. I want a song just like this to be my first ever single. DIG IT!

"It's a beautiful day, when you feel like this"

Poetic Practice

Everytime I try to do, something for you
It's like I'm doing wrong to you, ain't nothing right that I can do, I'm like a sickness, swine flu, with no medicine
There you go, getting into my head-again, there you go, telling me you won't give me head-again, if I don't head out and make some friends, make some ends, so I take my pen,

And do just that, make friends with my fans, make ends from the raps, but you still complain,
Nothing good that I can do, too young, too immature, too hood for you, well if that's true
I can totally understand why where at, where we're at,
Trying climb up the hill cause there ain't no flat, lands, just a bad, man, but no one can do what I can, I swear

Yet no one believes me...
Yet no one wanna tell me how they miss me, wanna see me, NOPE,
A year passes, burning like some acid, ashes, rashes, nasty, ugh, need some asses, in handy, instead of my hand be, which I don't even use,
Cause the paper I abuse, with the gears in my mind, my troubles are my tools,
Wreckless fools, leave me with no food

But I hunt, and make the best of it, trying not to mess with it, whatever suboncious thoughts are under my fitted

It is what it is, either I got the golden ticket, or I survive through my endeavors and learn to live with it...you feel it...

Poetic Practice, got me exposed like a cactus, no shades, everydays, like this,, survive through my endeavors and learn to live with it, ya dig it?

(2)Dope fiRE Song

Yes yall i do listen to other songs BESIDES RAP. Everytime i hear this song on the radio, i zone. It inspires me. Shit is pretty hot and if you haven't heard it...than you heard it here first!!!!

Told yall I'm back on my blogging SHIT :)

Few Words Some (Sum) It All UP

I'm tired as fuck right now but i'm still up. Just too much thinking and not functioning and things just aren't right. MY body isn't right, my bball game isn't right, music isn't right, and my head is definitely NOT functioning properly. I don't really know what else to say or do right now... And on top of that my blackberry, that fell into water about a week ago, is finished. Broken completely. I have to wait to get a new one so anybody who has texted, bbm me, or called me on that number i completely apologize. I kind of look it as a minor blessing though, being free from the media. Free from my typical habits. I don't know. About to watch "Bored to Death" on HBO and go to sleep. Long weekend of headaches, work, and hopefully some enjoyment. I feel like screaming. I feel like cursing, especially at YOU, yes YOU, you know who the FUCK YOU ARE. God...

"What happends when the same thing you love is the same thing you hate?" -quoting myself.

Goodnight yall and wish me luck. As the city stays awake, my eyes begin to drift off into a state of hopefulness, hopefully, in my dreams and eventually in reality...

Just Some Randomnes§

Homie wanna talk, well let's be about it

Be straight foward, let's not tip-toe around it,

What's on your mind, in your chest, put it out, on the desk, let your heart breathe again, so we can be free again

Take steps, away and towards

The lights in us, but the darkness come fowards

As death and pain comes closer, my eyes get lower, and I'm soaked, with emotions, no umbrella of protection, no invisable cloak to disseaper, like a deflated erection

Prespective

Help, the child in me screams, vile, and desperately in need

I must suceed, or succeed

Destiny

Rambling, thoughts very clouded, what's filtered, I need rest and some coffee

Everyday, not the same, torn or in shame, but life is a game, that we have to play

Betrayed

Felt, before, walk or stay within the confined doors,

The allure

Pull, close, away, tug of war, what we endure, shall always stay, corruption, of something, sort, has placed me under cuffs of captivation

Erase

Only in theory, paper, or typing, can I bleed my feelings, with no knifing,
exciting

Drawn out predicitions, of life

Scribble in the insides of the tombs deep within my eye seeing, dome

My scrotem is packed and empty light, but heavy, still either or my necessity to take chance, to risk, life in order to feel and touch and love

Life

Contridictions

Continous

Floating

Unkown...ending...

If there is one

Shed light

Special Recommendation!

To Hannibal King (that's his real name).

Below is his mixtape, well i should call it Album because i know he worked EXTRA HARD to make this happen. I never met him personally, at least i don't think because it's crazy how we're connected through several people. Here's the ironic story. When i started recording around the age of 15 i recorded at this kid Jay's studio (J Conway) to be exact. He started a group called 4DaGreen in College Point/Whitestone with a couple people that i knew. Formally this kid named Ism, who'se sister Jessica Cabellero went to school with me. Ism real name is John, we use to play ball all the time and on the low i kinda looked up to him. I thought we were kind of alike. Anyway, Hannibal use to be a part of the 4DaGreen group and knew the producer/egineer that would hold our sessions @ J Conway's studio. Wild. I actually bought the 4DaGreen mixtape they were selling but unfortunately due to a fall out Hannibal was not on the final product, rapping or producing. After this he just focused on producing. Now this is even crazier, he went to Towsend Harris. Where a friend of mine, Vanessa Ng, who also dated David Reyes in 8th grade went to. I talked to her about a month or two ago and found out she has been dating this guy for the past 2 years. Next thing i know i see this cover on 2dopeboyz and am like WTF. that's crazy (and good crazy). J Conway is actually on the project as well if you take a look at the track list.

Now i hit him up and facebook and long story short hopefully in the near future we will be linking up to create some dope, new, oldschool hip-hop. He seems like a real honest dude and his production is pretty hot. I personally havent YET heard the WHOLE project but so far i'm impressed. Makes me more eager. Anyway, so basically to show gratitude for him even talking to me and considering link up i'm going to promote his work. That's how i feel is the only way i can repay him and it is a nice gesture period. He doesn't know i'm doing this of course (at least not yet) which is okay because it's out of love. Just the way i did for the Weiners, who i hope are also doing better :).

So check it out, please. I will edit this entry once i write a small review on it. (why?) Because i can. Holla!

http://sharebee.com/756d5d83

Reemergence of a Poet: I wanna

I wanna be...
Able to give you the world
Be able to call the one I want my girl
I wanna be...
Happy about life, even if I'm dissappointed by the ones around me
I wanna be...
(Cliche)the best that I can be
Your favorite rapper
The voice of myself rather than have others speak for me
I wanna be...
Able to have my parents in the same room before they die
And not a court a room
And no fighting
I wanna be...
Able to express whatever stresses I have in my chest with precision and finess
I wanna be...
A role model
I wanna be...
Able to effect people's lives through my music, my efforts, with my money
I wanna be...
Played on radio and be distrubuted online
I wanna be...
Able to call you my best friend
I wanna...
I wanna...
I wanna...

The reInvention

Haven't even brushed my teeth yet but fuck it...

Best blogger of all time
But sometimes blogging is just a waste of time
Cause some of these bloggers just blow my mind
Hiding behind a computer screen, shitting on your grind

See, blogging can be positive and expressive
But other times fuckers just kill the message
With their negativity, because they have no friends
Looking for other bloggers in order to pretend
Hateful responses, and dirty websites
Comes from the fact they got their college degree from a website
Seeing all these uneducated teens, gets me deadtight
To the point I just wanna give them some insight when I'm on the mic

I understand disliking an artist
but we need an anti-virus from some of these bloggers talking garbage
Logging on, everyminute of everyday
Just to curse up a storm, like they were raised that way

See, there's a difference between retarded comments
Blogging about non-sense
Verses being a true critic, giving your point of view
And that's the point that I choose to abuse

Freedom of speech should be something good bloggers should teach
So bad bloggers have something to reach, for
Homie, don't shit where you eat
Cause talking smack in a comment box is just plain weak
Wanna diss this poem, than hit me up anyday of the week

Gimmie your number, and let's see you act tough then
See if you got as big of a heart as you do with the pen

And With the keyboard in front of you
I keep it a hundred, I ain't gonna try front on you
But truthfully, I'm done with you, and anybody else who disagrees
So go log back on, and continue doing what I consider my petpeave,
and I'll let yall be,
Cause I know god, got bigger plans for me...