As I am extremelÝ tired and with alicia keys' "love is blind" playing in the background I write this entry:
First thing before I write...I just wonder what my uncle mike would think or say. Weird that I think of him when it comes to advice because he really is the only guy, with enough experience, who's just old enough that I'll listen to. Eventhough sometimes, like I've stated previously, I make disagree with him on some issues I feel like I always understand him and he does me.
Well I'm mentally just strained. Like I haven't felt like this in so long if ever. I just am upset about an array of things from one girl just being stupid, to another girl being jealous about nothing to the only girl I really care about just not understanding the type of person I am. If you claim to have strong feelings about me...shouldn't I be told I'm missed? Don't people feel good when people tell them that,anymore? Just little things that I guess I shouldn't ask for. And the more I argue, the more I realize our personalities have changed and are very opposite a lot of the times. I really don't remember if that's how it was back in the day but certainly don't remember this constant back and forth bashing...mainly because I start it but at least I have the "cojanes" enough to say it. But I just haven't been this fustrated about anything in a while.
Like in my mind a sex problem I can fix, a rap I can fix but this feeling right now, negative. While people I know are out in a club dancing, I just avoided going at all. There were a couple reasons. Top 2 being too young (but I probably still coulda went) and comfortablity. I really, really have no confidence what's so ever. Basketball, rapping, school work, girls, and my biggest fear: dancing. Yes dancing, having rhythm, and being made fun of because I'm a terrible dancer scares the living shit out of me, more than my stepmom could ever scare me.
Speaking of all these problems, I got an idea from this rapper XV to make a part 2 to a song I wrote almost a year ago. The original song was called "If You Say You Will" which is on my myspace songs. Listen to the words, give it a couple listens and you'll understand everything and be like OH shit, he's nice lol. Well I'm remaking it with new lyrics, new title but the same beat (kanye's say you will). This time I'm airing out everything possible. Every single truth, everything I'm hurt about on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. I'm half way done...one line says "if you are what you eat, no wonder they're all dicks" talking about BITCHES. I thought it was a clever line. Oh well. Just gunna see what tomorrow brings, new day, new opportunity.
School started. Music something happend. Basketball a lot, a lot happened andthis weekend should be interesting sooo I gotta finish this shit tomorrow cuz I'm falling asleep typing. So the 2nd part is coming.
Love all my readers. Night.
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