Hey yall,
i'm going to explain everything that's going on in another entry but right now i want to discuss this AMAZING, possibly once in a lifetime experience. AND it's called South Park lol. Right now i know your thinking to yourself like what the hell is this wanna-be rapper, philosopher, hardworking, lazy, blogger fucking talking about? I can watch South Park from my house and what can the show POSSIBLY teach anyone WELL apparently it can teach A LOT, matter fact A BUNCH. It's a Television Radio Class and my professor (Brian Dunphy) is an amazing teacher and man, well for what i know of him, obviously. He and his Mass Media class last year during my first ever semester in college was one of the few positive things in my life around the time and it kept me sane. Actually the first time he taught this "South Park Class" was last year and i sat in on many of the classes, just listening and observing, taking the experience all in.
I've never been a FAN or really took out the time to watch South Park but i just thought it was very innovative, a big chance on his part, still there has to be substance if it got approved, right?
If you said yes, than you are very much right. It's actually a lot of reading, a lot of open-minded thoughts so the narrow minded will never be able to comprehend something like this but it's awesome. The class actually makes me really nervous, i may be the ONLY sophmore in the class but i'm glad he has the confidence in me to believe and think i would do well in this type of free-thinking, free-flowing environment.
If you go online and type in my professor's name and the class you might find an interview or an article or two about last years class. But what i really wanted to show and discuss to you, was about THIS year's class. WE were already on TV, Brooklyn 12 and it's on youtube.
Please ignore the HOT woman before our part. I don't think you can see me cause i'm on the side of the camera that wasn't filming because class started early. fuck life. lol.
Itsallgoodevenwhenitaint!
P.S. Don't Mind This, Gamestop shiiittt
gsbenefits.com 1800 818 1374
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Children. Show all posts
Friday, September 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Part 2: Forces of Nature
Right now I have a cold and have just woken up from my long sleep.
Quick Note: I was fucking furious this morning because at 9:11 in the morning my grandmother wakes me up to move me into my aunt's room because I am an accomodation. They allow me to sleep in their home so when they need the living room, sleepy or sick, I have to be awaken from my sleep and start over. MORE bullshit.
Also I'm living in a 20th century house but living the 21st century life. Everday I get lectured and told I should be asleep around 11:30 all the way to I eventually go to sleep. My grandparent's and aunt alll wake up during the middle of the night and complain or shake their heads when I'm up. Making me feel guilty as fuck. It's bulllshit!
Back to what I was saying in the last entry:
Sooo I just have to add this first. In high school there's soo much going on that as a person you feel triumphant in life especially since everyone is pushing for you to graduate and etc.
In college it's different, not really a god damn soul carrying, caring, pushing, watching you do anything. If your having a hard time there's no life, no perseverence ain't shit but your self. I guess that's a part of growing up. Everything is on you and there's no one to give a fuck about you. Give a fuck about your grades or anything really. It's all (jonathan) you, or nothing...
Back to the inevitable. Basically you can't trust anyone, can't believe anyone, can't invest so much time, care, and emotion into people. Because you never know. How everything will play out...
One minute they're telling you how honest they can be with you and how they want to tell you the WHOLE TRUTH, the next minute they're not. Aka they're a different person.
To be honest I don't know what I'm really angry for, let's break down all the possible scenarios why...
It could be because I STUPIDLY tHought, something good/amazing was going on. I maybe thought that we were a team, a team means everything is equal and we help out eachother, but that wasn't true.
It could be that I trusted you like I probably never trusted anybody before and lost that trust. Which kind of steps into helping me instead of pushing me away.
I think all the above can be all put in the "pushing me away category." Frankly I don't know who you are, who you want to be, what you want, who you want to be with. Basically everything. And by pushing me away, I'm kind of trying to stay away. Cause maybe all those ppl who TOLD ME THINGS were on the verge to the truth.
And being pushed away is probably the most damaging thing for a person. For example-
My mother left to florida because she hated new york, hated my father, hated the problems, and wanted an escape. She married a younger man (ten years to be exact) who liked her since I met him. My mother had an idea which would be in the children's best interest. Take my little sister, give my father the middle one, and let me live with my grandparents (who now live in ecuador). This was when my father took my mom to court for custody because she was trying to split us up. Trying to split up the children which already tilts in my father's favor. With my mom so posed on leaving her old life to start a new one, she literally just gave up in court, gave up infront of everyone, gave us up for her new life. My mom was tired of throwing a fist and a jab to defend herself and defend her children. And that means...she gave up on us. The little people she brought into this world, she gave up on. YUP. Then she got mad at us, at my dad and my stepmom.
Now bringing 5 children into a small household with two, not even married yet, parents with so many problems of their own, wasn't the best situation. I don't think.
Truthfully, I'm forgetting the point of bringing it up so I'm going to re-read what I wrote but by the way the three of us are split up anyway, and sort of misreable in our own sense.
Okay, it's the pushing away. My mom pushed us away and then ended up going psycho for it. And it hurt all of us being seperated and seeing my mom just be somebody totally different then who we (I) thought she was.
Anyway, it's been like 8months shouldn't I be over it? Actually it's been 9 months shouldn't I be over it?
And with my dad I don't even know if I can blame him for the lack of communication, lack of attention, help, and whatever else you can think of with me. He's always extrememly busy and then when i started getting older I picked my "friends" over him because I was growing up and getting into girls.
I use to call my dad, my friend. I told him that one year and then the next year I just told him that he was my dad and I think he was a little hurt by it. And you know when you're little and your best friend is a family memeber than later you drift a part because you get older and go through stages well...the parent must feel sad, anger, fustration, and confusion and that's the best way I can describe my feelings.
Sure in the bigger picture or in the skeme of things, at least their here and I can cherish them when I can. BUT itks human nature to want more. To fix things, to realize things, to make a good situation improve. Because there's always something you can improve on, right?
Or is that just another WRONG cliche?
I think I'm just hurt cause I push people away because they leave. And this is what I deal with. This confusion everyday. And constantly thinking about someone who isn't a family member just makes it worse. I don't put all the blame on that sitaution, I just think that THAT was my last positive thing that went sour.
This is my point of view.
Fin
Quick Note: I was fucking furious this morning because at 9:11 in the morning my grandmother wakes me up to move me into my aunt's room because I am an accomodation. They allow me to sleep in their home so when they need the living room, sleepy or sick, I have to be awaken from my sleep and start over. MORE bullshit.
Also I'm living in a 20th century house but living the 21st century life. Everday I get lectured and told I should be asleep around 11:30 all the way to I eventually go to sleep. My grandparent's and aunt alll wake up during the middle of the night and complain or shake their heads when I'm up. Making me feel guilty as fuck. It's bulllshit!
Back to what I was saying in the last entry:
Sooo I just have to add this first. In high school there's soo much going on that as a person you feel triumphant in life especially since everyone is pushing for you to graduate and etc.
In college it's different, not really a god damn soul carrying, caring, pushing, watching you do anything. If your having a hard time there's no life, no perseverence ain't shit but your self. I guess that's a part of growing up. Everything is on you and there's no one to give a fuck about you. Give a fuck about your grades or anything really. It's all (jonathan) you, or nothing...
Back to the inevitable. Basically you can't trust anyone, can't believe anyone, can't invest so much time, care, and emotion into people. Because you never know. How everything will play out...
One minute they're telling you how honest they can be with you and how they want to tell you the WHOLE TRUTH, the next minute they're not. Aka they're a different person.
To be honest I don't know what I'm really angry for, let's break down all the possible scenarios why...
It could be because I STUPIDLY tHought, something good/amazing was going on. I maybe thought that we were a team, a team means everything is equal and we help out eachother, but that wasn't true.
It could be that I trusted you like I probably never trusted anybody before and lost that trust. Which kind of steps into helping me instead of pushing me away.
I think all the above can be all put in the "pushing me away category." Frankly I don't know who you are, who you want to be, what you want, who you want to be with. Basically everything. And by pushing me away, I'm kind of trying to stay away. Cause maybe all those ppl who TOLD ME THINGS were on the verge to the truth.
And being pushed away is probably the most damaging thing for a person. For example-
My mother left to florida because she hated new york, hated my father, hated the problems, and wanted an escape. She married a younger man (ten years to be exact) who liked her since I met him. My mother had an idea which would be in the children's best interest. Take my little sister, give my father the middle one, and let me live with my grandparents (who now live in ecuador). This was when my father took my mom to court for custody because she was trying to split us up. Trying to split up the children which already tilts in my father's favor. With my mom so posed on leaving her old life to start a new one, she literally just gave up in court, gave up infront of everyone, gave us up for her new life. My mom was tired of throwing a fist and a jab to defend herself and defend her children. And that means...she gave up on us. The little people she brought into this world, she gave up on. YUP. Then she got mad at us, at my dad and my stepmom.
Now bringing 5 children into a small household with two, not even married yet, parents with so many problems of their own, wasn't the best situation. I don't think.
Truthfully, I'm forgetting the point of bringing it up so I'm going to re-read what I wrote but by the way the three of us are split up anyway, and sort of misreable in our own sense.
Okay, it's the pushing away. My mom pushed us away and then ended up going psycho for it. And it hurt all of us being seperated and seeing my mom just be somebody totally different then who we (I) thought she was.
Anyway, it's been like 8months shouldn't I be over it? Actually it's been 9 months shouldn't I be over it?
And with my dad I don't even know if I can blame him for the lack of communication, lack of attention, help, and whatever else you can think of with me. He's always extrememly busy and then when i started getting older I picked my "friends" over him because I was growing up and getting into girls.
I use to call my dad, my friend. I told him that one year and then the next year I just told him that he was my dad and I think he was a little hurt by it. And you know when you're little and your best friend is a family memeber than later you drift a part because you get older and go through stages well...the parent must feel sad, anger, fustration, and confusion and that's the best way I can describe my feelings.
Sure in the bigger picture or in the skeme of things, at least their here and I can cherish them when I can. BUT itks human nature to want more. To fix things, to realize things, to make a good situation improve. Because there's always something you can improve on, right?
Or is that just another WRONG cliche?
I think I'm just hurt cause I push people away because they leave. And this is what I deal with. This confusion everyday. And constantly thinking about someone who isn't a family member just makes it worse. I don't put all the blame on that sitaution, I just think that THAT was my last positive thing that went sour.
This is my point of view.
Fin
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)