A Blogger's Digest

Let me just say my birthday is approaching fast. 8days to be exact. I haven't really been avoiding blogging but I just haven't really wanted to express much at least openly.

I've been dealing with a lot of emotions and I also feel snagged or slighted in a way. Sometimes I feel selfish about things. For example, music. Just some songs I wish I was the only one to hear and was the only one privaleged enough to share it. Anyway, life's been moving. I still have many of my bad habits that I'm really trying to break. I've done better with being late but obstacles really love fucking with my progress. My organization, timely matter in which i do things. I don't know. I've been doing a lot of half ass work and even when i feel i did a good job, i feel like it's not anywhere close to my best work. Everytime i get a new class and a previously unknown professor i would like to make an impression, a really good impression, especially when it comes to writing.

Writing is my life.
Cliche?
Sure.
BUT...
true.

Cliche's are cliche's because many people have abused the phrase but that doesn't make the phrase untrue. Understand? If not, it's alright. I'm complicated like a woman. lol. So many emotions it's crazy. My mom is coming in town saturday morning. I'm kind of excited about that but i don't know i feel immune to the world sometimes. I'm ready for (ready?) almost anything that comes my way. I'm going to find a way to make things happen. Good things. For you, for me, for my family, for my loves, for my friends (friends?). Shit gets crazy. Intense. I usually depend on my blog and my music for negative/positive (negative more) expression but recently i have just been able to do it on my own...

does that mean i'm doing better? i don't know. It might just mean i'm more guarded, prepared, confident. But a lot of things hold me back. Rejection mainly. Rejection is a funny thing tho. I know what it feels like and maybe i should be a little more sympathetic towards it. When someone tells you they'll be waiting for you, something hard to believe but definitely possible. I've done it... doesn't mean i don't love them. I realize lust and needs sometimes go in front of love. I learned that a LONG time ago. It's crazy. Anyway, i'll just end it now. Things have been wild.

I forgot to mention my Brooklyn College sophmore season is officially over but we repeated and went to the NCAA tournament again. Next year hopefully we can exceed expectations. Especially myself. I've been sick recently although i have been working out again. Guess we'll see what happens. An entry on this will be posted soon.

Later

This is EXACTLY why I NEED the IPHONE in MY Life

One word: Crack

Few Words Some (Sum) It All UP

I'm tired as fuck right now but i'm still up. Just too much thinking and not functioning and things just aren't right. MY body isn't right, my bball game isn't right, music isn't right, and my head is definitely NOT functioning properly. I don't really know what else to say or do right now... And on top of that my blackberry, that fell into water about a week ago, is finished. Broken completely. I have to wait to get a new one so anybody who has texted, bbm me, or called me on that number i completely apologize. I kind of look it as a minor blessing though, being free from the media. Free from my typical habits. I don't know. About to watch "Bored to Death" on HBO and go to sleep. Long weekend of headaches, work, and hopefully some enjoyment. I feel like screaming. I feel like cursing, especially at YOU, yes YOU, you know who the FUCK YOU ARE. God...

"What happends when the same thing you love is the same thing you hate?" -quoting myself.

Goodnight yall and wish me luck. As the city stays awake, my eyes begin to drift off into a state of hopefulness, hopefully, in my dreams and eventually in reality...

What To Do/Men Lie, Women Lie, Numbers Don't...

"Men lie, Women lie, Numbers don't" - Jay-Z
One of the smartest business man and rap greats said the statement above and although i 98 percent agree with him, NUMBERS do lie. Numbers ignore talent, ignore exposure, ignore potiential. And i just feel like i need to say that. Numbers are important and SHOULD always be CONSIDERED and LOOKED AT but at the end of the day if your quality and product is better and doesn't sell as much as someone else's, it's not your fault, blame business and marketing and the SYSTEM.

I suck at tests but that doesn't mean i'm not smart or intelligent or that i can't succeed like the businessman that walk around wallstreet with their head high and there nuts low. lol.

Anyway, that's not what this entry is about... this entry is about...
The iphone?

Yes the iphone! Well kind of... lol.

I want this phone dammit! I don't know why. I don't know if it's business, marketting ploys, the fact i can obtain it. I don't fucking know! i just want this phone but it will cost me an extra 30/40 a month and 99 plus tax of course on the spot. hmmmm and if i get this phone i will have to get my own contract and i think i'm finally going to MAN-UP about it. My mom pays for my verizon phone so i'll still have both BUT i'll be learning the responsibility of paying bills and earning credit. I'm just nervous as hell. I don't want to fuck up. It's part of growing up though and not being like my father, who at one time almost owed AT&T 4 figures worth of money. yea...

So i took out a loan, 4,000 dollars to be exact and this is my split.
1,000- For my mixtape
1,000- Save, don't touch
1,000- pay my mom back/school
1,000- on whatever the fuck i want but mainly necessities/accessories
Things i need to pay for:
Food, living life, transportation, and talking

Soooo depending on the plan this is my breakdown without it:
Earn about $300 a month from Gamestop (will change depending on basketball and if i get to keep the job)
89 dollars- metro card
Spend about 10-20 dollars a day on food (estimate for a week) 80 dollars.
4 week total: 320

so technically i already use more than what i earn.
PLUS other shit which can not be calculated.
Liquor, Beer, Movies, Hanging out.

So before i make this commitment i need help and need money to figure this shit out.
If anyone can help it will be well appreciated.

Start: BUYING 3 24 packs of Poland Spring water at 4 a piece =12 dollars
Buying water in a week 2 x 7 = 14 if not more.
I need to start saving again.

SO let's do this

P.S. Blackberry is DONE SON!