i'm All Fucked Up

Okay let's try this again lol. Hey yall, (entry please don't disseaper again)
I hope everyone had a good weekend. I'm in anthropology watching a movie, a little horny, tired, and just kind of whatever. I got a lot to update you guys on. Like a LOT, A lot.

Where do I start? Let's start with the title, I can't believe it's the end of november already. Like for real? The end of november. I can't believe this shit. And here we are like 4 months into school and I'm still all fucked up. Tired. Lazy. Compeltely sleepy. Part of it is my fault but the other part I don't know. I don't have the inspiration or the desire I guess to do any work. I've been lazy and I've been late BUT never like this. Never with this much lateness, carlessness. It's quite ridiculous and it's gunna hurt me and my GPA. Unless somehow I can pull of a miracle. Who knows I might but still I don't want to pull off some late minute shaninagins, I need to be consistantly good. And care. There was NO better feeling than getting an A- in Mass Media and an A in english. Period.

Well early this month I said that november would be a really good month. And for the most part it has been. Of course there's always going to be little quaints, problems, issues but overall I have very little complaining to do. All the "issues" I've had were issues I had already in previous months that carried over. Nothing new really started there so my overall grade for november is somewhere between an 8-9. Maybe a little more a little less. Would've liked to blog more. But it's like blogging and rap are a pair, if I'm not motivated or don't have the RIGHT words to say then I won't say them. Or I'll start and lose them ya know. I have several unfinished entries that will probably stay that way. Otherwise, I got a couple things accomplished BUT I could've done it a lot better. Smh... It hurts just thinking about it and one of them I haven't finished so I'm gunna force myself to do it. Fuck.

Let me get this off my chest. I had a dream about a particular somebody and ever since then it's been on my mind like crazy. and it's bothering the living SHIT out of me. What can I do though? I think when you have feelings for someone and something like a dream pops up it retriggers those feelings, well I kind of need to get rid of them or let it transform into feelings of either friendliness or nothing. I'm tired of thinking about a questionable situation. I don't know how I feel about any of it. I can't because it's there but yet almost non-existant. It's sooooooooo far removed yet still so close. And maybe I just need to do what I've been afraid to do which is let go. Say, we can't talk anymore. Maybe that will work. The problem is that the feelings seem to be mutual, I guess...
But the difference is NOTHING will be done and in terms of accomplishing something it's only on my end and why do I wait, or think, or miss? Why do I feel that way? I just don't understand. And the mind is the most threatening thing because it brings up the past, the future, the present, jelaousy. All that. But I can't find a different approach. So even if I do choose to stop talking to this person, it's my mind that will play with me. So my battle is not with her, it's with me. But if she's out the picture than I can fight myself much easier. Get it? I don't know. And for once I think it's a mutual distance. Which is extremely strange. Like extrememly, extrememly strange but that's life, right? Ugh.
if anybody has advice, please spread some wisdom unless it's you, and you know who you are...anonomyous.

Okay wooo. Now that THAT is over, in terms of this entry we'll talk about one other wierd thing that happen. And I will hopefully conjure up the will to write more. My boy, in between acquaintance and friend, Marc, who I always refer to as my ex best friend, called me before he called anybody in order to tell me about his problems and issues with his gf. He kind of irrationally broke up with her and was telling me, explaining why. It was beautiful. The concept of being needed and looked to to talk. Guy talk. Every guy needs another guy to listen but that doesn't always happen. So we had a lot of good convo. Problem was after that everything went back to normal after that. So I kinda felt/ feel used but it's better than nothing, right?

Ends entry abruptly...