Villian or Victim

Hey yall,

This entry is going to be as brief as possible. I just need to get shit off my chest. When I feel misreably alone or I have time or if I have discovered something that's when I turn to this...this blog. This blank page that is waiting to be filled with my thoughts, good or bad. Well today just makes me think of a whole lot of things...so many things I won't be able to describe right now. But I just need to say that I'm sad about a lot of things and with sadness comes anger so I'm very angry about a lot things. I'm mad at soooo much and some of my anger is also aimed toward myself. I am human, I am on this earth therefore I am flawed. Those flaws include my stomach, my temper, my overdramatic sadness, my nomadic ways, and the fact that while I try to find myself and heal my pain I hurt others on the way. I hurt friends, ex-girflfriends, people I date, family, and who knows who or what else. I don't mean to hurt you guys. I don't. Hurting another human being in order for them to feel my pain is not what I try to do. I don't want to inflict more pain then life already has to give especially the pain I've felt. Now, I typically don't like putting names up but I kinda have to. Here's just a few names:
Farah
David
Julian
Sabrina
Brittany
Rosa
Ashley
Justin
Jasmine

And there are other names but those stick out right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for mistreating u and being in my own world and not paying attention to you. You all have e/affected my life in many ways that have helped me become the man I am today. Whether it was for survival, support, or pure love. I have to thank you and give my sincere apologies cause I have done wrong to all of you, when for the most part you were there for me.

Now, back to my original point. I have my sadness and anger issues that I always try to back track and figure out where they stem from. A lot of it is just pure life situations. Situations where I was never good enough for people and still aren't and you know what, that's okay because I've lived with it and lived through it. Not being good enough for my parents, family, for ex-girlfriends and crushes, for school and education, shit for the three things I loved the most...basketball, music and (insert name). whether it was my own self-esteem that was being tarnished by myself or it was a coach or a fellow rapper/hater/student. It all had an effect on me. Maybe that's why I'm so defensive cuz I have every reason in the book to be. Oh and credit, I hated depending on people and still do, that's why I gotta do things on my own even when I don't want to. .

See the reason I dream and have so much determination is because I've seen people fall short, shit, I've seen myself fall short but I have to dream because really that's all I have. I don't have a dollar. Just a dream and when that dream comes true, then maybe the rest of my life will too. That's what I'm hoping at least. I got to prove to myself and the rest of the world, eventhough it still won't be enough, that I've made something of myself and made what I still think inprobable come true.

Talk to yall soon.
Back to reality.
:(

Jam on it